Well, it partly caused my marriage to go "South" but there were other factors as well. Now the woman I love knows everything about me and is okay with that although there are other factors keeping us apart. In any event, I now focus on my spirituality as that helps me cope with any potential disappointments and keeps my focus on track for any accomplishments I want to complete.
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
I also agree with you, at least today; tomorrow I may have a different opinion. My SO is going through the "I want to be married to a man, not a girl" phase. Well both personas are in there and the 'man' part doesn't work any more due to age, prostate surgery and medications. The best she can ever have is a eunuch.
Her favorite line is "...you have changed too much". However woe to me if I point out some of her personality changes or 'flaws'. I have no good answers but she can't have her "man" back; her best option is a eunuch.
Stay strong and carry on,
Sandra1746
I know that if my marriage does not work out I will not be seeking a new partner(not saying it won't happen). I have been married for 13 years, but the last three we have been apart alot. Last time we were together all she did was bitch at me about everything. I honestly don't think my CDing is a huge issue for her it is just easy for her to harp on. Our sex life went way down hill and she blamed it on my CDing but in reality it is hard to get jazzed up for someone who was just yelling at you and calling you names.
The problem is that heterosexual cross dressers are marrying heterosexual women.
Heterosexual women are just that, heterosexual.
Most don't want to see you one moment in a dress and heels and the next in a business a suit and wingtips.
It turns their stomach and it turns them off.
This is why so many have relationship issues.
My wife promised to stay with me during and after transition.
She promised her undying love for me as it concerned me transitioning but when push came to shove she reneged on her promises to me.
That was 2006 and I've been transitioned since that time.
My So and soon to be my spouse is a lesbian. Not bi, not experimenting but lesbian straight from the lesbian club.
Guess what? This relationship works because I'm not THREATENING her sexuality I'm FEEDING it.
Slamming your head against the relationship wall will give you nothing more than a really big headache.
Julia
The statistics of CD's who have their spouses knowing of their pastime have as a whole very stressed marriages because of it.
TS and IS people who transition will almost always lose their spouse even when that spouse was initially agreeing t stay in the marriage.
Julia
Something tells me that homosexual women aren't going to be too keen on the whole penis thing though.Originally Posted by Julia_in_Pa
Lose-lose eh?
Marleena, I'm not in a relationship now and am not looking for one. I'm enjoying being myself far too much now, and I'm very pessimistic about finding a woman who'd be OK with that. I get the impression that very, very few women are really into it. The way I see my situation is be myself or look for an SO. I choose to be myself now because I denied myself for far too long.
Best wishes, Annabelle
IMHO a woman would have to be a saint knowingly entering a relationship/marriage with TG, she would have to have the patience of Job. If you are a TG it would be better to be/stay single.
Fulfilling a Lifetime Dream of Living as a Woman in My Adult Years.Ten Years Living 24/7 as a Mature Lady
My Love of Cat's Eye Frames, Bangles, Red Lipstick, Nails, & Cheeks, Comes From My Mother - An Irish Beauty
I'm Always Rainbow Proud
Human beings are drawn to each other by nature, you only have to look at how we live, compared to our ancestors. we all have relationships, starting from being on nodding terms with the person in the street, right through the whole spectrum to being with one person the majority of time. There are 1001 reasons and more, why these relationships breakdown or falter.
I was once told, there is only one thing certain in your life and that is, it will end. Everything that shapes you and your life is a matter of what you do. If you are not prepared to work at it, then a relationship is bound to falter or fail, that also goes for the other equation in the relationship. Sometimes eating a little crow can move mountains, but by putting blocks in the way, eventually you will build a wall.
Listen carefully to what is said, quite often you can hear what is not being said
The joy of correcting a mistake can bring pain to another
Maybe both just need to go into the relationship assuming transition, that way there are no surprises.
You are right,that would be the best solution.
Last edited by ArleneRaquel; 04-29-2012 at 04:22 PM.
Fulfilling a Lifetime Dream of Living as a Woman in My Adult Years.
My Love of Cat's Eye Frames, Bangles, Red Lipstick, Nails, & Cheeks, Comes From My Mother - An Irish Beauty
I'm Always Rainbow Proud
I find a greater success with relationships if you're honest or open about all aspects in the early stages of the process. I'm lucky in that I resemble an attractive girl without trying.
Actually,I agree with you, but I'm curious as to where these "statistics" came from.
All the men that I date know that I'm a CD before you ever go out. Either I tell them of they can see what I am, they would have to know that I'm not a real woman, if they don't realize that fact they need an eye doctor in a big hurry.
I don't go out with men until many, many phone chats, and at least two meetings in a very public place of my choosing.
Fulfilling a Lifetime Dream of Living as a Woman in My Adult Years.
My Love of Cat's Eye Frames, Bangles, Red Lipstick, Nails, & Cheeks, Comes From My Mother - An Irish Beauty
I'm Always Rainbow Proud
I don't think I could have said it any better Nigella. Thank you!
Debby
I wasn't saying there was any hope I was merely pointing out the obvious.
This is interesting. My last marriage ended due partly because I'm a CD and I haven't married since. It was hard for me and hard on the other in the marriage or relationship. I'm single and in a relationship and happy and as long my CDing is not in her face this seems to work. But it is still kind of stressful.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Oh, I know - I didn't mean it that way either.
What I meant is that the deck is pretty stacked against the straight crossdresser.
I can't imagine the whole don't ask don't tell thing being very mentally healthy though, if you're starting a new relationship IMO it would be very selfish for someone to expect you to hide a core part of yourself because it makes them uncomfortable.
It is because of my wife that I came to realize how much I was transgendered. She accepted it, and encourages me to be my best true self.
Had I not met my wife, I probably would have continued my path of getting in and out of relationships about every two years, and never really understanding why.
So, sometimes we are much better off being in a relationship.
Hogwash. Sorry to be so blunt. But seriously, the problems TG people encounter aren't unique. Relationships fail for a wide range of reasons...if more time,, thought and consideration were invested, fewer would fail.
You're better off single until you find the right one. If they're not the right one for you, or if you're not able to be yourself, might as well stay single. I finally met my love and things couldn't be better.
Keep in mind that my view of "able to be yourself" may be a bit biased towards my transexual issues which may be a little different than cross dressing, which seems to be an easier secret to keep :P
[SIZE="2"]I certainly enjoy being single, and crossdressing is very easy under the circumstances. Oh, I tried to get hitched, get normal, and get serious, but it just didn’t work out. I now live with my sister, and we share the same opinions and same attitudes about being single – she has also been “run over” by failed relationships, just like her little brother, so we get along well. We are something like a married couple, in fact people often mistake us for that – out here in monogamous land, you MUST be married, or something is wrong with you, correct?
That is correct, or incorrect, depending where you’re coming from, or where you’re going in life. I’ve been out there doing my heterosexual best to secure a mate, but it didn’t pan out. No matter, they say – there’s still plenty of time left, so don’t give up hope! I laugh when I hear such shallow platitudes, because my idea of “hope” does not involve being shackled to a ball and chain during what little time I may have left. My sister nicely fulfills the role of best friend, confidant, like-minded individualist, and unintended audience for my never-ending (supposed) mirth and wit. What more do I need? I cook for her, and she cooks (on occasion) for me. We prop each other up, often laughing, together, at our own triumphs and failings. We love each other, and we’re happy…
In this atmosphere, I can crossdress, but I wouldn’t expect such latitude if I was married. I’ve been run over many times, so I learned to stay out of harm’s way – crossdressing can flourish in the right environment, under the right circumstances, as long as you’re SINGLE-minded…
My apologies to all married individuals, but “married individuals” is an oxymoron, isn’t it?[/SIZE]
I can agree with Freddy here.
In many ways, my story is similar to Frédérique's. I did my level best to find Ms. Right when I was in my 20s, but for a variety of different reasons, just never connected with the right person. I'm an only child and didn't have a sister to live with, but I stayed home and shared the household duties with my mother for many years. Nobody would ever have confused us for a married couple, though. Since Mom passed about 6-1/2 years ago, I have been living in the house alone (and truth be told, have not yet entirely faced up to cleaning out all her stuff and re-making the place as my own -- that takes time, money and motivation that I just have never had at the same time). I have never been married and have no children, and since my mom was also an only child, my closest relative is a cousin from my dad's side almost 2000 miles away.
Except for work, I have the freedom to dress as much or as little as I'd like, and nobody to give me any guilt about it. This part is fun and often satisfying. Having to take care of the place all on my own, and not knowing what might happen if I have a medical emergency or something when I'm by myself, is not always so great. Having the companionship of another when life is weighing on me and I need someone to talk to, or share my joys with, is something I have rarely experienced but miss deeply.
Taken as a whole, I'd say my satisfaction with life is about on a par with the rest of you, married or single. I can indulge myself in some ways that those with deep family ties probably cannot, but I have also missed out on a great deal, and probably lack an understanding of some aspects of life the rest of you have experienced. There is good and bad in every situation and choice.
- Diane
That is a very plausible reality and could happen to me. I hope I'll be lucky and be able to freely crossdress when I'm married
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