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Thread: Question about this forum for CD-ers with SO's

  1. #1
    Member StacyPump's Avatar
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    Question about this forum for CD-ers with SO's

    I'm a new member here, with my cross-dressing having recently been disclosed to my wife. We are in "Don't ask/Don't Tell" mode, but I am looking forward to gaining more acceptance from her. I am trying to decide whether to tell her about this forum, and ask her to do some reading here, but I go back and forth on the issue. This place has been SO helpful to me already, but I'm un-decided as to whether it would be helpful to her.

    Of those here who have SO's, does your SO know that you are a member of this forum?

    If your SO knows that you are a member, does your SO also read the boards?

    If your SO does (or did) read the forum, did anyone find it helpful or troublesome in your plight to gain understanding/acceptance?

    If you are an SO of a crossdresser, perhaps you wouldn't mind providing an opinion based on your experience here? Did this forum help or hurt your relationship?

    Thanks!
    *StacyP*

  2. #2
    FAB Moderator/ Eryn's GG Mimi's Avatar
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    I am a gg, Eryn's spouse. Eryn told me about this forum over a year ago, when she disclosed to me that she had started CDing, and she wanted to explore it further. I was apprehensive at first, but once Eryn joined the forum, she suggested I read some of the posts, and if I was interested, join. It was a gradual thing for me--I read a few posts, saw that the people posting here were real people with feelings, problems, and a lot of love towards their wives, and I joined. It has been good for us in that I can get some insight into what Eryn is going through, and by joining FAB (just for GGs), I can communicate with other women in my same situation. I would warn your SO, however, that there are a lot of threads and posts that may have nothing to do with you or your situation--people posting about wanting to go on dates, talk of transitioning, etc. that can be worrisome to a spouse. Ultimately, it has been a good thing for me and for our marriage.

  3. #3
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    My SO knows that I am a member of this site, but she does not go on it. I dress often at home, and she likes it, so maybe she just doesn't need to read anything on here, I don't know.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

  4. #4
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    There was a relatively recent thread on the very topic. I think it was like "Would you recommend that your SO join this site?" or something like that. You can do a search and maybe find the thread and all that was stated in that one. I agree with Mimi, but only caution that you know your wife better than anyone else, there are a lot of different topic threads and posts here that cover all facets of this lifestyle. Some of them can be upsetting to the naive or very sensitive person. So, some common sense and ability to wade through that which may not be applicable to your situation would be a good thing. Otherwise, I would say it is not a good idea.

  5. #5
    Girlfriend of BrandyGG candicd's Avatar
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    Stacy,

    For sure GGs will be best to answer. My wife knows and accepts so we are not where you are at. Eryn will know best about the other forum. When I brought up the forum to my wife, she basically said "I don't want to go read a bunch of male bashing posts." She understands where these wives are coming from, she just doesn't want to have that influence I guess is the best way to put it.

    -Candi
    Loving girlfriend of BrandyGG

  6. #6
    Silver Member DanaR's Avatar
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    My wife knows that I'm a member of this forum, but she isn't interested in joining. Sometimes if I see something that she might be interested in I'll show it to her or tell her about it.
    Dana Ryan

  7. #7
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    My SO knows I'm a member, but she does not read the boards. We've discussed it, but it never seems to happen, because she's too busy, or maybe she's a bit scared as well. Sometimes this makes me sad, because I don't want her to be afraid. Sometimes it makes me happy, because the board is occupied with a few too many people who are not representative of me, and I wouldn't want her to think I'm like that. I already gave her a big disclaimer when we discussed the forum ("opinions expressed on the internet do not necessarily represent... etc"), but still... Some of the people here weird even me out, and I'm pretty open-minded.

  8. #8
    Senior Member mbmeen12's Avatar
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    Of those here who have SO's, does your SO know that you are a member of this
    forum?
    Yes...

    If your SO knows that you are a member, does your SO also read the boards?
    I read messages back to her and she opines.

    If your SO does (or did) read the forum, did anyone find it helpful or
    troublesome in your plight to gain understanding/acceptance?
    It helps knowing everyone on forum is sooooo helpful.








    If you are an SO of a cross dresser, perhaps you wouldn't mind
    providing an opinion based on your experience here? Did this forum help or hurt
    your relationship.

    I will try to ask her to opine more... Hope this helps StacyP
    Last edited by mbmeen12; 03-20-2012 at 03:21 AM. Reason: typo
    Escapism isn't necessarily bad, but is definitely unhealthy in the long term. While helpful in the short term, things will degrade over time. At some point, the escapee will have to face the issue. Things simply blowing over isn't really going to happen in many situations.

  9. #9
    New Member from Scotland paulinescotlandcd's Avatar
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    My wife knows of this forum and I have read out a few questions but she has never shown any interest in joining which is fine by me because if she looked at my profile she would then find out that I have been posting pictures on Flickr for many years.

  10. #10
    Member YorkshireRose's Avatar
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    Yes my GF knows and like some of the others I tell her about and show her stuff on here, but she has not shown any interest to join, however I am sure she would find it fascinating and helpful if she felt the need to.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  11. #11
    Junior Member SusieK's Avatar
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    My wife knows I am a member, and I would suggest that if possible it is important to let your SO know. Because of the nature of the forums, I think not being open about it is the same kind of secret as the secrecy of cross-dressing itself. To me - the fact that people share their innermost feelings including relationship issues with a group of unknown men who like to wear female clothing is actually quite a big one!
    My wife has no interest in joining, or reading the posts, though I have shared snippets occasionally when I thought them particularly relevant to our situation, or just interesting anecdotes.
    Last edited by SusieK; 03-20-2012 at 04:05 AM. Reason: typo

  12. #12
    Junior Member KelleyG's Avatar
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    My wife also knows that i am a member here and from time to time will read some of the posts with me. I feel that this site has helped us both with my CD'ing

  13. #13
    Senior Member Laura912's Avatar
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    Wife knows I go here and occasionally mention some of the discussions. She does not visit the site nor has she expressed any interest to.

  14. #14
    Silver Member linda allen's Avatar
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    My wife does not know. I've just recenly come to the point where I am wearing a bra and panties around her (and out). I don't want to push things.
    [SIGPIC]http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=82706&dateline=137762 0356[/SIGPIC]Linda

  15. #15
    The Art of Heels Kristyn Hill's Avatar
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    My wife knows I am a member but she has not looked at the forum. I just cleared the air last monday so I am taking small steps for the crossdresser kind.
    I am an Artist working in all Mediums including Sexy

  16. #16
    Silver Member JenniferR771's Avatar
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    My wife is domineering and knows but dislikes my cding. She checks my history every day before I get out of bed. So she usually sees just the subject line. Which at times can give a very strange impression of what I have been clicking on. I would like her to read a bit more, but as far as I know she has read only one or two full paragraphs. If I am reading on this site (frequent) when she comes into the computer room she insists I close the site immediately, but sometimes she reads a line or two.

    If I delete my history she gets even more suspicious. Sigh.

  17. #17
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StacyPump View Post
    Of those here who have SO's, does your SO know that you are a member of this forum?

    If your SO knows that you are a member, does your SO also read the boards?

    If your SO does (or did) read the forum, did anyone find it helpful or troublesome in your plight to gain understanding/acceptance?

    Thanks!
    [SIZE=4]1. When I first "came out" to my wife and we spent days talking about all this meant to me and such I brought her here and asked her to sit and read as much as she wished and to ask me about what she read if she had questions. I prefaced that with the knowledge that we are not all alike, we have different desires, needs, reasons for crossdressing and that that would be most obvious from the threads and responses.

    2. She did come here and read and read and asked many questions about others responses and my feelings about different subjects. She also became a member so that she could read the threads in the sections restricted to GG's. She still reads the board, though not with the frequency that I do.

    3. She found it very helpful. She began to see that we are not just "crossdressers". She saw that we are very individual with many opinions, but that there is a commonality that exists....we are struggling to understand WHY. She found that there is no single reason why we dress, that there is no "trigger". Most of all she began to realize that the fear that we are all secretly "gay" has no foundation.
    She also learned that this is not a substitute for something that she lacks, but a search for something that is inside us.
    It helped her to understand and she is my closest girlfriend, my shopping partner, my style adviser and so much more. She also has found her dearest friend, her shopping partner and a style adviser. It's given her more confidence in herself and more desire to be the best she can be in all ways. I love her dearly.

    All in all I would say this is a wonderful thing if she approaches with an open mind and is willing to ask about things she finds curious or simply doesn't understand and IF you are completely open with your answers to her questions about what she reads and how you feel.
    [/SIZE]
    Wear something pretty every day !

  18. #18
    Crossdresser Taylor186's Avatar
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    My wife knows I'm a member of a couple of crossdressing forums but has shown no interest in joining.

    I'd be happy for her to be a part of FAB as the comments I've read from the GG's here are uniformly excellent. But, the comments from the general CD population, not so much. If I could filter out the stupidly, as we experienced people do here, then no problem. But a SO new to CDing? How would they sort out opinion and fantasy from reality.

  19. #19
    Junior Member rebekkadg's Avatar
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    My wife is fully aware of these forums and keeps an account on them though she does much more reading than posting. When she first starting reading posts things were a bit hard on her at times but that was mainly because she was emotionally working the issue out to herself and would get a little "overexposed" to the issue sometimes while reading, especially considering how wide the spectrum there is in terms of the posters.

    She just got enough posts recently to become a full member and has basicly no problem now emotionally reading these forums. It isn't important for her personally to keep up with what is happening on the forums. If she sees that I have been on them for more than a few minutes while she is home she will normally hop on just to see what kinds of things I have been looking at and posted, but it is more curiousity than trying to track what I am doing. She'll also post about anything significant or funny she found about our relationship in relations to crossdressing. She was actually dying to make a post the other night but we decided that the nature of the post might turn to a little too crude a conversation .

  20. #20
    Member Aylineira's Avatar
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    My SO knows that I'm on this forum but she is not a member. She doesn't read the boards to my knowledge but then again who knows.

    So far my experience in this forum has been pretty good. I've done a lot of searches on past posts on a couple of subjects that was troubling me and came to very good conclusions. I suppose I could've created a new post and have newer people comment which I suppose I will soon enough.

  21. #21
    Miriam
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    My wife knows that I'm on this forum as well. She isn't a member, but I discuss many of the items with her - especially when they help to enlighten subjects that we've discussed before. It's helped to deal with a lot of the issues that we had originally. I think she'd get a lot out of reading herself, but she has quite enough to do online already.

    Miriam

  22. #22
    Gold Member
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    Stacy my wife knows I'm here often. She has no interest in joining because she trusts what I have told her. Besides she rather play PC games on her own computer. I don't hide anything from her and sometimes we discuss things that get posted here.

  23. #23
    Platinum Member
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    My wife and I are in a 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell" relationship, which appears to be fine with both of us. I sense she has become more accepting on my cross dressing, but, does not want to participate in any manner. She has also become accepting of other sexual minorities. That's a complete reversal for her. Maybe, it's because she sees I am an otherwise a great guy, and, some of her professional associates a lesbians. I don't think she is ready to read on this site,although, maybe she has read postings, etc without my knowledge.

    Jennifer, I would suggest you also download Mozilla Firefox and automatically have your history deleted. My wife and I do not seek out each others history. I use Mozilla Firefox because family visitors use our computer.


    Quote Originally Posted by JenniferR771 View Post
    My wife is domineering and knows but dislikes my cding. She checks my history every day before I get out of bed. So she usually sees just the subject line. Which at times can give a very strange impression of what I have been clicking on. I would like her to read a bit more, but as far as I know she has read only one or two full paragraphs. If I am reading on this site (frequent) when she comes into the computer room she insists I close the site immediately, but sometimes she reads a line or two.

    If I delete my history she gets even more suspicious. Sigh.

  24. #24
    Member VickysBFF's Avatar
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    I believe that AllieSF says it best. Overall, maybe not the best idea. She may read some things that may ease her towards more acceptance but she could also read some things that might scare her away even further.

  25. #25
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    My GF knew I belonged to this. She was welcome to read anything I wrote but we never had an issue with me dressing (in fact early on she told me I could dress 24/7 if I wanted). She was on other forums and we really did not share the same online hobbies. She would ask me for help or opinions on hers and I would ask her "how do women walk?" and "what make up should I buy?" She never needed a reason to be on here but I would have welcomed her if she had.
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