Experience with going out dressed after Male Release!

[NCAmazon]

Ok Here is a little report I wanted to give about a recent experiment I tried. In the past I would dress up go out in public and then my male drive would build up and then when I returned home I would take care of a happy ending as you call it and feel that relief and release then put all the clothes away and say I will never do it again and feel frustrated etc.


The other day I tried a new experiment where as I start dressing I take care of my male release and have an orgasm before I even finish dressing. I then take a shower and push through the feelings of guilt and desire to put the clothes away. I would finish my dressing session and makeup and go out the door.

At first I was tired and indifferent, but as I entered the public and walked around a sense of huge relief came over me. I felt several tingling peaceful sensations in my body.

I was extremely relaxed and was not self conscious and didn't feel the libido testosterone rush. It was a very easy going stress relieving outing.

I casually returned home after shopping and walking and had a good nights sleep.

This was a idea i got from an article I read about keeping the CD clothes on after Orgasm and hold the feeling and see where it takes you to dissassociate feminine feeling and energy from sexual release.

Maybe an idea for some others who are on this same boat. Any other thoughts on why it felt so peaceful after taking care of the man business before hand??

This also was easy on the need to stay tucked LOL!!

[stacycoral]

If you are having the clothes on just for the care of your body,which i have been there, after you wear panties all the time it isn't about your body anymore, and the relax feeling of being a girl, does come over you, I will go out part dressed or full most out of public due to wear in live in the us,but, the feeling of just being dressed and out of the house, with a chance of being seen, i really don't care if i seen anymore or not, it just feel better being a girl out and enjoyment of the clothes,I can't wait until summer comes so i can to the lake and sunbath in bikini again. I just love the feeling of being a girl.

[CINDYO]

Question about this topic from a GG
Is this "male release" something that most cders do when they are in "girl mode"? I know there are all types of cders, however this behaviour is often implied in many of the contributions here. This is not typical GG behaviour, just do not understand why a married or cder with a g/f with have the step ouside the relationship for solo sexual gratification (especially when dressed, if trying to emulate a women, this activity just demonstates that you are far from acting womanly)
Dressing up like a woman, then having solo sex while dressed, I find down right degrading to women and esp to a partner who is willing to have intimate relations... can anyone explain?

[NCAmazon]

Question about this topic from a GG
Is this "male release" something that most cders do when they are in "girl mode"? I know there are all types of cders, however this behaviour is often implied in many of the contributions here. This is not typical GG behaviour, just do not understand why a married or cder with a g/f with have the step ouside the relationship for solo sexual gratification (especially when dressed, if trying to emulate a women, this activity just demonstates that you are far from acting womanly)
Dressing up like a woman, then having solo sex while dressed, I find down right degrading to women and esp to a partner who is willing to have intimate relations... can anyone explain?

Well its not degrading in anyway. Its an admiration more than anything. Many times its imagining being the woman during a intimate activity that leads to the release. Its a fantasy change of pace in many case or for someone who may be TS it is something to be looked into in more and seeking therapy.

Self sexual gratification is a form of stress relief. So thats how many men deal with it or feel. Its not always the case. The masturbation is a personal thing that you don't go out in public cding and talking about.

But if it affects sexual relations with a gf or wife it is a cause for concern that needs to be worked on.

[cindi cinnamon]

NCAmazon: The feeling you have after an orgasm has a name....... It is called the "Refractory Period"..... (you can check it out on wikipedia under the heading of "Refractory Period [SEX]). Wikipedia can explain it a whole lot better than I.

I have to admit, that when I first started crossdressing, there was definitely a sexual component to the activity, and I too, would feel pretty crappy afterwards. But, as I began to understand and accept myself, I no longer experience that "crappy feeling" afterwards.

[sandra-leigh]

just do not understand why a married or cder with a g/f with have the step ouside the relationship for solo sexual gratification [...] Dressing up like a woman, then having solo sex while dressed, I find down right degrading to women and esp to a partner who is willing to have intimate relations...

Sometimes partners have very different libido levels. Libido levels in humans are very varied, to the point that researchers tend to say that "normal" practically does not exist. I've been on both sides, lower libido than one partner (enough so to lead to some strain), and higher libido than another (enough so to lead to strain.) The one with the lower libido tended to claim that I was oversexed, but really I was on the lower side of "quite typical". Her libido in turn, while pretty low as such things go, still fell within the range of "normal" as far as sex researchers are concerned -- but with her, I was within the accepted definition of "celibate". "Willing to have intimate relations?"... "Yes, let's do that, maybe this fall, or perhaps next spring."

Typical GG behavior? Well, a friend of mine ran a store for a decade, and after people really started shopping on the Internet, the only things keeping her store going was selling adult toys (women bought the majority of those) -- that and selling breast forms. Through discussions with other store owners or managers, I was informed that there was one adult toy in particular that it was virtually impossible to keep in stock -- a toy designed for women. Now, perhaps GG's in Canada are different than GG's where you are, but solo female is most certainly not atypical here (though it isn't for everyone.)

There is, I know, another factor as well: sometimes getting busy partners together and synchronized is just too much bother. 10 spare minutes by yourself when you need it, versus trying to match up in the (typically) 15 minutes between when all the respective house and work duties are done and the time to fall sleep. "Leave me alone, I'm not in the mood!" can be a simple statement of fact for someone already very tired. Finding time and warming up, and so on, can be a lot of effort to get together. A few minutes by yourself... simple and uncomplicated. And when there are rougher spots in the relationship...

There are other factors as well, but I think this is enough.

[KimberlyJean]

I think the masterbating is definetly a phase, when I first started dressing I could barely get dressed before I had to do it. Now it doesn't happen any more often than when I don't dress. Now the clothes make me feel more comfortable than sexually aroused. And they are so much more interesting than men's clothes.

[AllieSF]

Cindyo

I do not have that need when dressed. So, my situation is different from the OP's situation. Yes, there is a sexual side to crossdressing for some, maybe many, and even that varies by extremes for each individual. The OP may have found something that may help her get beyond the sexual excitement and need to release stage to be able to just enjoy the dressing. For me and many, many others here, the actual dressing has no sexual excitement nor the need for any release. So, in answer to your first question I do not think that the majority of the MtF CD's here get sexually excited when dressed. But this is just my opinion based on what I read and I would guess what you have read too. Yes, many do react that way, but I think that those others that do get to dress more often and even get to go out, do not. I am not sure if it is "often" implied, I would say sometimes implied in some of the threads.

Now your not understanding why someone in a relationship would step outside (your terminology) that relationship to sexually gratify themselves is to me a different topic altogether with which this post has some relationship. In my experience and from talking to other men when I was younger (probably boys because men rarely talk about this, except in extremely safe zones like this site) and from what I have read, men have been doing that since there were relationships (actually before, during and after). Men sometimes masturbate for a lot of different reasons while in a relationship. That includes urgent needs, level and frequency of intimacy with the SO, and even that stereotypical reason that I believe is more true than not, that males are more sexual needy of release than women are. Now, I do not see that as "stepping" outside" the relationship. I see it as a man relieving himself when his SO cannot for whatever reason. I am not talking about some men and women who are hyper sexual and need those releases much more often than let's say the average or normal adult whether male of female.

Why do you see it as "stepping outside" of the relationship? It sounds like you believe that a man who masturbates is cheating on his wife and that makes no sense to me at all. Maybe another example that may help explain it. A woman who has given birth sometimes needs to use a breast pump to deal with excess lactation. That is a natural process and then need for a woman. The male masturbating is somewhat similar to that too, a natural male process that may or may not need to be dealt with.

Your opinion that a male dressed as a female is degrading to a woman is your opinion, of course. Just because a male dresses as a female and tries to emulate one in looks and mannerisms and then sometimes that male natural urge takes over, whether the male wants it to or not, does not mean that he is degrading any female, at least in my opinion. Again, he is satisfying a natural need as explained above. Why wouldn't just his dressing as a female when he definitely does not pass as one be considered degrading to women too? I have only read on a very rare occasion here one or two women make that comment, or ask that question. I think that if a woman thinks that their man is cheating on her when he masturbates, she will probably think the same thing when he looks a little too long at an attractive female, talks to the pretty new neighbor at a neighborhood barbecue, looks at porn, or even looks at fashion magazines to see the pretty women, especially a Victoria's Secret catalog. That is a lack of trust on the woman's part, in my opinion. Now she may have other reasons to not trust him too. She may also be more religious and conservative in her beliefs, which is her business not mine. However, I think that a research of past studies on male masturbation will show that it is a common occurrence and not something that should be considered as something negative in a relationship, unless he over does it.

Anyway, these are my thoughts and am interested in what others think about this too.

And, OP, sorry to write such a long answer to Cindyo, and hopefully this will not derail your serious question. I think that once you dress more often you may find that urge and need to diminish. But in the meantime, it looks like you have found something that may help you. Good luck.

[KaTanya]

Dressing up like a woman, then having solo sex while dressed, I find down right degrading to women and esp to a partner who is willing to have intimate relations... can anyone explain?

most people (GM and GG) would find the notion of a woman giving her man intimate relations on an "on-demand" basis degrading. I'm not going to go there, but your statement does send the kind of mixed message that leads to all sorts of relationship issues. Just because he's "ready" doesn't mean she's "willing". C'est la vie. The notion that women don't engage in (and enjoy) self-grat... Really?

To answer your question, there is a level of fetishistic grat to it. To various degrees, some of us grow out of it. Some more than others, and others still not at all. It's not monolithic.

[Jenniferathome]

Is this really the kind of message you want out there and on which any women reading would form an opinion of you?

[Tamara Croft]

This is not typical GG behaviour, just do not understand why a married or cder with a g/f with have the step ouside the relationship for solo sexual gratification (especially when dressed, if trying to emulate a women, this activity just demonstates that you are far from acting womanly)

That doesn't make any sense So if a woman has solo sex whilst dressed (in womens clothing), is that degrading also? They are just clothes, some clothes are sexy, make you feel sexy and if you don't have a partner/SO etc... what's wrong with solo sex?? I don't see it degrading, I don't see anything wrong with it... So all CD'ers that have solo sex whilst dressed in womans clothes in your opinion are degrading to women... that's pretty insulting imho...

[YorkshireRose]

When I was in my teens I used to borrow my parents copies of clothing catalogues for release. It was never the girls in the pictures it was always the clothes+the girl. Specifically dresses and skirts. I was always in reverse to you NC Amazon, in that I always used to encourage my gfs to stay dressed while having sex, rather that X dressing myself. Mainly because it was a huge turn on/fantasy and also because I was trying to repress my strong desire to CD.

Since coming out to my gf, and now that I have started to purchase some clothes, including a lovely dress my SO has bought for me I really am not sure which direction this will take. I will probably know once I slip on my new dress for the first time.

[AllieSF]

Is this really the kind of message you want out there and on which any women reading would form an opinion of you?

Jennifer, this is a CD site. This topic as many other topics get there fair time every so often. All people coming here need to have an open mind and understand the real world. Now, if this was a dating site and the OP was looking to meet some GG from this site to date, then I would agree that this would not be the place for the OP to discuss this topic. Since this is a support site and it is posted in the correct section, no foul committed. It was a serious post and should be treated as such and support should be provided.

[NCAmazon]

IT is what it is. I'm not trying to sugar coat why I CD and what happens while doing it. I'm just exploring beyond just gratification sexually for it. This is a support forum and I posted what helped me. I have a high libido and thats good in a lot of ways.

This subject seems to make a lot of so called wholesome CDs get defensive. The CDs who act like humans don't masturbate.

[Marleena]

I don't find it offensive at all. I would think many CDers like the arousal from wearing womens clothes. Like you said it is what it is. I'm sure there are some single females out there that put on sexy lingerie or whatever and please themselves too.

EDIT: Oops I see this was a already mentioned, sorry.

[MsJanessa]

to Cindyo

many CDers start with being what is known as fetish CDers---we originally got turned on when dressed---I'm sure that a pyschologist could explain way--I can't----but the fact remains that many of us start our crossdressing careers this way--eventually most of us go beyond the bedroom and venture out, either full time or part time dressed without the sex--but as for me, and I'm sure many others, it is always in the back of our minds

as for degrading women--I'm not sure how it does that--and as for degrading our sexual partners--well, often times we don't have sexual partners, or if we do, they don't want to have sex with us while we are dressed, which is when we want to. The tone of your posting indicates, to me at least, that you would not want to have sex with a male who was dressed and made up as a woman---why should you complain then, when the "woman" pleasures herself?

[Aprilrain]

This is not typical GG behaviour, just do not understand why a married or cder with a g/f with have the step ouside the relationship for solo sexual gratification

Clearly you have never had a male libido.

I'm not sure how old you are but I assume you are an adult. If you haven't figured out by now that men approach sex from a completely different angle than woman you have not been paying attention.

[Shadeauxmarie]

Question about this topic from a GG
This is not typical GG behaviour, just do not understand why a married or cder with a g/f with have the step ouside the relationship for solo sexual gratification (especially when dressed, if trying to emulate a women, this activity just demonstates that you are far from acting womanly)
...

I takes all types to make this world. If the person having "solo sex" is not hurting anyone, then what's the problem?

[ReineD]

This is not typical GG behaviour, just do not understand why a married or cder with a g/f with have the step ouside the relationship for solo sexual gratification (especially when dressed, if trying to emulate a women, this activity just demonstates that you are far from acting womanly)

You're right, we don't get off on ourselves because we wear girl's clothes. But, CDers aren't girls they are men with male libidos who find it highly arousing (especially in the beginning) to wear women's clothing. I don't see it as being degrading to us either, it is just their brand of sexuality. You could say in the beginning it looks more like a sexual fetish than dressing for identity reasons. But, this does change (if the CDer wants to change it). NCAmazon is describing wanting to move beyond the sexual aspect and he has found a way to accomplish this. Eventually, the sexual urges associated with the CDing will diminish or possibly disappear. I can't tell you how many posts I've read from the more seasoned CDers who confirm this.

I also quite agree with NCAmazon's second post: if a CDer who is in a relationship does this frequently and there is not much sexual energy left over for his partner, this would present a problem, and the CDer needs to deal with it.

And last, you mention CDers emulating women. It looks as if this is what they do in terms of appearance, but honestly I believe they are rather getting in touch with their own inner femininity than trying to "mimic" us. And, because they are men physically, they also have to deal with the male physical reactions to all things female. They are, after all, one and the same person who has some feminine tendencies and characteristics (also masculine tendencies and characteristics) combined with male bodies and male hormones. It is only once they get past being slaves to their male libidos that they can focus more on the feminine feelings.

It's a process, Cindy.

EDIT Thinking about this further, in the beginning I also didn't understand the concept of libido associated with the CDing. I took it if a CDer was aroused while dressed, this was in direct competition with his desire for his SO, since it looked as if he would much rather have sex solo than with his wife. To an outsider this looks as if his femme self is his mistress. It's hard for any newbie GG to intuitively know this is not the case, since she has nothing in her internal landscape that even approaches what it feels like to be transgender. But, over time I did come to see that a CDer's sexuality is not like other men who do not CD. It can't be compared. My only advice to you is to keep talking to your SO about this if you feel neglected by him sexually.

[Chazity]

I think the masterbating is definetly a phase, when I first started dressing I could barely get dressed before I had to do it. Now it doesn't happen any more often than when I don't dress. Now the clothes make me feel more comfortable than sexually aroused. And they are so much more interesting than men's clothes.

I agree it does feel comfortable ,i dont even think about sex when I dress,but when I was 12or13 it was a sexual thing

[Vickie_CDTV]

Self sexual gratification is a form of stress relief. So thats how many men deal with it or feel. Its not always the case. The masturbation is a personal thing that you don't go out in public cding and talking about.

This is something I wish more GGs understood about males (in big bold blinking capital letters.) Just because a male masturbates does not mean he does not love you, or does not find you attractive, or does not want to be with you. It can be a form of non-destructive stress relief (better than a drug addition, right ?) It has nothing to do with whether or not a man loves you and wants to be with you or not. This is absolutely sincere and it is true.

Cindy, a male who dresses up and pleasures himself does not to it to hurt or demean women. As said, he would do that for stress relief and an escape, there would be no malice intended.

[Aylineira]

Question about this topic from a GG
Is this "male release" something that most cders do when they are in "girl mode"? I know there are all types of cders, however this behaviour is often implied in many of the contributions here. This is not typical GG behaviour, just do not understand why a married or cder with a g/f with have the step ouside the relationship for solo sexual gratification (especially when dressed, if trying to emulate a women, this activity just demonstates that you are far from acting womanly)
Dressing up like a woman, then having solo sex while dressed, I find down right degrading to women and esp to a partner who is willing to have intimate relations... can anyone explain?

I understand where you're coming from and believe me there's one line that answers this: Men will always find a way.

Whether he buys pornographic material or likes the way the washing machine feels when the spin dry section is going... men will always find a way. This is just one of those ways for some men.

I believe that there was a study done and nearly 90% of all men admit to masturbating. This activity, though you may feel apprehensive to, is something that men do on a regular basis.

Truthfully there is more to it then what I have written but bottom line is you need to know that we are not trying to demean or degrade women in any way when some of us relieve ourselves while crossdressing.

[docrobbysherry]

Interesting post, Amazon! I had never thot about this until I read it! But, I seem to enjoy or suffer, a sexual dichotomy when dressing.

When I'm dressing at home, I usually get aroused somewhere along the line. My at home relaxing, satisfying sessions often conclude with a happy ending. (I do not and have not had an SO since Sherry first appeared in my mirror!)

However, when dressing to go out, while I'm out, and after returning from an outing, sex is the LAST THING on my mind!

I find THIS process to be quite stressful and the return to my private safety a big relief! But, NONE of that is arousing! Sounds quite different from YOUR dressing experience doesn't it?

[Lorileah]

In young human males, almost anything can have a sexual connotation to it. Since the availability of young females is limited, then self pleasuring is often an outlet. I think most here can admit that somewhere along the line there was pleasure in wearing something (even if it didn't culminate in "release").

In Western society, females have been trained that any sexual act other than for procreation is lewd or perverted. That the joy of any sexual act needs to be shared with only one person (we won't get in that any deeper) and thus they believe that any sexual act needs to be with your partner. Be that as it may and based on your social upbringing, the fact is that often males and females (or even same sex couples) do not mesh with the needs. Also on a primitive basis males "need" to spread it around to make as many clones as possible while females are unable to do that and must conserve their gametes.

Long story short here. GG's may find things perverted or un-natural mostly due to societal mores and upbringing, but nature (or whatever deity you choose) made the act pleasurable (if done correctly) and thus it cannot be bad right? I think the majority here will have to admit there is (or was) a sexual element with dressing. And, yes, I know the OP's point that the desire can lessen after "release" but I think it is more guilt than anything else.

[suchacutie]

CindyO, there are many answers to the issue you raised. For me, transforming to Tina involves a complete change. My wife describes it as "two different applications running on the same database". I will admit that Tina finds the transformation process sensual, but not sexual. For her the "gratification thing" gets in the way of who she is.

So, with everyone being different, I don't think any group can be painted with a broad brush.