Sometimes I think TG girls are better off staying single

[Marleena]

Too bad there wasn't a test to detect TG status in us early in life before we start families and relationships. I see so many relationship problems because of the way we are. It becomes disheartening since we didn't ask for this. There are so many DADT relationships and compromises being made because of something we never asked for.

I sometimes think we are better off staying single.

If your SO accepts this side of you consider yourself fortunate, but sometimes it still goes sour for who knows whatever reason.

Sorry for the depressing topic..

Oh.. and no it has not happened to me, but it could.

[AllieSF]

I understand what you are saying, but I am a relationship type person. So, instead of just dropping out of the dating and relationship scene, it would be much better if others, including the females that one is attracted to, would be more accepting. I think it is improving, with no empirical data to support that feeling, and the more people who see and interact with us, over the long run it should get a lot better.

Now, while us CD's are bemoaning our relationship situation, TS's have it worse in my opinion with all the complications dealing with their personal issues in the past, the present and into the future.

[Marleena]

Now, while us CD's are bemoaning our relationship situation, TS's have it worse in my opinion with all the complications dealing with their personal issues in the past, the present and into the future.

Oh the TS ladies are definitely included in this Allie. We all know their relationship issues are much tougher.

I'm just seeing so many relationship problems lately. It's starting to get to me

[Katesback]

Thats a very astute observation.

[reb.femme]

Hi Marleena,

I totally agree about the agreement of an SO. It really is a "Sword of Damocles" situation. We have the riches of the world but our worlds could cave in if the agreement of an SO is....withdrawn?

I have been with my wife for many years but only recently out, so taking things slowly. Time and time again we hear from SO GGs that communication is the primary key. I now ensure that she is aware of what I want to do or buy, and she is actively involved with me. If she raises an issue then I am happy to discuss. She has been absolutely fantastic, but then she always has been one way or another. For the meantime, I am exceptionally fortunate and I will not jeopardise this.

However, acceptance is always in the gift of the SO.

Becca

[Leslie Langford]

Yes, Marleena, that school of thought is very valid, and I'd be a liar if I said that I didn't feel the same way myself sometimes when I happen to feel down about my "gender gift". But then I remind myself that we didn't choose transgenderism; transgenderism chose us, and most us are just trying to get by and lead as normal a life as possible under the circumstances despite carrying this particular monkey on our backs.

But at the end of the day, it's only about clothes for most us, so let's keep this whole thing in perspective. It's only about the kinds of clothes we like to wear...F*%KING clothes...no more, no less. There are worse things in the world, after all, and it's not as though collectively we were all psychopaths, serial killers, wife beaters, pedophiles, terrorists, religious fanatics, or war criminals and the like.

I blame society in part for somehow stigmatizing males who like to wear women's clothing, whereas for females, anything goes. This probably goes back to the fact that most societies are still male-dominated, with the institutionalized, irrational homophobia which typically accompanies this. The good news, though, is that this is rapidly changing, and transgendered people by and large are no longer seen as some sort of freaks as the general public gets more educated about what we are - and what we are not.

Time was, parents were inclined to try to "beat the gay" out of their children if they felt that they were leaning in that direction. And those of us who were caught trying on our mothers' or sisters' clothes when we were youngsters were invariably punished and humiliated and shamed for our actions in an effort to suppress this activity, because - after all - boys don't do this kind of thing. Just like boys aren't supposed to cry or show any emotion...John Wayne, Gary Cooper, Robert Mitchum, Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Clint Eastwood, Sean Connery...those were the icons of our youth as to what a "real man" was supposed to be.

Nowadays, the typical response of parents is to be supportive of their children no matter what, and to actually make the world a safer, more inviting place for them where they no longer have to be in denial over who/what they are deep down inside. Witness all the stories in the news lately about parents who not only accept the fact that their children are transgendered when this comes out into the open, but actually facilitate their transition - even if doing so sometimes breaks their hearts.

I just regret that I was born about 50 years too early to have fully benefited from all these fundamental changes in attitude that society is currently undergoing...

[Alice Torn]

Marleena, Great thread! As a lifetime single, I can only imagine how stressful it must be to be married, to a wife, who is not much accepting. I did date a lot in my 30's, before i realized i was a CD. I know a lot of us singles, would still like to marry, but, realistically, it is not much possible anymore. It does seem like life hands us adversities of one kind or another, and each seems to have to learn in them. It aint easy! As one friend of mine with a great wife says! I don't know if he dresses or not. The grass always seems greener on the other side! You look very nice in you av.

[April_Ligeia]

Of course, half of all marriages end in divorce, so sometimes I wonder if ANYBODY should get married, after all, it only works out half of the time. And even when it does work out, I have seen many long-term married couples who can't stand each other and only stay married out of convenience or because they don't know how not to be together. I don't know if anybody has ever worked out the percentage of marriages that last and in which both parties are happy, but I would bet it is a small number. Crossdressing can't be a factor in all of these, so, hey get married if you want to. Do whatever works for you for as long as it works, and then do something else!

[whowhatwhen]

Of course, half of all marriages end in divorce, so sometimes I wonder if ANYBODY should get married, after all, it only works out half of the time. And even when it does work out, I have seen many long-term married couples who can't stand each other and only stay married out of convenience or because they don't know how not to be together. I don't know if anybody has ever worked out the percentage of marriages that last and in which both parties are happy, but I would bet it is a small number. Crossdressing can't be a factor in all of these, so, hey get married if you want to. Do whatever works for you for as long as it works, and then do something else!

You must've met my parents.
XD

I literally laugh out loud at the phrase "sanctity of marriage".

[Presh GG]

Leslie L,
I so disagree it is JUST clothes. It is a duel gender life for most.
And yes, it is getting better , but given half a chance [ or half the truth ] I think FAR more people [ potential mates or parents ] would always have been supportive had they known what was kept hidden.

Presh

[ELIZABETH46]

i am happily married and out of the closet with my TG situation.
she is my best friend, and the one that buy all my underware, skirts, blouses , etc., sometimes we shop together.
she knows my most intimates feelings, and helps as much as she can.
i am blessed.
i agreed with Becca, not all GG's are against us.
i have dressed on and off since i was 7, but never "all the time" until now.
i knew then i was "different".
thanks to my GG i am REAL today.

[Marleena]

No no... I'm just seeing so many struggles here lately because an SO is TG and it effects the marriage. I'm not pointing fingers at anybody at all. Both partners definitely need to work at it to make a go of it. I guess this is more about the older TG girls.

The younger ones will have an easier time with this because things are changing for the better. So it's not all doom and gloom.

[Barbara Ella]

The human psyche has such a deep seated desire for companionship that this is a tough call, and certainly different for each individual. I know that the distress is severe. I also know that if the TG remained single, they would never know the peace of a companion to make a comparison. The distress is due to the development of the companionship, and its depth. I know I am different than most. I had 41 years of this deep companionship. I have now had 6 months of angst, and one month of hell. dont know what will develop, but doubt I would have traded anything.

In terms of just simply not putting pain into two lives, staying single would be the way to go. But then there would be no possibility of two perhaps finding their joy. Great discussion over martinis, think we should arrange to to that....

Barbara

[Marleena]

The human psyche has such a deep seated desire for companionship that this is a tough call, and certainly different for each individual. I know that the distress is severe. I also know that if the TG remained single, they would never know the peace of a companion to make a comparison.
Barbara

Yes we all need companionship, but at what cost?

Many of the older girls didn't even know they were TG. When they finally realized it they were into a relationship and sometimes with kids. Knowing before you get involved would certainly help then the SO would know beforehand what they're getting into.

Hence the TG test I referred to which is still not a reality.

[suchacutie]

I also must say that I don't feel at all that it's just about the clothes. For me it's a clear bigenderism, two applications running on the same database! The feminine perspective for me is a very different perspective from that of my male self.

I think that large change in perspective is a part of what make is work for me and my wife. With Tina being a very different person, she hasn't lost her "man" in any way, but has added a girlfriend.

Back to the original OP...I do think that going into a relationship only with a clear understanding on both sides is essential, and maybe that's what you really are saying: "if it's not plus all the way, rethink getting into that relationship!"

Maybe!

[Marleena]

Back to the original OP...I do think that going into a relationship only with a clear understanding on both sides is essential, and maybe that's what you really are saying: "if it's not plus all the way, rethink getting into that relationship!"

Maybe!

Yes.. that's a big part of it. If you KNOW you are TG make it clear to a potential partner before things become too serious.

What I'm still seeing is accepting and supportive SO's doing a 180 for no apparent reason. I guess maybe I just care too much about people and there may be other factors involved that I don't know about.

That's why I originally posted it just might be easier staying single for all of us.

[Cindi Johnson]

Leslie, don't kid yourself, it's not "just clothes". Not at all. It's so much more than that. Many of us refuse to admit it, even to ourselves. Easier to paint this bright line to separate us from those "others", those poor transsexuals. Crossdressers are real men, after all. We eagerly penetrate! Clothes don't make the man!

The transsexuals on this website are just as eager to draw that same bright line between you and them. After all, it takes a real man to become a woman, doesn't it?

Truth is, our psyches are much more fluid, more blurred, then most of us will admit. And that is what GG's readily sense yet cannot understand. They seem never to question their gender, and thus cannot understand why we do. No. they do not comprehend why we choose to dress, act, -even become - women.

I've never met a GG who had a problem with me when I'm dressed (and I'm out dressed a lot, almost daily), except one: my wife, the woman I most loved in this life. She could not love a transgendered husband. DADT was our imperfect compromise.

But should we remain forever single?? That's asking a lot. For me, the answer is "no".

[KellyJameson]

I practiced a form of serial monogamy jumping from one relationship to another trying to discover why I could not form an emotional bond with women always thinking I just had not found the right one. I was confused because I prefered their company by far over the typical males who I had learned in childhood I had nothing in common with and I also had no interest in sexual relations with men thinking this was further proof that I was heterosexual and should be in a relationship with a woman, little did I know there was door number three.

I gave up because I became exhausted by the remorse I felt seeing how much women suffered in relationships with me because they did not feel loved, they would tell me they knew I loved them but that I was not in love with them, it was like double talk and it took years for me to understand what they were saying.

Psychologically women would experience sex with me as if I was a woman but in a man's body and this caused incredible anxiety in them because of the complete reversal of sexual power that
woman usually hold in relationships with men, leaving them feeling out of control, fearful and vulnerable.

I now realize that I'm poison for a heterosexual woman and I would never enter into a sexual relationship with one again, it would be an irresponsible act of cruelty to do so. My sexual psychology is opposite the body it is held in and only a woman who desires having sex with women could psychologically survive being sexual with me assuming there is one whose scent/taste does not repel me. The physiological experience of sex definitely takes place deep within the brain shaping what the mind desires and you can only ignore it for so long.

Melissa in another thread mentioned about the kiss, her worlds shocked me because I have exactly the same reaction to women. The scent and taste of a womans body and shape of her genitals does not excite me and often repels me but I did not understand the significance of this and thought I was just being prudish and kept pushing myself to enjoy what everyone else took for granted, I kept waiting for some switch inside my brain to trip and I would experience that mindless hunger that I have witnessed in men.

If there is a chance someone is TG my advice would be to listen to your nose (smell) and tongue (taste) because they go straight into the deepest recesses of the mind where all truths begin and not what you see with your eyes, if you are repelled in any way pay attention because it could have deeper meaning and significance.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Some of us are just naturally very passionate and just cannot give up on the idea of having a partner, as unlikely as it is to ever find an accepting woman. It tears my heart to realize it is unlikely I will ever find a wife in my lifetime, I would be better off just getting used to the idea of being alone forever and give up; at the same time I just can't, you can't turn off the desire to have a partner like turning off a light bulb, even if you may want to give up it just doesn't work that way.

[Contessa]

Marleena

Think about what I am trying to say that men want to be women because there isn't any one else to be. I already know what it is to be a man. I adore and admire women probably too too much. I want to give myself or have you think I have the same qualities. I want to have a relationship with them and also show them what they mean to me. Women may feel threatened You're not like me they are sort of saying. You want me to like someone who says that he could be a woman trying to find men who like them. Even though we know that we just like or most of us just like woman. So we must be gay but gay to women means you like men. Women's values have to be different from ours. Look at how we see or some of us see women need to act to be subservient to all man's needs. Is that how you want to be as a woman and how can a woman want that. Think of who hates men who are different the most "other men" and why do you think men don't want to find out that the person they see as a beautiful woman is really a man. And apparently women don't understand this part of us. Its your values that make up how you feel. Women have to find that somehow unsettling.

But also relationships fade and fail. And life goes on. Some of us pass on and others take our place and change what happens to those of us who are TG. I hope that I haven't brought down this thread. If I did I am sorry for trying to bring some thought to a tough subject.

Tess

[Nichola]

It certainly makes things easier regarding crossdressing, accepting partners are few & far between.

[Joanne f]

To bad that there is not an early education system to make people aware that some are going to grow up being TG and i think a lot of relationships go sour because the TG expects to much to quickly .

[crossdressersfriend GG]

I think that the reason a lot of TG relationships fail is because there is hiding and lying so often. Yes things seem to be changing to a more accepting level, but if you can't be completely honest and be yourself 100% of the time with your partner then there will be problems no matter who you are.

[Raychel]

I know exactly what you are saying. I am not in a DADT relationship. My wife does know all about Raychel. and does at times make sure that I get Raychel time. Which is awesome. But in the back of my mind I am alwasy waiting for that ball to drop. And everything to come crashing down.

[lauraabdl]

Well I for one am finally happy with my lifestyle and well resolved to the fact that single is what I am going to be.
I was married for over thirty five years to four different womjan and they all knew about my femme side and all of them were ok just don't show me or do it around me type. T he last SO left in August of 2010 and I did miss her at first, stayed a hermit for almost a year and then a light came on in me and I came out of my closet and haven't looked back. I am much more happier and have made new friends that don't care how I dress and are friends with me because of me and not how I dress. My last SO put it plainly,"I cant' live with the both of you" and thats what we are two different lifestyles in the same body.
So yes I'm happier now that I can be one person, myself, be it male or female I get to choose everyday and that initself is being who I am without judgement from anyone.
Laura Lee