Housewife

[janet54]

Are any of you a full time housewife! My wife works I don't. So I have all the household duties.

[ReineD]

I stayed home to raise my kids, and I deeply regret this. After the divorce I found I was disadvantaged since I had not been focusing on the development of marketable job skills, had no personal retirement plan I had been paying into, and my ability to find a job with medical benefits was severely constrained.

Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce, so be sure and keep up your employment marketability.

[Michaelasfun]

I am. I worked my whole life and recently found myself out of work due to outsourcing, so now I vacuum, clean, do laundry, etc. I found that wearing a french maid outfit kind of helps make it fun instead of just so much drudgery, I would recommend it!

[kimdl93]

I work from home and take care of most household chores. But I agree with Reine, its risky to become wholly dependent and not maintain a place in the work force. You never know what may happen.

[Deanna Jeanine]

Well, I guess I'm just a working girl. MY wife's disabilities leave me with 90% of the housework as well as my job, so does that make me a "working housewife" ?

[katie_barns]

I don't know that I agree with the term 'Housewife'. As far as household jobs. It's always been 50 / 50 with my wife. I don't mind cleaning, I love to cook. My wife would rather cut the grass than clean house so we share everything. It's not unusual for her to be outside on the riding mower and me scrubbing the kitchen floor. It works for us.

[janet54]

Thank You for your comments girls. I do have a income. But a I was dressing and not doing anything my wife said to me you want to dress like a woman than you can now do the chores of a woman. It is what it is.

[Cheryl T]

Not presently as we both work. Perhaps in about 3 years when I might be ready to retire I'll be able to assume more of the "housewife" role. We share most every duty so it's not like it would be a drastic change, but I do handle most of the outside work.

[RADER]

Well, I guess I'm just a working girl. MY wife's disabilities leave me with 90% of the housework as well as my job, so does that make me a "working housewife" ?

Ditto Here, I have 100% of the house hold work as well as what would be considering mine end of the chores,
Like yard work and the like. My wife is disabled also.
I always get "dressed" in a dress when I do the floors. I tell my wife that If I am to be a scrub Maid, I might as
well look the part. She finds it humorous.
Rader

[ArleneRaquel]

As I am retired, a widower, and I live alone, I do all of the household chores, almost always dressed enfemme.

[Tess]

Well, I guess I'm just a working girl. MY wife's disabilities leave me with 90% of the housework as well as my job, so does that make me a "working housewife" ?

Almost my situation only no job because I'm retired. Otherwise our situation is the same with all the cooking, cleaning, etc part of my daily routine.

[MandyGG]

I don't really know how to take this thread. It sounds almost like the OP is sexualizing the roll of a "housewife" and being a complete submissive. Now if that is what you take of it, good for you. I on the other hand, am a mother of 3. 2 of them in grade school and the 3rd is 1 year old. I would be paid less than we would put out for daycare, so the solution to the problem is me staying home and taking care of the children. Believe me when I say that if your day were filled with dirty diapers, various appointments, and calls from the school, you would in no way sexualize the situation. I would rather work, and have an independence of my own if something were to happen to my husband. But as it stands right now, it isn't in the cards. My day is full of stress, exhaustion, and the constant worry of bills. Oh, how I wish it were filled with maids outfits and which heels look best.

[ArleneRaquel]

During my 33 year marriage I didn't most of the housework and loved being a help.

[Kate Simmons]

I agree with you Mandy. There is definately no "glamour" in being a housewife. Maybe Ideally, if there is nothing else to do like Peg Bundy but most ladies that are stay at home Moms wear a lot of hats and are multi-taskers out of necessity. Hell, I'm just a Grandpa and I get worn out with my Grandsons. if we had to pay a stay at home Mom what she was worth, we wouldn't be able to afford it. Lucky for us guys they are satisfied by caring for and loving the family and guiding the children. The wise husband appreciates this very much.

[janet54]

Mandy. In no way did I mean to offend anyone your job at home is VERY hard.You are a wife and a mother. I have no children. Just my wife and me.This works for us.

[Stephanie47]

As a retiree with a working wife, I have assumed many of the household chores and gardening. Of course, this gives me ample opportunity to be en femme as I wash, iron, bake, cook, vacuum and bang on this keyboard. It's only fair that I assume these tasks rather than lounge around the house watching soaps and eating bon bons and reading books. Maybe, I should get a copy of "Shades of Grey?"

[Persephone]

Well, I know where Mandy is coming from! I was the homemaker (a term I vastly prefer to housewife, after all, I didn't marry a house) for almost 20 years. I would say that for part of that time I was also doing other work from home, but that sounds like I'm trying to justify myself as doing something "more important" than homemaking and as far as I'm concerned, homemaker was my most important role.

I was responsible for child care, carpool, being the soccer mom, all of the shopping, cooking, laundry, etc., etc. I was our social secretary and a "mom" at my son's private school.

Not just a "school mom," I was part of the in-crowd, the small clique that ran things in our children's grade. So I worked on the magazine drive, the major fund-raising luncheon, fashion show, and silent auction, helped serve the school lunches, carpooled for field trips, helped run the kids carnival, we did it all.

Our little clique did everything together. Four key women (I was one of the central four and, despite androgenous guy clothes, was "one of the girls") and a small cadre of second circle women. We would do all the school stuff and we would usually lunch together, shop together, take care of each other's kids, plan their birthday parties, and on and on and on. It wasn't uncommon to get (or make) a call like, "I'm at such-and-such store and I just found a roasting pan like the one you're looking for and its on sale, do you want me to get it for you?" Back and forth as we supported one another.

Sexy? I have to say that Mandy is right, by the end of the day sex was seldom the thing that was on my mind!

Eventually, when my son was old enough I did make a few stabs at trying to re-enter the job market. I included homemaker as one of my job titles, listed the dates of that "employment," and filled the descriptive paragraph with all of the popular business buzz-words, "planned events, directed operations of," in describing what a homemaker did. I got a lot of interesting comments on that paragraph, but no real job offers. Then again, I must admit that I wasn't trying too hard, after all, I still had laundry to do, dinner to prepare, and cookies to bake.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Shananigans]

Nope. I have always been really career-oriented. I'm pursuing travel CRNA full-speed ahead. I guess my SO wouldn't really have to work while I'm doing the travel bit, but something tells me he would be pursuing his masters degree...or, wherever his career aspirations lead him.

I feel good about getting up, going to the hospital, working hard, helping my coworkers delegate tasks, and being with patients...when I come home, I REALLY enjoy being home. I don't think I take one moment for granted when I'm not working. I respect stay at home parents...I can especially understand when a kid is really young wanting to be home. But, I would be miserable unemployed. I am not very domestic...I'm really good at coordinating people, being observant, and making decisions that other people aren't comfortable making. I think you have to do what makes you happy/what you are good at. One of my biggest fears is becoming disabled. It would be easy for me to retire...but, I have a sneaking suspicion that I would be doing something in healthcare or academia as a supplement to retirement.

Again, you have to do what makes you happy. Being a mother would make me very happy...but, I have also grown up with a mother who worked 12 hour shifts and came home to make me dinner/wash my laundry/help me with homework. Aaaaaaand, she did it without a husband. Plus, being my mother, she kind of set the bar with how I think mothers are supposed to be. Other people are astounded with how my mother got everything done, and judge her for not being at home 24/7. But, she is also really good at delegating tasks and people (I learned it from someone)...we seemed to always have a job and were able to get things done together at the end of the day. So, she kind of raised me with the satisfaction of juggling roles, being hyper-efficient, and taking on huge amounts of responsibility/accountability.

I don't look down at stay at home parents as long as it makes them happy. I DO feel very sorry for the people out there that do not know what makes them happy in life.

Also, I'm not sure who said housewives were sexy. It was probably someone who wasn't a housewife. It was probably the same person that decided maids were sexy. It was PROBABLY the same person that came up with the idea of sexy nurses. There is nothing about my profession that is sexy...even anesthesia is hardly sexy...maybe, you would think anesthesia is sexy if you got off on the thought of someone putting you as close to possible to Death's door without actually killing you (if you can think it, there's a porno for it). Personally, I find all of that terrifying. I also evaluate people very heavily on a personal level in the potential sex partner/SO category...thus, I could never find one profession/job as "sexy." If you tried to sell me on a job being inherently sexy, I would probably not find you very creative which kills my interest in you.

[ReineD]

Four key women (I was one of the central four and, despite androgenous guy clothes, was "one of the girls") and a small cadre of second circle women.

My kids went to a Montessori school when they were younger and there was also a small core of us who did what was necessary, one of them was a dad. Most everyone else had a 9-5 job. He worked as a pilot and was out of town for 3-4 days, followed by 3-4 days off. You know, it never occurred to me that he might have been transgender, but looking back he might well have been. This was almost 20 years ago. He was just a very nice guy!

Our group seldom had lunches and shopping experiences though. This was hard to do with just an hour's block of time, in between balancing school/home/child obligations with pre-schoolers underfoot.

[kellycan27]

I wear a lot of hats, housewife included. I have a full time job, take care of the kids, (ages 2 and 5) , the house, laundry, marketing, cooking, and the finances. I am usually the first one up in the morning, and the last to go to bed. Putting in a 14 to 16 hour day for me is not unusual with job and family. Very recently the question of quitting my full time job and becoming a stay at home mom was raised by my husband. I have to say that the idea was somewhat appealing, but after giving it some thought I found myself in a bit of a quandary.

1. I like my job.
2. I spent 5 years in college getting my degrees in accounting, and economics.
3. I worked my way up from accountant to company controller. ( just turned 30)
4. I like the independence that I gained (by being self sufficient before marriage).
5. I get paid very well, and i like the feeling of accomplishment.

On the other side of the coin.

1. I love being a mom.
2. I would like to spend more time with the the children.
3. My quitting would NOT be a financial burden.
4. I would more time for the home and family.
5. I would have more time to pursue some of my other interests.

TBPO I am torn between the two. Part of me says YES!, while part of me isn't sure. The good news is that I don't have to make any quick decisions.

kel

[Barbara Ella]

being retired we now have a slightly more equitable distribution of household duties. The only benefit of dressing while doing chores is that I do feel so much more comfortable when dressed, so I think I would do a better job.. Sadly, can't dress when we are together. So, I must do what i can alone while dressed. In no way will i ever approach a home maker, after all, I am still all pretend.

Barbara

[ReineD]

TBPO I am torn between the two. Part of me says YES!, while part of me isn't sure. The good news is that I don't have to make any quick decisions.

You didn't ask, but I'll give you my two cents anyway.

Don't do it. Keep your job or find a part-time job so you can keep your foot in the door. The kids will grow up eventually and leave. Also, your job does provide you with your own sense of identity, a sense of accomplishment that is not tied to meeting other people's needs, even if it is a partial identity that is balanced with your wife and a mother roles.

I was in the unfortunate position of having lost husband and kids all in the same year and discovered to my dismay that I had no real identity of my own. It is likely this will never happen to you, but it wouldn't hurt to protect against this even by keeping a part-time job.

[MandyGG]

Reine is right, Kel....

I was a hairstylist before having kids. I didn't keep my license up to date. I wanted to return to that profession after 10 years, and was told that to "renew" my license would require me to go back to school and do it all over again. I can't pay off another 10,000 dollar student loan! So, my hairstylist days are over. I have no other skill sets. Nothing else except for hobbies to talk about. No other friends, besides the ones that I met through our kids. Yes, watching kids grow is a rewarding adventure, but that has been proven to be equally rewarding for working parents.

[kellycan27]

Reine & Mandy

I had pretty much established myself before i got involved. I still have my friends, and I am still marketable as far as jobs go, but I agree that working part time would be the better option, and I could do it easily from my home office. even with my full time job I am still doing tax returns, credit counseling, and notary work on the side. I do appreciate the advice, and thanks.

Kel

[Denise69]

[QUOTE=ReineD;2817853]I stayed home to raise my kids, and I deeply regret this. After the divorce I found I was disadvantaged since I had not been focusing on the development of marketable job skills, had no personal retirement plan I had been paying into, and my ability to find a job with medical benefits was severely constrained.

Wow, I would have never guessed that! On the positive side, your kids had their mother to mold, shape and guide them. With the intellignce and warmth you show us here, they were very lucky. Hopefully you're able to use those skill now in the marrketplace.
And I do mean this with the utmost respect. My mother was a stay at home.