Confidence and confusion.

[Kimberlyfaye]

I was just wondering if being on this forum has made any of you who are still in or partly in the closet want to come out? Recently after being here my perspective has shifted slightly and I now find myself thinking I don't think I care if people find out. I'm not sure if it's a confidence boost or whether some of your attitudes are rubbing off on me a little. I'm a little confused as to why I feel this way.

All I know is I have started thinking if certain people found out I would just tell them "Yes this is me. It's who I am, so let's move on shall we?"

Anyone else feel like this? And can I ask what you may think of me feeling like this?

[sissystephanie]

I reached the stage of "this is me" many years ago. As far as what I think about you feeling like this.................I think you are waking up to who you really are, and don't mind letting the world know. I am a crossdresser and so are you, and we don't care who knows!!

[Nikki A.]

I will admit that this forum gave me the courage to leave the closet and venture out. Of course I do choose who I tell.

[Rachel Renee]

I actually lurked here for years before even registering. This forum has played a crucial part in my acceptance of myself and subsequently, the slow journey out of the closet. I'm not quite out yet, but I'm at the door ready to turn the knob. I don't know if it is the forum per se, but this community has helped my confidence enough to be able to say "yep, this is me". The rest is falling into place. I regret nothing!

[Marguarite]

mikayla, I think your feeling like this is quite normal, I also think it's great that you figured this out so young. If this is you, don't let anyone stop you from following your bliss.

[jennifer1958]

I know how you feel. My wife has known since we started dating and married for twenty eight years. Over the last four years, I have been more bold...wear panties every day, even to the pool when I swim at noon, wear panties to the doctor's office, try on dresses in stores (although at least 15 miles from home) have french pedicure toes. Also came out to my sister last year.

Jennifer

[xdressed]

if certain people found out I would just tell them "Yes this is me. It's who I am, so let's move on shall we?"

This is exactly how I feel at the moment, having recently joined this forum and the CD community on deviantart as well

[joandher]

You will be amazed how many people dont give a hoot what you dress like, you are still you.

[Michelle 2]

Mikayla we all have read posts from many sisters here on how they eventually came out of the closet. I for one busted the door open about a year ago after being on this forum for four months. You see I was happy to take the advice of many of the ladies here and the timing was right for me personally. I am one of the lucky ones and have not had any backlash as of yet from anyone who knows that I crossdress. It may happen in my future that I will have a bad circumstance no doubt, but I am of the who cares mindset and I can deal with it at that time. It is our lives to live anyway that we choose to make ourselves more fulfilled, happy and productive. Be proud of yourself like many who have gone before us.

Michelle

[SusanCACD]

I have found this place has helped me. It seems not so much the courage to go out and face the world, but more about how to face yourself.

Thanks girls!

Susan

[Sarah-J]

I’m about where you are now in terms of people finding out although I’m not anywhere near wanting to deliberately come out. After about 3 years of dressing, I’ve accepted and embraced that I’m a CD only little more than a month ago (thanks to lurking around and learning mostly here) and I think self-acceptance may have had something to do with my own slightly shifting attitude… I’m deeply closeted (I live alone) and I don’t go advertising, (I sometimes underdress) but now that I’ve accepted it, I feel that anyone else who may find out will just have to accept it as well. As you say, “This is me.”

Of course, once that happens I’ll truly find out if my mouth can cash the check my fingers just wrote here. And let’s face it, it’s only a matter of time—I’ve already dodged one close call by the sheer luck of good timing. While thinking about it later, I realized that the idea of getting busted didn’t really bother me. I figure there would be little point in trying to deny anything if I were to get caught anyway so may as well roll with it.

I believe that my confidence has gotten somewhat of a boost because of the ‘attitudes rubbing off’ which is most definitely a good thing! Also, I’ve found that the older I get, the less I worry about what people think anyway, so I’m now enjoying the ride.


A short story: Just a couple weeks ago, I heard a “plop” near my door which told me a delivery had arrived from an online shopping order. While at the computer in plain ol' pajama pants and a t-shirt, I went and opened the door, leaned out and retrieved my parcel. After shutting the door, I only then realized I still had my breastforms in and my (already long) hair was tied low in pigtails (just to try something different). My thought process went something like: “OMG, what if someone saw… oh well, they’ll just have to get over it.”

[Annie D]

Yes, reading all the replies and original threads gives us the internal strength and the emotional confidence to get out more, I really advise you to be very cautious about sharing your secret with someone at work, an aquaintance or any family member not your SO. Many times I have been on the brink of sharing who I really am but have always hesitated and as I look back, I am sincerely happy that I did not. Just remember that once your secret is out, it is no longer a secret. Times change, people change and circumstances that once bred secrecy can become an opportunity to out you. Just be very careful!

[Shananigans]

There are plenty of people on the forum in the "closet," but have alternate Facebook accounts. I think what you are seeing is an Internet phenomenon. People often say/do/project attitudes online that they might not otherwise. Keep this in mind if you come out. I encourage everyone to be themselves...but, some parts of ourselves we want people to know and some we don't. Today, we often just share waaaaaaaaay too much infor about ourselves. There are things I've read on Facebook that I didnt need to know about people. So, think about if this is something you want to be in your daily life. If it is not, don't put up crap online you don't want people to find. (People are really funny with their false sense of security). Also, if you don't want the World to know, maybe just tell some close friends that you trust. Or, don't. If you DO want people to know, be ready to stand up for yourself and for this to be part of the way people perceive you. For example, I was about to be introduced to someone who had been to jail recently...I was told this before I met him for whatever reason. It was now part of this persons definition. When gay people are talked about, it usually "that gay guy." Be prepare to be "XYZ, The Crossdresser." This may be just how women talk, but everyone has a title. I'm always "you know, that tall girl that can't shut up in class and asks too many questions" lol. "Oooh yeaaaah...I know who you are talking about!" So, realize people put on a show sometimes online. At the end of the day, you decide your comfort level. Is this something you want people to know about you? We often say, "Well, it's part of who I am and people can just deal." But, I feel there's a little too much sharing and there are plenty of things about me that I choose not to share (but, will share with close people). It's all up to you! That's the beauty of making life decisions all on your own.

[larry]

Be careful !! I also am more relaxed about this whole thing- however- do not jump off the cliff just because someone else says the landing is wonderful.
Be true to yourself when you think this out. I may come out of this closet someday but it will not be because someone else says I should..
It will be because the circumstances around my life allow for it.

[Kimberlyfaye]

Thank you for all the responses. It's making me think about it alot more.

I have told about 5 people. My SO, a couple of friends, a housemate and a friend of a friend. Some family have commented they have seen pictures of me on Facebook dressed as a girl and have told my mother they think she should know. She said they have said I was somewhat convincing as a girl. I denied it was me. But I think they know. I still don't know if that was the right thing to do. But I sort of feel that now if someone finds out I might just admit to it and say no more hiding. It would give me more freedom to dress when and how I like.

I don't want to labelled as crosdresser xyz but part of me thinks in terms of my family I may already be behind my back. I have started thinking about if the situation arises again I might have to admit it. Although not on my terms at least the weight would be lifted. As for work and being labelled there, I think I could cope with the jokes I would endure.

For the first time I feel this way. I have always felt it would be bad for me to come out. Plus I don't know what I would come out as. Am I a girl? Am I a guy who just dresses like a girl? But now I'm thinking I don't think I care about the bad. And also will it be bad or am I just frightening myself?

Anyway sorry about the little rant. And thank you all for taking the time to read and respond.
Mikayla x

[Stephanie47]

Being on this forum has made me realize I am not alone and others have the same issues in their lives that I have. The primary positive thing I have gotten from this forum is self acceptance, and, reducing self loathing to absolute zero. I'm still an in home cross dresser with some forays into the world on my terms. However, that is a choice I made because I have a wife who would rather I not be a cross dresser. My self imposed restrictions are a marital compromise to maintain some degree of harmony in the relationship as it relates to cross dressing.

[Shananigans]

Well, if people find pics of you on the Internet dressed as a girl, you kind of have to own up to it. Denying it and saying it's not you also gains you the label of "liar."

In the situation you are found out because of accidentally outing yourself, it may be good just to come clean. It could be easy to say, "Those are not my panties." However, it is a bit harder to say, "No, those aren't pictures of me dressed like a girl...I don't even know who that person is...though this person looks like me." lol

I'm not trying to pick on you, but I'm trying to get you to be realistic. You fell into the trap of having stuff online that you didn't want other people to see (especially, Facebook!!!!!), and you couldn't own up to it when you realized what an effective machine Facebook can be. So, no, you aren't in the closet. Yes, when people see those pictures you will have to tell the truth, or you will look like a liar.

[DonniDarkness]

There is no way to control information once it leaves your possession. I think many of us start to accept ourselves after being secretive for so long in our lives, that when we finally find a community to belong to, we seek out to validate our personal identities as crossdressers. This comes Via: pictures, social networking sites, support groups..... and so on. Please understand the reason we do these things are because we are truly seeking validation for ourselves, its part of the growing process in self acceptance. So what im trying to say is, that by actively putting information out there we are consciously or sub-consciously seeking to be out of the closet.

The worst thing you could do is deny who you are when you are directly confronted about being a CD. Not only is it destructive to the way your close friends and family perceive your honesty, but it is even more destructive to your sense of self acceptance about who you are.

Now im not saying run thru the streets screaming "ZOMG im so friggin fabulous!" but if your confronted about who you are via what information you've given everyone say ...."Yeah thats me and im friggin fabulous!"

Own it,
-Donni-

[Kimberlyfaye]

Shenanigans, I understand completely. I didn't mind people seeing me, I think my denying it was possibly a defense reflex lol. I thought all the worse things when confronted :-( I think deep down I may want to be out. Or my girl inside is scratching to get out lol. I posted pictures on here and I wondered if anyone I know would see them and what would happen if they did. But I was surprised when I didn't worry and just went ahead and posted them. Maybe I'm over analyzing it but I really do think I want to be out. Even if I don't want to admit I want to be out. Maybe I'm screaming for attention that I'm afraid to actually get :-S

[DonniDarkness]

Your not the only one who deals with these issues. Im going thru it as well. I started to see a therapist who works with the local lgbt community, truthfully its been the best thing i could have done for myself. Once you get thru with the first visit it gets easier and easier to go. But if your conflicted about things going on in your life i cant stress to you enough that finding someone to help you work all this out is the best way to go. Fear, shame and guilt are all major motivators for keeping many of us in the closet, with support and self confidence those negative motivators just disappear over time.

Best wishes,
-Donni-

[Jenny Doolittle]

I agree with you, I've been coming here for quite a while now, and I think part of the reason is because I feel a connection with so many. I find I have been coming out as who I truly am and am not ashamed, I mean it is who I am. I have heard through my wife and kids that people ask about why I do this, or why I wear that, and I guess I am ok with it.

I think coming here and seeing the trials and tribulations of others, and the advice given to help others has helped me as well, come to peace with myself. I also fell good when I can help another avoid a bad situation by using some of my own experiences.

This room and the people in it are truly life changing in such a positive way. It may seem so small a thing to offer a voice of support to another, but for me it has been a shout of unity and an embrace of confidence.

[sometimes_miss]

I've been wanting to be free to go out dressed as a girl for my entire life. Unfortunately, I'm not ready to deal with the repercussions that might occur should I do that. I grew up being the class joke, being made fun of nearly my entire childhood for another reason, but have no wish to re-live being ostracized for new reason, as an adult. So I stay in the closet.

[Sandra1746]

I have been a member here since FEB 2012 and lurking for quite awhile longer. I'd have to agree that reading the variety of experiences here has given me the confidence and the "what's the problem" attitude to be more open about my CD-tendencies.

Would I like to actually be a woman; yes. (That is a thought I have had since I started CD in my pre-teens.) However I know that's impossible so I dress like one and act, as well as I can, like one. So far so good, there haven't been any "issues" yet aside from a couple of puzzled looks. I do enjoy the site and have gained a lot of benefit from it.

Hugs,
Sandra1746

[NicoleScott]

Be careful !! .........do not jump off the cliff just because someone else says the landing is wonderful.

Good advice, Larry. There are lots of success stories here about coming out, and they may give some with their toes over the threshhold the confidence they need to come out all the way. But there are also coming out stories with disastrous results. Consider everything! You can't go back into the closet.