Wife's ultimatum

[Mrs. G]

I am beginning to sound like a broken record but I cant help but say thank you again. There is no way to express how much I appreciate everyone's support and words, they help more than you may ever know.

I called it a void because that is partially how my So described it to me, that the other fetish stuff he tried was filling a void, of what? He didn't know at the time. I believe and I think he does as well that i was the void of CD'ing. I am certain that everyone's idea that he is in a heavy fog to be correct. He had said that until we can talk more begin to make some progress that he wanted to put everything on hold for a while. We both want to find a compromise and set boundaries. He is having such a difficult time with this and it hurts that he cant stop asking and pushing for more. He stated to me last night, after asking to put on my makeup, that he didn't know how to stop pushing for more? is this typical of the Fog as well, it seems to consume every spare thought and minute he has. I keep reminding myself that he doesn't mean to be hurtful and he never follows through because he knows we still haven't gotten there yet.

Is there anything I can do to help him through this fog so we can come to an agreement that fulfills him, where I can still be comfortable and know that there are limits we both agreed to set.

Thank you and big hugs back to all of you!

[kimdl93]

Remember that the term pink fog is simply a descriptive for a wide range of behaviors. It is not a exactinng, clinical diagnosis. Its possible that your SO has obsessive -compulsive disorder. These can become so severe as to impact on judgement and contribute toself destructive behaviors. OCD is treatable.

Bear in mind that treating OCD won't cure being transgendered but it may make it easier for your SO and youto find a comfortable balance.

[sierra_g]

SO and I talked a bit about her post. I believe there is fog, but I don't know how much. Enough that I have a hard time seeing past it. I feel that I am slowly rising above it, but I don't know for sure. While thinking/daydreaming/dreaming about CD does occupy some of my time, I do not think about it every waking moment. I would say my thoughts are more focused on work, family, money, and things needing to be done. This definitely does not take precedence, and I don't think I obsess over it.
Just wanted to clarify the best I could.

[ReineD]

Is there anything I can do to help him through this fog so we can come to an agreement that fulfills him, where I can still be comfortable and know that there are limits we both agreed to set.

Yes, although it might seem a little clinical. But it isn't really, it's more a communication tool. And the two of you only need to do this for a couple of weeks while this is all new.

Looking at your post #131, and Sierra's post #133, I suggest you print this out:

http://pbskids.org/itsmylife/images/weekly_planner.gif

Fill in the major blocks of time of all the priorities (draw boxes around them): work, household stuff, kids, necessary outings, etc. Shade those in lightly with any color, say red. You will be left with leisure time. Draw boxes around the times when there is nothing planned. Since you both need time alone without the CDing, plus Sierra does need time to CD, decide between the two of you just one week at a time, when would be good times to do both. Then shade the "together non-CDing" time one color, say green, and the "CDing time" a different color, say yellow (I wouldn't use pink. lol). You don't need to stick to these blocks of time to the letter, stuff happens, but the idea is to get an "image" of how much time there really is that is devoted to the CDing.

Remember, this isn't a race to see who gets the most time. You should EACH keep in mind, above all else, your partner's needs and try to approach this with your best face forward.

When the week is done, get together again, discuss how you felt about the division of time, what might be changed or improved *from both points of view* (what worked, what didn't, and why) and draw up the following week.

You really won't need to do this for very long, just until you're both on the same page with the amount of time to allocate to this (new for you, Mrs. G) activity.

To Sierra: now is the time when you will need to understand more than ever, that your wife likely feels more fragile in your relationship than ever before. You need to do what you can to reassure her that you still are very much interested in being her husband, even if you do CD. Your wife is on a sharp learning curve right now with something that you've been living with for years. Please don't forget this. The less stressed and rushed she feels right now, the better it will be for both of you in the long run. She needs to learn to trust that the CDing will not take her husband away.

[Jacqueline Winona]

Not sure whether this will work or not, Mrs. G and Sierra, but maybe just indulging for a day in eveyrthing feminine, in some big event away from home where dressing will be socially acceptable, but not something Mrs. G would be embarrassed with, will let you know what you're dealing with. I speak from personal experience on this- sometimes a CD needs to get exactly what she needs, to realize that being a CD doesn't mean you don't like being a he as well. Experience it, live it, then when it's over you're ready to get back to filling your male role. this will only work if you're truly a CD and not TS, but once you go through it, realize just how much time and effort it takes to look right, then realize just how much your wife and family need you as a husband and father, it might hit you that you don't need crossdressing to be more than a part-time thing.

[sierra_g]

Not sure whether this will work or not, Mrs. G and Sierra, but maybe just indulging for a day in eveyrthing feminine, in some big event away from home where dressing will be socially acceptable, but not something Mrs. G would be embarrassed with, will let you know what you're dealing with. I speak from personal experience on this- sometimes a CD needs to get exactly what she needs, to realize that being a CD doesn't mean you don't like being a he as well. Experience it, live it, then when it's over you're ready to get back to filling your male role. this will only work if you're truly a CD and not TS, but once you go through it, realize just how much time and effort it takes to look right, then realize just how much your wife and family need you as a husband and father, it might hit you that you don't need crossdressing to be more than a part-time thing.

I personally think that if this happened, I would be in Heaven. It wouldn't work well for her. I don't have a lot of fear of what strangers might think. Way less than my SO. It is mainly a fear of what friends and family might think. Example: I am a horrible singer, but LOVE karaoke. I don't worry too much because I don't know them. I am sure that my CDing would be the same. Giving me a full day of heavy fem stuff all day would push the pink even more. I would hate to see the monster I would become. A day or two with overly macho fun guy things would do much more for her, IMHO. Right now, we don't have the $$ to dress me up and take me out anyway. We need it for bills and necessities a bit more.
Thank you for the idea though.

[Jenniferathome]

Not sure whether this will work or not, Mrs. G and Sierra, but maybe just indulging for a day in eveyrthing feminine,..."

Wow, I have to comment that this is a horrible idea. Right up there with, "Let's take a ride on the Hindenburg." This just reinforces that it's all about Sierra. It's not. Any couple needs to start with a conversation about what may or may not be acceptable to the wife/girlfriend/SO. Dressing, to whatever extent comes later.

[Jacqueline Winona]

There are a couple of old adages, Jennifer: 1) Be careful what you wish for , you might just get it, and 2) The best way to kill curiosity is to give someone exactly what they (think) they want. When nothing else is working, you got to think outside the box a little, there just isn't one answer for everyone, in every situation. I can tell my kid for months that she isn't going to like being a vegetarian because she won't like all the protein substitutes she will need to be healthy, but until she gets a plate of tofu the message isn't going to be understood. I am well aware of how difficult this situation is for Mrs. G , and how she wishes it would just go away. But Sierra isn't seeing the big picture, and I'm not sure Sierra will until she sees that getting what she thinks she wants isn't worth missing out on being a husband and dad.

[ReineD]

Not sure whether this will work or not, Mrs. G and Sierra, but maybe just indulging for a day in eveyrthing feminine,..."

Wow, I have to comment that this is a horrible idea. Right up there with, "Let's take a ride on the Hindenburg." This just reinforces that it's all about Sierra. It's not. Any couple needs to start with a conversation about what may or may not be acceptable to the wife/girlfriend/SO. Dressing, to whatever extent comes later.

Mrs. G, I agree with Jennifer. It doesn't look as if you're ready for a girly day and this is not just about your husband.

Although it's wonderful to get advice from everyone in the open forums and many people are sensitive to your overall relationship situation, there are members who do see things more from the CDer's point of view.

[Kate T]

Mrs G and Sierra

I told my wife of 15 years around 16 months ago about CD'ing. We have 3 kids and are pretty close. She doesn't have a problem if I dress around her but not around the kids and we don't go out locally. Our CD'ing is possibly similar to what Reine describes for her partner but earlier (only been out a few times shopping, concert and stuff).

From what I have read you have got the whole pink fog thing going on. I did it as Reine said, soon after telling spouse (breaking out of 2nd closet). Everyone does. What you need to do Sierra is take a good long hard look at yourself and work out what is relevant and what isn't. To give you an example when in the pink fog I would get my chest and underarms waxed, paint my toenails, have clear polish and tried to grow my fingernails longer, tried wearing mascara, light foundation and a neutral lipstick / lip gloss. Well after a little bit (a few weeks) and also a swift kick up the behind from my wife reminding me about the "pink fog" I dropped most of the stuff. I still do wax chest and underarms regularly, I rarely paint my toenails (haven't done for 2-3 months), and even rarer still I might put on a smidgen of mascara if going out somewhere. The other stuff though is just, whatever. I'm not obsessed by it either way. Yes I do do the whole lot if going out girl mode so to speak.

One thing I would say (though PLEASE do not take this as a recommendation or that you should do it) is that after going out for the first time (i.e. Reines 3rd closet) and no one really pointing going "ew, freak" I actually found the pink fog thing less of an issue. It was like "oh, OK, I can do that and turn that switch on when I want to" so I became less obsessed about trying to be "feminine" on a "daily" basis. (NB: I am also fairly self confident so I pretty much came out of closet 4, i.e. interacting with people, at the same time as closet 3, i.e. just going out).

It sounds to me like you guys need to really sit down and have a good talk and work out some agreed common ground and some agreed boundaries. There needs to be give and take from both sides and there will be some things that work and others that don't. As always the key really is communication.

[Babeba]

Sierra, mrs. G,

I just want to be able to grab you both up, give you a big hug, and reassure you that it'll be alright. I can't do any of that, though... We're too far away for the hug and I don't want to lie that things look stressful.

Sierra, I want to point out that if you do divorce, you move out and the marriage is over, that does NOT in your case mean free reign with dressing. You have two young children, and Mrs. G has a right to input on the things they are exposed to. I think she would probably have an issue (given how fetishistic your dressing is, at least at the moment) with her kids being around that. Given where you live, a divorce court would highly favour you supporting your family financially; I think without access to your wife's makeup and such, with little money to support yourself, you probably would have fewer opportunities to dress and do makeup. Divorce will not end your relationship, you will still have to know each other. The people who live upstairs from me separated about four months ago, and because they weren't fighting loudly about it in the house, I didn't realize it. I honestly think they may communicate more now with each other because they have to talk about who's doing what with the kids and who's taking them when.

I really wish you both the best, I wish you to have good communication, and I wish you to have peace. I don't wish for you to feel resentful of each other though I can see where it comes from with the way Mrs. G has discovered things, it takes time and effort to build up trust.

One thing that kind of strikes me as different from many older members on here is how large a role the Internet has played in this... I'm a pretty well read person who has grown up with the Internet, too, and I had never heard of Gynosupremacy before. Forced fem, gs, sub, AB, AB/DL... How much of this would you have thought of trying without the Internet, Sierra? What of this is REALLY you? I kind of feel like you need to put labels out of your mind and own yourself. How much of your free time goes to Internet? How much do you spend truly thinking about things and putting down your own thoughts and concepts?

Now, you don't know me from Adam, I'm not a counsellor, but I would like to suggest a couple of things. I think that, outside of work and using this forum FOR SUPPORT, that you both should abstain from the Internet for a while. Read books, not blogs. Play games with each other, not online. Stop using code words like gymosupremacy and even CD. Use more words to describe what you feel or think to each other.

Also, mrs. G, I recall Sierra mentioning something about you being on some prescription drug and trying to switch to an herbal variety instead... Please see your doctor about this! Herbal does not mean 'safe' or 'effective' or 'no side effects'. The reasons why you need that medication are not going to be less valid because the drug is herbal, and I don't want you to hurt yourself. Besides couple therapy, and focusing that on your husband's issues, YOU are an important voice and important person here. It's not right or healthy for even you needing help for you to revolve around him like this.

[sierra_g]

Update: We are pushing our marriage counseling back a week or 2. I found a gender therapist that also does marriage counseling. We are going to go to her instead.

What you said...

Adina,
Thank you, I am very quickly figuring out what is pink fog and what isn't. It is amazing how it is becoming more clear to me. We have truly been working on this.

At the moment, my chest is shaved, my fingernails are growing out, and my SO painted my toes pink with sparkles. She doesn't love them, but she is ok with them as long as I wear socks in front of everyone else. She really is trying. In exchange, I am attempting to mention everything a lot less. I think it is working ok.

Going out en femme is still a long ways out, but after talking, it may be a possibility one day.

What you said...

Babeba,
I do totally understand that. We have already talked. No matter what, the kids aren't allowed to know until they are adults. If we were to get a divorce, I would give support for the kids, but I don't make enough to support our kids and her. She would need to seek employment. It would be tough, but we would figure it all out. I love her and would never let her fall on her face like that. I would want to stay friends with her, and even if she didn't I would still make the attempt. For now though, I think we are going to try to stick it out. This weekend has really helped us, I think.

As for the internet and the fetish stuff, I am a web designer. I build websites. My income is on the internet. Everything I was into, or thought I was into, or anything else stems from the entire Female Domination aspect. It was me attempting to fill a hole in my life. GS, FF, and AB all are very wifeled. I believe that women are the dominant sex of the species. Even when womend didn't get a say in the world, they still controlled their husband's vote and changed his mind. Women have been running the world from the back seat for thousands of years. Now, they are finally respected and are beginning to rise above the men. /soapbox

My wife and I agree that all those, and even some other stuff, was filling a hole that was created the day I first put CD on the shelf (about 16 years ago). My desire for the pink is finally getting fulfilled and I must say I am finding myself genuinely happy (almost the same happy I get from my family and friends) when in any sort of girl mode. When I first posted in this thread, and quite a few posts later, I was kind of happy like ecstasy(MDMA). Not genuine. Lately, as the cloud has lifted a bit, we are finding our happy place. We are slowly trying to find a nice middle ground.

Also, the herbal is a sleeping pill, and is replacing Ambian. The herbal, if we can get it to work, is way better for her system. Thank you for the concern though.

[Babeba]

Ambien is not a drug that should be taken without close doctor supervision - going on OR coming off. Mrs. G, please PLEASE see your doctor about it and talk to them or your pharmacist about the herbal alternative you are planning to take and how it may interact with your system or any other drugs you are taking. Herbal medicine is still medicine, it has a bad side as well as a good side just like any other drug.


Sierra, forgive me if I am pointing out something obvious or oversimplifying based on my interpretation of what you are saying, but - you believe women to be dominant to men, that the world is better off when women are in charge - and you feel happiest when you are letting your womanliness show and giving yourself permission to express it. If women are dominant, and you have womanly tendencies and expression, then are you yourself dominant as a woman? Is part of the happiness of being a woman in giving yourself permission to be the leader sometimes?

[sierra_g]

I have looked into that theory. I had CD tendencies long before I had GS feelings though, so IMHO, I think they are a lucky combination, so to speak.

[ReineD]

Everything I was into, or thought I was into, or anything else stems from the entire Female Domination aspect. It was me attempting to fill a hole in my life. GS, FF, and AB all are very wifeled. I believe that women are the dominant sex of the species. Even when womend didn't get a say in the world, they still controlled their husband's vote and changed his mind. Women have been running the world from the back seat for thousands of years.

Although I won't get into a discussion with you in this thread as to who has been running the world throughout our history (), I read in your words a lot of sexual motives, or if you will, sexual fetish. This is common among CDers who have not expressed their femininity either because they were not able to give themselves permission, or they felt constrained by their families or society at large. So yes, the sexual expression becomes an "acceptable" way to express femininity since men are sexual creatures, and this is likely why you feel or felt you were filling a void. You were filling it with sexual practices because you didn't know anything else.

If you carefully read the thousands of threads in this forum, you'll see that sexual urges diminish the more a CDer knocks down his closet walls and discovers he is not filling a void but rather is seeking to express who he fundamentally is.

Or, not wanting to put you in any box since I have no real clue what motivates you, there is also the possibility this is strictly sexual fetish for you or a sexual compulsion that really has nothing to do with the expression of an alternative gender identity. I'm glad that you'll be looking into this with a professional and that you and your wife will be doing this together. It can't go anywhere but up from here.

[Mrs. G]

Ambien is not a drug that should be taken without close doctor supervision - going on OR coming off. Mrs. G, please PLEASE see your doctor about it and talk to them or your pharmacist about the herbal alternative you are planning to take and how it may interact with your system or any other drugs you are taking. Herbal medicine is still medicine, it has a bad side as well as a good side just like any other drug.

The Dr. That prescribed is no longer a Dr. we see he informed my Family Practitioner that I am on it to help sleep. I have talked to my FP and he simply stated that I should continue on it until the other Dr. takes me off. I reminded him that said Dr. was no longer a Dr. that I see. At that point my FP sent me in for a sleep study and other testing. It has become a problem that I can no longer sleep naturally I have been on the ambien to long. My FP said he isn't certain what to do until I can get into see another Psychiatrist who can say how to get off them. it has been a long trying process all on its own. thank you for your concern though.
also+

I think that, outside of work and using this forum FOR SUPPORT, that you both should abstain from the Internet for a while. Read books, not blogs. Play games with each other, not online. Stop using code words like gyno-supremacy and even CD. Use more words to describe what you feel or think to each other.

I would LOVE to be able to do this. However as Sierra said he work is the web, and unfortunately in between job assignments and waiting on feedback for his boss, he spends those few minutes surfing the web and ect. I think it would benefit us to put a stop to it after his business hours for both of us. It makes me sad to realize our marriage was what you described not even a few years ago. We talk all the time about nothing, we played board games and video games together. Tv and internet had very little place in our marriage then and has since become the crutch I think we BOTH lean on. I miss the days before.

Danielle cd

ps watch that movie as soon as u can if u haven't already it may help with your emotions and feelings

We haven't been able to find the movie to watch it but we have been researching it and discovered it was based on then book "Love Dare". We found the Klove website has all forty days listed, so until we can afford the movie and book we have started what Klove has available. Thank you again for suggesting it.

[Mrs. G]

In the mean time all I can say is I am anxious to go the therapist with Sierra, and have been trying to absorb and understand as much as I can so we can come to a middle ground. I just pray it is enough to keep Sierra happy and with us. More updates when I am not so emotionally and physically drain. thank you all!

[WifeofWrenchette]

Well one more post Mrs. G and you can join FAB. We will help you through this (if you want). We are here for you.

[Babeba]

Mrs. G,

I'm sorry to hear about the confusion with your dr. who is no longer a dr.; that's just not fun all ways round, especially with your FP not feeling prepared to change things. Did you make it clear that you would be doing this on your own, anyway? Some advice medically is better than none.

Also, if the herbal alternative you are going to use is st. John's Wort, you should know just in case that it decreases effectiveness of hormonal types of birth control! I don't know if that is an issue for you, but on the slim chance it's important to know that.

Fixing a relationship and keeping it good isn't a matter of a grand gesture and voila! It's good - a relationship takes time, nurturing and small things quite often. I don't know about you folks, but I have long, fine hair that floats all over the place - and when I am unlucky it tangles BIG in the back. The only way to deal with the big problem (in my hair's case the big bird nest, in this case the issues in your marriage) is by slowly and gently starting with the easy stuff, getting it all smoothed out and fixed so it doesn't become an issue again, and working the way to the big stuff which usually is more manageable without all the little side snarls.

Sierra, I like that Mrs. G has taken my suggestion and changed it to something she thinks is a more manageable step for you both. Is it something you could live with trying for a week? Business hours only Internet, then trying to spend time together afterward?


I have a great homemade play dough recipe I bet your daughters would LOVE (at least the oldest!) it's all edible in case it ends up in tiny mouths. It might be a fun thing to spend an evening with as a family together. You could all have your own colour and make a game of how you share them to make things.

[sierra_g]

Fixing a relationship and keeping it good isn't a matter of a grand gesture and voila! It's good - a relationship takes time, nurturing and small things quite often. I don't know about you folks, but I have long, fine hair that floats all over the place - and when I am unlucky it tangles BIG in the back. The only way to deal with the big problem (in my hair's case the big bird nest, in this case the issues in your marriage) is by slowly and gently starting with the easy stuff, getting it all smoothed out and fixed so it doesn't become an issue again, and working the way to the big stuff which usually is more manageable without all the little side snarls.

Sierra, I like that Mrs. G has taken my suggestion and changed it to something she thinks is a more manageable step for you both. Is it something you could live with trying for a week? Business hours only Internet, then trying to spend time together afterward?


I have a great homemade play dough recipe I bet your daughters would LOVE (at least the oldest!) it's all edible in case it ends up in tiny mouths. It might be a fun thing to spend an evening with as a family together. You could all have your own colour and make a game of how you share them to make things.

Yes, I am sure we could. I have already pulled myself away from looking at those types of sites. Anymore, THIS is the most risque site I go to, lol. I realized a while ago that those sites are unhealthy for us. I had a hard time for a while, but I finally broke free of their grip and I hope to never go back. It has been over 2 weeks and I don't crave it any longer.

Also, we are excellent at the easy stuff. We are pretty awesome at the tough stuff. The problem lies in the CD/TS area and the unknown future with it. Our biggest problem is that I don't know how far it goes and where my line is. I cannot honestly say that one day I will not want HRT. Right now, and for the next few years I can guarantee her that I can live by these rules, but I don't know the future, and I haven't found a uncomfortable place with it yet, but we haven't done much with it.

For the play dough recipe, my mom used to make that stuff for us. I keep waiting for the ok, but since it uses food coloring, I think it will have to be an outdoor fun time. Gotta get a bit warmer first.

(also for SO's Dr. He is still a Dr, he still practices, just not on her or I. We are going to go to a new one that is highly recommended.

This is the herbal alternative http://www.walmart.com/ip/Nature-Mad...-30ct/15556063
Thank you Babeba.

[ReineD]

Right now, and for the next few years I can guarantee her that I can live by these rules, but I don't know the future, and I haven't found a uncomfortable place with it yet, but we haven't done much with it.

Saying this is meaningless until you've actually gotten into a routine of going out and being Sierra with people. Until then, everything is pretty much an unexpressed fantasy, and since it is unexpressed it can know no bounds.

Getting into a routine takes hard work. You have to decide what you're going to do about 5 o'clock shadow, bushy eyebrows, your hair, your nails. You need a working wardrobe that blends into the places you'll be going to, such as malls, casual restaurants, etc (not the fantasy wear that many CDers start out with). You'll need not over the top shoes and a purse. You'll need to work on eliminating guy mannerisms in your walk and your movements if you have them. You'll need to learn how to soften your voice. You'll need to find a way you can leave your house and return to it safely if you don't want your kids and the neighbors to know. It would be nice for you to find regular places to go to (my SO has a dozen or so places: coffee shops, restaurants, favorite shops, etc where the people know him and talk to him).

All of this takes a year or two, if you will do this slowly and not go overboard to accomplish this in three months, which can bring with it a major pink fog as well. After you've been at it for a few years and you've experienced a regular life while presenting as a woman, after it has become old hat, then you can more realistically make an assessment as to whether or not you think you'd like to present as a woman full time.

[sierra_g]

Saying this is meaningless until you've actually gotten into a routine of going out and being Sierra with people. Until then, everything is pretty much an unexpressed fantasy, and since it is unexpressed it can know no bounds.

All of this takes a year or two, if you will do this slowly and not go overboard to accomplish this in three months, which can bring with it a major pink fog as well. After you've been at it for a few years and you've experienced a regular life while presenting as a woman, after it has become old hat, then you can more realistically make an assessment as to whether or not you think you'd like to present as a woman full time.

EXACTLY!!!

That is why I unfortunately cannot make a decision with this and give her an honest answer. I honestly do not know.
As for figuring out outfits, to be honest, I'd rather wear some cute sandals, jeans, and a blouse than run around in some of the skimpy stuff I've seen on here. I love the styles that Zooey Deschanel wears on New Girl. Those would all be great as well. Some of the outfits that I see in the pictures section on here would give me perma-blush. All the other parts are in process at least a little bit. I use Magic on my face, my wife plucks my eyebrows, I've always had a little bit of a lesbian hairstyle, etc. I don't go en femme too much. If it is something that is going to scream girl, I won't do it for the sake of my wife (shaving legs/pits, ears pierced, total fem haircut, etc). We are trying to go with as little of it as we can for now. I am working on not pushing it.

Right now, I am 33. I know there is still plenty of time, and I know that we won't be living here forever. I don't mind being confined to our section of the house when dressed, but I just can't guarantee that it will be ok forever and I promised I wouldn't lie to her, no matter what. For the sake of us, I can only hope for the best and take it one day/one week/one month at a time.

[ReineD]

Sierra, not to put a damper on things, but you should reserve the presentation details for the Beauty & Fashion sections, and keep the focus of this thread on your relationship and how you and your wife will grow together with this, all the while respecting your wife's need to have time to take it all in.

Not that I'm being overly strict right now about posting topics in the right section (this is your thread and a general discussion on whether you plan to blend or not does come into it), but getting into the details here almost seems a little pink foggish, as if this is more important to you than your current relationship issues or your wife's feelings.

[sierra_g]

Point taken. Sorry.

[danielle.cd]

EXACTLY!!!

That is why I unfortunately cannot make a decision with this and give her an honest answer. I honestly do not know.
As for figuring out outfits, to be honest, I'd rather wear some cute sandals, jeans, and a blouse than run around in some of the skimpy stuff I've seen on here. I love the styles that Zooey Deschanel wears on New Girl. Those would all be great as well. Some of the outfits that I see in the pictures section on here would give me perma-blush. All the other parts are in process at least a little bit. I use Magic on my face, my wife plucks my eyebrows, I've always had a little bit of a lesbian hairstyle, etc. I don't go en femme too much. If it is something that is going to scream girl, I won't do it for the sake of my wife (shaving legs/pits, ears pierced, total fem haircut, etc). We are trying to go with as little of it as we can for now. I am working on not pushing it.

Right now, I am 33. I know there is still plenty of time, and I know that we won't be living here forever. I don't mind being confined to our section of the house when dressed, but I just can't guarantee that it will be ok forever and I promised I wouldn't lie to her, no matter what. For the sake of us, I can only hope for the best and take it one day/one week/one month at a time.

seriosly . come on at the alter u didnt him and haw about the future and if u would be getting divorced some day or not . dont make it that hard for her or yourself , noone one knows anything about what the future holds you may get hit by a car or truck tomorrow . , ive been here since 2007 and if feels like yesterday and in some of my other post i say i want to have this and that done soon . now look five years later and wow nothing but my outlook has changed with the exeption of laser treatment , so with your girls growing up money issues and other things that pop up, be realistic and choose what u want, sounds to me like u just want a back up plan in case u choose wrong, well sorry cant have your cake and eat it too , if u can live with your rules now as they are do it, and if later on down the road it changes for u hay maybe u both will have a better understanding of who u both are an what your life is really about. ps if u want that movie pm me so i can send it too u