[SIZE="2"]“How can he possibly resist the diabolical urge to push the BUTTON and erase his very existence?” (from Ren & Stimpy)
To post or not to post? That is the question, whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of inflammatory verbiage, even though, at times, it may seem like a good idea to strike back. More specifically, do we ignore, or cease to ignore, a call to action that will surely backfire? Good question...
Last night I saw a thread started by someone on my “ignore list.” I couldn’t read the OP, but the title intrigued me. My curiosity thus piqued, I almost immediately began to hatch a scheme. Perhaps I could use the opportunity at hand to get back at the person who had wronged me, by posting a witty, sarcastic remark that was a denouncement in disguise. This sounded like fun at the time, so I set about writing the brief, offending blurb in my mind – it was easy to choose the right words, but I forgot why this particular person had been banished (by me) in the first place...
This morning I wrote a few posts, and, after starting off slowly, the words seemed to flow. I had a page of stuff, ready to submit, so I added my little riposte against the aforementioned semi-adult urchin. Hee-hee! Cute. I’ll just pop it in during submission time, and then I can slip away before anyone knows I’m there. I DID submit some other things I had written, having no problem at all in hitting the “submit” button, but those were benign next to my potentially “hot” post. When the time came, I pasted the latter into the little box they provide here, and I previewed how it would look in situ. I made a tiny adjustment, and a devilish grin came over my made-up face. I was ready to “do the act,” but a funny thing happened on the way to submission...
My perfectly manicured fingertip hovered over the mouse button, but I couldn’t pull the trigger. I had come this far, but I just couldn’t go through with it! I mean, I yanked the offending member out of purgatory (the ignore list), read what “she” said, uttered a barely suppressed “Hmph,” was inspired to act upon it, and I wrote something that was the feminine equivalent of venting one’s spleen. Poised at the brink, I could not jump, and I removed my words, backed out of the MtF section, put the person back in the concentration camp of ignorance, and logged off. As soon as I got up out of my chair, I felt better, like I had cheated masculinity or something. I didn’t “lower” myself, either, but that may sound somewhat pompous...
I’ve been here a while now, and I want to come across a certain way – the whole thing is more like an exercise in self-control, and less like a discussion about panties (to me). No doubt about it, I’ve hurt people in the past, and I’ve hurt people HERE, but I’m actively trying to forge a new “me” via crossdressing. If I’m going to embrace effeminacy and all of its virtues, then I need to bury this confrontational nonsense that taints the feelings males could have. In short, turn the other cheek, and don’t look back from whence you came – keep moving away from the person you were before you began to crossdress. If it was only about the clothes, or the orgasm, I would not be dressing this way and letting masculinity melt away unchecked. Your goals may be at odds with mine, but I seek positive change...
A new friend told me, just a few days ago, that she doesn’t judge anyone around here. That one little statement humbled me with its undeniable simplicity – how beautiful, and yet I still found myself trying to even the score with some “old” enemy. Invisible hands are guiding me, and they kept me from pushing the “submit” button, thus saving me from an embarrassing faux pas. I feel very ashamed that I would even think of doing something malicious against another member, no matter how subtle I meant it to be, even though the recipient of my scorn REALLY hurt me some time ago. Despite this, or perhaps because of it, our borderline participant feels like she may not "fit in" around here after all – would it hurt to GIVE something in the form of support, and not EXPECT anything in return? Obviously, those members who are positive and supportive keep participating for the sake of others, happy to be of service, getting little in return...
I admire the girls who maintain their cool around here, and I dearly wish to be one of them. Not to do so is a negation of all I hold dear, and I see little incidents like the one I have described as cracks in the façade. We are all being tested, I suppose, by those who would do us harm, but it takes effort to shun the trolls, avoid controversy, and stay in balance. One thing that gets to me is the idea that, if I post something that doesn’t sound like “me,” I will tarnish the relationship I have with my friends, or those who are familiar with my style in a peripheral sense. I really can’t allow THAT to happen, so I walk away before I do harm to them or me. Just last night a member, relatively new, was complaining about something trivial – she resembled a form of bull, carrying her own china shop with her, while I was hunkered down amongst the tea sets. I couldn’t help but notice the troller’s challenge, so I posted something censorious, yet positive (keep in mind I’m trying to raise my post total). I was sure that was a waste of my time, which it was, but I did it anyway...
Support is paramount around here, and I wish to do my share. I post only if I can add something meaningful to a discussion, conscious of the fact that no two of us are alike – there are many topics that I CAN’T post about, so I steer clear of places where I’m neither welcome nor well-informed. In many ways, I’m in the back of the room, watching the proceedings, waiting for an opening where I can insert a comment. In this atmosphere, I simply cannot understand why anyone, any “she,” would go to great lengths to spoil the fun, or make someone uncomfortable, but perhaps I should look in the mirror. I used to be just like this, but my crossdressing, my beloved immersion in all things feminine, colorful, and beautiful, saved my soul. There are many true individuals on this site who guide me through the rough spots, and for that I am truly grateful. Meanwhile, I try to ignore those who take issue with what I write or what I represent. I don’t hold grudges, in fact I am quick to accept apologies, but you need to be self-aware at all times...
Do you STOP before hitting the “submit” button? Do you think before you post something?
Here’s another unsolicited piece of advice for newbies: USE the ignore list! If you don’t like what someone says about something you’ve written, banish them to limbo – you’re in charge, after all, and you’re responsible for weeding your own garden. Let the flowers grow unhindered by banishing the dark clouds, and let the sunshine in...
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The need to defend others against tyranny sometimes gets the better of me. I don't feel bad about it though because those people have shown lack of respect or compassion for others. My stepping up probably had no effect on them anyways, but oh well.. I suspect all is not well in their own lives so they feel the need to makes others feel bad too. Or maybe it's just their personality that developed after years of turmoil, I don't really know for sure.
Originally Posted by Anne2345
