How far will she go?

[Nigella]

This is aimed at those who are out to their SO, but I am not putting any restrictions on who can answer.

We all know there are many levels of acceptance from our SOs, I am one of the fortunate ones whos SO is supporting me right to the end, that is full SRS.

How many of you believe that your SOs level of acceptance would go that far, would stay with you beyond SRS? Those who do not feel that the full route is for you, do you think your SO would be as supportive as they are now?

A more difficult question, and I understand if no-one answers this, those who have lost an SO because of the possibility of SRS, why do you think that was the deal breaker?

[suchacutie]

My SO is completely supportive. Having said that, we do have agreements. One is that when she wants her man, she gets him. To me that seems completely fair since that's who she married and we only found Tina together 6 years ago. I'm pretty sure she would be quite unhappy with me as a full-time girl after SRS.

[stacycoral]

I don't think my SO would go for a full time girl, it is not in the plan anyway, She does like to spend time with Stacy, and that makes me happy, i could not know what it would be like to have my SO in the dark, i enjoy my girl time so much, and she is like a mother hen, when she thinks anyone is getting near to me,

[Jacqueline Winona]

NO, I don't think she could handle that, fortunately it isn't something I would consider. How far is she willing to go? Hard to say, she struggles with this, and I feel for her and try to make it as easy as I can. The two steps forward, three steps back, I don't want to know, I do want to subtley help mindset that she has tells me she really does care for me and wants me to be happy, it just will never be something she can embrace. Tolerate, yes, participate, no. But I'm fine with that, the marriage is much more important than anything else, and so long as that stays strong (and really, it is), we are good.

[sissystephanie]

My late wife was totally supportive of my CD'ing, but knew that I never had any idea of actually becoming a woman! I was born a man and intend to die a man!! With that in mind we had a very happy almost 50 years together!

[Marleena]

You have a wonderful SO, Nigella. She obviously loves you and supports you through all of life's struggles...

As for me, I'll just remain TG anyways so she is fine with that.

[Rita D]

My wife would NOT like that at all; but I am one who is totally happy with the status quo; so it is not even a concern for me.

[diannecourtney]

Holy cow, when my ex found my size 12 heels, all she said was how far are you going with this and my answer was "just to old to think about it. So the very liberal lady said she'd see a lawyer, oh well I wonder what a conservative would do..

[Alice B]

My wife is very suportatiuve, But SRS would be a deal ender. I'm not interested in going that far in any event, so things are fine as they are.

[BRANDYJ]

My SO Knew I was a CD before we ever met since she saw my profile on another site similar to this site but for those into Dominant/submissive lifestyles. Her only concerns were simple to answer. She asked me if I wanted to live 24/7 as a woman and would I ever want to transition. My answer 7 years ago was NO and it remains the same today. I am sure it would end our relationship if I had either desire, which I don't. I'm very happy the way things are.
You have a special lady Nigella, but I don't have to tell you that...you know.

[Maria 60]

This is a great question. To fairness to my wife, the day i told her about everything i told her i love being a man, a father and have no intention of being a women. I don't know if i wanted to go public how she would react but i went to a crossdressing store in Toronto, once to buy shoes and another time i bought my first wig and both time's she wanted to come with me and she did. Both times i told her she didn't have to come but she said she wanted to share the experience with me and that was a lot more then i could have ever expect from her.

[Laura912]

The second question at the outing to my wife was about becoming a woman so SRS is not on our table. We like where things are now.

[Kristyn Hill]

Proud for you but as for me, no plans or desire to go full on woman. I would think that would be a difficult discussing for any SO. Love is love though and you have found a partner with a profound amount of love for you.

[girltoy]

My current SO and I actually talked about this last night... I have no intention of going full SRS or even full-time dressing, but would like to try and experiment with a week or so of it (which, given current circumstances, isn't really an option). She was receptive to it.

As to the other aspect of the question, my ex-wife found this aspect of my life to be a threat to her, regardless of how far I was willing to go with it. She felt that it was a more powerful force to me than making her happy, despite my adherence to her terms about when I could dress and/or what I could buy, how often, etc.

[BLUE ORCHID]

My wife tolerates dressing it's a DA-DT thinggie
but SRS would be the end of a 48yeay marrage

[Kate T]

I do not know. I think that you would almost have to start a new relationship, whether that involved the level of intimacy (spiritual, intellectual and physical) that one currently shares with ones SO would depend on how that relationship pans out. It's not really a new relationship but I guess more of a renewal.

[April_Ligeia]

My ex-wife told me, ' I'm not a lesbian,' and that was just in reference to crossdressing. Now, in fairness, she was and still is crazy, so simple crossdressing was a dealbreaker. Now, I crossdress at home full time and it is encouraged, but I think the loss of my male equipment might break the deal. Fortunately, I don't feel compelled to alter my plumbing. I just like to dress and act in traditionally female ways.

[Pinky188]

I can't answer these questions because SRS is not in my future. However my girlfriend is trying to deal with my crossdressing. She is accepting of it because she loves me. Im lucky for that!

[5150 Girl]

Well... I don't know... I think if I went ahead with SRS, my SO would not be happy, and I'm betting it's a coin toss as to how she would take it. However, I also feel if a random act from God gave me my fondest wish, and, if I could make her happy with a certain acesory (if you take my meaning) I think everything would be cool.

[RADER]

My wife is very suportatiuve, But SRS would be a deal ender. I'm not interested in going that far in any event, so things are fine as they are.

Ditto here also; My wife is OK with me in the closet, and I am thrilled to stay there.
Rader

[Jason+]

My wife is supportive of me being me whether she is a fan or not. If I wanted to dress full time that would be a deal breaker for her. If SRS was my path she would love and miss me but couldn't go down that path with me. When I go out of the house in a skirt or dress that's relatively okay with her but she's not likely ever going to do so with me.

I can't answer having lost an SO to this although if many years ago when I came out of the room in her pink nighty she had truly understood that it wasn't a big joke that would go away we wouldn't have made it past that, we would have parted company.

[Eryn]

My wife has been very supportive of me. She's helped me explore this side of myself that I kept suppressed for most of my life. My feeling is that most people who transition are those who *know* that they have to do it no matter what and I don't feel that I fit into that category.

CDing can be thought of as a hobby, because my wife gets her husband back after Eryn has her fun. It can even be though of as beneficial for her as her husband is a calmer, happier, more empathetic person. While this has meant adjustments for us, we still live pretty much the same lives we did before.

Transitioning would be a much more serious matter because it would completely deprive my wife of her husband. I don't know if any woman could reasonably be expected to stick with her husband through such a radical change. Many do and I applaud them, but I can also understand why some women can't handle the change. I'm very glad that this isn't a decision we're likely to face.

[Jay Cee]

My wife has been a great support to me while I was searching for my real self. She's gone on shopping trips with me, offered fashion advice, and bought me clothing and jewelry.

If I ever transitioned (not likely now, but I was contemplating it for a while), I think we would have an amicable separation. She made it clear that she is not a lesbian, and I can respect that. We would remain friends, I'm sure.

[noeleena]

Hi,

As you know im intersexed so some details are different yet some details are similar in some ways to trans people,

This is about Jos, real name Joselyn.


!6 years ago i told Jos i was a female / woman, though i was percived as male by most people not all as i found out later,

My problem was i knew what i was at age 10 , just there were no words i could use to explain my self & there were a number of issues that did not help as i was growing up. yet i knew to keep my mouth shut because in our day at that time 54 years ago you would be carted off to the nut house, if you were different. so nothing was said to any one .

16 years ago i told Jos as i knew things were changeing in my self in such a way i knew i would be liveing as a female / woman , it was not a ill be a woman now because i wont to , sorry nothing like that at all my body had things going on & emotionally & Psychologically the changes were takeing place ,

& no meds no drugs nothing at all .

I said to Jos you realise im a woman . not a compleate one yet still a female / woman. at the time we had been together for 24 years up untill then,
35 years together, as married.

When i told Jos we both knew we would part that too was 16 years ago , we just did not go ahead with that then, so stayed together,

Jos after 8 years of us both going through ....HELL....& make no mistake it was, . Jos accepted who i am as a intersexed woman different yes , yet we do things together are still close & with 37 years of history to gether ,

Why did we part. one Jos did not & does not need a woman she needed a male some thing or some one that i never was, i never tryed to be a male like i never tryed to be a female / woman ether,

I had what was necessary as far as it goes being female to live as one how im wired & other details .

Did i keep what i was from Jos , no because i did not know what to say & i could not explain my self in a way that Jos & others would understand not back then fact is i knew what i was,
to put that in words was not in my thinking you have to go back to our day , things are so different now open & all out there, not for us , not then,

What have i lost iv lost my mate my wife as far as it goes , yet we are still very close to each other , are so much stronger for haveing gone through this HELL. is it over i belive we have come through intack & better for that,

It was not nice going through it yet towards the end i saw we would be very different to each other ,& many changes,
Yes i paid a price & so did Jos. this was not about myself this was about ....US.....

As a lighter note, while we were going through this .& we had our marrage anuuld .

I said to Jos well when we do part heres a proviso ,

When you meet a guy , he must have a big house , a over sea's going ship.& pleanty of money , & ill come along as the maid.

We did have to have a sense of a lighter note in what we went through because we had to see a funny side as well, & at least still be able to laugh, == some times,.==

...noelenna...

[Renee W]

My wife doesn't care how much I dress, just as long as she knows she still has her husband when needed. Anything beyond dressing, like SRS, hormones or body modifications, would defnitely cross the line.

My SO married a man, I married a woman. We both respect that contract.