• Are therre cross dressers out there who had a loving & nurturing dad?

[Brenda Scott]

• Are there any cross dressers out there who had a nurturing wonderful relationship with their fathers or other male role models? I hear a lot of arguments on the forums about cross dressing must be innate. That there is a gene that makes some of us cross dressers like there is a gene that makes some of us homosexual. If you have no memory of wanting to be nothing other than a girl since you were born is the proof that you have the gene. I don’t know if I have this gene or if it really exits, but I do know that I didn’t have a strong father role model in my home when I needed it to imprint on being a male. From when I was born my dad was gone most of time and drank too much alcohol. My dad could be a nasty drunk with a hair trigger temper. When he was present at home I was scared of him and he would take pleasure in constantly ridiculing me. Every thought and idea I had was wrong or stupid and I would get beat up for opening my mouth. And this was at a time when I needed him to be a strong father role model for me to imprint on. What I did have instead were three women who were home most of the time that didn’t blow up most of the time. I would see them every day doing daily chores like cleaning up or making dinner. They would socialize at home and I was privy to their conversations which included their hopes and aspirations of being female. So I bonded to them. They acted as my surrogate male role model in absence of my dad. They weren’t perfect but they were there for me every day. This is where I think my cross dressing feelings could have come from. I think that my dad ignored me the same before my conscious memories. That he always wasn’t a great father and that he was never there for me and from the time I was a baby females took care of me and were there for me when I needed it. So I can see this as a reason why, from my earliest memories, I have had fem tendencies. Because from when I was a baby it was safer to be with women and I wanted to be like them and feel like I belonged. I already decided my dad was not there for me before my earliest conscious memories. So I can’t say for sure that just because my earliest memories are belonging as female that therefore I have a special gene. All I am saying is a lot could have happened before those first early memories that determined my feeling sexually good dressing up as female.

[carhill2mn]

I always had a great relationship with my dad. I grew up on a farm and worked alongside my dad. He was as good a father as one could have.

[annomusE]

Personally my father and I have a very good relationship. Nothing really sets us off into an argument and we both are wanting to hear each others opinions. There are a few problems but every relationship is bound to have some.

[Diane Smith]

My dad was a distant, self-centered, type-A workaholic who wasn't home all that much, and spent most of his time and money focused on his own job, friends and personal projects, which didn't involve me or my mom very much. He had a hair-trigger temper but, when he got mad, he would usually just storm out of the house for awhile. Thankfully, he was never violent, and didn't abuse alcohol or other drugs. But he wasn't much of a role model.

My grandfather -- technically, my mother's step-father -- was the strong, kind, nurturing, supportive and generous male figure that I wanted to emulate. I can't think of a single negative thing I could say about him, and I spent as much time as possible with him and adored him unconditionally. But the thing that gave him his strength and wisdom was that he had, in many ways, "feminine" personality traits -- he could be emotional and gentle and tear up at a sad movie, and never showed a hint of aggression or dominance, even though he was fairly successful in business. I'm pretty sure he never crossdressed, but in many ways he would have fit right in as a female. Alas, he died when I was 14.

I like to think I take more after my grandfather, but with high heels.

- Diane

[YorkshireRose]

I had a great relationship with my dad. My parents are very old fashioned though, so I'm not sure how they would take to me being a CD. It is an interesting point you raise though and I wouldn't be surprised if there were others who attribute there CDing down to lack of a good male role model.

[Jonianne]

For me, I believe my identity with my mother and grandmother comes primarly from my personality. I chose to identify with them at age 6/8 when I made firm decisions that I was not going to be like the men I knew or grow up to be a "man". However, my father was actually more of a nurturing person than my wonderful mother was. Dad was an alcholic, yes, but when it began to affect the family, he stopped, cold turkey. He stopped smoking as well. That was in the 60's. He also was the one who held me on his knee and read stories to me and my sister all the time, before and after he stopped drinking. He could be a hard case at times, but nowhere near the fathers of the other kids I grew up with. He and my grandfather were well respected by everyone who knew them and I respected them as well. It was my personality that caused me to not want to be a man, not because of anything they did. I just had no desire to model myself after any adult males in my life. Their lifestyle, though nothing wrong with what they were doing for the most part, had no apeal to me. What did apeal to me was the female nature of my mother and grandmother, being the strong women they were. If I had had a different personality, like the other male kids around me, I'm sure I would have loved to have modeled my life completly after the highly respected, genuine mountain men they were.

So all in all, I think my identity with females is far more nature than nurture.

[Alice Torn]

Brenda, Your timing of this thread could not be better! I just saw my father and sister, and had a n angry moment with him. He thinks i have been a lazy, good for nothing, negative, poor excuse for a son, and always resented having sons! He still puts a guilt trip on on me (58), about him having to go to WW2, work long hours in factories, and always blame mne for being there to have to support. He would get drunk, and fight and beat my mom, and I would always try to get between them. Him and my mom had nothing in common, could not stand each other, but insanely stayed together, making life continual strife, and war. She is 91 in a nursing home with late Alz, and he and my sister come and act like he loves her so much! On the way in there once, he said, " I married the wrong woman." He is the most miserable, tyrannical, insecure, vain man I have ever known! I quit my business in Tacoma Wa, had to move all the way to Illinois, to help him on his 3 acres. I have worked my back, and neck, and fingers ore, working on it, and helping him, yet he constantly compares me with a man down the road, telling me what a super hard worker he is, implying that i am not. I painted all his buildings and barn, mow, and weed wack, prunes trees, and more. NOTHING is ever enough for the tyrant, who is always full of self pity, telling how bad he has had it, and that he's had it worse than me. I had to move 47 times, had to live with bad people, no house, no land, no retirement, never had a homecooked meal from a mate. Poor little him, poor little him! He, and my brothers ridiculed me all my life! I do not like being a male, much at all. My heart is more female. There have been some male role models, that i tried to be like, but, my toxic family has damaged me for life, and I wonder if the tyrant father, at 91, will live to 95 or 100. I pray he dies, and is out of his misery, and that he is dead and cannot cause more shaming , guilt and pity. He also thinks Hitler and Japan, were more in the right, than we were in the war! Tyrants admire tyrants! He says he is going to give me some money from a bank account he has, but, it comes with a huge guilt trip, and put downs, and most of all resentment toward me, for not being successful in life. I gave up my small business, in Wash., and came back to be a hostage again. He, and my family, have truly SOUL MURDERED me. Yes, Brenda, I think the horrendous negative male role models i had, coming into this cruel world, strongly caused me to go towards crossdressing, seeking my fem side.

[Alice Torn]

[SIZE="3"]Brenda, The painful thing here, is that I left the area for 28 yrs, was forced to come right in the devil's place, and the exact same abuse has picked right back up, after 28 years! I have though strongly about suicide.[/SIZE]

[Lorenqt]

I had a great relationship with my dad.

[cdsara]

I had a great relationship with my dad. he ran a small business from home after he got hurt and watched me and was around all the time. He was not into sports or rough housing like the other dads but softer and gentler and told me he loved me all the time. He always backed me up and supported what ever I wanted to do but taught me right from wrong. Yet I still wished I had been born a female. However both my parents are very old fashined and you follow the straight and narrow. They were also very prejudice and judgemental of others. I could never tell them my secret.

[sierra_g]

My father and mother split when I was two, and although the courts awarded him custody, he gave that up to my mom. They stayed friends for many years, although didn't hang out with each other, and he moved around a bit with his new families (married, divorced, married, divorced, etc) and eventually ended up back in my home town, my sis and I lived about 2 hours away.

My ex step-dad, who my mom started dating shortly after my dad left, was a wonderful dad. He practically raised me. He and my mom were fun alcoholics, but he would come home, make us dinner, and then go meet my mom. My mom was a much heavier alcoholic.

My now step-dad is kind of a jack ass. He got my mom to cheat on my ex step dad, and then started trying to buddy up to me (I was 13). I never liked him, never will. At least he is there for my mom. All I can really ask.

My dad and I still have a great relationship and I lived with him and his wife and new family while I went to college.
I keep trying to get in touch with my ex step dad.

So, I guess all in all, great relationships.

As far as the gene thing goes, I don't really know if I believe it is a gene, I am more in favor of the chromosomal push theory. We are all girls at first, until the chromosomal push, and for most males, the push is good and strong, but for some, it is a weaker push. We are left with some feminine feelings, thoughts, and actions. I don't know for sure, and could definitely be wrong.

I have had fem thoughts feelings and actions since before I could remember and my first desires were in elementary school, though I didn't act upon them until high school. ♥

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I have had and still have a great relationship with my dad. Even after coming out of the closet to him last year, he accepted me without a second thought.

[girltoy]

I have an awesome relationship with my father. I'm not out to my family, but I have a feeling my dad would be more accepting than my mother (my dad's side ofthe family being far more open minded than my mom's side ... and she tends to be a bit more uptight than my dad).

[Alice Torn]

I am very surprised, how many of you have had, or still have healthy fathers! I would have thought three fourths would not have!

[Jonianne]

Louise, that's not to say that my dad approves of my transitioning.

......However both my parents are very old fashined and you follow the straight and narrow.....

He is not happy about it at all, but that doesn't take away from his being the best parent that he could be, at the time when I was a child. I'm so sorry for what you are going through, though. It has got to be horrible.

[candicd]

At his funeral in December 2011, I said my dad was the stereotypical 80's dad. He provided for the family. My parents divorced my Sophmore year. Before that, dad was an alcoholic to me, but never abusive and would help me fix stuff when needed. He just did what had to be done. THo I did pull him out of the bars more than once (and learned to play pool there).
After getting married and having a daughter, his 3rd wife got us all back together. I let the past be the past. We had a decent relationship. He lived with us the last two years battling cancer and other stuff.
I have always had a stronger relationship with mom, but I know I could not come out to either of them.

[April_Ligeia]

Wow I'm outnumbered here so happy to see how many people here had and have a good relationship with their fathers. Very awesome.

[nvlady]

I had very loving parents who stayed together for sixty-eight years until one of them passed away. They stayed together because all they wanted out of life was to be together.

[Alice Torn]

This is a shocker to me! I never thought the vast majority would have good fathers! I sure cannot relate much. He was a provider, but, not a dad or father. It was all about him, and his interests. We, the sons, became slaves.

[RADER]

My Father was a great guy; He thought me the Carpenter trade, Thought me how to build and sail a sail boat,
In short he was a good dad. Always provided for the family, god fearing, and adored my mother, his wife.
He died to early at 67 years of age, Only about 2 years into his retirement.
Rader

[Marleena]

Nope Brenda, never had that! My dad left after a messy divorce when I was around 5 or 6. I didn't have any contact with him. He moved out west and started a new family as if the kids (me & my sister) from his first marriage never existed.

[nancigirl]

Yes, i had a wonderful Dad, very nurturing and loving (yet also very macho). If i had been able to be his daughter, everything would have been perfect.
I miss him so much now, and also my wonderful Mom.

Nancy

[Miriam-J]

My father and I were very close, talked a lot, and spent many, many hours working together on the farm and in his business. Mom was and is great as well.

Miriam

[suchacutie]

I not only was close to my father growing up, but we worked together in the family business and played together in the same civic symphony! We no longer live near each other but our relationship is still strong.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Brenda, I had one of the greatest dads anybody could have there wasn't
anything that he couldn't do I learned so much from him.

Funny thing the older I got the smartet he got .