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  1. #101
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    OK, so here's the follow up question. How long did it take before you felt comfortable going out with your SO (when she was en femme)?
    It took somewhere between 6 - 12 months before I stopped caring about, or even projecting about what strangers might think. And then eventually when I encountereded a snicker or a smile that I judged to not be friendly, my return gaze with these people was downright confrontational as if to say, "What the f*ck are YOU staring at". lol. And the rest of the time as I said earlier, I choose to assume they just have a mild curiosity, if I notice their gaze upon us for any length of time. (I also want to add that some people are friendly towards us).

    But, these are strangers in the next towns over. We don't hang out in places where there are people who might know someone who knows either my sons, or someone who is closely connected to my or my SO's circle of acquaintances. There are people whom I just don't want to divulge this to, and my SO feels the same way.

    If my SO were to be preparing to live full time, then I imagine that she'd be ready to come out to everyone and slowly abandon any vestige of her male presence. She would then be known as the transwoman who used to be a guy. We'd need to reexamine where our relationship is going if this were the case since at this point in my life I am not prepared to deal with the stigma attached not to two women who are together (I think lesbian or gay relationships are fairly well tolerated), but to couples one of whom has transitioned. Also, I don't define myself as a lesbian. It's complicated and I haven't spent a lot of time going there in my head, since my SO at this point is happy with the way that things are.
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  2. #102
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    I am a GG and my So is a CD....One of the things I do is I buy Lovely things for my SO to wear ....Pretty COrsets and lovely Hose all the Pretty things "she" likes.... Another thing I do for "Her" is when we are intimate I refer and touch "her" as I woman would be touched and use the terminology that would be used for a Woman. i accept My So for who He is. I guess I played a part in My So finally releasing Himself from the pain of denying Himself of his Duality. I am totally comfortable with who He is. Both the Femme and the Man.....

    I think as a GG that you should pick what you would like....having you send out for random Breast size is kinda like having someone pick out a Great pair of shoes .....they might think they are wonderful sexy shoes and you would look at those "beautiful " shoes and say they are neither beautiful nor suited for you. I suggest that you go Bra shopping in padded bra section and give them a test run to get a ball park idea of what you like and what looks "beautiful" on you. According to YOUR opinion. Good Luck in your decision.

    I do not dress to blend ...I dress according to how I feel that day... If I want to wear a SEXY low cut blouse to just be a sexy Vixen I do It. I don't dress for other women. I guess I have always marched to beat of my own drum tho. I always told my Daughter don't be like the HEARD....be the leader of the heard! I like to express my individuality!

    This coming from an Red Headed, Green Eyed, artistically Tattooed Hairdresser!
    Last edited by Shelly Preston; 07-02-2012 at 12:39 PM. Reason: Merged -consecutive posts

  3. #103
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    Hello friends, I have two questions regarding being in a relationship with a crossdresser

    The first question; why do you think many women leave their SO upon finding out he crossdresses and what obstacles (if any) did you have to overcome?

    Second question; many crossdressers on this forum have said that their SO is okay with them dressing, but not in front of them. Why do some women not like to see their SO dressed up and is truly odd to see the man you love appearing as a woman?

    Thank you

  4. #104
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    Quote Originally Posted by Katiegal View Post
    Hello friends, I have two questions regarding being in a relationship with a crossdresser

    The first question; why do you think many women leave their SO upon finding out he crossdresses and what obstacles (if any) did you have to overcome?

    Second question; many crossdressers on this forum have said that their SO is okay with them dressing, but not in front of them. Why do some women not like to see their SO dressed up and is truly odd to see the man you love appearing as a woman?

    Thank you
    To your first question: Some women leave because they didn't marry for total acceptance of the person. My understanding is that marriage is for keeps, no matter what, warts and all. Some people don't feel that way.

    Also, some leave because of their religious or societal upbringing prevents them from accepting their spouse.

    Then there are the women that leave because they don't take the time to find out what crossdressing is all about. They look upon it as "perverted" and that somehow the man is betraying their trust, etc.

    Personally, the only obstacle I have had to overcome with his crossdressing is that one of my grown sons is not accepting of it. We really haven't "overcome" that one because he refuses to budge. We haven't seen him in eight months.

    For some women though they have many obstacles; telling their religious or non-accepting family members, their small children together, the workplace, friends, etc. There can be all kinds of serious obstacles.

    To your second question: Some women prefer the DADT method in order to put it out of their minds. They don't want to "deal" with it. Some think that maybe if they don't see it then it will "go away", even though it won't.

    No, it is not odd at all for me to see him dressed. Sometimes (it comes in spurts) he will dress every day and every night so I'm used to it. We've been together for six years now so it is "old hat" by now.
    Last edited by WifeofWrenchette; 07-03-2012 at 03:09 AM.
    Define "normal"

  5. #105
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    Quote Originally Posted by Katiegal View Post
    Hello friends, I have two questions regarding being in a relationship with a crossdresser

    The first question; why do you think many women leave their SO upon finding out he crossdresses and what obstacles (if any) did you have to overcome?

    Second question; many crossdressers on this forum have said that their SO is okay with them dressing, but not in front of them. Why do some women not like to see their SO dressed up and is truly odd to see the man you love appearing as a woman?

    Thank you
    I think its possible some women just cannot accept that the 'man' in their life has this whole other side of him that they never knew about. It could also be that the CD'er husband has a severe attack of pink fog and the wife just cant cope with it and some women it could well be a religious belief - the marriage vows do say "do you take this man...." not "do you take this man who is occasionally a woman....." . I also think that it could be to do with the degree to which the husband expects or needs to dress - for some it is an occasional thing, for others they want, expect,need to dress 24/7. I have to say that if my husband felt he needed to dress 24/7 I dont know if I would be able to stay in the marriage.

    As to you second question - yes, its weird as hell - well at least it was to start with but its really not a big deal now.

    As for the "its ok but not in front of me" thing - I wonder if this is partly because the wife feels that if they dont see it they dont have a picture in their head. Maybe they worry that if they actually see their husband dressed as a woman they will lose respect for him as a man. Some woman really need a full on macho image man and to see that man in women's clothes could just destroy that image for her.

  6. #106
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    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    There's a question here...please bear with me.

    First, thanks for those who've responded to my previous question. Over time, my wife has gotten more comfortable with my dressing, and even introduced me to one of our neighbors, which I thought was a huge step. Maybe my increasing confidence rubbed off on her to some extent...or maybe I just was getting better at presenting, I don't know.

    I think one of the ongoing challenges for me, as a TG person, is to remain mindful that the positives I gain from being out are not directly benefitting my SO. I do think that her primary concern remains a fear of ridicule. Of course, she hasn't been out with me, so she only has her apprehensions to go by. Also, a few times when we've gone out, she's asked me to wear more masculine attire, because "be the girl sometimes", when we go out. I fully understand - cause I want to be the girl too!

    I really won't complain. We have a good marriage, a great home and I am able to be myself to a much greater extent than I ever imagined.

    OK, so here's the follow up question. How long did it take before you felt comfortable going out with your SO (when she was en femme)?
    I was comfortable right away. My SO doesn't go out much, but when she does I am comfortable with it. If anyone has anything negative to say I am VERY protective though and the mama bear comes out in me.
    Define "normal"

  7. #107
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    Question of accepting/supporting, SO's of Cders that are "out"

    Hope the title is clear enough.

    You are a GG who's husband or SO dresses, and he's "out" to some degree.

    Do you have conversations with other GGs about your SO and his dressing? What's their attitude?

    How many of them say, "couldn't handle that" or the flip side, "I like your guy, he's much easier to get on with than my BF"

    You get the drift here?

  8. #108
    Aspiring Member Silentpartner GG SO's Avatar
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    I havent told any of my friends about my husband's CD'ing.

  9. #109
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    The first question; why do you think many women leave their SO upon finding out he crossdresses and what obstacles (if any) did you have to overcome?

    Second question; many crossdressers on this forum have said that their SO is okay with them dressing, but not in front of them. Why do some women not like to see their SO dressed up and is truly odd to see the man you love appearing as a woman?

    Thank you
    I knew from the get go.....so thisa is from from GG's I know personally.....some cannot get over the feeling of being lied to....that a big part of a partners life was kept from them....they just do not get the trust back or some have said they cannot believe anything the partner says ever again ( meaning that some cders keep hiding things because they see how upset the dressing makes the S O ...and it is an enldess circle of lies to them

    another reason just some...
    only want a MAN...do not understand it...will not try to understand it
    My hope with forums like this and the internet that cders will see...there is nothing WRONG with you....and see it will take years of heartache away on both parts to be up front from the beginning...if it turns out they will not open theirself to understand why get married and be with someone that will not love all of a person. and that s o will not go through the heartache as well.


    You are a GG who's husband or SO dresses, and he's "out" to some degree.

    Do you have conversations with other GGs about your SO and his dressing? What's their attitude?

    How many of them say, "couldn't handle that" or the flip side, "I like your guy, he's much easier to get on with than my BF"
    I only talk to like -wise wives of tg or cders or our Sher and Di friends
    We as Di and Sher have Di and Sher friends...and seperate friends for guy side and Di....mostly because Sher wants it seperate from work mates and family WE DO HAVE AN OPEN Di and Sher life but with seperate friends AND WE AGREED each has to agree on who knows...so since Sher wants it seperate...thats what we do.
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  10. #110
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    Quote Originally Posted by Katiegal View Post
    Hello friends, I have two questions regarding being in a relationship with a crossdresser

    The first question; why do you think many women leave their SO upon finding out he crossdresses and what obstacles (if any) did you have to overcome?

    Second question; many crossdressers on this forum have said that their SO is okay with them dressing, but not in front of them. Why do some women not like to see their SO dressed up and is truly odd to see the man you love appearing as a woman?

    Thank you

    Well here it goes ...from a GG point of view..
    I think that a GG leaves because she can't handle the situation ...it brings up her insecurities ....she forgets that its not about her and her feelings but about how he feels inside. She doubts herself ..she thinks what did I do to make him that way ...am I not woman enough to make him want to be a woman or what did I do to make him gay/Bi. A woman can put all the responsibility upon herself for everything that happens... It is the nature of a GG to be that way ..It is how we GG's are RAISED.

    As for me I know i was afraid after,when my SO dressed the first time and we were intimate, of what was to come. i was afraid is he could still function as a man and still want to be with me or would he want to be with another man. I thought long and hard about it , worried some tooo. I also did alot of research and Joined here. I felt the best way to understand my OWN feelings were to be totally informed and MOST important to talk to him. I totally support him .

    My main concern is that he is not in pain of denial any more.

    I guess I played a part in My So finally releasing Himself from the pain of denying Himself of his Duality. I am totally comfortable with who He is. Both the Femme and the Man.....

    I totally support and encourage him to dress when he feel like being Femme. Its kinda a turn on. but some of that applies to my duality. One of the things I do is I buy Lovely things for my SO to wear ....Pretty COrsets and lovely Hose all the Pretty things "she" likes....

  11. #111
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    Do any of you ladies engage in any activities that your SO is not a part of? Like maybe bridge with the office gals once a week or you bowl in a league or watching comedy and your SO hates comedy? Go to "chic flicks" with your gal friends etc.?

  12. #112
    Member Delila's Avatar
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    I am at a progressively growing stage with my wife. This stage has gone on for several years which I am absolutely ok with. My Wife is aware of my posting here and has recently expressed concern that I may find someone here that is perhaps more accepting than she is to my needs. I have tried to convince her that I love her completely and my conversations on here are largely for my mental health more than anything. She has expressed interest in visiting this forum and learning from the rest of the GGs about how they have learned to accept their SOs and how they handle it. My question is do any of you have any advice about how to make her understand that not only are her posts in the GG only forum safe from me reading them but that she will find information here that might make her more comfortable with the whole situation? She has a degree in psychology so she is pretty well informed she knows that what I am will not go away but I think she has a hard time dealing with it sometimes. I really feel that she could use the support offered here but she just needs that little push to get there. Any info is welcome thank you.
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  13. #113
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    Quote Originally Posted by Delila View Post
    My question is do any of you have any advice about how to make her understand that not only are her posts in the GG only forum safe from me reading them but that she will find information here that might make her more comfortable with the whole situation?
    She can read the following link. It's on the main forum Index page next to the FAB forum, under *announcements*. But first she needs to become a member, not share the password with you, and post 10 times in the general forums:
    http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...f#faq_gg_forum

    @Wildaboutheels, I do many things on my own with friends or family, and so does my SO. And we do lots of things together either alone or with friends or family. My SO knows everyone that I associate with, and I know all his friends/acquaintances too. If ever he wanted to join me in any of my activities he'd be welcomed, and vice-versa.

    @UNDERDRESSER, two of my girlfriends know about my SO. One is married to a CDer and she's OK with it obviously, but she nearly divorced her husband when she found out about it 20 years ago. Their marriage survived though. My other girlfriend knows about my SO (they dated many years ago, in fact), and she's OK with the concept but I get the impression she would not enjoy it if her own SO was a CDer. I don't tell my other friends because I know they are biased.
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  14. #114
    Silver Member Babeba's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wildaboutheels View Post
    Do any of you ladies engage in any activities that your SO is not a part of? Like maybe bridge with the office gals once a week or you bowl in a league or watching comedy and your SO hates comedy? Go to "chic flicks" with your gal friends etc.?
    Yep! We live in different towns and don't get to see each other all the time, but even once we are able to move in together we will still do our own things. One in particular: Crystal likes eating mammals, and I don't. I like eating sushi, and she doesn't. So, sometimes we will most likely end up doing our own thing for dinner, like I will go out with friends for sushi while she makes beef stew or something. It is healthy to have a few separate activities.

    Quote Originally Posted by Delila View Post
    My question is do any of you have any advice about how to make her understand that not only are her posts in the GG only forum safe from me reading them but that she will find information here that might make her more comfortable with the whole situation? She has a degree in psychology so she is pretty well informed she knows that what I am will not go away but I think she has a hard time dealing with it sometimes. I really feel that she could use the support offered here but she just needs that little push to get there. Any info is welcome thank you.
    Well, the section is difficult to get into to make sure it is as secure as possible. We have four moderators plus a very active administrator at any given time to keep an eye on a sub forum which has about fifty active members. Any funny business and it gets sorted, sooner than later. I found joining FAB to be helpful, and I have heard the same from others.
    Last edited by Babeba; 07-07-2012 at 06:50 PM.

  15. #115
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    Do any of you ladies engage in any activities that your SO is not a part of? Like maybe bridge with the office gals once a week or you bowl in a league or watching comedy and your SO hates comedy? Go to "chic flicks" with your gal friends etc.?
    We pretty much do everything together....Sher and Di stuff and guy mode and Di stuff.
    Not saying in the future...I might do some things BUT I am in a new country and really do not know many peeps yet.

    My question is do any of you have any advice about how to make her understand that not only are her posts in the GG only forum safe from me reading them but that she will find information here that might make her more comfortable with the whole situation? She has a degree in psychology so she is pretty well informed she knows that what I am will not go away but I think she has a hard time dealing with it sometimes. I really feel that she could use the support offered here but she just needs that little push to get there. Any info is welcome thank you.
    Tell her the Fab section is safe and no one can see it but we Fab members
    About the...her thinking you will find someone here more accepting.....we are for the most part all wives and girlfriends of our cd/tg partners.
    Have her read the loved ones section...hope she decides to join us.
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  16. #116
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    A ROLE FOR HER.

    My wife has always been supportive of my dressing and for a time was positively encouraging and bought me various items of clothing and helped with my make-up. I have never been a masculine kind of man and, until I met her, there were always bedroom issues for me to cope with.
    However, over the last couple of years, she has become upset when I dress and has asked me to only do it when she is not there. She does not wish to be intimate with me when I am en femme any more.
    Her reason is this: when I am a woman (very convincing, she says), there is no role for her to play. She does not have lesbian or bi feelings and, when I am en femme, she can only think of me as a woman.
    Is there a gg who can help me with this predicament?

  17. #117
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    Lucy, sadly I don't think there is much that you can do. Some CDers can dress and still be comfortable enough with their male sides to appear/act/be a male a significant amount of time with their wives, and this is not difficult for them. Other CDers increasingly feel more feminine and this is what can potentially turn a wife off (if in the beginning she sees the CDing as something that is engaged in off and on, like a light switch). Also, not all GGs are built of the same cloth; some of us are more flexible than others with the idea that our mates are feminine. I for one remove gender out of the equation when I think of my SO (I see him/her as being his/her own gender) since if I saw her strictly as a woman I would not be attracted ... while other GGs cannot do this. If your wife is turned off sexually by your feminine expression (I've no idea how feminine you are the rest of the time even when you are not dressed), it's just the way that she is wired. I would honor her request to keep her not involved. Just as she can't make you stop, you can't make her be into you as a woman.

    You say that you have never been a masculine man, but there may be a difference between how you perceive yourself and how she perceived you, especially if you portrayed yourself as being more masculine than you felt, even if you did this subconsciously. If you and your wife are allowing time for you to express Lucy and you do not need to go behind her back, this might be as good as this will get between the two of you. If this is difficult for you and you want her to see you as Lucy all the time even if you are not dressed full-on as Lucy, she may not be able to do this, and the two of you may need to talk about the future of your relationship.

    Also, the bedroom issues you mention ... it could be that your wife was hoping that by encouraging your feminine expression, this would help your male self be more, um frisky. But if she came to the conclusion that you feel most comfortable sexually as a female, and if your wife is not into other women, then this would explain why she no longer wishes to be involved and again, the two of you need to get to the bottom of all of this so that you can make decisions about your future together.
    Last edited by ReineD; 07-26-2012 at 01:51 PM.
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  18. #118
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    'Lacy'clothes

    Hello all,
    I wanted to ask a question concerning 'lacy' clothing. I am a life long CDr and as far back as I can remember Ive been VERY attracted to female clothing that had lace adornment, trim, etc. This would be both for under and outer wear although clearly most lacy items are for under. In trying to understand myself as a CDr I am trying to understang this attraction.

    To help me I thought I would try to understand why lacy and/or lace trimmed clothes appeal (or dont) to women. Not all but a significant percentage of womens clothing have lace on them. So my questions are: what is it about 'lacy' clothing (under or outer) that appeals (or doesnt) to you? What does wearing 'lacy' things mean to you. Do you wear or avoid lacy clothing? Any other thoughts/insights on this subject are appreciated.

    Thank you so much in advance
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  19. #119
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Patti Remick View Post
    In trying to understand myself as a CDr I am trying to understang this attraction.
    I don't have just one thing about an item that I find appealing or that influences my choice to buy. For any item of clothing (including panties), it is the overall fit, the quality of construction/fabric for the price, whether or not I think it will withstand multiple washings without losing shape, the overall design (shape, cut, and how it suits my body, colors, patterns, etc). If a pair of panties has lace (or not) and the overall look/fit/feel/design appeals to my sensibilities, I'll buy them.

    If you are attracted to just the lace, I'm suggesting this is because boys in our culture don't wear lace and you've equated lace to femininity. If you lived in the 18th century where wealthy men wore lace at the cuffs, you likely wouldn't make the same association, but instead would be attracted to something that women wore then, but men didn't.

    Or, it may be that the very first panties you put on had lace on them and the feeling of wearing panties had such a great impact on you that you're now associating a pleasurable feeling to the dressing with the presence of lace. Or, maybe the first pair of panties you saw even if in a catalog that stirred sexual feelings in you had lace.
    Last edited by ReineD; 10-15-2012 at 01:11 PM.
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  20. #120
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    To help me I thought I would try to understand why lacy and/or lace trimmed clothes appeal (or dont) to women. Not all but a significant percentage of womens clothing have lace on them. So my questions are: what is it about 'lacy' clothing (under or outer) that appeals (or doesnt) to you? What does wearing 'lacy' things mean to you. Do you wear or avoid lacy clothing? Any other thoughts/insights on this subject are appreciated.
    Quality,design,comfort are the most important things when it comes to buying lingerie to me. Have some lace but do not have feelings about lace either way.
    Most likely the lace reminds you of your first time dressing or seeing someone with it on.Enjoy
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  21. #121
    FAB Moderator/ Eryn's GG Mimi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Patti Remick View Post
    So my questions are: what is it about 'lacy' clothing (under or outer) that appeals (or doesnt) to you?
    I like a small amount of lace. I find it aesthetically pleasing, although I don't think about it during the day. I also like a small amount of lace to dress up an otherwise plain t-shirt. For some reason, I find it pretty--especially a more vintage style of lace.

  22. #122
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    I actually find lace a bother, give me satin or silk any day, lace is itchy and grabs on to anything ...

  23. #123
    Silver Member Babeba's Avatar
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    I'm a lace fan! I like a little lace on camisoles, because it helps make them a little more modest and adds a good texture. I don't like garments which are totally nothing but lace, I find them impractical, but it's a nice trim in the right outfit.

  24. #124
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    Hi All,

    I'm not sure if this has come up before but here it goes. How, as GG's, would you feel if you were in the ladies room and one of us came in dressed to use the facility? I know we've been told to use the one we present as and I do and understand that since walking into the mens room, dressed would be scary. I go in and straight to a stall, do my thing, and wash hands and maybe check makeup and leave. If I'm in a stall and happen to here young girls come in, I always wait until either they are in their stall and leave quickly or if I don't think I can make it out, I wait until they leave. I don't want to be made in the ladies room by a young girl. That's not a good thing to happen. Anyway, would you just leave or not really care as long as we are in there for the same thing you are? Just curious... Thanks for helping us on different issues.

  25. #125
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by darylinb View Post
    I'm not sure if this has come up before but here it goes. How, as GG's, would you feel if you were in the ladies room and one of us came in dressed to use the facility?
    I wouldn't bat an eye, but then I'm entrenched in this community. Also, my SO and I have used public ladies rooms on occasion.

    I'm trying to imagine how I would feel if I didn't know or understand anything about this (if I'd never met my SO), and likely, seeing a man dressed as a woman in the ladies room would make me feel slightly uncomfortable, because I would think it was odd, even though I know there are men who do crossdress. I'd likely acknowledge his presence politely and then go on with my day without giving it a second thought.
    Reine

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