Ok I have been giving this much thought. I can wear women's clothes, I can walk like a woman, I can do housework and drive a minivan (no stereotype comments intended), and when I save up about $30K I can reach the zenith of being womanly in the physical sense. But, I will still have the muscles, bone structure, and skin of a man.

It is heartbreaking to think that anything short of a brain transplant to a cloned version of me that genetically-altered to be female would just be a second best approach. Still I cannot let it defeat me. I am a woman on the inside. But unfortunately, when there were cranking out babies on the assembly line in the sky they were like "well this one has the wrong body, but oh well, send it out anyway".

But here is the thing. I may be branded as weird, abnormal, mucked up, or anything else, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I will not live a lie and assume the role of a man! I would rather never get married and stay dressing up, even if I could never afford SRS, than to just give up and accept being a man. I know I am a WOMAN! I tell myself that every bight before I go to sleep as if by some miraculous event, I would wake up in the wrong body. But alas, it never happens. Just a silly girlish thought I suppose.

Well I'm sorry. I just had to get it all out I guess. I'm sure 99 per cent of the other people on this forum know exactly how I feel. I have felt this all my life. My mom told me that once I knew how to walk I would sneak into her room and wear her boots and stuff. I actually do have memories of doing that. I obviously was too young for it to be a sexual thing. That's not what it is about. The clothes are a physical method to express my inner femininity. It is an emotional thing. It just feels like the right thing to do.

I used to pray and ask God to fix me. But now I thank him for allowing me to realize what I am, and to be true to myself. I have no shame or guilt of this any more. I have accepted that I am a woman, and I belive that if I am a good person in this life, I may come back as a physical woman in the next. But I cannot live a lie! I am really a woman!