Hi, Guys and Girls!
There’s currently a thread going on this forum, “Are you okay with being transgendered?”, and it has given me a lot to think about concerning where I am with my TGism—and a tip of the hat (or the wig) to Marleena for that. I’ve decided to start a new thread on this issue, because I think my remarks here might derail Marleena’s thread.
I had an interesting experience yesterday. I went to Dublin for some shopping and also to meet a friend of mine, Deirdre, whom I originally got in contact with through an LGBT centre in Dublin. When I first contacted that centre, I gave them my real name (Annabelle) rather than that other name I’ve been saddled with all my life. Now as Deirdre and I were arranging to meet, I never bothered to give her my other name. So when we met at the centre yesterday, she greeted me as “Annabelle”, even though I was in drab, since that was the only name she had for me. And rather than making me feel awkward—this was the first time in my life that anybody had greeted me face-to-face by that name—it made me feel very nice. That’s where I am with my TGism these days.
But it occurs to me that there is a psychological barrier that cisgender people are certainly struggling with, and I think that perhaps some of us TG’s might be struggling with it as well. This barrier is the traditional conception of the male-female divide—but I know that within me, as I come more and more to accept my TGism, that barrier is beginning to crumble.
What I’m saying is this: I’m beginning to no longer see myself as a man, though obviously I know full well that I’m not female either. Am I a guy who has a pronounced “feminine side”, or a guy who longs to be a woman? I’m beginning to see myself as TG and nothing else. I’m very confused about a lot of things right now. One of my problems is trying to decide whether I’m male or female. If I accept that I’m just TG, for me it not only simplifies my thinking, but it also might be the correct way of thinking.
So if someone were to ask me if I’m a man, I’d cheerfully reply (assuming that there was no social stigma attached to the statement), “No. I’m TG.” And just as men enjoy and take pride in their maleness and women enjoy and take pride in their femaleness, I’m beginning to get enjoy and take pride in my TGism. It’s me, and why should I not feel a normal human pride in what I am?
What I’m beginning to grasp emotionally is the notion that exists/has existed in other cultures—the notion of a Third Gender (and in this post you may read “TG” as “Transgender” or “Third Gender” as you like). And I’m wondering if we TG’s aren’t making a strategic error in our thinking. Maybe I’m wrong about this, but it seems to me we TG’s are asking for the right to be male or female, according to our individual preferences, when what we should be looking for is the right to be recognized as TG.
This notion has many implications for me. First, in all legal aspects TG would be recognized as a sex/gender along with male and female. That is, in legal documents and records people would be listed as male, female or TG, as the case might be. I believe that TG people should have the further right to be recorded as TGM or TGF, depending on how they prefer to present (or simply as TG if, for whatever reason, they don’t wish to declare a preference). This is to say that for all legal purposes I could declare myself to be "Annabelle Larousse, TGF".
I think that in situations where a person needs to be clearly identified, as in dealings with banks or going through airport security, someone like me who declared herself as TGF would be required to present as female. But that would be no burden whatsoever on me, since that’s my preference.
This notion of a third gender would also relieve us TG’s of a certain sort of pressure we’re under. Right now a lot of us feel the need “to pass”—either as male or female, depending on the individual case. But as a TGF, I’m no longer under any pressure to pass as female—because I’m not female. I’m TGF. And that means that I have the right to define my femininity for myself, in the same way that a GG has the right to define her femininity for herself. TGM’s would have the right to define their masculinity for themselves, just as GM’s have the right to define their masculinity for themselves. That is, I would not be under pressure to conform to some standard of womanhood established by others. I’m not a woman and I don’t have to try to be one. I’m TGF, and I decide what that means to me and how I wish to express it.
GG’s often ask us, “What do you know about what it’s like to be a woman?” And they’re right—we don’t know anything about it. But we don’t have to know anything about it. We can turn the question around and ask, “What do you know about what it’s like to be TGF?” My presentation of my TGism is the expression of myself and my nature, not of anyone else’s.
I believe what I would do is get a necklace made with a pendant that would be the symbol of my TGism. I believe I’d choose the combined Mars-Venus symbols, as in this forum’s logo. I’d wear that necklace everywhere, so that if anyone harassed me as “a man in a dress” or asked me if I really thought I could be a woman, I could just say, “Look at my necklace, eejit! I’m not a man or a woman. I’m TGF.”
For cisgenders, the removal of this psychological barrier would put to rest problems such as the one encountered recently by that Tennessee senator who hasn’t yet realized that the human race has left the Stone Age—the one who declared he would stomp to a pulp any man who thinks he’s a woman and who tries to use the women’s loo. “My good sir, I don’t think I’m a woman. Look at my necklace. I know exactly what I am—TGF. I’m using this loo because I present as female, and therefore this one is the more appropriate of the two. If you want to build another loo for us TGF’s, and another one for the TGM’s, go ahead. But don’t tell me to use the men’s because you think I’m a man. I’m not a man. I’m TGF.” Even vintage Stone Agers might have the intellectual power to grasp the notion of three, rather than two.
Within our own circles, this notion might help put an end to certain prejudices we hold—e.g., against those men who CD without making any effort to pass as women, to the point that they don’t even shave or wear a wig. Their presentation as TG’s is a blend of the male and female—and after all, isn’t that kind of what TGism is? None of us would any longer be under pressure to present as anything. We would all express our TGism as we saw fit and without prejudice.
And think how wonderful it would have been, if at about the age of 12 or 13 I had been taken to see a psychologist from a state health agency who explained to me, “Up to now you been recognized as male because that matches your outward appearance. From now on, however, you’ll be correctly recognized as TG.” And he/she would have explained to me what TGism was, would have helped me to understand myself and would have informed me that I could call myself anything I wanted and could present in any way I wanted. Just as a male or female has the right to decide on their lifestyles for themselves, I as a TG person would have the right to decide on my lifestyle. I would no longer have been under any pressure to try to be something I wasn’t—though my parents would have been under considerable pressure to buy me as many pretty dresses as my sister had.
I see many advantages in moving away from this notion of two. We TG’s wouldn’t have to try to emulate either of the other sexes. There would of course be many questions that would have to be addressed. E.g., would someone who fully transitions be regarded as male or female, or would they continue to be regarded as TGM or TGF? That’s a question on which those who have transitioned should be consulted. There will always be difficulties with TGism because it is a difficult thing. But I’m getting to the point where I’m no longer regarding myself as a man. I’m TG, the Big Number Three, and I’m becoming more and more comfortable with that notion. I’m not a degenerate brand of man, nor am I a wannabe woman who will never make the grade. I’m TG, the Big Number Three, and what you see is what you get. But of course with us TG’s, you never know what you’re going to see. God, we’re fabulous!
Best wishes, Annabelle
If you don't like the way I'm livin', you just leave this long haired country girl alone:
Originally Posted by STACY B
