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  1. #76
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Roberta Lynn View Post
    balance the need for secrecy about your SO with your need for support
    I knew a CD and his wife years before I met my SO, therefore the concept was not entirely foreign. But, I did appreciate having an understanding GG to talk to in the beginning, even though our experiences weren't the same. And yes, it is difficult to keep this part of my life from my kids for two reasons: I don't want them to know about my SO (neither does she), and also they don't know about my involvement in here, which is considerable. I feel sometimes as if they have no clue about a significant part of my life and this is difficult for me. I also feel a degree of stress when we go out, at the prospect of running into someone whom we don't wish to tell.

    And no, there is nothing that my SO can do to make any of this better. Societal bias against the CDing is what it is and we just deal with it the best way we can.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wildaboutheels View Post
    Is it a safe bet that at least some of the GGs here have SO [CDers] that don't read or participate in these Forums?
    I found this forum and told my SO about it. She joined immediately and I joined a week later. She participated for about 6 months while I spent most of my time reading (and getting spooked). When I began to participate, she stopped. I think she just got bored with the place. She's been going out in the mainstream for years, she knows how to present in a believable manner, she knows who she is, and so there isn't anything she needs to work through. Also I don't think she's a big fan of some of the fantasy element in here. Anyway, she told me recently that she has forgotten her password for this place, it's been so long since she logged in.
    Reine

  2. #77
    GG WifeofWrenchette's Avatar
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    My husband is a member of this forum, but he doesn't participate very much. I don't know if he's really bored of it as he says or if he wants to keep his posts secret from me. He probably is really just bored of it as we are pretty much tell all people.
    Define "normal"

  3. #78
    The Lurking GG Stitch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Roberta Lynn View Post
    F
    Did you feel this way when you found out about your SO? Do you still?

    Have you been able to balance the need for secrecy about your SO with your need for support from your families and friends? If so how?

    What would you want me, As your transgender SO, do to help?
    I don't really have a close circle of friends. No one really knows me well enough to turn around and ask me if there is something wrong. So I've never really felt the need to tell anyone. That being said I have told my mother and she is completely find with it, so that is all I really need. As far as I'm concerned its no one else's business. The fact he occasionally cross dresses isn't a huge part of our life, so I don't really need a support network.


    Quote Originally Posted by Wildaboutheels View Post
    Is it a safe bet that at least some of the GGs here have SO [CDers] that don't read or participate in these Forums?
    It's a safe bet. My partner isn't on this forum. He is a member of another smaller UK Crossdressing forum, which I initially joined too but I found the SO's support forum to be lacking so I jumped ship so to speak. So I found my way here. He is a quiet man and rarely posts on forums anyway and I don't think he'd enjoy the dynamic of a forum this large.
    I may not be perfect, but parts of me are pretty awesome!

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  4. #79
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    I have to wonder if there are GGs here who have split [for whatever reason] from their CD SOs but still participate here to help others figure this "stuff" out?

    And for all of you ladies, any of you have mates that have absolutely no desire to ever leave the house? If that is the case, is it because they could never in a million years, even begin to "pass"?

  5. #80
    Aspiring Member Silentpartner GG SO's Avatar
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    My husband is very much like yours Stitch - he isnt a member here but he does read some of the posts here - he is a private person and doesnt really relate to opening up his personal stuff on a forum.

    I've not actually seen my husband fully dressed with wig & makeup but I dont think he would pass. I dont think thats the reason he doesnt want to go out, I think its just that we are not really 'social' people as in going out to bars etc.

  6. #81
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Question Question for GGs: Do u dress "to blend"?

    If so, why? If not, why not?

    I've heard it said MANY TIMES; "Women dress for women", even if they're straight! Is THAT tru?

    So many CD/TS posts here refer to blending. Personally, I prefer a trip to the dentist over going out and trying to blend!

    But, maybe understanding "blending" from a woman's point of view would change my perception?
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

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  7. #82
    The Lurking GG Stitch's Avatar
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    I pretty much dress how I want to dress. I don't think I blend at all, one of my most prized possessions is long fitted coat I customised. I dyed a cream coat really vivid pink and appliquéd wings on the back and made my own buttons. I didn't do it to stand out, I just really love vivid colours so I though, hey I'll just roll with this.

    I don't really follow the same fashion treads of most women where I live, and I don't really care if they don't like the way I dress. I customise a lot of my clothes, make most of my own jewellery and hairclips. If I get complimented that's cool, if not... eh. What's important is it makes me feel good about myself.

    Blending is subjective though, put me in a coastal town and I stand out a great deal. Put me in a town or city near Universities and colleges and blink and you'll miss me.
    I may not be perfect, but parts of me are pretty awesome!

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  8. #83
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    I dress for the occasion. I would feel terribly under-dressed wearing baggy jeans and a sweatshirt at a restaurant where jackets for men are required. And I would feel awkwardly over-dressed if I wore a cocktail dress to a blues nightclub for example, where I knew most people would be wearing (dressier) jeans and fashionable tops.

    If I went to a cocktail party I would feel awkward wearing an ordinary business suit and low heels. But, I would not wear a body fitting cocktail suit with plunging neckline and tight skirt for business appointments. I don't like to wear short shorts, a Tshirt, and sneakers if I am downtown in a major city doing some shopping, just as I would not wear glittery club wear with stiletto heels at the beach.
    Reine

  9. #84
    Beautiful Girl to Nikki ♥ Billiebluenose1878 GG's Avatar
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    Nahhh ..i dress to impress me ...never to blend in ... i am me and as we say over here ...i rather be an individual and not a sheep and copy others .... xxxxx
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]To wake up and see SweetNikki i love by my side happy is very special and important to me xxxxx
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  10. #85
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    I don't wear clothes that blend in... probably the key point is that I'm aware of this. I know I might get some weird looks and am comfortable with that. My clothes aren't terribly outlandish, but I'm used to getting a few second glances and the occasional comment.

    But I know full well what I'm expected to wear and it's a conscious decision whether or not I go along with that. For me it's an almost instinctive knowledge based on a lifetime's experience with these expectations, which crossdressers may not have. It's important to know what's expected of you even if you choose to challenge it. Some crossdressers seem to have an attitude of, "I'll wear stripper heels to Walmart if I want to, and if you don't like it you can kiss my leather mini-skirted butt." More power to them! But others seem to have unfortunate misconceptions about what constitutes daywear, and sometimes I feel a little embarrassed for them. Two people can wear the same thing, and one carry it off while the other doesn't; attitude has everything to do with it.

  11. #86
    Senior Member 2B Natasha's Avatar
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    Breast size Bought vs Nature ? GG only need reply. ( But everyone can read it )

    For the GG only to answer.

    My SO thinks that we, as Crossdressers et al. Should, like nature did to you. NOT get to choose our breast size. She likes to say to me.

    " Nature gave every GG what it gave us. Be it big or small or droopy or perky. We had to learn to work with it and live with it. It's not fair you get to decide how big they are and they never sag. "

    She feels that we should just send away to the Breast store with our vital stats. and whatever comes in the mail is what we get. No returns or exchanges.

    What do you GG think. Should we just send away and get what we get. If we really want the " Real " woman experience wouldn't that be the ticket.

    ( Yes we know breast augmentation is available but let's leave that alone for now. How bout. )

    Cheers!
    You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because your all the same

  12. #87
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    The unfair part is being able to choose a different size of forms to suit one's mood/outfit on a whim, because that's impossible for most women. Ordering a random pair does have a kind of realism about it. I can't just wake up and say, "I think I'll be tall today, maybe mid-20s, C cup." Sometimes it seems like crossdressers get frustrated that they can't look how they want, but that's reality for GGs too. It seems like most crossdressers don't want reality though, so get whatever makes you happy.

  13. #88
    GG Wifey to RebeccaRabbit rufus rabbit's Avatar
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    I'd say go with what makes you happy, if I could change mine i wouldn't and they are far from Perky Perfect, We are never happy with what we've got, Bit off here a bit off there, dress them well and you will feel amazing, I can wear my comfty bra and feel like a busy mum, running a business and then i can put on my best stuff and feel like a goddess. just be sensible and don't get watermelons unless you've got the back and shoulders to carry them xx

    In answer to the question about SO's being on here, my SO is she posts sometimes but not very much, She has her own circle of friends who she chats to about girly things and I have found this forum is much more helpful for me and I really like the fact that i can talk freely on here and i will get both sides of the coin for answers and not have to keep things in till i burst.
    As I grow to understand life less and less, I learn to love it more and more.

  14. #89
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Natasha, I can't imagine any site that would choose your breast size for you. GGs who have had single breast mastectomies need to order a breast size that matches the other. We come in all shapes and sizes. That said, maybe your wife feels that you should choose a more average size for your frame, if you were thinking of looking like Dolly Parton. This is by no means scientific, but according to this site, the average cup size for women is B: http://www.breastoptions.com/average.html. I've noticed that in department stores there are more Bs and Cs than other sizes.
    Reine

  15. #90
    FAB Moderator/ Eryn's GG Mimi's Avatar
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    Natasha--I think you should be able to select the size you want. I think your wife is being passive aggressive towards you buying forms by saying that if you were a "real woman" you'd have to take what you could get, and is trying to diminish your happiness. Maybe that's a little harsh of me, but it just strikes me as though she's saying "go ahead, but you'll never really be one of us". I think you already know that...and there are enough issues you have to deal with concerning CDing without being reminded yet again that you aren't a GG. I also agree with Reine that it's best to choose a size that goes with your frame--you will pass much more easily if your overall body structure looks like a typical female, but perhaps that's what you had in mind all along.

  16. #91
    The Lurking GG Stitch's Avatar
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    Natasha - I think you should be able to choose the size you want. Yeah, we all have to live with whatever we were "given" but it doesn't mean we have to stick with it. Going by that logic, no one would ever be able to dye their hair, get tattoos or even breast reductions.

    I'd consider ordering yourself some decent sized one for your body frame, nothing too huge or for lack of a better term "in your face"
    I may not be perfect, but parts of me are pretty awesome!

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  17. #92
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    Any of you have any idea how many GGs participate at this site on a regular basis?

  18. #93
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Only a minute fraction of the CDers. You only need to go to the GG Intro thread to see how many new GGs have joined here in the last 3 months.
    Reine

  19. #94
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    Here's a question that's been on my mind a lot lately. My wife is very kind, sympathetic, understanding and supportive of me...and BTW she's not reading over my shoulder. I dress nearly full-time at home, although I tend to go to drab mode for weekends and always go drab when we go out together. Thus far, she has been reluctant to accompany me when I go out en femme. I think I understand her reasons....concern about being recognized, concern about safety, and as she has said, "I want to be the girl sometimes".

    I'm really OK with this, generally, but there are times when I'd love to go out and do things with her. I don't think I "pass", but I do a reasonably good job of blending in and I have really never had a problem in almost a year of being very much out in public en femme.

    So...after that long intro...the question: What changed for you as a GG that made it possible for you to go out with your SO while she was en femme?

  20. #95
    ADMINISTRATOR Sandra's Avatar
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    Hmmm for me it was Nigella's confidence that rubbed off on me. Yes in the beginning I was scared that we might run into trouble but the most we got was a few comments. Now I don't think twice about going out with Nigella, just an everyday thing we do.
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  21. #96
    Aspiring Member Silentpartner GG SO's Avatar
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    I'm with the others on that Natasha - get forms that suit your body size and frame - I cant really see where your wife is coming from on that one? unless she has really littluns or saggy ones and feels its unfair you get to choose yours when she had no say in hers?

    Cant answer your question Kim as my OH doesnt go out dressed - but if he did I would likely be ok going with him -

    Docrobbysherry - I dont think I make a conscious decision to dress to blend and I would hazard a guess that most GG's dont either , I just wear clothes that I like, that are comfortable and practical for whatever I intend to do that day. I wouldnt feel comfortable wearing jeans to a dress do or a fancy frock to a picnic -
    Last edited by Silentpartner GG SO; 06-27-2012 at 02:34 PM.

  22. #97
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    How many of you will make love to her when she is dressed to the nines, and which of you would not make love to her if she is full en femme, and why??

    For those that do, does it add some excitement to it, or do you comply for her sake?
    L&R……Tara
    We met as Sher and Di.....it feels and is natural to us.

    to all GG's

    have you ever thought that your SO was better dressed than you were and what did you feel about it?

    regards Paulie
    Never felt that way. Although Sher has much nicer legs than I do and I feel blah wearing short skirts.....she makes me feel pretty the way I am AND I always have a good sense of self.

    When the pink fog becomes a pea souper, where is your happy place that you go to?
    I never felt over whelmed with the pink fog with Sher.

    How many of you would have been (or would be) OK with your SO wanting to be the bride in your wedding, or *a* bride if you were to do a "double-bride"
    We had two- one for family and one for us......loved the two brides the best. We are still newly weds


    How do you show support to your SO? What are the things you do or say? Some of us are just insecure little girls sometimes ).
    I just say BE HAPPY...BE YOURSELF

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  23. #98
    FAB Moderator/ Eryn's GG Mimi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    So...after that long intro...the question: What changed for you as a GG that made it possible for you to go out with your SO while she was en femme?
    Time spent talking and reading the forum helped. Also, we met a wonderful couple through this forum who go out dressed all the time--that really helped me to see that nobody stared or made comments. I saw how much it meant to Eryn, and once we did start going out, both by ourselves and with our CD friends, I realized that most people are so preoccupied with their own lives that they don't really notice the people around them.

  24. #99
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    I don't think I "pass", but I do a reasonably good job of blending in and I have really never had a problem in almost a year of being very much out in public en femme.
    Years ago when we still had polls, we conducted a survey among the GGs to ask what bothered them most about the CDing. Was it general turn-off over the idea of their husbands expressing femininity? Fear of transition? Fear of ridicule from strangers or of being ostracized by family and friends?

    Fear of ridicule and ostracism won out and this is not inconsistent with the reasons it takes CDs/TGs/MPs (new acronym ... "middlepathers" ) so long to go out in the mainstream as well. The difference though, is that TGs receive the personal benefit of experiencing the freedom of self-expression, which overrides any negative outcomes such as stares or smirks. The wives don't have this particular benefit, even when they know that going out makes their husbands happy.

    So basically, until a wife develops a thicker skin, she feels embarrassed if her husband doesn't pass. She's afraid of being judged, of having people say things behind their backs. If we lived in a world that accepted gender non-conformity this would not be an issue.

    My own SO passes/blends well to most people, unless of course we're interacting with someone at length and then they do know that she's not a GG. But I've gotten around the fear that she will be read & judged by telling myself (whether it is true or not) that if anything, people just are expressing a mild curiosity if and when they stare at us and read her. Still, neither of us is ready to be out to the people in our own backyard (who know or chance to know my SO in guy mode) other than our friends who are open to the LGBT community. We live in a small town.
    Reine

  25. #100
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    There's a question here...please bear with me.

    First, thanks for those who've responded to my previous question. Over time, my wife has gotten more comfortable with my dressing, and even introduced me to one of our neighbors, which I thought was a huge step. Maybe my increasing confidence rubbed off on her to some extent...or maybe I just was getting better at presenting, I don't know.

    I think one of the ongoing challenges for me, as a TG person, is to remain mindful that the positives I gain from being out are not directly benefitting my SO. I do think that her primary concern remains a fear of ridicule. Of course, she hasn't been out with me, so she only has her apprehensions to go by. Also, a few times when we've gone out, she's asked me to wear more masculine attire, because "be the girl sometimes", when we go out. I fully understand - cause I want to be the girl too!

    I really won't complain. We have a good marriage, a great home and I am able to be myself to a much greater extent than I ever imagined.

    OK, so here's the follow up question. How long did it take before you felt comfortable going out with your SO (when she was en femme)?

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