Oops! Outed: Likely, Boned: We'll see

[whowhatwhen]

I think I may have outed myself in the worst possible way and boned myself in the process.
Since I know just how much people looooove reading script style conversations I'll do my best to recollect how it went down.

Brother: Time for a haircut man
Me: Nah, I'm growing it out
Brother: Seriously?
Me: Yeah
Mom: Why?
Me: Because I can, and I thought you knew already?
Mom: Oh right, you want to be a girl
Me: Yeah, is that going to be a problem?
Mom: Yes

She didn't look too happy after that and I quickly excused myself, cursing that I didn't lie or at least bend the truth a little.
There's no going back now, I can't unsay that and I'm still kicking myself.

That was about 45 minutes ago and I've been avoiding contact ever since.
Even worse, if she brings it up again I won't be able to lie either.

Let me clarify that I'm likely not in any danger of being suddenly thrown out, my worst fear all along was hurting people and it may have come true.

[STACY B]

Take it slow,,, They love you an will except it with time ,,,Just be nice an dont act like a baby,,, Treat them the way you want to be treated . Dont back off of the hair ,,, It helps alot .

[kimdl93]

Don't jump to conclusions. Give them some time

[Cynthia Anne]

I agree! Give it a little time! I have a feeling things are going to be just fine! Just don't push it nor give in! Hugs!

[sterling12]

Yes everybody had a very large "jolt." Suddenly, some suspected, unsaid, things got said. Now, everybody has to digest The Information, process it, and figure out a future strategy. That could be good or bad for you, and you won't know until it happens. But please, my worthless opinion counsels to "let it happen."

Don't start a confrontation just to guage their reactions. With luck, and given time; they will tell you they aren't happy, but that they can try to accept things and cope. Your Job is to make things as painless as you can. If you don't, it invites reaction and problems. We already had one person get assaulted and thrown out of the house. Let's not make it twice in a week!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[whowhatwhen]

I managed to avoid speaking for tonight, maybe tomorrow everyone will have forgotten or has a level head for discussing it.
I knew though, that at some point all of my changes would bring this about.

My next step was/is a haircut, but being in a complete female style as well as getting my eyebrows thinned out even more.
That is something I'm not willing to compromise on, I had mentioned to my therapist that to me, getting it cut short again or even growing it in a male style would be a cop-out.
We worked hard to get me to the point of feeling like I own my own body, I cannot let them make me change no matter how much I hate the idea that it could cause stress.

Honestly, in an odd sort of way I hope it is brought up again tomorrow.
I want it all to be over one way or another.

[nvlady]

The more this question comes up the more they will know the truth.
The more they know the truth the less this question will come up.

[Beverley Sims]

At this point, I think I would just go with the flow.
See what happens and definitely do not push it.
It will work out better as they take it on slowly.

[Tracii G]

Go slow and let them bring it up and tell the truth.

[Millie]

Be thankful you can grow hair, wish mine would come back. I'd do the same. Hang in there, be yourself, not what others expect you to be.

[Karren H]

Not like you locked your self into the fast track to womanhood.... next week if the subject comes up just tell her you changed your mine and now you want to be a fireman... or an astronaut...... Yeah... then things will be back to normal....

[May(be)]

Not like you locked your self into the fast track to womanhood.... next week if the subject comes up just tell her you changed your mine and now you want to be a fireman... or an astronaut...... Yeah... then things will be back to normal....

FireWOMAN*. as long as you can avoid talking about it with them until you move out, do so. Eventually, you might want to tell them, but do so when you can stand on your own two feet.

[whowhatwhen]

Not like you locked your self into the fast track to womanhood....

Rats! :P
So far it hasn't come up again, but I'm assuming it has to at some point.

Especially since I'm going to (hopefully) start looking less and less like a man as time goes on.
I'm not in any danger though, they're not transphobic, it's likely not what they'd hoped for their son though.

Thank you all for the replies.

[BLUE ORCHID]

FireWOMAN*. as long as you can avoid talking about it with them until you move out, do so. Eventually, you might want to tell them, but do so when you can stand on your own two feet.

Is that what you call a lady fireman??

[bimini1]

Yes they always teach you growing up not to lie to simply be truthfull. Then when you tell the truth they crucify you for it.
In the immortal words of Jack Nicolsen " you can't handle the truth".

[Barbra P]

. . .
Me: Because I can, and I thought you knew already?
Mom: Oh right, you want to be a girl.
. . .

Well the revelation doesn't sound like a bolt out of the blue, sounds like your Mother more than just suspected, it sounds like she already knew.

[docrobbysherry]

Well the revelation doesn't sound like a bolt out of the blue, sounds like your Mother more than just suspected, it sounds like she already knew.

That was MY first thot, too, Barbra! Since they already know, it doesn't sound like a big problem. If they aren't supportive, they're NOT likely to bring it up. Until u do something to piss off a family member. Or, throw it in their face!

[sometimes_miss]

Hope for the best, but don't make plans assuming anyone else will change their mind. It's been 14 years for me, and the family members that know, still want nothing to do with it. I hope you make out better than I did.

[Jorja]

Look at the bright side of this. There are many here that can never tell their parents and family that they are transgendered. You have done that. Give them time to deal with it. You have known for a while now. They just found out. Continue on with your life and let them see that you are a much happier and better person as a woman. They will come around. They are only upset or non-approving because they think you are ruining your life. Show them it is not true.

[Davena Doll]

just tell her you were joking, its a non issue.

[NathalieX66]

I can speak from someone who is growing my hair out from from nearly nothing since October 2010. Some of it is now brushing past my collarbone nowadays. Ive had some of it nipped to kill the split ends. I have zero hair loss . I do dye it an almond brown color to kill off the grey streaks.

I took some ribbing from my parents, friends, and my company president for doing this. I show up every day at work in a corporate environment in a ponytail. I was fortunate enough to prevail.

I own me. I cannot, and will not be defined by other people. I live this life for no one else....certainly not my parents. They brought me into this world, gave me everything so I could make it in this world, and I lived up to what they expected of me. I paid my debts to my parents (what ever I owed them financially) , and still do. I love them. They are my responsibility.

I am still me.

[whowhatwhen]

Well the revelation doesn't sound like a bolt out of the blue, sounds like your Mother more than just suspected, it sounds like she already knew.

Well, she said it sort of sarcastically but in all things considered I'm actually kind of inclined to agree.

Look at the bright side of this. There are many here that can never tell their parents and family that they are transgendered. You have done that. Give them time to deal with it. You have known for a while now. They just found out. Continue on with your life and let them see that you are a much happier and better person as a woman. They will come around. They are only upset or non-approving because they think you are ruining your life. Show them it is not true.

That is very true.
While I still have more to discover of myself, I'm much happier knowing that I'm on the right path to do so.
As strange as it sounds, there are times now where I can look in the mirror and see a girl, even though I'm stuck as a male.

just tell her you were joking, its a non issue.

That would be so much easier, but I have to consider lying vs all of the things that my family has done for me.
They have been extremely supportive through my depression, my physical health problems, and getting my life in order and on track.
The fact that they didn't boot me out on the street years ago is amazing in itself, so I feel that at the very least I cannot lie to them.

I can speak from someone who is growing my hair out from from nearly nothing since October 2010. Some of it is now brushing past my collarbone nowadays. Ive had some of it nipped to kill the split ends. I have zero hair loss . I do dye it an almond brown color to kill off the grey streaks.

I took some ribbing from my parents, friends, and my company president for doing this. I show up every day at work in a corporate environment in a ponytail. I was fortunate enough to prevail.

I own me. I cannot, and will not be defined by other people. I live this life for no one else....certainly not my parents. They brought me into this world, gave me everything so I could make it in this world, and I lived up to what they expected of me. I paid my debts to my parents (what ever I owed them financially) , and still do. I love them. They are my responsibility.

I am still me.

That's exactly it!
I own me, and it's no one's place to tell me how I should look or why.

Thank you all again for the words of support, nothing has yet been brought up but I'm still hoping it will.
I would rather explain everything calmly before hand rather than showing up with a ladies haircut and eyebrows and trying to navigate around anger and confusion.

[Ressie]

Mom's usually figure out what there kids are up to. Women's tuition and love for their children make them keen on what's going on.

[avant1465]

I must confess... I've never "boned" myself before.... and I'm curious as to what it feels like. Can someone enlighten me?

[Barbara Ella]

You have heard it, parents, moms particularly, are very keen to know what their children are up to. If she knows you are going to a therapist, she probably has an idea. If she has any idea, she has likely sought out some education on crossdressing and transgender issues. If she has done that, she is probably very apprehensive about pursuing the topic, and may never do it. But she will worry tremendously, and continue to worry when you show up with your changes.

You can take the first step. It will take a great big pair, but you can do it gracefully. Think about approaching her and opening with something like, Mom, I may have said some incomplete things that hurt you a few days ago, and I do not want you to be hurt by my problems. Would you like to talk about them?

This could be very hard for you to do, and you may prefer not to, but it could help you get closer to your mom and give her some understanding about what you are doing, you are not rebelling against authority, you are not acting out. You have a deep internal need to be who you really are, and just want her to understand you are not doing it just to piss your parents off.

Just an opinion.

Barbara