I am a man

[Aloha Jayne]

A self made man

I am a man. *I am strong and not weak. *My job is to provide for my wife and family. *I must stay strong for the task is long and full of hardship. *I gladly accept that role and even stood before a judge and vowed to do so until I die.

A man is not burdened with emotions and feelings. *He is to leave such things to women for they are sensitive and fragile and much care needs to be taken in order to not damage their self esteem and shield them from the pain and hardships of life.
**
Should a man have deep set feelings*that he would like to share with his life mate, he should swallow hard and suppress those feelings. *Because sharing them with her would only serve to upset and hurt her. *Doing so would be cruel.

But should a man decide to be honest and open about what he feels, because he is lonely and would like to have someone to confide in, he should be prepared to be called dubious names for not disclosing those feelings sooner, even though by doing so would have meant causing her stress.

And should the woman ever decide to discuss her feelings, the man should quietly listen and nod approvingly. *At no point should he offer a suggestion or answer any questions directed towards him for she cares not what he thinks. *And besides he is a man, and what does he know of feelings.

And if he becomes despondent that from the day he is born until the day he dies, he will never get to know what it is like to feel pretty for even one moment of one day of his life, he is a sick weirdo freak and should man-up and squash those feelings and sorely be ashamed of himself.

And one final point, a man has no time for sarcasm and other such foolish nonsense.

[Laura912]

I almost bit and wondered if you had really lost it.

[Misti]

And one final point, a man has no time for sarcasm and other such foolish nonsense.

Jayne, My weak suit is predominently in "sarcasim!" But, let me give it a "Try," for once! OK?"

There, that about sums it up!

Have a great day, sir!

[Regan]

I love it, unfortunately I can relate because that is how I was raised.

[Lorileah]

Is this your mantra now?

Personally I don't buy into the the if you are A you must do B stuff. In this era the gender lines are so blurred as to be non-existent. Those that hold onto the past will be left in it. The idea that one gender has exclusive rights to emotion, or logic or caring or anything is "bull". We are what we have been taught to be in most cases. You have to be carefully taught and you also have to stand against things you know to be false or skewed.

You can be a man. You can be a male in a machismo society. If you are happy in that place then you should be there. If you are NOT though it is up to you to change it. You have to please yourself because when the day ends you are the only person that has to be with you.

From your previous post I know there are issues with your spouse, and I generally believe that you must do all you can to please them also. But you cannot do that in apposition to YOU.

What holds you back from everything that you mentioned? YOU. You have the right to be happy. Life is not worth living if you are not happy. It is just a chore. It may not be an everyday thing but in the long run, it is all you have. There are no re-rides here. You have to stay on and ride for all you can. You do the best you can and be the best person you can be, treating people with kindness and deference. You only have to answer to yourself when it is all said and done. That does not mean you have to be selfish though. You can please yourself and your SO. It just takes a little give and take. And in the end you will be happy with yourself too. Compassion, love, caring, hurt, sorrow are all HUMAN emotions. They are NOT exclusive to one gender or even one person. If those around you do not want you to have those emotions then they are probably not capable of those emotions themselves. Because to be compassionate one must have known compassion. Same with love. You cannot give it and not get it back in some form. It wears you out.

All you can be is the best you can be. Do what you feel is right.

[Debglam]

I'm kinda starting to consider myself a Swiss Army Knife of gender. I like to think I have talents that span the gender spectrum.

Lorileah is right and most of what is "gender appropriate" is stereotyped and artificial. Society is coming around albeit slowly. Consider a woman in a hardware store versus a man in a makeup store. However, the more folks crossing the lines, the more the line will blur and maybe disappear.

All you can be is the best you can be. Do what you feel is right.

Right on!

[Inna]

Don worry............. abou da ting.......everylittlething....................... gonna be allrite now, ya maan, don worry.........abou da ting

If I ever was a man I would definitely wanna be a rasta man

[STACY B]

Thats right Lori & Deb ,, I agree an if the SO dont want to be involved an ya have to be free an do something for your self an dont want to give up ya family . Take a ( bizzness vacation) To one of those dressing places that fix ya all up an make ya pretty for a couple days an take pictures of ya all perdyed up an have a ball . ATLEAST your free for awhile ?

[Gaby2]

...
But should a man decide to be honest and open about what he feels, because he is lonely and would like to have someone to confide in, he should be prepared to be called dubious names for not disclosing those feelings sooner, even though by doing so would have meant causing her stress.

And should the woman ever decide to discuss her feelings, the man should quietly listen and nod approvingly. *At no point should he offer a suggestion or answer any questions directed towards him for she cares not what he thinks. *And besides he is a man, and what does he know of feelings.
...

I liked that bit, Jayne.

Well, opening up in my relationships has to date not helped the relationship in the long run.

But at least I feel better for being honest with myself and listening to my heart.
I've made quite a few new acquaintances recently... somehow, after opening up to a number of people, I can't be bothered sharing my deepest feelings with anybody else at the moment...
Except perhaps with a few like-minded souls here on-forum.
Gaby

[Jacqueline Winona]

Jayne, hang in there. And remember, real men can eat quiche, wear whatever they want, enjoy chick flicks, be their SO's best friend, love kittens and bunnies, and recognize beauty when they see it.
Wait, I got the wrong answer for that question.

[Marleena]

Hmm.. it seems the man here is being controlled by another source and living by their terms only to keep them pleased. It sounds stifling.

[docrobbysherry]

NOW u post that, Jayne! Where were u when I was a teen and needed that info to score with the "women"?

Truth be told, I've heard stuff all my life about what men and women r supposed to BE LIKE! I've NEVER fit the "man" roles very well. And, even the girliest women I've dated haven't fit THEIR FEM ROLES very well either!

[whowhatwhen]

But I can change, if I have to, I guess...

[KellyJameson]

Sometimes to begin living you have to let go of what you think you need to stay alive. Often it is what we hold onto that holds us back

[KaTanya]

Maybe it's because I'm all out of inscence and bongos...

But just not feeling it.

Peace out

[Foxglove]

Hi, Jayne! You can bare your soul, pour your heart out and get nothing but ridicule in certain quarters. And that ridicule will prove your point, even though it wasn't intended to.

You can point to reality, and some will make light of it, and that serves to further shore up that reality.

Dig deep, Jayne! A dying man once advised his son, "Dig deep!" There is clean, pure water down below, but you have to dig deep. A man can't count on anybody else to do that for him. And why should he be able to?

Best wishes, Annabelle

[noeleena]

Hi.

I can see where this came from a long long time ago. Victoran attitude plus,

i quess i understand this allso & i saw the expections of it. as a very strong woman yet was not seen as one some 37 years ago i rebelled at this , i was being put in a postion of some thing like this & i was struggling with this for some time,

at the time i was about 24 -25 even then i was saying im not a boy im not a male im not a man.
dont force me in to that corner because ill come out fighting. strong words .....oh yes....& i ment it ,
I did not put it in to context at the time was years later i have you see, i was being forced in to am i a male or am i a woman. the men concerned would not have known & nore did i tell them,

So you see i do know what it can do to one, so this begs a ? was i a male even then or was i a hidden woman if you like clothed in a covering that was not hers to use,

I know the clothes i was given = male.=. were never mine i just had to use them for a while, this applys to the mind set as well. or can, i just did not go along with that,

...noeleena...

[Gillian Gigs]

Assuming that this is sarcasm, and can it be anything else, then how many men have bought into the "program"? Is CDing the "knee jerk" reaction to us having been in the "program" in the past? LOL One can always hope. LOL

[Kerigirl2009]

Yes it does suck sometimes but SOCIETY is the cruel one that engrained all the bull that we learned.

Men should feel Guilty for :
Showing Emotion, good or bad
Crying at a movie
Crying in front of your wife
Hugging your children after the age of 5
kissing a boo boo on your child to make them feel better

Only if I had more time I could make a list that would make me less of a man.
Why in the hell is it this way, Oh wait I know why "It shows that a man has WEAKNESS and that you can hurt him"
We as men are suppose to be Burly, Grunting, farting, men that are only out for a laugh and joke and hit and punch eachother.
Well I just cant do those manly things, as I don't feel comfortable doing those MAN Traits, but I cannot show the WOMAN stuff either because I am a man and that would shatter any perception of what it took a lifetime to build, AS A MAN.

[Lisa-N]

Ok so yesterday was my birthday and I recieved a birthday card from a loved on that said "You da man" and my immediate thought was but sometimes I want to be the woman. It brought a smile to my face. I get to be both.

:-P

[Jorja]

I just told them all to kiss my *** and did what I needed to do to be happy with myself. It takes a while but it all works out for the best.

[Jessica86]

I might be the only one here to say....Amen. This is how the south is, and how I think it will stay. People are not open at all. It's sad but true.

[Aloha Jayne]

Thank you to everyone for their kind and thoughtful responses. It is helping more than you know.

Jayne

[STACY B]

Yes it does suck sometimes but SOCIETY is the cruel one that engrained all the bull that we learned.

Men should feel Guilty for :
Showing Emotion, good or bad
Crying at a movie
Crying in front of your wife
Hugging your children after the age of 5
kissing a boo boo on your child to make them feel better

Only if I had more time I could make a list that would make me less of a man.
Why in the hell is it this way, Oh wait I know why "It shows that a man has WEAKNESS and that you can hurt him"
We as men are suppose to be Burly, Grunting, farting, men that are only out for a laugh and joke and hit and punch eachother.
Well I just cant do those manly things, as I don't feel comfortable doing those MAN Traits, but I cannot show the WOMAN stuff either because I am a man and that would shatter any perception of what it took a lifetime to build, AS A MAN.

ALL above is correct !! An dont you forget it ! But anyway Ill see yall after while I have a hair appointment ,,, NOW ,,, GO POO !

[Julia_in_Pa]

A man is good for cleaning my toilets and then leaving my house.
Better yet I'll just clean them myself because I'll do it better anyway.


Julia