CINDYO;
The only person I date is my wife. I always dance with the girl I bring, Even though she
is in a wheel chair.
Yes I love to cross dress, but I stay in the closet, And do not want anything to do with
dating a man.
I am sure that I am not the only one here with this view.
Rader
donno, i am a single bi man, when i am en femme i desire being with a man, when i am drab i want to be with my SO and not with a guy, i guess something switches in my mind when the makeup and pretty clothes go on, do i like to be ogled when en femme? damn straight! i see c/d's on okcupid from time to time, they list themselves as female, i have e-mail with several but for some reason when i tell them i c/d too, they don't reply, leads me to believe they are straight and have no desire to message with a guy.
No, but you might be the only one who has to post it several times a week. Are you trying to convince the world or yourself?Originally Posted by RADER
This is just a suggestion but I really don't know much about it since I'm a gay male crossdresser who only dates butch men.
But maybe a bisexual girl might work better?
I know my friend and his girlfriend both crossdress (they switch genders, he becomes Melissa and she becomes Joey).
wyrm - I have not seen anyone mention Craigs list. Before you all jump, yes,there is a small chance it is risky but i have been using it for many years and have met a lot of really nice guys. There are a lot of guys looking for Cd girlfriends but sometimes you have to weed through the trash. I seldom advertise for sex so usually say i am looking for a romantic BF, in shape etc. We meet, have dinner and decide if we want to meet again. I have had several long term BF's using CL and never once had a bad experience. You need to learn to identify the losers and the sex only types but it is not hard to do. It is so much more productive than the adult sites as you can specifically say what you want. Try it, even if you never meet them, you will get an idea who is out there looking for you and believe me, there are plenty.
Unfortunately Katie, I've tried craigslist before and for the life of me, I have no idea why my ads kept getting flagged for deletion after half a day. It's really annoying.
I completely agree that its hard to find a dating site dedicated to crossdressers and their admirers. I find my main issue is, yes I look hot in a pic, but I am stil a 5;10 man in heels. And Thats too manly for the men who want transexuals. And I am a great guy that volunteers, help raises my friends daughter, volunteers... and dresses as a woman. And thats to big of a negative in the gay community! I have had mild success of POF but mostly just curios straight boys. The same with AFF. AFF is good for sex. But sex is easy, relationships are hard!
Well when I'm aware that men see me as a woman, I get rediculously happy cause I'm seen as a woman, not cause it's a man.
I agree. Crossdressing is only a small piece of the puzzle that I am made from.
Mizzsummers, what is AFF?
Adult friend finder
It's usually either
A. Other CD/TS/TV who are trying to weed out competition
B. If you reject a guy, they get pissy and flag you.
You could try URNA, set your search for what you are looking for and try that. It's definitely not a dating site per say, but many will post they are seeking a LTR with someone and you both can go from there. There is also a chat line whereby you might get an intro. into someone if the go there as well.
i have a free account on "dateacrossdresser.com" ....not sure how good of a dting site it actually is....but.....i have been in contact with 3 or 4 ppl and continue a fun e-mail rellationship with them. but im also not really looking for a date either as i am happily married. was just browsing and ran across the site. hope it works for you!
I don't know if it has been mentioned, but there is a 100% free site that has a separate section for gays and bi's. They have Forums similar to ours here, but also have separate forums for each state. I rate the site far and away better then OK Cupid or Plenty of Fish. It's called date hookup.com Now that does not mean everyone there can't see your profile...they can. But if you post that you are looking in the gay and bi section, you might find someone. I would not suggest you post in all the other sections of the forums there because you will be the brunt of jokes, harassment and made to feel not welcome. The only bad thin is the site is not very well modserated. But you might want to check it out.
I have seen many many many male-identified people echo the opposite sentiment from real-life experience on this site. I have not seen male-identified people echo the sentiment that you describe (ease of pickup dressed as a woman) from their real-life personal experience. It appears the actual results agree with Shelby's statement.
“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.”
Mary Anne Radmacher
You ask an interesting question with no one single answer. Some are gay, some aren't. Besides, gay and straight are rather arbitrary terms when gender identity is in question, aren't they? Some people (myself included) choose to think of themselves as lesbians that inhabit a man's body. But that aside, I think it's most important to realize that most of us don't do this for a sexual thrill. It's an expression of who is inside of us.
"Sex is easy?" You must mean the actual act, because you can't possibly mean getting it. Getting sex is one of the hardest things I've ever done, and I've been to SERE school (aircrew survival school), DLI (a government language school where you are taught an entire language in six to eighteen months) and two different boot camps. Maybe that's just me, though.
That is for sure, and frankly it isn't always that easy for cisgender non-dressing males either. I really appreciate women (because as someone who is chronically lonely I really, really do appreciate them and isn't something I have to fake) and I am still told time and time again I am not "man enough" or words to that effect.
Only because men in general are clueless about women, and cross-dressing men are even more so. (lots of fun generalizations there)
The problem is a huge percentage of the CD's that I've met are creepy as hell and they will never have any luck finding women until they get over themselves. If you find that every woman you meet is somehow not interested, than I wouldn't be doing you any favors by blaming the women. If you can't meet a girl, then there is something wrong with YOU not the girls.
I've found that people who are unable to accomplish things, whatever that may be, are usually the same people who immediately blame something else for the failure. "Women don't like cross-dressers" is a commonly heard lament (excuse) but it simply is not true. SOME women don't like cross dressers or MOST women don't like cross dressers sure, but there are PLENTY of women who do. Women who would proudly date or even marry a CD man if they could only find one that isn't creepy as hell.
I'm sure that my comments will irritate many of the excuse makers but the truth hurts and until CD's are able to own who they are and not walk around with a 'poor me' chip on their shoulder they will be absolutely right in assuming that women don't want them.
You would think that in this golden age of the internet, dating would be simple. I really don't understand why it is not, only to say that I believe that anyone with any self-respect or common sense would not dare try to meet anyone off the internet. That was the conclusion that came to after I cancelled my membership in both Plenty of Fish and Adult Friend Finder.
And you would think it would be real easy for someone like me, since I am bisexual and transgender. That means I've looked to meet straight women, bisexual men and couples. And I've also posted several personal ads on Craigslist for Cassandra. Here's what I've found out.
Most women will not date a guy who is bisexual or a cross dresser. Beyond that most of the women that I've met who I did not reveal that information about myself had issues.
I found that living with my SO, which you could call pretty much a platonic domestic partner was a better choice since I already knew what I was dealing with.
Most guys who say they are bisexual are pigs. Read some of the personal ads on Craigslist. They ones who are interested in cross dressers are equally bad. When I was on Adult Friend Finder, it was pretty much the same thing. Almost the same thing applies for couples.
In this age of sexual and gender liberation, you think it would be easy, but far from it. If you want to meet people who are liberated and reasonably sane, I don't know where such site exists, but if you find one let me know.
man, i feel like a woman
I'm not arguing this but in what way are they creepy? What is it about them that makes them creepy?
I think plenty is an exaggeration. Some tolerate and an even smaller number enjoy cross dressers. Even some of the ones tolerating probably shouldn't really be with a cross dresser. The unmarketability of straight crossdressers is demonstrated easily online. There is just no demand.
Yeah self pity is never an attractive feature. But being placed anywhere else but typical on the trans spectrum is a tough gig. The avenues for anyone not passable are distinctly narrow.
-=CherryZips=-
urnotalone.com still is free to socalled silver members and will allow you to contact other members--if you want to become a gold member with more privileges, you have to pay---but the free level is still a great way to meet other CDers online. Also it is more "mainstream" with less of a fetish angle to it. Both TGs and admirers go on the site.
[SIZE="4"][/SIZE]
I am a single gent, 60 and I occasionally date t-women. Because of my age I prefer the most mature twoman...let's say 45+. I have strong requirements, she must be passable, feminine AND dress accordingly to her age. You would be surprised to see women dressing in PVC mini-skirts and telling me they were in a ****ty mood. NOT! I have met many dates on URNOTALONE and they are comfortable with our relationships. We go out to dine, the theater and just plain hanging out. I have taken many to corporate affairs and no one has seem to noticed.. (well it never has come back to me about anything)...
I'm not sure. I think it has something to do with a profound discomfort about who they are. Many CD's have not accepted themselves as much as they are simply surrendering to it temporarily. It's easy to see the CD who are comfortable with themselves because you can't read them right off. It always takes a second to notice the masculine features because you are literally disarmed by their casual charm. By the time you notice, you already don't really care. The creepy ones act like lurkers in an adult bookstore. They are not comfortable and therefore not confident. They're scared of being recognized so they put on an act that makes them feel invisible. How is a woman going to connect with an act? Why would a woman find someone like this compelling?
By the numbers? Maybe, but let's take it person by person. There is no reason why any given CD can't find an accepting or even participating partner. If a man takes care of himself and is otherwise "marketable" there is no reason that cross dressing should render him dateless. Again, the problem isn't the women. The problem is in dudes that don't have the slightest idea how to engage a woman in conversation. A single woman in a bar or club is not averse to talking with men, believe me. If a guy is fun, and interesting, and confident, then most women would chat with him and ask why he's cross dressed, etc. This opens a dialogue and this is where everything begins. Online is not a good place to find someone because people self select based on prejudice or personal bias. I would never look for a CD online because I'm not attracted to cross dressing men, but if I met a guy who was cross dressed and I thought he was interesting for whatever reason, I wouldn't mind talking to him. Maybe after a few minutes he says something that intrigues me, or maybe he's just a really good flirt, who knows, the important thing is he got me talking and if the chemistry is right, we might make a date or something.I think plenty is an exaggeration. Some tolerate and an even smaller number enjoy cross dressers. Even some of the ones tolerating probably shouldn't really be with a cross dresser. The unmarketability of straight crossdressers is demonstrated easily online. There is just no demand.
The key to success is being open and comfortable about who you are. Women don't like desperation, and they don't like secrets.
There is never a good reason for self pity. Not being passable is a huge plus for a straight man looking for a woman. I can't even imagine making out with someone who is pretty, much less dating them. A pretty CD would have very little chance with me unless he was at least 6'2" and incredibly witty. I would much prefer the manlier types who didn't quite get the beard shadow covered. Women who might be amenable to dating a CD aren't looking for pretty, they're looking for fun. Most women my age have dated or been married to douche bags and sourpusses already so somebody who has got the guts to dress up and have some fun just might be worth a shot. The key word there is fun. Many CD's look like they're waiting for their last meal instead of kicking up their heels.Yeah self pity is never an attractive feature. But being placed anywhere else but typical on the trans spectrum is a tough gig. The avenues for anyone not passable are distinctly narrow.
Women are not going to walk over and fall at your feet. If you're one of those guys that like to sit at the bar trying to make eye contact with a girl so she'll pay attention to you, then your chances are slim. Get off your duff and ask her to dance, or buy her a drink, or go for a Ferris wheel ride, whatever, just talk to her and try to act like you're having a good time.
Melissa you make a lot of good points as you learn from your experiences crossing over that big line into womanhood. I am constantly meeting women when out dressed, much more so than I ever did when out in male mode and interested in finding a woman to date. I find that talking to them directly, with humor, looking at them in their eyes and getting them to talk about themselves because you actually want to know that information makes them almost forget what is in front of them keeping their rapt attention, a man in women's clothing! My problem is that at my age, there are few women in the probable age range that would be compatible with me, out at night when I am out dressed. Women from 21 to 35 I meet all the time. Many times they have accompanied me and whoever else (a CD) I am with to our next venue for the evening, e.g. from restaurant to a wine bar or from a theater play to dinner. I think that once they are disarmed by our approach and initial conversation, they are willing to take the risk to go with us. They feel safe, and as Melissa says, they are having fun (and of course so am I). Now, I am not a dreamer either and know that sometimes their initial interest and good times are a temporary situation, since they were having fun at that moment and that was that. On the other hand, I have also gone out another night with some for dinner, to plays or theater dance. I always treat these moments more like a girls night out and not a man in a dress trying to get into a GG's pants, because I actually am not trying to do that. Hell, my daughter and son are older than these women, so my intentions are for fun and maybe hoping that one of them will introduce me to her beautiful older mother, who herself may still below a truly workable age relationship range. If a woman was within a CD's dating age range, then I believe that they would seriously consider dating the CD if he/she had a good personality, was fun and interesting to her. I have only met one in my age range that I was interested in dating and did have one date with. That turned out to be a training run for the next time, because I probably provided TMI on that first date, when as many say, less is more better. Even at my mature age I still need to train!
So, you younger CD's, get your butt out there, be a good, interesting and fun person to talk with and I would think that you would have some good luck. Being an extreme extrovert with no qualms of walking across a crowded room with all the guys looking at the super attractive woman who I will approach and talk with also helps a lot too. I have no fears of rejection at that phase of meeting someone. I surprise myself all the time by what I actually accomplish many times in the company of one of my friends from this site.
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