It seems from when I was 5 years old I always longed to be a girl.
Those feelings have not changed all these years later!
Does that make me a TG/TS?
emmi
It seems from when I was 5 years old I always longed to be a girl.
Those feelings have not changed all these years later!
Does that make me a TG/TS?
emmi
I think I was 7. Heck at 7 I was wearing my mothers high heels and I have pics to show.
It has basically not changed.
I do not know about labels - I know I would love to have been born a girl.
I can't say whether that makes you transsexual, but it is a good basis for asking yourself the question.
Other relevant questions might be something like:
How easily do you fit as a man in a man's world?
Does this longing cause you any difficulty in your everyday life?
Are you willing to be considered a second class citizen because you are not a man?
Check out this link if you are wondering about joining Safe Haven.
This above all: To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any
Galileo said "You cannot teach a man anything" and they accuse ME of being sexist
Never ascribe to malice that which can be easily explained by sheer stupidity
Wow, great questions even though I think I am "in trouble" right now.Originally Posted by Rianna Humble
"It'll be just like old times, except...different" -- Ezri Dax
Hi,
I never wonted to be a girl i only thought why did i not look like one i saw some things that seemed wrong yet could not see it yet knew i was different & was both male / female ,
of cause in our day 1958 / 9 we did not know let alone have words to express what we were , for my self it was keep my mouth shut or be carted off to the nut house.
I knew i was I S was not till many years later my changes started & with out hormones or H R T,so really im a intersexed woman.& age 10 i knew, not some thing you'd tell others sure not then,
...noeleena...
I know what you mean Emmi. I have also felt that way since about 4 or 5 years old. I fought it for 50 years before I gave in and transition. Does this make me a TS?
I don't know if it does make me a TS or not but I am happier then I have ever been in my life.
Kristy
I'm with you, Emmi. My earliest memories are of wishing and praying that I was a girl. I must have been 4 or 5 and at the time I had 3 other brothers and I knew that I was different from them.
Emmi.
I have felt I was born in the wrong body since I was 3 or so. I lived this way until my mid fifties I am now doing something about it and I feel better than ever. I will say I was a very unhappy person for most of my life.
To Dream The Impossible Dream.
Full Time 10/1/2012
Hi Emmi,
Have your feelings of longing to be a girl become increasingly stronger the longer you present as male?
Are your feelings on becoming the true you starting to consume most if not all of your day?
Are you becoming depressed because you have not yet transitioned?
If you answer yes to these questions in my opinion you are transsexual.
Since you have asked previously about HRT and telling us about your intentions to transition this question seems to be a bit regressive.
Are you not sure now?
In addition to this, the term transgender (TG) to many of us seems offensive comparatively to a term that represents more of a legitimate medical reason for gender variance from presentation.
I become quite angry at those that attempt to include intersexed people like myself under an umbrella that includes sexual fetishists and pansexuality.
Intersexed people have a legitimate medical diagnosis and exist outside any inclusion by those attempting to gain political and social legitimacy.
Regardless of terms you Emmi must cement your self identity prior to any further progression down a path that includes transition.
Julia
emmicd at first i did not know what was wrong with me as a longing to be female kept coming to the forefront of my mind and even while serving in the royal navy in the days when this was not to be recognised and could be a reasion for a dissmisal it still kept coming back. however when i came out of the service i took the final step of coming clean to my wife that this was how i felt inside this was such a shock to her that i thought she would say that our marriage was over.she finally agreed that it would be better if what i was feeling was verified by a recognised sex clinic that she could live with it this was done after a lot of doctors etc and the clinic who verified that i was transgender and it would be better to be able to live with this fact.My only wish is that i should have taken the final step years ago.davinaxx
davina
great to hear from all of you and thank you for sharing your experiences. yes, i do believe i am ts and feel in my heart i am a girl. the thing that scares me the most is that i have a wife and a son and i am afraid what transitioning would do to them. i am also afraid to tell my employer. i feel trapped and it seems the only choice i have is to repress, repress, repress, continually crossdress in hiding, take care of my family, repress, repress, repress, crossdress and then die. i feel it would be best this way. i will always long to be a girl but it ain't in the cards for me. and i will always be in pain but i have a family to take care of. the only thing i can do is admit waht i am, accept it and try to understand my situation and pray to God.
emmi
Hi again Emmi, I feel for your dilemma and applaud you for looking to your responsibilities, but there may come a time when the best way to meet those responsibilities is to look after your own needs.
Given how near you are to my age, would I be right in thinking that your son is grown up by now?
How much does your wife already know and how much (if any) does she suspect?
I might be wrong, but I had thought that NY was one of the states with employment protection laws; do you have a firm reason to believe that your employers would react badly to your possible transition?
I don't think you are a "what", I think you are a "who" and as such there is no shame in admitting who you are.
Check out this link if you are wondering about joining Safe Haven.
This above all: To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any
Galileo said "You cannot teach a man anything" and they accuse ME of being sexist
Never ascribe to malice that which can be easily explained by sheer stupidity
I am of about the same vintage, the 1950's. Gender change was unthinkable personally then, so I did not think it, but kept repressing it. But it did come out in devious ways, like cross-dressing and in my fantasy life, though even then, not directly.
No wonder it took such a long time for it to truly surface, shed the detritis masking the idea, and be acted on.
If I had been born in say, 1990, I think I would have been able to go directly into transition, fully aware that I was enough of a woman that the course ahead would be clear.
I wanted to be a girl since I was 5 and I did something about it .Now Im the woman I was suppose to be.
Pinkessence Transliving Urnotalone
You are the only person who will ever be able to answer that question, Emmi. I've read a lot about transgenderism and it is true that many have felt they were in the wrong gender from a very young age-- usually starting around 5. Still, this a very important matter and you should certainly discuss it with a good therapist with experience in counseling people about transgender matters.
Lyric
First of all, I hope my writing makes sense. I am on a mixture of caffeine and lack of sleep. Plus, quitting smoking temporarily affects concentration.
I fall into the not-so-common scope of having no memory of feeling "wrong" about myself when I was younger. However, I can't say for certain that I didn't have any feelings in regard to gender dysphoria because I don't remember much of my childhood. I do remember wearing makeup, nail polish, wigs and dresses in middle school but hell, it was the mid-90s and the Goth thing was making a comeback. This was also the period where I sank into my first heavy depression with suicide contemplation but I can't recollect what I felt exactly. Possible that it was related to GID? Sure but I can't say that it wasn't a mere coincidence.
Because of this, I don't tell myself that I've always felt the way I do now because I honestly don't know. What I do know though is that out of nowhere, crossdressing began in 2006 and gradually turned into GID. For the longest time, I was confused and thought that it was simply transvestic fetishism but I started noticing certain feelings, not sexual in nature. I pretty much told myself that I was just a crossdresser because my knowledge in GID was very limited. I may have been in some sort of denial as well. This went on for a while and eventually, an event triggered the heaviest depression I have ever felt, even as someone that can be classified as having chronic depression. After a bad breakdown and after having a lot more knowledge in this subject, I made my decision to accept what was going on and do what I needed to do.
One thing that helped me determine that this was right for me was related to evaluating who I have been for so many years. I compared how I portrayed myself (masculinity) with how I felt deep, deep inside. It took quite a bit of digging but I eventually uncovered feelings that were new, yet so very familiar. Even though I remember very little about my childhood, I do remember certain things that allowed me to link these uncovered feelings with feelings of the past. Another thing that helped me confirm my feelings was picturing myself doing things as a female rather than a male. When I mention 'things', I don't mean getting prettied up and going out but rather simple things, such as taking a road trip to Eastern Washington or playing my guitar. The euphoria that overcame me brought tears to my eyes. Regardless of fear and doubt, I was 100% sure of what I needed to do to live my life happily.
I'm only into week four of HRT and I feel a hell of a lot better, both mentally and physically. Do I have doubts? Sure. Am I scared? I'm scared shitless. Am I happy? You bet. You will quickly know if HRT is right for you, both mentally and physically. Honestly, it seems like my concentration has been off lately but that is most likely due to the fact that I quit smoking three weeks ago (if you're a smoker and decide to go on HRT, be prepared to quit). Although, even though I've always had ADD, it does kind of seem like it's a little easier for me to get distracted. Physically, well, my sex drive has decreased quite significantly. Prior to HRT, I had a very high sex drive but now, it has almost diminished completely. Has the feeling of panic from estrogen and anti-androgens set in yet? Nope, not at all. I am glad to be rid of my libido and the nightly "ritual" it put me through.
There isn't a "rule" of finding out if you're trans or not. Nobody can tell you that you are, except for you. Others can offer advice on how they found out for themselves but when it comes down to it, you are the only one that can make the determination.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
It sounds like you have gender issues for sure. Hence, you are TG. Are you TS ? That is really for you to know and others to find out - although in the US at least it turns out you need to go backwards thru the system. Start with a therapist, and go from there. I will give this advice, be very, very honest with your therapist. The TG spectrum (sorry for the word, but it works) includes a lot of variation. There are many ways to adapt or deal with the problems that can arise from having genre issues. Good luck
There is a road—no simple highway—between the dawn and the dark of night.
And if you go no one may follow. That path is for your steps alone.
Its really hard to say whether this makes you TG or TS. I felt I shouldve been born female from a very young age. I was born with a hernia so as long as I remember had this horrible scar in my groin which I used to think was from when they changed me from female to male.
I have always felt like a mistake and it never went away. Still feel it but now I dont pray to God to fix me or hope that some little boys turn into girls at puberty like I did as a kid.
I say this often, and I am probably annoying some, but it's important to recognize the difference between wanting to be a girl and knowing that you are a girl.
Like, I kinda wonder who wouldn't want to be a girl. I mean, doesn't everybody?
But if you KNOW you are a girl, THEN maybe you should think about transition. Transition is wonderful. There are few words equal to the task of describing what it's like to be congruent. I think that few actually transition because they WANT to be a girl. Most transition because they have no other choice. They HAVE to.
S
Last edited by Stephenie S; 04-07-2012 at 03:14 PM.
Sometimes we nitpick over words, but IMNSHO Stephenie's words here are fundamental to understanding why we transition
Check out this link if you are wondering about joining Safe Haven.
This above all: To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any
Galileo said "You cannot teach a man anything" and they accuse ME of being sexist
Never ascribe to malice that which can be easily explained by sheer stupidity
Yes I agree. I spent a lifetime "longing" but I may have well been wishing I was a bird. How do you know if you're a TS? Well, when you stop longing and start doing is a pretty good clue. All the "if onlys" in the world won't amount to anything at all as long as you keep longing. If I were rich, If I didn't have a family, If I didn't live in redneckville, If my family wasn't so conservative, etc etc.
Listening to somebody talking about wishing they were born a girl, is like listening to somebody talk about wishing they were born a Kennedy. I think a hallmark of TS people is a marked lack of wishing and hoping. Once you get to the end of your rope, you become a wrecking ball if necessary and there will be nothing to stand in your way. First it's self acceptance and then it's look out world because I'm coming out. People who vacillate, are suspect in my opinion. You either know who you are or you don't. I've bemoaned the cowardice of my youth but late transitioners are given two special gifts. A big sack of "Don't give a damn" and an equally huge sack of "Screw you" and those gifts need to be taken advantage of because the clock is ticking and now that we know who we are, we have precious little time to waste.
How do you know? When your desire to live an authentic life is bigger than your desire to be safe.
I fully and completely agree with Melissa concerning " wishing " and doing.
There are more excuses as to not transition as there are actual people who do transition.
Many excuses are valid but at the end of the day if your still miserable, depressed and God forbid suicidal then all the valid excuses are still that, excuses and your still that miserable and depressed human being.
Sometimes action equates to pain and loss in order to gain what you always needed.
Julia
i have come to accept who i am. i know i am a girl. i live with it every day. i cry my self to sleep. i remember when i first dressed as a 5 year old and crying asking God why i was born this way. i am a girl and i say that with conviction. i wanted to transition when i was in my 20s but my mom got very sick and i had to make sure she was ok so i put it on hold. i wanted to transition in my 30s but i met my wife, fell in love and we had a son. i wanted to transition in my 40s but knew i couldn't because i had a young family and my dad was sick and i had to be supportive of him. the day i learned my dad comitted suicide my world turned upside down and i had to be strong for my family and my need to dress escalated because of all the pain and guilt i felt throughout my life and now knowing i lost my dad in such a tragic way. I am now in my 50s and again i realize i need to transition because i am very depressed and although i have a family i love i can not escape these feelings anymore. i am in a situation where i feel if i don't transition and i told this to my therapist, i will put on my most favorite dress and i will take a bottle of sleeping pills and end the pain i have endured my whole life. i am ts but i am also a husband, a father and a female desperate to come out and live or die trying.
Then I believe it's time Emmi don't you?
Julia
GID (gender identity disorder), or gender dysphopria, or gender incongruence is a fact for some......may be you. It is what it is, you are what you are. That's the deck of cards that life handed you,now you must deal with it.
On the bright side, I know a couple of transsexual women personally, and who happen to be the most happiest people on the planet...,.at leat that's how they apear to me.
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