Chazity your wife does not understand what CDing is obviously. Like the others have said you need to explain to her what it is and how far you are going with it. Not sure when you "had the talk" but you might be moving too fast for her. Like Ricky Ricardo said: "you got some 'splaining to do".
Read posts 2,3,5,7and 11.
They advise to DISCUSS this with your wife.
Encourage her to read some of the less militant posts on the forum.
I mean posts with a firm outlook on a subject and less flexible believers of a situation.
Look back into the history a bit.
CDers here are generally more interested in their wives than nightclubbing or changing sex. (That is about the last thing for a CDer.)
Learn writers backgrounds, there are intersexed, bisexual, transgendered, bipolar, transexual, those undergoing hormone therapy, and a whole myriad of psychological outlooks.
This thread has gone a bit off track and other discussions are creeping in. I think you should discuss this all CALMLY with your wife.
My wife is not unsupportive of me but she does like the man in me. Do not lose the man in yourself if you are a CDer.
I wish you well with everything that will be put in front of you.
Last edited by Beverley Sims; 03-30-2012 at 12:11 PM. Reason: Explain militant.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
well said marleena...agree totally...and again to the poster,your wife is coming from a fear based placed...only true communication will help solve that...asap
Kate, why are you on this forum? Is it because of one bad experience with a crossdresser? So now you feel some duty to spew vitriol and hatred at every opportunity? You ae a bigot and hate crossdressers, I get that. But you embarrass yourself in that you clearly do not read any post with comprehension but moreover, you make absurd sweeping generalizations based on no real information. You are not obligated to be kind and the truth can hurt, but if you comment, you are obligated to actually read the post and understand it. Are you capable of that?Originally Posted by Katesback
When the ex discovered my proclivity for the female life, her first question was, that," how soon are you going to switch", my mistake was replying, if I were 30 yrs younger and had $40,000 to spend,I'd have answer. Her's was the ex.
Why would women somehow innately understand crossdressers? Doesn't make sense.
Why do women wear women's cloths? Because they're women. So if a woman wears women's cloths because she's a woman, and then her man starts wearing women's cloths... what might she think? Hrmm... maybe he wants to be a woman. People that aren't transgender don't understand what it's like to be transgender.
Again... like almost every post in the forum... COMMUNICATE. She won't understand it unless you explain it to her in an honest and respectful way. No one's a mind reader.
Depends if you like it or hate it
Not to beat a dead horse, but if a wife googles CDing and hits upon one of the threads here about "preferring vaginas or breasts", or "how many of you would transition if you could", or "how much do you think about the CDing", or even the sexual fantasies, she can get entirely the wrong impression.
Even if she doesn't read this in TG forums, people in general base their opinions on stereotypes seen in movies, or news bits here and there, and also images of Drag Queens. Admittedly, there are more TSs than CDS who are in the news fighting for their rights to keep their jobs after transition, or this politician or that model used to be a man and this might be why people who are not familiar with the TG community loosely believe that men who wear dresses either want to become women, or they are gay. These are usually the first questions asked when husbands tell their wives. I used to think this myself before I met someone who crossdresses, and I had to take the time to learn otherwise by participating here.
It's just a learning process that anyone needs to go through once they have a TG in their lives and this can only be accomplished with lots and lots of communication, and also evidence that the husband isn't going anywhere even if he does CD.
Reine
The next time she asks, you could light-heartedly tell her that you got your sex change--- by wearing women's clothes-- and that's all the change YOU NEED. A little humor at the right time can work wonders.
Reine, I was assuming that the wife was not familiar with this site and perhaps internet searching, though your point is well taken. Maybe those transition types of threads should be posted in the TS section only, since that is what they relate to. would certainly save confusion for newbies. Printer ink isn't all that expensive and perhaps cds outing themselves could cherry-pick some useful advice from here for the spouses to read (and certainly encourage them to join)--you know, right from the horse's mouth kind of thing. It's called preparation, like one has to do to get a job or whatever.Not to beat a dead horse, but if a wife googles CDing and hits upon one of the threads here about "preferring vaginas or breasts", or "how many of you would transition if you could", or "how much do you think about the CDing", or even the sexual fantasies, she can get entirely the wrong impression.
Even if she doesn't read this in TG forums, people in general base their opinions on stereotypes seen in movies, or news bits here and there, and also images of Drag Queens. Admittedly, there are more TSs than CDS who are in the news fighting for their rights to keep their jobs after transition, or this politician or that model used to be a man and this might be why people who are not familiar with the TG community loosely believe that men who wear dresses either want to become women, or they are gay. These are usually the first questions asked when husbands tell their wives. I used to think this myself before I met someone who crossdresses, and I had to take the time to learn otherwise by participating here.
It's just a learning process that anyone needs to go through once they have a TG in their lives and this can only be accomplished with lots and lots of communication, and also evidence that the husband isn't going anywhere even if he does CD.
Last edited by Sandra; 03-30-2012 at 02:37 PM. Reason: merged consecutive post
While I totally agree that theses are the first two things out of almost anyones mouth (be they male or female) the first question is anything but reasonable. Even if a person didn't have a lot of experience with gay men a bit of deductive "reasoning" should bring one to the conclusion that gay MEN are attracted to MEN and therefore a man who looks like a woman would not be attractive to a GAY man. I realize however that this is pointless and academic since very few people are truly reasonable.
The second question is perfectly reasonable but only by accident
As to why a person, male or female, would think "sex change", the answer is simple. When is the last time you saw a day time talk show like Oprah, Dr. Phil, Dr, Oz, Jerry Springer or even (and im really going to date myself) Phil Donahuefeature crossdressers?
And If invited how many of you would go on such a show?
RIGHT! that's why!
ALL THE SHOWS ARE ABOUT TSes!
Oh and cutting off ones penis would be a big mistake if one wants SRS (sex change)
Last edited by Aprilrain; 03-30-2012 at 02:41 PM.
I would advise against humor and hyperbole when discussing CD with your wife. Be calm, deliberate, and friendly.
Just my personal experience here,
Sandra1746
Well what I'll tell you is mildly hypocritical because my wife doesn't know but the principle is sound. I've been married 6 years which isn't long but we're over the statistical hump. we all know gg's are still quite different tha us even dressers. She's reacting emotionally to the worst case scenario. Very plainly and specifically telling her exactly what you want is what you should do. Maybe you reinforce it some by reminding her that you still enjoy being a man with her. Let her know that she satisfies your manhood so completely you can be comfortable being a lady sometimes. She seems just as scared to lose you as you do.
You must explain to your wife that the difference between being a crossdresser and a transsexual is like night and day. It only appears the same to people who don't understand transgenderism. Actually, your wife would probably be surprised to know that cisgendered people have more in common with transsexuals than crossdressers do when it comes to gender expression. Cisgenders and Ts's both identify as one gender only, whereas we cders express both genders at various times. Being a cder is an endgame in itself, it's not necessarily a stepping stone on the way to becoming a woman (or man).
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