Originally Posted by
ReineD
Chrismy, I've been around for a while here, and I'm close to your age, so I do feel entitled to share with you a few things (kindly). I'm a GG.
First, take a deep breath.
Second, tell us what happened exactly. This can wait until tomorrow or the next day, whenever you feel up to typing it all out.
Third, this could be about having made the (wrong) decision to tell your wife, but believe me it could be about other things too. It is worth your while to consider other scenarios if it might help your situation. You won't lose anything by trying.
I looked at your older posts and you had a discussion with your wife last August, 7 months ago when you told her to like to wear nylons and she asked if you wanted to have sex with men. At the time you felt you should go slowly with her so as not to go overboard. And then there were a series of posts where you were (understandably) enthralled over having experienced girlie moments. I can't say as I blame you, having kept a lid on it all these years.
So here's the situation: you're in one place with all of this (nearly exploding) and your wife is in another (reacting in shock because she is discovering a side of you that is quite developed, that she had no idea about or that she might have thought was a harmless little hobby). This is no time for the "you should have told her earlier or not told her at all" blame game. The reality is, you need to deal with the "now" and the unfortunate reality is, you could not keep a lid on it (judging by your posts) and everyone here will understand this after all these years. And your wife feels overwhelmed and she needs time to catch up. It's bad timing.
If things hadn't reached such an explosive stage for her and such an urgent stage for you, I'd recommend talking to her: lots of talk, while putting the nylons, the hairdos, and everything else on a shelf for awhile until she learned more about this. I would have suggested she join this forum and join the private FAB forum to talk to other wives. I would have suggested you both look online together for resources. But most importantly, I would have suggested you let her know your need to do this (it is not a choice) and your need for her cooperation because you don't want to lose her, and also your willingness to work within her boundaries as long as it takes for her to make an honest effort to learn more about this. Genuinely learn more.
Now we all know that often people say things in anger, situations can look hopeless, but given time for things to calm down (and if there are no other marital issues, also the people involved don't have volatile tempers), things can and do improve.
So please, come back and tell us exactly what happened, try to be as objective as you can, try to stay away from "I should have/shouldn't have/she should have/shouldn't have", and don't spare any details. There's a lot of collective wisdom here (except the member who suggests you might become TS) and we may be able to offer you a plan of action that you hadn't thought of.