Ask-a-gg

[ReineD]

During 2010 and 2011 we had a thread series that involved the CDers asking the GGs a number of questions that weren't directly related to relationship issues (which would normally have been posted directly by the CDers in the Loved Ones section) about a variety of topics: makeup, clothing, the different aspects of being a GG, what GGs think of the CDing, if GGs ever have CDing fantasies themselves, questions about specific GG experiences, in short over 75 questions in all.

Here's the thread that is now closed, with links to every question that was asked of the GGs:
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...G-s&highlight=

There has been some interest in reviving a question/answer thread. The mods got together and decided to create a sticky in the main M2F CD section where this time the GGs can answer directly. It's less complicated that way. We're keeping this thread as a sticky because the majority of our FABs do not pore over each and every thread in all of the M2F areas on a daily basis and so it will be easier for them to find the individual questions. And we're keeping it in the M2F since this seems as good a place as any, given the wide variety of subject matters.

So, have at it folks, I'll post an announcement in FAB asking the GGs to check this thread periodically in order to answer your questions.

Note to the CDers: this is a question/answer thread only. You may ask any question you wish within the forum rules, but please do not comment on individual answers so as to not cloud up the thread with potential "discussions". If you must respond to a particular GG about what she has said, please do so via PM. If any of the questions/answers strike you as being "discussion worthy", please start a separate thread for this in the M2F section with a link to the specific question or answer as a reference point, if necessary.

Enjoy!

[BRANDYJ]

I think this is a fantastic idea! Thank you Mods! I miss reading the questions and the answers from out GG members in the old format. Frankly, I enjoy reading anything from a GG then from other CD's. Hey, don't hate me for it, but I get so bored with some of the what are you wearing type threads. To get into the minds of our beloved GG members is educational and very interesting.

So now, feeling honored to ask the first question: I wonder if most of the GG's feel they get as much help and support from us CD's as they do from their own FAB section?
And am I right to assume that most GG's prefer the LOVED ONES section to other Forum categories ? ( as I do)

[crossdressersfriend GG]

I think this is a fantastic idea! Thank you Mods! I miss reading the questions and the answers from out GG members in the old format. Frankly, I enjoy reading anything from a GG then from other CD's. Hey, don't hate me for it, but I get so bored with some of the what are you wearing type threads. To get into the minds of our beloved GG members is educational and very interesting.

So now, feeling honored to ask the first question: I wonder if most of the GG's feel they get as much help and support from us CD's as they do from their own FAB section?
And am I right to assume that most GG's prefer the LOVED ONES section to other Forum categories ? ( as I do)

I actually like the MTF board the best, I come here to understand the CDing mind and who better to ask than the people who do it daily! I have learned SO much and everyone has been very supportive. I also check out the beauty club and the photo board, what GG doesn't like make up and clothes!

[LaurenB]

Here's a question then. I am a CD and TG. I feel a strong female presence in myself. But I'm not TS or thinking SRS or radical changes. My wife is on board and she has been just great through this slow emergence. I've now let my female side out (not really cding but, well, just being me - a woman in my world) to other women. I have interests that are more typically female (ie Gardening - I love gardening). So I am expanding those interests and consequently am now among groups of women (there is like 20% men). I feel very at-home in groups of girls. No pressure, not much competition - good conversations - we talk family, kids, food, life etc. It's so good. I don't want my wife to feel insecure in any way but I value these relationships with other women. I'm committed to my wife totally. Totally. But she and I have different interests outside each other. So: would you feel insecure or jealous or whatever if it were you? I do talk to her about it. Only she knows me in a complete vulnerable way and I couldn't imagine that with anyone else. Thoughts?

[Mimi]

Here's a question then. I am a CD and TG. I feel a strong female presence in myself. But I'm not TS or thinking SRS or radical changes. My wife is on board and she has been just great through this slow emergence. I've now let my female side out (not really cding but, well, just being me - a woman in my world) to other women. I have interests that are more typically female (ie Gardening - I love gardening). So I am expanding those interests and consequently am now among groups of women (there is like 20% men). I feel very at-home in groups of girls. No pressure, not much competition - good conversations - we talk family, kids, food, life etc. It's so good. I don't want my wife to feel insecure in any way but I value these relationships with other women. I'm committed to my wife totally. Totally. But she and I have different interests outside each other. So: would you feel insecure or jealous or whatever if it were you? I do talk to her about it. Only she knows me in a complete vulnerable way and I couldn't imagine that with anyone else. Thoughts?

It wouldn't bother me to have my spouse involved in different activities from me if we didn't share the same interests. There is nothing worse than a resentful spouse at an activity that bores them when they are attending the activity because it is expected that they have to do everything together. At the same time, it is important for the couple to also find things that they do enjoy doing together, so there is a balance--her activities she does without you, your activities you do without her, and the shared activities you both enjoy. It is also important that you both feel free to discuss what you did at your separate activities so there is no feeling of secrecy, or that one of you is hiding something from the other.

I think this is a fantastic idea! Thank you Mods! I miss reading the questions and the answers from out GG members in the old format. Frankly, I enjoy reading anything from a GG then from other CD's. Hey, don't hate me for it, but I get so bored with some of the what are you wearing type threads. To get into the minds of our beloved GG members is educational and very interesting.

So now, feeling honored to ask the first question: I wonder if most of the GG's feel they get as much help and support from us CD's as they do from their own FAB section?
And am I right to assume that most GG's prefer the LOVED ONES section to other Forum categories ? ( as I do)

I prefer the Loved Ones forum to the other sections because I feel that I can relate to more of the posts. Much of what is discussed in the MtF forums doesn't apply to me. That's fine--I'm not bothered by it, I just don't read many of the posts. As for support--I do get more support from FAB because that's the purpose of FAB--a place where we can vent or ask questions or be there for each other without fear of offending or upsetting the other members of this site.

[CloserthanthisGG]

I don't want my wife to feel insecure in any way but I value these relationships with other women. I'm committed to my wife totally. Totally. But she and I have different interests outside each other. So: would you feel insecure or jealous or whatever if it were you? I do talk to her about it. Only she knows me in a complete vulnerable way and I couldn't imagine that with anyone else. Thoughts?

The only reason I would feel jealous is if I was ever made to feel in any way unwelcome or uninvited to any events or 'spending time' with groups that involved other women. It's only the "unwelcome" feeling that would bother me. I have never understood 'boys night out' or 'girls night out' type things because I feel that there is nothing in the world that I would want to do where my SO should not be welcomed. and vice versa. He may not want to go to bellydancing class with me in particular, but he is absolutely welcome to go. I may not want to go to some particular movie with him and his friends or to some particular bar, but if I was told I could not go to a club with him, or didn't feel welcome by his friends, I would be suspicious. I wouldn't need to actually be invited in order to feel secure and welcomed, it's more like, if anything was said by him or anyone else that made it seem like they didn't want me around, then it would bother me deeply. If my SO was really into football, I would never go to any football events, for sure. Or Superbowl parties and the like. I hate football. Luckily he does too. But like, if I felt like... unwelcome... I would wonder what was going on to make them not want me there. In my experience, 'boys night out' is an excuse to 'escape' the SO and act single, and even pick up one night stands. I've had enough married men try to pick me up on their little boy's night out that I feel justified in feeling this way. I have had enough men confide in me that they have done the same to others, that I feel justified in feeling this way. If people feel the need to feel single then they probably shouldn't be in a relationship. But that doesn't mean you don't have different interests and still love each other though, not at all. Time apart with different hobbies can strengthen a relationship I think. Just as long as you are always welcomed, and she is also, then if she chooses not to attend because she is not interested, that's absolutely not a big deal. I hope that makes sense in some weird way. The only times I have ever been jealous or insecure in my life have been because of unwelcome feelings from previous SO's or the people they were hanging around...

Except a warning. You say "Only she knows me in a complete vulnerable way and I couldn't imagine that with anyone else." The warning is this. I've thought similar things many times before. And then I learned that I was wrong. I started imagining. And then it happened. So I keep myself closed off from that kind of opportunity and sometimes, it can be really hard... The world is full of magical, amazing, wonderful, attractive, and willing people who have many common interests with you. In my entire life before now, I know that what I wanted was connections with all of those people, and it inevitably led to sex. I didn't want a marriage, I wanted to hang out with men that I had lots in common with, share wonderful intense bonds, and then part ways with lots of memories and learning. Now I want a marriage. And a marriage to me, means that my husband is always welcome, no matter what I am doing. I am always welcome, no matter what he is doing. But we do not always have to be together. I should know all of my husbands female friends, and I should know their history. And vice versa. And I should be allowed to speak openly about what I feel the other women's motives are, and I should be believed by my husband if I say that they are not just gardening. Call it a woman's intuition. It's not insecurity, it's intuition. And if I tell my husband that a certain woman that I think that another woman's motives in particular are not just those surface ones that you think you share, and my husband does not believe me, then I am right to also question his motives.

This coming from a woman who has abandonment issues. So take it with that grain of salt.

[CloserthanthisGG]

I wonder if most of the GG's feel they get as much help and support from us CD's as they do from their own FAB section?
And am I right to assume that most GG's prefer the LOVED ONES section to other Forum categories ? ( as I do)

I think actually that the only section I ever read is the M2F section. But I like looking at pictures too, although sometimes the pics make me jealous. It's a weird sort of jealousy though. I just realized today what was causing the jealousy. Before today, I thought it was because I was jealous of the way that every body looks, and I mean "body" literally... Like, for example, I am envious of a CDer's option to have different sized boobs every day if they want them. t I'm not jealous about hair anymore because we have so many wigs in the house and we share, so I get to change my hair a lot too. But boob size makes the difference in different outfits. Like to me it seems that a loose flowy bohemian top calls for big boobs, but a baby doll dress requires small ones. The best I can do is buy a minimizer bra and lose circulation in my my arms all day to the point of my fingers going numb by the end of the day and having a panic attack. I did that this week actually. But no, my jealousy of the pics is that I wish I had a nice friendly place to be sexy, post sexy pics, and not have 1) men hit on me or 2) women hate me and think of me as ****ty for posting them. I think that it is a wonderful thing to be able to express your sexuality here. And so those are my two favorites, M2F and the pictures.

[Sandra]

So now, feeling honored to ask the first question: I wonder if most of the GG's feel they get as much help and support from us CD's as they do from their own FAB section?
And am I right to assume that most GG's prefer the LOVED ONES section to other Forum categories ? ( as I do)

For me when I first joined and now I get more support from the FAB section. As for loved ones I don't read a lot in there unless something catches my eye, I do read the MtF a lot though as being a seasoned GG not much in that forum phases me.

Here's a question then. I am a CD and TG. I feel a strong female presence in myself. But I'm not TS or thinking SRS or radical changes. My wife is on board and she has been just great through this slow emergence. I've now let my female side out (not really cding but, well, just being me - a woman in my world) to other women. I have interests that are more typically female (ie Gardening - I love gardening). So I am expanding those interests and consequently am now among groups of women (there is like 20% men). I feel very at-home in groups of girls. No pressure, not much competition - good conversations - we talk family, kids, food, life etc. It's so good. I don't want my wife to feel insecure in any way but I value these relationships with other women. I'm committed to my wife totally. Totally. But she and I have different interests outside each other. So: would you feel insecure or jealous or whatever if it were you? I do talk to her about it. Only she knows me in a complete vulnerable way and I couldn't imagine that with anyone else. Thoughts?

I would be fine with it. I do agree with Mimi in that couples also need something that they enjoy doing together

[Di]

Posted by Brandy J

: I wonder if most of the GG's feel they get as much help and support from us CD's as they do from their own FAB section?
And am I right to assume that most GG's prefer the LOVED ONES section to other Forum categories ? ( as I do)

Just speaking for me . I feel in the loved ones and Fab we can interact more....listen to each others pov.
In times past.....in other sections...I felt like I was talking to a wall. ......when we GG's were trying to explain a different way of looking at things and having a talk between us all...we were ignored ( felt like anyways)....with the cders just saying you go girl ect to each other.
Disclaimer...not always but sometimes it happened...making you feel...why bother.

[QUOTE Posted by LaurenB
Here's a question then. I am a CD and TG. I feel a strong female presence in myself. But I'm not TS or thinking SRS or radical changes. My wife is on board and she has been just great through this slow emergence. I've now let my female side out (not really cding but, well, just being me - a woman in my world) to other women. I have interests that are more typically female (ie Gardening - I love gardening). So I am expanding those interests and consequently am now among groups of women (there is like 20% men). I feel very at-home in groups of girls. No pressure, not much competition - good conversations - we talk family, kids, food, life etc. It's so good. I don't want my wife to feel insecure in any way but I value these relationships with other women. I'm committed to my wife totally. Totally. But she and I have different interests outside each other. So: would you feel insecure or jealous or whatever if it were you? I do talk to her about it. Only she knows me in a complete vulnerable way and I couldn't imagine that with anyone else. Thoughts?]

[/QUOTE]
I would be fine with it because I get the why...you feel that way and I am not insecure whatsoever. But you know your wife best......if you think she might be a wee bit insecure...I would explain it just like you did to us.....and see what she feels about it.

[Roberta Lynn]

There have been many threads where some crossdressers state they are a different person when they are dressed.

How do you 'see' your SO? Is she a different person? Woman? girlfriend? Guy with a rather unusual hobby?

My wife and I have been together over 45 years. She's know about my crossdressing for almost that long. I posed that question to her. Which opened up a real great conversation between us. She basically said that when I'm dressed she still sees her husband, just in a dress. I love my feminine side but honestly, for me, She 'sees' me just fine.

What do you 'see'?

[crossdressersfriend GG]

There have been many threads where some crossdressers state they are a different person when they are dressed.

How do you 'see' your SO? Is she a different person? Woman? girlfriend? Guy with a rather unusual hobby?

My wife and I have been together over 45 years. She's know about my crossdressing for almost that long. I posed that question to her. Which opened up a real great conversation between us. She basically said that when I'm dressed she still sees her husband, just in a dress. I love my feminine side but honestly, for me, She 'sees' me just fine.

What do you 'see'?

I see my friend, but happier! He feels better and acts differently, it's great to see him get to let it out!

I think that's a good point though, you need to see past all of the glitter, makeup and heels and just see the person on the inside, man, woman and any combination of the 2.

[Sandra]

How do you 'see' your SO? Is she a different person? Woman? girlfriend? Guy with a rather unusual hobby?

I see my SO as the woman and person that she is.

[CloserthanthisGG]

How do you 'see' your SO? Is she a different person? Woman? girlfriend? Guy with a rather unusual hobby?

I just lost my original response to this and I have no idea what happened, the screen flashed and it was gone. *POOF*. I will try this again, but it may not come out as well as the first time because it was reeally hard to answer. The best questions usually are.

I knew when I first met my SO in like 1993 that he was special. And I knew that it had to do with gender. But I didn't know any more than that.

When my SO is feeling masculine, I know it. Sure, he's unshaven and has long nose hairs. That's easy for anyone to see. But if there was no such thing as facial hair, I'd still know. It's in his eyes. When he's feeling feminine, his eyes are softer, they're shaped differently, and I'm not talking about makeup. It's in his stance, and not because of the skirt. It's in the way his feet pat the floor instead of pound. Even if he's wearing the same shoes as he was the day before. I know. It's in his voice too, even though he doesn't change his voice ever. It's just softer, more intimate. Less edgy. His sense of humor is different too, but he'd never know it.

But that doesn't answer your question.

Hindu mythology has many examples of deities changing gender, manifesting as different genders at different times, and this idea has always completely fascinated me. The gods are the same, no matter if they are male or female, they represent the same thing, but to me, the idea that they are both masculine and feminine symbolized completeness to me. Subtract time from the equation of the god and what you have is a picture of the complete.

So without the paragraph above, if I had just answered that when I see my SO as a woman, I see him as complete, it would have given the wrong impression. It's not that he, as a person, is completed because he is wearing women's clothes. He is not made a complete person by this in my mind. What I see, is a symbol of the complete.

And I know that I am in love with a superb being.

[GG7irish]

There have been many threads where some crossdressers state they are a different person when they are dressed.

How do you 'see' your SO? Is she a different person? Woman? girlfriend? Guy with a rather unusual hobby?

My wife and I have been together over 45 years. She's know about my crossdressing for almost that long. I posed that question to her. Which opened up a real great conversation between us. She basically said that when I'm dressed she still sees her husband, just in a dress. I love my feminine side but honestly, for me, She 'sees' me just fine.

What do you 'see'?

I see my SO as happier version of himself in a dress if that makes sense.

[Rebecca Star]

WTG Mods and Admin.

*********

Question if I may?

All of my long term partners have all been cool with my CDing. One in particular when I was 24, she was 21, really got into not only buying me clothes but a similar situation to what CloserThanThisGG expressed. She also enjoyed the sex too, which, was always better when dressed - Lisa was a very openminded girl.

My SO now, while she's supportive and all that jazz, and yes we have done it with me en femme, it's not exactly her cuppa tea. Like many stockings, lingerie and heels flick my buttons. The actual act of intercourse, well that's not specially a deal breaker for me. I do however really enjoy the feel of my nylons legs etc...etc rubbing up against her's... I wont go into details, I think that's enough to draw a picture.

I'd never want her doing it with me for the sake of it. But this need to fill that void is become increasingly addictive. I don't know if there is something I haven't said or something I could say that maybe blocking this from happening. Maybe it's just not going to ever happen again.

However just asking the question as to how I could possibly proach the subject and in turn see if it's a possibilty or a definite 'no go zone', is something I think I need to do.

While I respect her views and feelings, I just feel unfulfilled

So I would appreciate any feedback from the GG's here to ways in which I could approach things for this issue?

[ReineD]

However just asking the question as to how I could possibly broach the subject and in turn see if it's a possibilty or a definite 'no go zone', is something I think I need to do.

While I respect her views and feelings, I just feel unfulfilled

So I would appreciate any feedback from the GG's here to ways in which I could approach things for this issue?

First, I want to say that earlier in your post, you mentioned a past girlfriend who was open minded. I just want to mention there is a difference in sexual attitudes between someone who is young and not in a committed relationship with a boyfriend (she sees the CDing as a fun "kink"), and someone in a long term relationship who understands more about it even if only at the subconscious level. This is why so many wives go for it in the beginning but then after some years get "turned off". They come to believe (through perhaps a lack of communication with their husbands ... added to the difficulty for any CDer to communicate how a cross-gender identity affects his sexuality), that their role as the women in their relationships is threatened. Not everyone feels this way, but it is common. Also, there are some women who do get turned off from having sex with someone who is feminine.

So ... I'm afraid your only recourse with your wife is to ask her what specifically turns her off about the idea of you wearing feminine apparel to bed. If any of her objections have to do with not liking her man to be feminine, there's not much else you can do other than to say you are not feminine, you do identify solidly as a male, and this to you is just a kink (if indeed you do feel this way. Don't lie if you don't). Still, if she is genuinely turned off by this there is not much you can do to change her own sexual preferences. Some women simply don't like to take on a man's role in bed (referring to the part of your post that was edited). This simply does not fit into their own definitions of themselves.

[Babeba]

Sexuality is definitely something different from gender, yet related... I for one am not too comfortable with the sort of role play that I think you were getting at that was edited out, but many people are. I think you have to remember that there is a reason your ex, Lisa, is an ex... And that there is also a reason you are with your current SO. A relationship isn't all about sex. Pressuring your partner to do things she is clearly not into isn't respect.

As for filling the void, what 'need' exactly is it that is not being filled? Is it purely physical, or is there a mental component? Is there a way other than with sex that you can fulfill that mental need?

[docrobbysherry]

If so, why? If not, why not?

I've heard it said MANY TIMES; "Women dress for women", even if they're straight! Is THAT tru?

So many CD/TS posts here refer to blending. Personally, I prefer a trip to the dentist over going out and trying to blend!

But, maybe understanding "blending" from a woman's point of view would change my perception?

[Stitch]

I pretty much dress how I want to dress. I don't think I blend at all, one of my most prized possessions is long fitted coat I customised. I dyed a cream coat really vivid pink and appliquéd wings on the back and made my own buttons. I didn't do it to stand out, I just really love vivid colours so I though, hey I'll just roll with this.

I don't really follow the same fashion treads of most women where I live, and I don't really care if they don't like the way I dress. I customise a lot of my clothes, make most of my own jewellery and hairclips. If I get complimented that's cool, if not... eh. What's important is it makes me feel good about myself.

Blending is subjective though, put me in a coastal town and I stand out a great deal. Put me in a town or city near Universities and colleges and blink and you'll miss me.

[ReineD]

I dress for the occasion. I would feel terribly under-dressed wearing baggy jeans and a sweatshirt at a restaurant where jackets for men are required. And I would feel awkwardly over-dressed if I wore a cocktail dress to a blues nightclub for example, where I knew most people would be wearing (dressier) jeans and fashionable tops.

If I went to a cocktail party I would feel awkward wearing an ordinary business suit and low heels. But, I would not wear a body fitting cocktail suit with plunging neckline and tight skirt for business appointments. I don't like to wear short shorts, a Tshirt, and sneakers if I am downtown in a major city doing some shopping, just as I would not wear glittery club wear with stiletto heels at the beach.

[Billiebluenose1878 GG]

Nahhh ..i dress to impress me ...never to blend in ... i am me and as we say over here ...i rather be an individual and not a sheep and copy others .... xxxxx

[Flent]

I don't wear clothes that blend in... probably the key point is that I'm aware of this. I know I might get some weird looks and am comfortable with that. My clothes aren't terribly outlandish, but I'm used to getting a few second glances and the occasional comment.

But I know full well what I'm expected to wear and it's a conscious decision whether or not I go along with that. For me it's an almost instinctive knowledge based on a lifetime's experience with these expectations, which crossdressers may not have. It's important to know what's expected of you even if you choose to challenge it. Some crossdressers seem to have an attitude of, "I'll wear stripper heels to Walmart if I want to, and if you don't like it you can kiss my leather mini-skirted butt." More power to them! But others seem to have unfortunate misconceptions about what constitutes daywear, and sometimes I feel a little embarrassed for them. Two people can wear the same thing, and one carry it off while the other doesn't; attitude has everything to do with it.

[2B Natasha]

For the GG only to answer.

My SO thinks that we, as Crossdressers et al. Should, like nature did to you. NOT get to choose our breast size. She likes to say to me.

" Nature gave every GG what it gave us. Be it big or small or droopy or perky. We had to learn to work with it and live with it. It's not fair you get to decide how big they are and they never sag. "

She feels that we should just send away to the Breast store with our vital stats. and whatever comes in the mail is what we get. No returns or exchanges.

What do you GG think. Should we just send away and get what we get. If we really want the " Real " woman experience wouldn't that be the ticket.

( Yes we know breast augmentation is available but let's leave that alone for now. How bout. )

Cheers!

[Wildaboutheels]

Do any of you ladies engage in any activities that your SO is not a part of? Like maybe bridge with the office gals once a week or you bowl in a league or watching comedy and your SO hates comedy? Go to "chic flicks" with your gal friends etc.?

[Delila]

I am at a progressively growing stage with my wife. This stage has gone on for several years which I am absolutely ok with. My Wife is aware of my posting here and has recently expressed concern that I may find someone here that is perhaps more accepting than she is to my needs. I have tried to convince her that I love her completely and my conversations on here are largely for my mental health more than anything. She has expressed interest in visiting this forum and learning from the rest of the GGs about how they have learned to accept their SOs and how they handle it. My question is do any of you have any advice about how to make her understand that not only are her posts in the GG only forum safe from me reading them but that she will find information here that might make her more comfortable with the whole situation? She has a degree in psychology so she is pretty well informed she knows that what I am will not go away but I think she has a hard time dealing with it sometimes. I really feel that she could use the support offered here but she just needs that little push to get there. Any info is welcome thank you.