I agree with you in principle, but just don't like the word enough to use it much. I'd probably use female instead, in most cases.
I agree with you in principle, but just don't like the word enough to use it much. I'd probably use female instead, in most cases.
I am also a GG who thinks the word 'feminine' is way over-used here. I don't know if this is because men have such limited emotional freedom so anything non-boorish is assumed to be female, which is clearly silly as we women can feel as boorish as the next guy and it doesn't make us male. What I do think is many here are just trying to experience the full spectrum of human emotions and for whatever reason, social restriction or brain wiring or whatever, these same emotions can only be felt if they're compartmentalised into gender. A man needn't feel bad about crying over a movie if his separate femme side did the crying for him. He couldn't possibly dance or giggle in a suit, but throw on a skirt and wig and suddenly he's free to twirl around the living room. It's almost like some psychological masculine preservation tactic. Now there's a mouthful, lol.
In fact, I often wonder if men were able to just feel and behave however they liked, whether there'd be much need for crossdressing? Feminism gave women the freedom to be who we want to be...what's the equivalent movement for men??
I guess I should ask the crossdressers this question, lol.
Last edited by Di; 06-17-2014 at 09:33 AM. Reason: had to remove the post you were refering to/sorry
The movement for men is also feminism: since feminists argue that everyone gets to express whatever traits they want, regardless of assigned gender roles, and try to reassure men that it's not humiliating to do things that our society associates with women.
I think this may be true for many CDers here.Originally Posted by Tinkerbell-GG
But another consideration (I believe) is what some members mean by "feeling feminine". We have a lot of members here who describe feeling some sort of high or euphoric feeling when they dress similarly to women, and this is what I believe they think "feminine" feels like. The truth is that as feminine beings, we don't feel anywhere close to how they feel, since we are not men who feel a thrill for getting dressed. The CDer who started this whole discussion in post #416, Ciara09, describes it as being "turned on". I'm reluctant to say this is necessarily a fetish feeling, since people tend to think that "fetish" means having a sexual outcome and I have no clue whether the members who experience this high or are turned on, necessarily end up with sexual gratification each time. I personally have a broader definition for fetish than just doing something for sexual gratification.
Anyway, all this to say that I think at least some CDers mistake feeling some sort of heightened feeling for feeling feminine. They are both different things in my opinion.
It's taking a long time to answer Ciara's question, but this is a complex thing to describe.
Reine
I agree. I see fetish as identity and sexuality and a part of a person's overall makeup. It's not just the sex act itself. Too many here forget how deep fetish (paraphilia?) can run. So when someone feels excited wearing a dress and says they're feeling feminine, they're definitely confusing the two. Women don't feel excited with being female and this includes all the 'trappings' that come with our assigned gender role. And no, even if we'd spent our lives on a deserted island with nothing but a fig leaf, it's doubtful we would feel the level of euphoria felt by many here when placed in a dress. Clothing just doesn't seem to affect the vast majority of women like it can men. Though, maybe we should put a girl on a deserted island and test this theory, lol.
As a GG, to me feminine means 'all things female'. For a crossdresser, I suspect it means 'feeling funny inside'. We are definitely not on the same page, are we?
Last edited by Tinkerbell-GG; 06-17-2014 at 06:04 PM.
Hi ladies.
I was wondering what you would say as advice to women that are struggling with having a crossdressing boyfriend?
I would tell them it is NOT a choice but part of someone......so the best thing to do would see how this reality can fit in your life.
From DADT ( but giving your partner the space to dress) from joining in and everything in between.....be honest with each other and go at your own pace.
In the begining it can sometimes feels like a big deal....but you can have a normal,happy life....just be honest and respectfull of each other and find what works for you both.
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How many of you ever remember [as wittle kids] trying on/wearing for any length of time ANY your father's or brother's clothes? If you did, do you remember it being "thrilling" in any way?
For the sake of simplicity, we will eliminate socks and gloves.
Maybe hats too?
Neckties?
Men's hats have always been fun to pose in, starting with my grandfather's hats when I was little.
Also, wearing a guy's jacket feels like being hugged by the guy.
Nothing else comes to mind, until my husband got me to cross-dress for a party, with men's jeans & boots, binding my chest, and "packing." It was fun for a night, but I haven't been interested in doing it again.
Way back being a child I played house, sometimes was a kid sometimes the mom and once in a while I was the dad....wearing clothes to play whatever part. ( we took turns)
None of it was thrilling.
A few years back Sherlyn and I was in a few shows to help out a drag Queen friend of ours ( we posted vids here of it)
Once a Sonny and Cher song....(I was Sonny and Sher was Cher)
another time a Lee Greenwood and Nancy Sinatra song and I dressed up as a cowboy and Sherlyn was Nancy Sinatra.
It was just for fun....and I did not feel anything really but thought ewww I am not cute as a guy lol lol
But never thrilling.
Last edited by Di; 06-25-2014 at 08:33 AM.
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Wild, nope, never felt a thrill the couple of times I wore my fathers jacket and shoes when very young. I don't even remember it being a moment. I do remember them being huge though, lol.
I never had a desire to wear my father's things in fact I don't remember wearing my mothers things either. I don't remember having a "thrilling" feeling wearing anything ever. I have thought I looked really good in a particular outfit but thrilling? I don't think my mind works that way. That might be something others cross dressers can relate to.
You didn't get a thrill in your prom dress or wedding dress? The thrill doesn't have to be sexual does it?
Last edited by Di; 06-26-2014 at 07:35 AM. Reason: sending pm
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I'm being honest.......thrilling? No. I have been excited to go out in a new outfit because I look good but I get a thrill from talking to and interacting with people not clothes.
My prom dress and wedding dress were nice but again the thrill came from being with my date and my husband at my wedding. The thrill did NOT come from clothes it was who I was with and what I was doing like dancing etc. I think only cross dressers can relate to getting a thrill out of clothes. Not ever once did I ever get a sexual feeling from clothes either. Again it is thrilling the reaction I get from my partner when wearing sexy clothes. I like my bra's and underwear to match but it doesn't give me a thrill when they do nor do I feel disappointed when they don't match and sometimes I feel very sexy in ghetto underwear. Really I think getting thrills from clothes is a cross dresser thing.
Last edited by kittypw GG; 06-25-2014 at 04:00 PM.
Yeah, I was excited while buying my prom dress and wedding dress, but during prom my attention was on my friends (and figuring out our post-prom party plans); at my wedding I was so sick of the dress and its weight when I had to keep standing and smiling for hours.
To Brittany CD: what Di said in #435, plus try to have an open mind and be willing to expand personal definitions of what is masculine and feminine.
As to feeling a thrill whether wearing my father's or brother's things, or wearing a beautifully special women's outfit (prom, wedding, cocktail dress, etc), nope it never happened for me. It didn't dawn on me to put on specifically my father's or brother's things, except perhaps a larger old discarded shirt to put over my clothes when painting, like a smock. I did have an outfit in the eighties with a shirt and tie, but it was decidedly feminine. The shirt was very form fitting - it revealed my curves, and the tie was a cute bright red silk number, that matched other red accessories I was wearing. I wore the whole thing with pale, very tight blue jeans.
As to feeling good about a prom or cocktail dress, I do like the way that some clothes look on me and I know that in our society women (and men) who have good figures and who dress well catch other people's eye since they stand out from the hordes of casually dressed people. And I do enjoy presenting an attractive image. But I can honestly say that I've never felt any thrill about looking my best. In my younger years I knew that certain outfits attracted men's glances (short skirt, plunging necklines, high heels, etc) and I did feel fulfilled as a woman knowing that I was attractive to the opposite sex. I take it this feeling is rather basic to our natures since after all we are fundamentally here to propagate our species. But if I had been in an exclusively all-female environment dressed this way I would not have felt the same degree of fulfillment, since I would know that other women would not look at me with the same appreciative eyes as men, except perhaps lesbians whom I had no interest in attracting. So this proves to me that what I wear has no effect on my well-being if I am alone no matter what it is, but knowing how others perceive me does have an affect.
Last edited by ReineD; 07-08-2014 at 11:37 AM.
Reine
Well it would depend on who the women and the crossdressing boyfriend were. If the boyfriend was someone I didn't like and felt was bad for this person I would probably say something along the lines, “Crossdressing is the least of your problems with this guy.” If they were a couple I thought should be together I would probably say something along the lines of, “Ok here is what ya do. You buy him a maids outfit... No no hear me out on this... you buy him a maids outfit and tell him you want him to clean the house in this and only this. Win Win.”
As a kid I never tried on my fathers clothes (he had terrible taste in clothing). I also never tried on my mothers clothes if I could help it. (She also had terrible taste in clothing and wanted to hand me down some of her old things) The only type of “Thrill” I ever got in men's clothing was when I bought myself some men's pajamas (for warmth and comfort) and realized I looked really cute in them.
I never had a prom dress or wedding dress. I did try out for home coming queen, (I wanted to put up posters saying, 'Make me your Queen and I will rule with an Iron fist'. But never got the chance. ) The closest thing I could say to that is a flower girls dress I wore to a wedding when I was six. I thought I was the prettiest thing ever and got so excited I keep trying to do cartwheels and back flips in it. After I kept trying to flash the boys in it I was not aloud to wear dresses anymore.
I remember wearing my brothers lettermans jacket out , I just hoped people thought I was cool
My wedding dress I wore twice , once to get married and once for halloween... I can't imagine a heavy gown being thrilling..I can't think of anything more uncomfortable... but to each his/her own.
Question for the GGs. Whats really going through your mind when you see your SO dressed? Horror, indifference or just another day with my weird husband? Just curious what the mental state is, so i know how to approach the wife. I realize everyone is different but your input is greatly appreciated
My mind jumps around between feeling awkward and feeling smug (for being a cooler wife than most). Also, my brain is torn about whether to make suggestions -- I don't want to be the gender police. I calm that part of my brain by just answering my husband's direct questions, rather than volunteering any suggestions about his presentation. Generally, I wouldn't critique a girlfriend's outfit unless she asked me to, so that seems a good approach. I look for opportunities to give light compliments, just as I do with my girlfriends.
Last edited by MatildaJ.; 08-16-2014 at 12:16 PM.
Hope my thoughts were 'oh lord, I am so not attracted to him right now. Will I ever get this mental imagery out of my head?'
Weirdest thing was, I didn't feel revulsion at the dressing per say, (perplexed, yes, lol) but I had this gnawing feeling that if he touched me like that, I'd have to kill him, lol. Anyway, long story short, I started to really struggle sexually even when he was in male mode (most of the time yet still I struggled) as I couldn't get the image out of my head. So now I don't see and he doesn't dress around me and this works.
These were only my thoughts, by the way, and plenty of GG's never feel this way. Your wife might be fine
I see the person that I love. I always see this person, no matter how s/he is dressed. CDing is not an issue for us.
Reine
none of those thats for sure
I think I am with the person I love....just being us and enjoying life together.Be it having a day relaxing at home or going out and about.
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You forever and always will be my one and only true love . ❤️
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Yep Reine and Di said it all.
Sandra
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I always used to rib you about your legs can't anymore. R.I.P Sexy Legs
R.I.P Rianna
Hahahahaha! Thats awesome about killing him. But i think the mental image of me dressed and sexual arousal is my wifes big one.
Thanks to everyone else, its comforting to know you feel the love now matter how they are dressed. My wife says she doesnt think about it while im dressed. Sort of a live and let live form of denial. We are only a few months into this, time will tell how my CD side and her interact
