Hello to All, I have been in the closet for a life time. Like many of you, I was alone for the longest time. It was not untill I got my first home computer and found a chat room for Crossdressers on MSN (back then) that I realized I was not as alone as I thought. I can't even begin to explain how much better I started feeling about myself once I was able to talk to others like me. My wife at the time allowed me to have a few things of my own and she played along and tried to be understanding. But we had young children and live in "good ol'boy land" so I was warned to keep it on the down low. I have fought with myself for years over Cd'ing. I am as much a man as any, I can swing a hammer, turn a wrench, or drive anything. I truly enjoy being a man and have no desire to give it up. However, "dressing" does some thing to me I've never been able to explain.
If I bury my fetish for a while, like months on end, it begins to haunt me and returns with a vengeance. It is almost as if I am two different people inhabiting one body. I have found through my 47+ years of life that Larrissa will not be denied her time. I've never felt I look sexy when I dress, fact is I don't like how I look. For me it is about how the clothes make me feel. Anyway, to my point...I have had several relationships in these past years and one of my ex's ran her mouth to the wrong friend. I have lived in this area for most of my adult life and I know lots of people. It is seeming to me that my closet life style is becoming a rumor around town and it really makes me nervous. I had a "guy" best friend for over 20 years. He hooked up with one of my ex's a couple years ago and has not spoken to me since, I know she ran her mouth and he thinks I am some sort of wierdo now. I guess my fear is that everyone is going to start thinking that. I am who I am, my woman loves me and would not want me any other way. She is always saying she can't believe the things I know when it comes to taking care of her needs and wants. She is my life mate and I am so happy to have her, she loves me for me, fetish and all. I know I am luckier than many of you, I've done a lot of reading here. I guess maybe I am thinking that when the last child leaves the nest it may time time for her and I to move to a more Cd friendly area.