Once started, about how long for the full transformation

[Melody Moore]

So what exactly made you feel this way? Would you feel this way if instead of shunned you were fully accepted? What if you were in a culture where there WAS an accepted third sex, or second spirit (Native American culture being one)?

It wouldn't matter, I would still detest my male junk, and many cultures did perform surgery on genitalia. So did
you forget all about the eunuchs? NEVER since I joined this forum have I tried to twist your mind into believing
you have to be binary in your gender. So I suggest that you STOP right there in trying to define what gender I
should be and after this comment I am convinced this is the basis of a major issue in your relationship with your
IS girlfriend. Your statements here do give me a much clearer picture & better understanding of the real issues.

Honestly, I did not make this post to get chided about my views about gender binary, and gender spectrum,

Noone is trying to belittle you here, I am sorry if my statements intimidate you, but I also believe that I have a better
understanding of this than most people on this forum because of my IS/Transsexual condition & I am sorry if what I
say intimidates you but there is no benefit in telling you the things you want to hear - you need to understand diverse
opinions & perspectives before you can ever know what is best. And nor did I ever tell you to drop her because of this.
I said what I did because I really don't believe that it is the end of love for you, if she does decide on a life without you.

She lied because she wanted a better image than is true. Instead of a simple contractor position as a web page coder, she went with being a Google Exec. Instead of being the intersexed child of a local relator, she was the intersexed child of a wealthy German Aristocrat. (NOtE: NOT daughter, but intersexed) Yes it was wrong, and yes it hurt, but she is CORRECTING those fibs, and being truthful.

So what if she lied? Many of us lie and try to cover up when we have internalised & repressed our issues. But this
seems to be something of a major issue for you - SHE IS NOT HAPPY as an intersex person who I understand may
also have ambiguous or mismatched genitalia and it is time you respected and accepted that. But you appear to be
still trying to define who she should be even though she has told the truth. If someone tried to do that to me then
you would not see me for the dust as I was leaving their sad & sorry arse behind to start my new life without them.

She has also said to me when she has the operation SHE WANTS ME THERE with her. That sounds quite the opposite of someone planning on a life without me in it.

It sounds to me like your girlfriend really loves you, but as Miranda points out there is another reason
there why she wants to be in Germany that I don't really understand what that motivation might be.
Sounds like she still has hope & you can work through this, but you need to also respect & support her
decisions regardless how irrational her reasoning may be because only she knows what is right for herself.

She told me last night the ONLY reason she feels the need to have the surgery done on her otherwise natural body is because "it has made life hard for me, I have been discriminated against for jobs because of my outward appearance and what I truly am WHICH IS BOTH!! In older cultures I would have been worshiped or revered as a Goddess/god. But for some reason how I look and what is between my legs controls whether or not I can have a decent f*&king living!"

Now does that sound like someone that willingly wants to become one sex, instead of staying how God meant them to be?

My views of the whole spectrum thing ARE legit when it comes to her, cause she feels the same way.

Once again... So what about her reasons? and noone is saying for one second that you views about the gender
spectrum are not legit. But the thing you must realise is that it is not for you or anyone else to define where they
should be on that spectrum, what treatments & surgeries they need or don't need. You are NOT the expert here
and neither am I. The most informed person about what your girlfriend needs really are is your girlfriend herself!!!

Based on the reasoning you posted I too might even say that it could be a bad decision, but I also realise that this
might not be the entire 100% truth. Maybe something has been lost here in the communication, and we can only go
by what you tell us. But the truth is I never base my opinions on anything around the hearsay of others because the
truth is often distorted. There are three side to every story, your side, her side and the truth which lies in between.
So one has to always make enough room & some allowances for that by always being a bit sceptical & objectionable.

IS/Transsexuals are often very confused in their emotions and their reasoning and this is why they really should
see a therapist. However I did not need a therapist or a doctor ever to work out that I am IS/Transsexual & that
I need surgery to correct my birth defects, is all they did was confirmed what I already knew about myself anyway.
Doctors help me in my transition with my hormone regime & my therapist is there for any other issues I might face.

Unless your girlfriend is still a child I am sure she is old enough to work things out and make her own decisions, but I
get the feeling that you are trying to influence her & talk her out of it because you feel she is immature in her decision.
So when you talk about being treated as a child, then who is really treating who as a child in your relationship? Hmmm?

I don't think that being questioned, challenged & treated like a child is helping your relationship. And I cannot help but
feel after all I have learnt about you and your relationship that if you are not careful you might drive her away because
I can see very clearly now her decisions to have surgery and go to Germany really is something of an issue with you.

Now, that being said, Some have answered my question concerning the length of time we are looking at her being out of action. There seems to be no reason for a move to Germany other than legal hurtles as well as cost. I also am getting assistance from a friend of mine that went though GRS, and hopefully she can give some legal counsel as well as referrals for my GF so that she does not need to go to Germany (my friend got her GRS here, and she is a lawyer in transgendered law, which I hope IS individuals will be covered)

Sorry to tell you this Pythos, but I believe you are wrong to say there is no reason for your girlfriend to go to Germany.
It also appears to me that you are trying to take over & control every aspect of her life from what you just said. She has
her reasons & should really be speaking for herself here & you should be very careful NOT be seen as speaking for her.
And this is why I also think you should be very careful or she just might end up seeing you as some type of 'control freak'.

And the statement & questioning about how long "she will be out of action" really blows me away
because I would then have to say "As long as it takes, so can't you wait that long or something?".
Not a very good statement to show me how you really respect and value your partner.

I am sorry to have to say that to you, but it seems that you don't want to see this from any other perspective
other than your own. Really you have no right to be trying to get into her head & influence her gender identity
what surgeries she needs & how she wishes to express herself because I believe that is overstepping boundaries.
I am not saying that you are really a 'control freak' but there are some things in your statements which are reason
for concern because they could easily be interpreted by others including your girlfriend as controlling type behaviour.

If your girlfriend believes that surgery will help her to feel better about herself then that is her decision,
not yours. If you really care about your partner then support her decisions, don't try to take control
& influence the outcome of those decisions.

Finally I just wanted to comment on the 20/20 video on intersex people. The hardest part about being
intersex was not knowing about it a lot sooner in life, but the knowledge of knowing helps a person to
understand who they really are. Some intersex people are bitter because they were never told, but mostly
because someone else tried to define who they should be. Some are happy to live with the ambiguity in
their sex & gender where others are not. The decision to have surgery should be left until a person is an
adult and to let them make the choices they feel is right for them. It does not matter how your girlfriend
appears, it is how she wants to express herself that is most important. Face lifts are not necessary either
to exist in this world but surgery can really help to make a person feel a lot better about themselves.

[Pythos]

I have NO intention of stopping her. NONE. I will voice my opinion though.

That being said. I got what I needed from this thread.

I would be an idiot if I wanted her to move away though. I do truly love her. If I can, I will scrabble up the funds and means to move with her. If she wants to go through the operation, and she is certain of it, I will back her 100%. Please do not think I am trying to change her mind. I don't believe I have even said I was trying to.

But I would be remiss if I did not offer other ideas as to where and how to go about the operation.

[Melody Moore]

But Pythos, lot of what you stated does sound very much like you have been trying to influence her decisions,
Even I felt like you were trying to sway my opinion about what gender identity I am. I am a female, not a third
gender or anything else. We all have our own reasons for wanting to fit the gender binary & change our bodies
and we are in a modern age where surgical modification has come a long way so why wouldnt we want to fit it?

If everything is really OK, then there should not be an issue for you to get the funds and make the move with her
like you say, so I wonder then what the issues really are. If she just wants surgery then the best place is Thailand.
But I think there are other reasons why she wants to go to Germany and maybe it is more to do with the fact she
is the intersexed child of a wealthy German Aristocrat. So it sounds to me like she might have family in Germany.
But something else is amiss here that doesn't sit right, I can't put my finger on it, but I guess time will soon tell.

[Jennifer Marie P.]

It matters usually a year or two.It took me two years to fully transform between hormone treatment and surgerys.

[Frances]

It matters usually a year or two.It took me two years to fully transform between hormone treatment and surgerys.

That's about right. It takes a lifetime to get to it, and two years to do it.

Hair removal can be a life-long endeavor for some, though.