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Thread: Do all MTF crossdressers want to become women?

  1. #76
    ...don't encourage me Josie M's Avatar
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    getting in late but, for what it's worth, I really feel like I need both aspects of myself...
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  2. #77
    Makeup addict!
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    I don't want to be a woman at all. I love wearing women's clothing and I'm a wig enthusiast. I find it to just be a fun little hobby

  3. #78
    Member Karinsamatha's Avatar
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    The answer is no, there are many different stops for those of us on this journey. Some people find that dressing once in awile maby for sexual release or because they need the mental release is ok. They would I think be ok presenting as male 99% of the time. Others go a few stops further on the train ride to drerssing as a women more frequentialy - more for a mental release than anything else. Others would live out there lives as a women 24 / 7. It all depends on the person, and there is really anyway of knowing untill you hit the "station" you need to get off at.
    The point of this is that we don't know what station is correct for us, some are driven to go to the end of the line, while some get off along the way. Not all of us know where we belong until we arrive.
    A prisoner in a kings disguise - Styx

  4. #79
    Fashionista VeronicaMoonlit's Avatar
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    Since the question is "Do all MTF crossdressers want to become women?", the answer is no. Not all of them, but some do. It would be dishonest to say otherwise.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sally24 View Post
    From my experience the vast majority of CDs only fantasize about being a woman. Most do not want to actually change their sex.
    Indeed, there's plenty who fantasize about it, or fantasize the OTHER question that gets asked far too often "the sex with men/bi when dressed one", but that doesn't mean they really want to follow through.

    Now when you talk about the small subset of CDs that go out into public, mainstream venues often, then the answer changes a bit. I find that maybe half the girls I know who go out frequently would consider SRS if it was available to them.
    That's a good distinction, those whose contact is online only are different from those who have joined support groups/go out in public. It's easy to tell the difference between in mindsets between those who go out and those who don't. I had a discussion about this matter with the president of a support group, her guess was (referring only to those who go out and join groups): 1/3 would transition NOW if they could. another 1/3 wouldn't, another 1/3 is on the fence on the matter, but have a significant femme life.

    Quote Originally Posted by carhill2mn View Post
    This is a very common misconception. Crossdressers do not want to become women.
    It's common, but it's not a misconception, because it's true. Ask the TS's on this board (or ones on other boards) if they once identified as CD. I believe some have said they did in this very thread. Now as much as that fact may be threatening to whatever "Truce" some CD's have with their wives....some CD's do start identifying as TS and want to transition. Notice I said "some", I didn't say all.

    It is very tricky to try to apply a "label" to anyone person as a label's purpose is to group like people. However, any one person may not neatly fit into any one label.
    Then why say that CD's transitioning is a misconception? If it's hard to label, then might it not be hard for people to figure out their path?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaitlyn Michele View Post
    the transsexuals that feel all those terrible things are not crossdressers... but because its such an existential problem, they land in the crossdresser zone and struggle because they don't feel "right" about it.. and so its very common for alot of people to go back and forth and think about the "what am I?" question... and those are the threads that hopefully well meaning people from the ts forum "flood"...
    Exactly.

    Quote Originally Posted by Michelle.M View Post
    Didn't we just have this thread? This is deja vu all over again.
    Oh this subject pops up a lot, simply because some CD's lie to their wives about the fact that some CD's transition, even if they themselves don't want to, in order to reassure her and increase her acceptance level, and prevent a messy immediate divorce. Course, they find out eventually.

    Quote Originally Posted by Katesback View Post
    More CDs out there are really TS than you would want to believe. Just many of them are MARRIED and so they deny it and carry on with their CD activities till the divorce and then they transition. Thats why so many TS girls transition later in life. They got divorced and then all of a sudden the CD became the TS.
    Well that's a bit of a broad brush there, but the "I'm free from my ball and chain, and now I can do whatever I want, boobies and a neo-vagina for me" crowd is a part of the late transitioning group.

    Quote Originally Posted by Marleena View Post
    I grow so tired of the "sky is falling" approach about CD's becoming TS. If that was true we wouldn't have any CDers on this board, they would all be TS instead.
    This board is not the whole internet, there are other boards out there. One that I know of is comprised almost entirely by those who go out in public and is dominated by "middle-pathers", "proto-TS's" and TS folks. And while the sky isn't falling, the attempts to appease the fear of wives by hiding the fact that some CD's do want to transition under a rug, are futile.

    Veronica
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  5. #80
    Cat's Eye Siren ArleneRaquel's Avatar
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    I live 24/7 as a woman, so the answer is "yes", but I'm too much of a coward to under go surgery or take hormones. But I believe the thr great majority of MaletoFemale CD's do not.
    Fulfilling a Lifetime Dream of Living as a Woman in My Adult Years. Ten Years Living 24/7 as a Mature Lady

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  6. #81
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    I know it will be a long road to understanding and I know he doesn't quite yet understand it all himself, so it is hard for him to try put it into perspective for me. I appreciate your stories, personal life choices etc you have told me about and you are all beautiful people. Thank you so much, feeling a little bit better about things today x

    Oh, now I feel like I'm prying but there is another question I have wondered about!!

    Anyone who wants to answer:
    Do you crossdress to feel better about yourself due to self esteem ... or is it sexual??
    Or do you just not know?

    Thanks again
    Last edited by Sandra; 03-17-2012 at 06:26 AM. Reason: merged consecutive posts please use edit function. Multi posting is not allowed..thankyou

  7. #82
    Senior Member emmicd's Avatar
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    Dear paperairplanes, nice name! i would say that most crossdressers are "normal" males who fancy feminine clothing but love and adore women. women are who we as crossdressers like to model after. we appreciate women and we love them. i would be inclined to think your husband is a typical crossdresser who may just be curious and that is ok. if you both love each other and you can tolerate the crossdressing then i believe everything will be ok because the truth is you are the woman and your husband is the man even if he wears a dress on occasion. i do believe there are crossdressers who may be more identified as transexual and that is a whole different ballgame. they are most likely identified that way by their internal feelings and at a relatively young age. for some ts they are married with families and some do not go that route. i am a family man and a crossdresser and i sometimes feel i am also ts but i have to keep those feelings in ceck because i have an autistic son i love and i need to be the best role model i can be for him. he would never understand it if he saw me wearing dresses so i must be very careful about it. i walk a very delicate line here!

  8. #83
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    Interesting question. I think some carry a lot of guilt and shame, while others don't. I personally started late in life about 5 years ago. Since I have been around more than a few blocks, since this was new to me, and because I am a cancer survivor and that old phrase "live everyday as if it is the last day of your life" seems to have more meaning to me, I feel great about myself and can say that in a way, I am the happiest that I have ever been since starting and immediately accepting this lifestyle. I also try to practice the "only worry about that which you can do something about" concept. So, I in a way as a mature adult started dressing like a mature dressers and have avoided all the traditional, and for some, pains, frustrations and problems associated with all this. My self esteem is very high and that is a definite plus in boosting my happiness. I accept it and just don't fight it.

  9. #84
    Cat's Eye Siren ArleneRaquel's Avatar
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    The more that I dress enfemme the higher my self esteem is, living female has been a life long dream for me.
    Fulfilling a Lifetime Dream of Living as a Woman in My Adult Years. Ten Years Living 24/7 as a Mature Lady

    My Love of Cat's Eye Frames, Bangles, Red Lipstick, Nails, & Cheeks, Comes From My Mother - An Irish Beauty

    I'm Always Rainbow Proud

  10. #85
    Member Aylineira's Avatar
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    Again this question is to each their own. However I will speak from personal experience.

    The answer to this is that when I was in my teens, I purely wore panties and other such things for the sexual excitement. Now that I'm older, I do it for both. (With my studies on this subject, I suspect that when I get older I will purely do this out of stress relief and not so much sexual)

    When I am doing it for stress relief I just feel a lot better about myself. I love the way the fabric feels against my skin. I love the way I feel and look when dressed.

    Again there's more to this but I will let the others here express their experiences themselves.


    Quote Originally Posted by paperairplanes View Post
    Oh, now I feel like I'm prying but there is another question I have wondered about!!

    Anyone who wants to answer:
    Do you crossdress to feel better about yourself due to self esteem ... or is it sexual??
    Or do you just not know?

    Thanks again

  11. #86
    Member Georgia Rose's Avatar
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    Most CD's who post on this site do not appear to want to transition. I certainly do not. I like being a man but also like dressing as a woman. As has been said here a number of times most of us are married and heterosexual. Quite often though I am curious as to other aspects of transsexualism etc and will look up sites relating to various issues. Doesn't mean a thing. However I always have my computer set to delete browsing history. I think if more CDers did the same they might not have a lot of the drama they bring on themselves quite often simply out of curiousity.

  12. #87
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    i have no intentions of fully becoming a functional women. i just realy enjoy dressing and acting like a women. i know im a man and am comfortable with the way things are right now.

  13. #88
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    Quote Originally Posted by Karren Hutton View Post
    Hell no... I like being a male most of the time... All people think that all cossdressers want to become women....
    My feelings also just like wearing the clothes like I have said before no make-up forms or dresses for me just bras panties and jeans no have never wanted to be a women just like myself as I am

  14. #89
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Having the desire to, and actually wanting to do it, are also two different things. I haven't read all the other responses. This is just mine. Yes, I harbor 'the desire' to be a woman. But it doesn't 'fit'. All the things that make me want it are the result of a very twisted upbringing that really screwed up my mind, and unfortunately, when it happens during certain developmental stages, some of those things become permanent. But I wouldn't be able to live that way, because there are too many things about me (personality, male thought processes, perception of the world, communication and speech patterns, not to mention of course that I find males physically repulsive) that are simply not female. So even though the desire to dress, act and be female is there, I am able to recognize that it's simply a result of all the things that happened to me when I was a kid. Unfortunately, knowing that doesn't mean the feelings will simply go away; all it means, is that I know why I feel the way I do, and have to learn to deal with it. I can elaborate on all this, you can read my bio here on the readers forum (link below) or you can message me with questions, as I don't always return to threads once I've posted on them.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  15. #90
    Member ringedjohn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Missy View Post
    I love being a Man
    I love wearing female clothing
    No I do note want to be a female
    alright I dream 24/7 about having female breast lol
    I too love being a Man.
    I also like wearing female underwear and would love to have real B or C cup breasts.
    But I have never wanted to become a woman.

  16. #91
    Junior Member jennyday's Avatar
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    No, definitely not. I am in that catagory. Maybe in a fantasy I would make that step, but for a reality check, there are too many real things in life that I could not deal with.

  17. #92
    Just a girl at heart too Kerigirl2009's Avatar
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    Not all crossdressers want to actually become women, but I think 90% of us have it creep into our minds "what whould it be like to actually be a woman?" "What would it feel like?" "Would I be happier as a woman?" and the biggest one for me is "If I do become a physical woman, Will my family still LOVE me, or will I end up alone?"
    So I guess I am one of those crossdressers that has always wanted to be a woman physically, as I am already emotionally and mentally more woman then an actual man but physically I am a man, I know this, I don't always like it, HOWEVER, I love being a husband to my wife and a father to my children. But I will always think "is the life of a woman, the one I want, the one I need, and will it make me happier to physically be a woman? My answer to myself is this, SOMEDAY I will find out, but I have been saying that since I was a teenager.
    So no your not paranoid, I think alot of us just want to know and see what its like but that is a line that once crossed, changes everything so we tend to keep this stuff bottled up even more then when we hid our crossdressing.
    I wish I had the courage to just be myself and live my life how I want

  18. #93
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    I am surprised that this is mentioned throughout and not refuted once.

    Gay, Bi, or Heterosexual is sexual orientation.

    Male, Female, or any combination is gender identity.

    You can certainly be a gay crossdresser who doesn't want to transition or a heterosexual TS. The OP asked "Do all MTF crossdressers want to become women?". There is nothing in there about sexual orientation and being heterosexual has no direct bearing on the desire to transition.


    Paperairplanes - For what it is worth, my wife DVRs just about every show on SRS that pops up on the learning channels. I can't say if it applies to your husband, but it is certainly something that can draw curiosity from the "what do they really do" perspective.

  19. #94
    Slip Into Something Femme Piora's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marleena View Post
    I'm not going to defend the CD's anymore. They can speak for themselves here.

    Only a minority are transsexual here. In most cases their life depends on being the right sex. I read about everything related to being TG but have no interest in changing my genetic sex.
    Nor do I, Marleena. If someone came to me and said, we have a machine that will completely change you into a woman in 5 minutes, in every aspect - I would say no, thanks. I am a man, and I like who I am as a man, with all my parts intact. However, I also like who I am as a CDer.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nicole Erin View Post
    Yes. All CDs do want to become women.
    No.......we don't. And please don't use your own personal views as a template for all CDs. Unless you were saying it 'tongue-in-cheek' - in which case, no sweat. I could say, ALL CDs DON'T want to become women. But I won't, because there are some who do. I'm a man. And I want to retain my genetic identity, thank you very much.

    I am glad we could have this conversation
    As am I.
    "Taking the time to be in touch with my feminine side"

  20. #95
    Member JustineFallow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Katesback View Post
    More CDs out there are really TS than you would want to believe. Just many of them are MARRIED and so they deny it and carry on with their CD activities till the divorce and then they transition. Thats why so many TS girls transition later in life. They got divorced and then all of a sudden the CD became the TS.
    It seems that seanmuscle isn't the only one who won't allow his opinion that "CDs want to become women eventually" to be swayed by testimony otherwise from actual CDs.

    To answer the OP's question, "no, not this one".

  21. #96
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    Personally I don't, but I have fantasised about it. But I love being a crossdresser as it sort of feels bit risqué. And anyway for me this represents the ultimate fantasy of imagining yourself as a woman.

  22. #97
    In transmission whowhatwhen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JustineFallow View Post
    It seems that seanmuscle isn't the only one who won't allow his opinion that "CDs want to become women eventually" to be swayed by testimony otherwise from actual CDs.

    To answer the OP's question, "no, not this one".
    No, his thing was that all CDs want to be boinked by men.

  23. #98
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    Quote Originally Posted by paperairplanes View Post
    It may seem like a silly question... But I have asked my partner time and time again if he ever wants to become a women physically/surgically.
    He tells me no again and again, but it still sits in the back of my mind.
    In the past I have seen websites he has searched in the internet history saying "MTF surgery" etc and he plays it off as curiosity and nothing more but knows "he is a man and I am his girl and that's the way he wants to keep it".
    When I look on here, it seems a lot of MTF crossdressers want to eventually become women... Or think about it frequently.
    Am I being paranoid???
    No, all crossdressers do not want to become women---in fact, many, if not most don't--see the thread about male release above---most transexuals, however, do want to become women and will go to great lengths and expense to acheive that goal
    [SIZE="4"][/SIZE]

  24. #99
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    The question is somewhat analogous to the old gateway-drug argument: Do all people who smoke pot end up as heroin addicts? The test of time since the 1960s has laid that law-and-order chestnut to rest, but there was a certain logic to it, and there's a certain logic to the OP question.

    My take, as one who lived full-time for nearly eight years in the 1980s (and found reasons to return that I question every day), is that we who are different in this way exist on a continuum, upon which society and science have erected a number of signposts or labels. Because the gender binary is so entrenched and powerful, and because we still live in a world of misogyny and patriarchy, it fries the brains of many people when they are first exposed to CD behaviors, and the first thought is that all such want the temporary made permanent, simply because maleness is societally favored and better rewarded in many ways. Therefore, males who dissent from that privilege in any visible way must not care for it; the alternative is femaleness.

    A little reading, and a lot of listening and thinking, leads most sincere folks to the complexity conclusion, that there is no such thing as "all" CDs wanting any universal outcome to their differentness. This forum is a prime example. I can't identify at all with many of my sisters here who love and revere their male selves and lives while just wanting to play at girl (whether a little or a lot); I put up with mine, albeit while being pretty good at playing the role. But I'm also a realist who has been around the block more than once in this regard, so there are choices that affect everything else in what's left of my life. They can be gut-wrenching, and imperfect as all hell, but it's a process of seeking equilibrium. And that balance, like a boat floating on rough seas, tips about continually. But that's just my experience of this phenomenon. That there are many other, different experiences is obvious.

    So, I see the OP as a simple, straightforward, logical, sincere question. The short answer is "no".

  25. #100
    My Ship has sailed? Barbara Ella's Avatar
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    Personal answer, No. General answer to OP question, Not all want to, and most likely only a relatively small part of cross dressers do transition. Thinking about doing it is not the same as doing it. you can want something, and yet be happy in a present situation without getting what you want. As with all things, it is better to be knowledgeable about something, even if you do not intend to do it. All you can do is accept what your cross dresser says, he does not want to transition. You need to know as much as you can to talk with him.

    Accept what i say. NO means NO.

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