Dating sites for crossdressers?

[Badtranny]

Melissa you make a lot of good points as you learn from your experiences crossing over that big line into womanhood.

It's a big wide line. In fact it probably only looks like a line from space. ;-)

Yaaaaaay Allie, you and a couple of others were who I had in mind when I wrote this. Your biggest problem in regard to dating is that your lifestyle doesn't really put you in front of too many women of a certain age. But you are a great example of someone that talks to a LOT of women when you're out and about. You are fun and interesting and compelling so it's no surprise that women enjoy spending time with you. Your girl is out there somewhere, and in the meantime you are having a blast.

How does it feel to be a perfect example?

[Marie-Elise]

I once asked around for the same once and received an answer that seemed good enough to me, would you like to base a relationship directly off cross-dressing? A chick who is looking for a cross-dresser online obviously doesn't care to much about the relationship aspect, I could be wrong, but my suggestion is try a regular dating site and let the chick know on the first date then you'll know shes in it for the relationship and whether she can accept you.

This seems to make the most sense. I mean, the CD part would be a fetish if that is the only reason the relationship existed, wouldn't it?

[Marie-Elise]

well as i read this post, this is exactly what confuses/concerns me as a long time wife of a person that i recently found out was a crossdresser. I realize after a ton of reading,the the scope of cders is huge and everyone has their own angle. Is this really what most cders want, even the married ones- " a date" and with who?. Pardon my questioning however this totally strange world of cding is new to me. Is this what most cders what, to date what? who? what is the motive? are you talking homosexual acts. I really wonder if this is what most cders want but just cannot face the facts. Correct me if i am wrong, i do not mean to offend anyone so do not jump on the band wagon and take this the wrong way. Every one is entitled to be happy. I read here so often that cders love their wives, are hetero, etc etc, but i truly wonder if all of these men are not gay and in denial. How the heck can a straight man want to were women lingerie, sexually excite himself, ( keep in mind he does have a wife to be sexually active with) wear lipstick, hose go out in public, become thrilled when a genetic man hold a door open for him, is thrilled when men take a second look at him and call himself heterosexual.. hmmm i do not get it, and trust me i have done more reading, much more that my cding partner has

Well, speaking for myself (a straight, married father who loves his wife), I don't have any attraction to men. Why do I want to dress like a woman, look like a woman, wear lipstick, etc.? I have some ideas having to do with my upbringing but I will never be able to put a definitive explanation together and I am good with that.

I don't know why I like it but I do.

Now, on the other side: Let's suppose a married CD is hiding his attraction to men. Then, he has to first be honest with himself and then with his wife. Then they have to work it out. At this point, I think it becomes a personal issue to be resolved within the relationship (maybe with the help of a counselor).

Just my two cents.

[toni_62]

AFF is probably best place to have a profile and get a date. I was on there for about six months. Lots of fakes on there though. I did meet two really nice men. Perfect gentleman. A lot of CDs fantasize about being with men, but never go through with it. I had this fantasy for years of being with a guy as a woman eventhough I only crudely crossdressed occasionally. Once I did start CDing seriously I had to know what it was like to be with a man. Part of it was finding out if I was really was gay/bi or not. The other was the satisfaction of being wanted as a CD/woman.

I found I was not sexually aroused by the men them selves, but by playing the womans role with a man. I feel no real attraction to men, but like being with them for the thrill of it all. I have done this only a few times and like I said love the thrill of a guy finding me attractive while dressed. I was not aroused by their touch or kiss though, actually I did not like it at all. So I am no longer on AFF and while I can't say I will never be with a man again I can say I am not gay or even bisexual.

[laura.lapinski]

Toni,
That is pretty cool that you did that to find out. I'm impressed! I think I'd be the same as you, but I'll have to do what you did and try it one day.

[Janet77]

Anybody tried clubsissy.com?

[Lorenqt]

Just remember, always be careful and safe. Just this morning (like between midnight and 1 AM), I was chating on a dating site. When out of the blue, a guy that I've NEVER talked to or even seen comes on and tells me that I'm "posing". I sent him back a sarcastic responce to which he respondede, in short, with a threat to kill me if I didn't get off the site. I chose to ignore him and continue with my conversation. I checked the site about an hour ago and I had another message from the jerk: Lets start over, hi my name is xxxxx

[sometimes_miss]

Here's one I joined years ago. Naively looking for CD accepting GGs! Ha ha! I stay on because I joined during a, "Completely free", opening and there's NO RESTRICTIONS on pics posted! Sherry LOVES THAT!
It's mostly populated with CD's and Admirers looking to meet or hook up.

Check it out, Queen. They let u join and try it out for a couple of weeks before u have to pay anything! Google: dateacrossdresser.com

Re: dateacrossdresser.com; this is only a good site if you are only looking to date men. When you look through the listings, it is impossible to search for a GG because nearly all of the male crossdressers list themselves as female; I went down the search lists for close to an hour before finding a single real GG listing, and that person either 1. didn't really exist, or 2. was swamped with messages and so didn't bother to return one to me at all. Also, you will get emails from fake members who claim to be female, but when you pay for membership so you can return their message, they either won't respond or tell you it was a mistake. The site is populated by 99.99% men. Just want everyone here to be forwarned that if you're looking for a GG, you probably won't find one to date over there, so you already know before paying for a membership

For the uninitiated; Back when AOL had a dating section, I posted two separate ads there, identical except for one thing, mentioning my crossdressing in one of the ads. The 'straight' ad over several months got hundreds of hits. The one that mentioned crossdressing, I got responses from prostitutes and men. The number of women interested in actively finding a crossdresser to date is most likely very, very slim. I think your best bet will be plentyoffish.com; perhaps list something in your ad title such as 'looking for open minded women' or some such thing, and add in your description how much crossdressing occupies in your life. Perhaps participate in the forums there, so women can get a feeling about who and what you are like outside of the crossdressing side of your personality, then they can be drawn to your ad and learn more about you, as well as how much they will have to deal with regarding the crossdressing. There are way more women who will tolerate it than those who actively take interest, so you may find someone there. Good luck.

[SuzieLod]

An ad in craigslist for a man get instant and rather abundant response, but then a lot, most actually, fall through the cracks. Some come back with a 5 word answer, often rude. Others are willing to chat but then dont come through right, or simply disappear. Perhaps I have the right sixth sense as never had a problem with the very few that are left over and date. But then even those show up, expect to be served and disappear as soon as done without leaving much to write home about.
And that is after I additionally wean out those that have no previous experience or have a big age difference with me.
So yes, the sexual act is easy, finding a date is not.

[Alice Torn]

Shelby, So true. It is agonizingly hard enough, to find friendship and dating with GG's when we dress as males, much harder yet, when CDing. I have been on ALT.com, Adultfriendfinder.com, Dateacrossdresser.com, Trannydates.com, and others. Only have met one guy so far, only met once. I have had MANY admirers wanting sex, though, or even to marry me. Very cautious.

[dragdoll]

hahaha am I reading this correctly, but are there people in this thread calling certain crossdressers "creepy" because they're not over-extroverted bar hoppers kicking up their heels and screaming 'hey everyone look at me' into a bullhorn?

I think some people are just the quiet type and/or just don't enjoy the bar-club scene. or maybe shy/withdrawn. I just don't think it's fair to judge socially awkward people and call them creepy just because they aren't comfortable in certain social situations.

I personally have never had a problem finding a date or picking up girls as my male self. However, I've never bothered as a CD. Not sure why, and I've dated at least two different girls who I'm sure would have been totally cool with it, one of them would've probably been really into it, but for whatever reason I just wasn't ready to cross that line. Also, this was when I was still in my early 20s and only an occasional part-timer and didn't want ANYONE at to know about it. Nowadays, I almost don't even care who knows. I'm still not going to throw it in peoples faces.

If someone doesn't want to associate with you because of how you choose to present yourself, that's THEIR problem not yours.

[Jo-Ellen]

In my limited experience Craigslist has been a complete bust

[dragdoll]

Craigslist is fine if you enjoy receiving anonymous emails with nothing more than a picture of a guy's wiener or some geriatric "traveling businessman" who wants you to meet him at his hotel room.

[Badtranny]

I think some people are just the quiet type and/or just don't enjoy the bar-club scene. or maybe shy/withdrawn. I just don't think it's fair to judge socially awkward people and call them creepy just because they aren't comfortable in certain social situations..

Being socially awkward is not a good excuse as it is totally fixable, but that's not what makes some CD's creepy. What makes them creepy to EVERY woman is the "man in the back with red eyes and a hat" performance that so many of them have perfected. Girls love to be looked at and noticed and even complimented, but we don't like to be watched, and ogled from two tables over as if we were under investigation. Somebody who is confident and not afraid of his own shadow would walk up to that table and engage that woman (or women) in conversation. "Hi, ever dance with a man in high heels?" "Hi my name is Jasmine, but my mom calls me Bob", there are countless opening lines for a CD who is confident in who he is. Oh, you want to be a little more mysterious with your gender identity? "Hi my name is Misty, sometimes I pretend to be a man, and sometimes I pretend to be a woman, mind if I pretend to buy you a drink?" Geez, I would use any one of these lines if I was dude and I literally just made them all up.

If you want to meet women, than I'm afraid you're just gonna have to get out of your chair and go MEET them. Single women want to be met, my friends and I love it when guys talk to us. We like the attention even if we don't like the guy. There are women that would not mind dating a CD I guarantee it, but they're not out looking for you. If you want to sit in the corner and be demure, that's fine, but get used to sitting alone. Shyness is not an excuse. Shy is a cop-out. I wasn't born an extrovert, I was painfully shy as a kid, hell I used to stutter. I had a weight problem, I was a nerdy bookworm, yadda yadda yadda. Today I will stand up in front of any audience anywhere and talk about anything. I'm no different than "socially awkward" people. I don't have a super power, I was just tired of not being noticed. Like many things in life, your ability to negotiate relationships with people is totally in your control.

[dragdoll]

Somebody who is confident and not afraid of his own shadow would walk up to that table and engage that woman (or women) in conversation. "Hi, ever dance with a man in high heels?" "Hi my name is Jasmine, but my mom calls me Bob", there are countless opening lines for a CD who is confident in who he is. Oh, you want to be a little more mysterious with your gender identity? "Hi my name is Misty, sometimes I pretend to be a man, and sometimes I pretend to be a woman, mind if I pretend to buy you a drink?" Geez, I would use any one of these lines if I was dude and I literally just made them all up.

LOL this is gold.

Got any icebreakers for non-bar encounters? Like the grocery store or laundromat? "Hi my name is Nicole, sometimes I dress like a man. Mind if I try on your panties?"

[Krystalina]

Being socially awkward is not a good excuse as it is totally fixable, but that's not what makes some CD's creepy. What makes them creepy to EVERY woman is the "man in the back with red eyes and a hat" performance that so many of them have perfected. Girls love to be looked at and noticed and even complimented, but we don't like to be watched, and ogled from two tables over as if we were under investigation. Somebody who is confident and not afraid of his own shadow would walk up to that table and engage that woman (or women) in conversation. "Hi, ever dance with a man in high heels?" "Hi my name is Jasmine, but my mom calls me Bob", there are countless opening lines for a CD who is confident in who he is. Oh, you want to be a little more mysterious with your gender identity? "Hi my name is Misty, sometimes I pretend to be a man, and sometimes I pretend to be a woman, mind if I pretend to buy you a drink?" Geez, I would use any one of these lines if I was dude and I literally just made them all up.

If you want to meet women, than I'm afraid you're just gonna have to get out of your chair and go MEET them. Single women want to be met, my friends and I love it when guys talk to us. We like the attention even if we don't like the guy. There are women that would not mind dating a CD I guarantee it, but they're not out looking for you. If you want to sit in the corner and be demure, that's fine, but get used to sitting alone. Shyness is not an excuse. Shy is a cop-out. I wasn't born an extrovert, I was painfully shy as a kid, hell I used to stutter. I had a weight problem, I was a nerdy bookworm, yadda yadda yadda. Today I will stand up in front of any audience anywhere and talk about anything. I'm no different than "socially awkward" people. I don't have a super power, I was just tired of not being noticed. Like many things in life, your ability to negotiate relationships with people is totally in your control.

You have wonderful points, but I just have one question:

Isn't location a factor as well? I'm not saying that prejudice against CDs have been eliminated in certain places, but I noticed that you are billed from the SF(San Fransico) Bay area. I have never traveled there, only going by hearsay(so, pardon my ignorance), but San Fran has always been accepting of CD, gay, lesbian, and TS...at least, that is what I've heard(I actually want to travel there one day).

Where I live, in the Southeastern US, even the hint of being a CD is liable to get you socially assassinated. We're not going to even touch on pointing out the differences between sexuality and gender identification here; every thing that is not thug, watching football or other "macho" things is automatic gay. It really drives me nuts.

I think location also plays a factor in this. So, for example, if the subject was in a more accepting city, like San Fran, or maybe New York(again, never been there, just going by assumption) then your advice is pure gold. Hell, I'll probably be dating right now, because you are right about what you're saying(imo). But, for where I live, even mentioning CD will get you laughed at and turned into a pariah...let along doing it.

[dragdoll]

I live in one of the most TG-unfriendly places. Its almost gotten to the point where I just want to go out and pick fights with neanderthal jock types just so they have to live with the shame of being beaten up by a guy dressed like a girl.

[Krystalina]

I live in one of the most TG-unfriendly places. Its almost gotten to the point where I just want to go out and pick fights with neanderthal jock types just so they have to live with the shame of being beaten up by a guy dressed like a girl.

Same here, dragdoll. Hell, I've never told anyone(with the exception of you all on this site) that I'm a devout CD(and unfortunately, it is one of the reasons I have yet to date). My best friends would probably flay me alive if they knew(not literally, of course, lol)...as they are the "manly" types.

Everything that is not "manly" is automatically gay. Same with my family...I live in fear of my pop finding out and being disappointed in me.

So...its kind of hard to build up any confidence in approaching a woman when there are lynch mobs essentially waiting at your doorstep. Like I said, good advice, but when you have that huge wall of ignorance staring at you, where you're more worried about surviving physically or socially, a woman is the least of your problems.

Also, TG people have shown up in the news in my city in horrifying ways. I think there was a story where one crossdressing TG(male to female) was beaten while in police custody, and one or two have been murdered.

Having moved out on my own(more or less) last year, I've been finally enjoying subtle crossdressing(painting my toenails, ) but dream of going all out. I just don't know where. Hell, for my personal style, I want to be more androgynous than passing for female, but the stuff I would love to do(like grow my hair long; since I'm African-American, I would have to wear weave, which I would not mind at all) I can't without raising flags.

I dream about going somewhere that is more accepting of CDs like SF, and where I will go all out, wearing what I want.

[Badtranny]

But, for where I live, even mentioning CD will get you laughed at and turned into a pariah...let along doing it.

Well, now we're jumping to a whole different plane of excuses. I was addressing the oft repeated complaint that women don't like CD's. The truth is women don't like creepy jerks or douche-bags no matter how they're dressed.

In regard to the acceptance of your particular location that's something you're going to have to work out on your own. I used to live in Bakersfield (redneck,religious,conservative), but I moved to the SF Bay Area when I decided to come out as gay back in 2006. Somebody stronger than me would have just stayed there and lived their lives, but I had to find some other way. If you're a CD then you only really need to come out to a tight circle of friends, but if you're so closeted that you never even go out dressed at all, not even in the nearest city, then you will have a very difficult time meeting a woman that will accept you because you're a long way from accepting yourself. You have no hope of being relaxed and confident if you harbor that kind of fear and shame.

I also think it's interesting that most of the closeted CD's around here have stated at one time or another that they would "kick somebody's ass" or whatever, and typically those threads turn into a toughest man on the internet contest as everybody chimes in about their various skills at ass kicking, but these are the same guys that are apparently scared of the men in their lives, or all men for that matter. I've known a few tough guys in my life, been lucky enough to date a couple and those guys didn't strike me as being very easy to intimidate. Is it possible that people on the internet are just full of crap?

[Krystalina]

Well, now we're jumping to a whole different plane of excuses. I was addressing the oft repeated complaint that women don't like CD's. The truth is women don't like creepy jerks or douche-bags no matter how they're dressed.

In regard to the acceptance of your particular location that's something you're going to have to work out on your own. I used to live in Bakersfield (redneck,religious,conservative), but I moved to the SF Bay Area when I decided to come out as gay back in 2006. Somebody stronger than me would have just stayed there and lived their lives, but I had to find some other way. If you're a CD then you only really need to come out to a tight circle of friends, but if you're so closeted that you never even go out dressed at all, not even in the nearest city, then you will have a very difficult time meeting a woman that will accept you because you're a long way from accepting yourself. You have no hope of being relaxed and confident if you harbor that kind of fear and shame.

I guess we can agree that women don't like creeps.

[Badtranny]

I guess we can agree that women don't like creeps.

Finally somebody agrees with me!!! ;-)

[Sweet Caroline]

Crossdressers dating ? What for ma I ask?