I swear that word doesn't look like I spelled it right, but whatever. My beef is with myself today.
As I lurk the site, reading situations, questions, responses and stories, I always thought of myself as not in the closet, yet not out either. If asked straight forwardly, from anyone, I will not lie and inform them that yes, I am who I am. Of course, I won't just go about telling everyone. Some people just don't need to know.
So I just left my supportive and understanding woman of a year for other reasons not relating to CDing, I've hit the mean streets of the single life once again, on the prowl for my next future ex girlfriend. I hit up a girl I've liked for awhile, we chat alot, things go great, so I decided to slip it into a conversation, as a joke, to slip in a crossdressing joke to gauge her reaction. "It's fine, but not my cup of tea" is her response.
Damn. So we continue on, as I'm moving away to Edmonton in a few months, I'll just date her and not tell her. Till i figured I'm not that sort of person, I tell her last night.
At first, she was a little taken back. Said that she probably wouldnt be able to handle it and we'd just be friends. I die on the inside.
Then I start to think, Well, maybe she just doesn't understand. So I run her through the basics, "I'm not gay, not secretly nor wanting to be a woman, the only man part I like is my own cause its sort of grown on me", and then proceeded to tell her that she'd never have to see it. Mistake 1.
Then proceeded to tell her that she could just ignore that part of me and never have to deal with it. Mistake 2.
Then she said that maybe one day we could hang out and I could show her so it wasn't so wierd, and she could learn to accept it. Which I raise an eyebrow to as, yes, we all yern for accepting people in our lives, wouldnt seeing it just make it more real and even more strange?