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Thread: I cried then went to sleep and woke up a new person.

  1. #1
    Member Contessa's Avatar
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    I cried then went to sleep and woke up a new person.

    I can't keep going back and forth trying to keep the old things and make a new life out of them. My wife has decided that we won't be together as I have to told this story in another thread. The cost of my being a crossdresser and not telling her prior to our marriage 39 years a go. Nobody should be crying or sad for me I am turning over a new leaf or turning a new page in my life. From now on I will be happy only and I will put forth as much effort to have no more negative stuff in my life.

    Cause I did this to myself, I made myself transgendered. There is nothing wrong with that. I was the one that decided to try on woman's clothes and like it. I do and I did this to me. I was the one who didn't report this to my wife. She would not have married me if she had found out anyway. Pretty soon I will move away and welcome my new life ME Contessa Marie by myself. Like I said please don't be sad I have learned my lesson.

    Would I quit and just be like a puppy dog or something else and just do everything she asks. Sorry I am or could already be considered a sissy. Thats enough don't worry I will be fine. Just wanted to let you know and get it off my chest.

    Tess
    [COLOR="blue"]Contessa Marie D

    I'm TG. A fem-male so I look male sometimes.

    Dressing is necessary, the type of clothes you wear not so much.

    This above all to thy own self be true!

  2. #2
    Aspiring Member EllieOPKS's Avatar
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    I think the only thing that could shutdown my marriage would be her finding another woman in the bedroom, but that's just me. After 39 years if this is all it takes for her to walk away I am perplexed. Good luck to you both.

  3. #3
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    Tess, you probably didn't "make yourself TG". The motivation to try on womens' clothes came from someplace besides your imagination. Yes, you do have a choice and so does your wife. I'm sorry that it came down to a choice between your marriage and being the person you want to be...but remember that your wife is equally responsible for the outcome.

    Having been through a divorce, I have to warn you that you'll have ups and downs before you finally get to a level of acceptance. Its just like the phases of death and dying in that it is a loss. And your mind will need time to process all the emotions assocaited with it. I wish you the best on the next part of your life.

  4. #4
    Silver Member Debra Russell's Avatar
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    Please, Tess --you sound as though your blaming yourself a little harshly an it can be destructive. If this divorce is a done deal and your feeling depressed - it's all right but get some counciling to help clear your path and give you a brighter view. Hope you do well and our thoughts and prayrs are with you.............................Debra

  5. #5
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Contessa View Post
    Cause I did this to myself, I made myself transgendered. There is nothing wrong with that. I was the one that decided to try on woman's clothes and like it. I do and I did this to me.
    Tess
    [SIZE=3]

    You did this to yourself??? I don't think so. If you have read many of the other posts in this regard one thing we all agree on is that we have no idea WHY.
    Just because something prompted me to try on my mother's clothing, and just because that awakened something in me that others don't share DOES NOT mean that I did this to myself.

    After over 50 years of analyzing this and trying to find a reason there is absolutely no way that I can say this was self-inflicted. This is who I am! This is something that is and always has been a part of me! In some ways I believe that the feminine traits I possess are part of the reason that my wife and I came together. The gentleness, the kindness, the expressions of love for her are all things that I contribute to my femininity.

    Continuing to express this side of ourselves in the face of society's adverse reaction may be masochistic, but surely we did not create this. Societies all over the world for centuries have recorded crossdressing. In some American Indian tribes they were what anthropologists call Berdache. The Zuni Indians considered them a kind of mediator between the sexes. They were men who wore women's clothing and performed women's work.

    We are not that unique in the world. You are not the first of your kind and you certainly did not cause yourself to be this way.

    As for your wife of 39 years wanting to leave you over this...then either there is more going on than meets the eye or there was less there than you thought.
    If she is unwilling to discuss this and learn about it and see that you are still the person she fell in love with then she is losing much more than she believes she is.


    [/SIZE]
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  6. #6
    Chickie Chickhe's Avatar
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    Nothing is your fault... sure you may have taken a long time to fully understand what it is you need, but that's not your fault and feeling the way you do?...not really a choice... Everyone makes some mistakes in life, so try to be proud of who you are and what you have done in your life...sometimes things just don't work out, listen to who is complaining, a lot of times you will discover its someone else with their own self interest at play and once you realize that you can learn to ignore them and move at your own pace.
    Chickie

  7. #7
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    Tess, it's not your fault. You can't make yourself TG. Either you are or you aren't. If you could make yourself TG, then you could "unmake" yourself TG. That's exactly what I did for a lot of years--tried to pretend that I wasn't myself, that I wasn't what I was. If it were possible to stop being TG, I certainly would have stopped because I put a lot of effort into it. But you can't do it. Either you are or you aren't. And there's no fault either way.

    I hope everything works out well for you. I've been through a divorce myself, and it's no fun, but I knew it was for the best and so it proved to be. I hope you find the happiness you're looking for.

    Best wishes, Annabelle

  8. #8
    Silver Member STACY B's Avatar
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    Same ol crap different day ,,, She did it to herself ,,,HA,,,HA,,,HA,, Im still tryin to catch my breath ,,Everyone who puts on some clothes or shoes or does anything different will get the ol bug ,,huh,,Yea right ,,,,,,,, We as in none of us asked for this crap ,,,Just like a person dont ask for a fatal disease ,, This crap chose us ,,You think any of the chix would be here if it was a choice ,,This aint no fetish site !! We dont ask for any of this ,, But we all have the same stuff so we get together an try an make the most of what we were delt ,, Or just go into substance abuse an even that wont cure this crap just kill ya faster .If your wife loved you she would stay Ill bet there is more to it than just this crap ? Love is love ,,,
    Yull Find Out !!! lol,,,,

  9. #9
    Senior Member KellyJameson's Avatar
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    Hi Tess

    If you like to read check out a book called " As Nature Made Him " by John Colapinto to find out what happens when you put a dress on a boy who has been told he is a girl since shortly after birth. You cannot make yourself TG, it is physically impossible. Society shapes us but it does not make us, you were born this way.

  10. #10
    not quite silver yet Emma Leigh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by STACY B View Post
    Same ol crap different day ,,, She did it to herself ,,,HA,,,HA,,,HA,, Im still tryin to catch my breath ,,Everyone who puts on some clothes or shoes or does anything different will get the ol bug ,,huh,,Yea right ,,,,,,,, We as in none of us asked for this crap ,,,Just like a person dont ask for a fatal disease ,, This crap chose us ,,You think any of the chix would be here if it was a choice ,,This aint no fetish site !! We dont ask for any of this ,, But we all have the same stuff so we get together an try an make the most of what we were delt ,, Or just go into substance abuse an even that wont cure this crap just kill ya faster .If your wife loved you she would stay Ill bet there is more to it than just this crap ? Love is love ,,,
    A bit harsh Stacy..................a lot of truth.......... but a bit harsh

  11. #11
    Silver Member STACY B's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=Emma Leigh;2823740]A bit harsh Stacy..................a lot of truth.......... but a bit harsh[/QUOT Naaaaaa I was sayin SHE SAID SHE DID IT TO HER SELF !! Not me saying that ! Thats CRAZY ,,, You cant do it to yourself !
    Yull Find Out !!! lol,,,,

  12. #12
    Silver Member STACY B's Avatar
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    Oh an by the way ,,,, Since were on the subject of she would not have married me if she knew I was a crossdresser ?? How bout this !!! I would not have married her azz if I knew she was a lazy, selfish , Fat , Money grubing , Two timing , Lieing , Backstabbing , Ugly , Double chin having azzhole ,,Hell I didnt know you were gonna get fat ? Or wrinkled ,, Or lazy ? WHAT ,, OHHHHHHHHHHH NOT THE SAME >?????
    Yull Find Out !!! lol,,,,

  13. #13
    Member Cindy J Angel's Avatar
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    we are all hear for u and yes we did it to our selfs. NOT... Now i think i do it because i like girls so much that i went to look like one. And thay do have all the best looking clothes/shoes Dam i miss the 70 we had platform shoe then all most broke my foot on them that was how i learned how to walk in high hills love cindy

  14. #14
    The Girl will Out! Kaz's Avatar
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    Hey kiddo... after 39 years... it isn't just dressing that is the issue! That is probably the excuse... our lives often move down different paths and we get to crossroads where it makes sense to explore different possibilities... I am at a similar juncture and trying to come to terms with it. My wife doesn't a divorce, but she would like to live on her own for the next phase of our lives. Our commitment to each other as friends is stronger than ever. She wants a certain path. At times she will come up with all this stuff I do that she does not want to be part of and tells me that I would have more freedom if we didn't physically live together... she is right. But hell, I don't want to split up... but then some days I think.. oh yes I would, this could be great! What is slowing me down is the crap involved in making it all happen!

    So hang in there and don't beat yourself up! This is NOT your fault, it is just how life is!
    Kaz xx

    __________________________________________________ ____________

    This Woman Within is Flying without Wings

  15. #15
    Aspiring Member Melanie R's Avatar
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    In 1979 my ex told me either to give up my cross dressing or face divorce. My response was accept me as I am or file the papers 6 months later I married Peggy, Dr Peggy Rudd, and the rest is TG history. In 1983 I ran into my ex at our daughters home . She told me the biggest mistake of her life was letting go of Melanie and the marriage. She said that even in a dress I was a better man than any of the men she dated after our divorce. 2 weeks after that talk she died at age 44 of a massive heart attack. Our daughter said she died of a broken heart.
    Last edited by Melanie R; 04-24-2012 at 08:03 PM.
    I love being "gender gifted"! www.pmpub.com

  16. #16
    Member Contessa's Avatar
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    Thank all of you for all your great comments. Like I said I will be fine. I am already in conceling individual and group. If I can move on from all the other things that have happen to me before this I can get pass this.

    I have to believe it wasn't my fault, yeah this is the life I was dealt. I played what I had in my hand I guess. But I don't need any drama, I am going to be happy, I have a girl smile I need to make another avatar to show it. Next week so wait for it wait for it.

    Tess
    [COLOR="blue"]Contessa Marie D

    I'm TG. A fem-male so I look male sometimes.

    Dressing is necessary, the type of clothes you wear not so much.

    This above all to thy own self be true!

  17. #17
    Gold Member Marleena's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Contessa View Post
    Cause I did this to myself, I made myself transgendered. There is nothing wrong with that. I was the one that decided to try on woman's clothes and like it. I do and I did this to me. I was the one who didn't report this to my wife. She would not have married me if she had found out anyway. Pretty soon I will move away and welcome my new life ME Contessa Marie by myself. Like I said please don't be sad I have learned my lesson.

    Would I quit and just be like a puppy dog or something else and just do everything she asks. Sorry I am or could already be considered a sissy. Thats enough don't worry I will be fine. Just wanted to let you know and get it off my chest.

    Tess
    WRONG!! You did not do this to yourself. You were compelled to dress up, it's part of it, you had no control over it. There is nothing wrong with you. She obviously can't deal with it for whatever reason, again not your fault. Not all women can, or will accept and we can't expect them to. It's just the way it is because we're different.

    I hope your new life finds you the happiness you deserve Tess. None of asked for this.

  18. #18
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    This type of thread is so hard to respond to. On the one,hand, I express myself the way I want to. Sometimes, that includes lots of makeup , nail polish, and skirts/dresses, whatever. Other days, I can't be bothered, so I feel everyo.e needs to piss off and mind ytheir OWN business
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

  19. #19
    Silver Member STACY B's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by April_Ligeia View Post
    This type of thread is so hard to respond to. On the one,hand, I express myself the way I want to. Sometimes, that includes lots of makeup , nail polish, and skirts/dresses, whatever. Other days, I can't be bothered, so I feel everyo.e needs to piss off and mind ytheir OWN business
    NO,,NO,,,Think about what you just said ? Your just like any other GG ,, They dont get dress to the nines everyday . Your just normal ,,An all people dont want to be messed with EVERYDAY DAM DAY ,,,About what you are wearing or doing !
    Yull Find Out !!! lol,,,,

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