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Thread: Some less 'threatening' sites on Transgender/Transexuals?

  1. #1
    Member RachelDee's Avatar
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    Some less 'threatening' sites on Transgender/Transexuals?

    I wanted to tell my sister about my 'situation' but the sites ive found on the subject are intimidating to me! let alone anyone else.

    A lot seem to state absolutes, like people who recognise as being another sex hate themselves, and will die trying to change themselves to female (or male). Then it went on to discuss how crossdressing/tranvestism was a sexual fetish and not related to transexuals... infact it made me doubt myself to be honest.

    Do i gain satisfaction from appearing as the opposite sex? I would have to answer- Yes. However its become more of a sensual/comfort thing. I feel better about myself dressed as a female, and more content with myself than i do as a guy. I really have little interest in a male role (clothes, ect) and can't wait to change back into something to express the person i want to be. The thing is, is this the person i want to be -- or am i fooling myself somehow. Even if i want to be that person, practically how would it work out...

    Maybe im both female and male... I've thought about it. I cannot say im not scared by the prospect of living as a female totally. The thing that scares me most is passing amoung people outside (couldnt live life being scared of people 'guessing' or calling you names in the street or worse, being violent), and what my family will think (and react like) and how i will cope with life in general in a new role such as this. If it all goes horribly wrong i have no where to turn.

    Anyways, Im torn between sending a message in the hope of getting some support from a member of my family and also maybe im doing the wrong thing by telling someone. If i am just a 'crossdresser' or whatever then thats something more private that people dont have to know about (unless you are REALLY REALLY close to them that is). I don't want to cause myself pain if i don't have too....
    Last edited by RachelDee; 11-10-2005 at 06:22 PM.

  2. #2
    Ah-May-Lee
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    You sound very confused in your life right now. I would say if it is possible. talk to someone(professional) that can guide you through this time in your life.

    The only advise I can give, is that you find some kind of comfort level in your life. Find out if you really have to go all out and tell others, do you really have to go out and about? Try to find a happy medium that is satisfing to you. Try(with help) to find out who you are, maybe even, what you are. It is very confusing, there is no need to go fast at it. Piece of mind is most important, and one day you will have the answers you seek. You will find them, one day.
    Amelie
    xxx
    I thought the most beautiful thing in the world must be shadow. Sylvia Plath

  3. #3
    M/F - What is Drab? MandyTS's Avatar
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    Hello again Robert,

    For your first request, here is a website that is very down to earth and answers a whole lot of questions about transexuality etc.

    http://transwoman.tripod.com/

    Now there is nothing like your own words. Here are some of mine, this is actually a peliminary jacket cover on a book that I am writing about intersexed genderless individuals (pointing at me) defining ourselves in a bipolar society of two genders.

    [size=4] Acceptance is the Key to Life [/size]

    Mandy was born in 1982 about the mist of uncertainly, her gender was in question. The doctors assigned her as male and sent her home with two loving parents as Michael, a rambunctious yet withdrawn boy in San Diego California. After months of poking a prodding and a fateful trip to Los Angeles for testing life at home with her autistic sister at last was great. That was until Michael found out he was not like all the other boys in the world.

    For years Michael wanted to be a girl, dress like mommy, cook and knit like her. As a boy Michael had a hard time, when he did not grow facial hair or have his voice drop it was not too much of a concern for a few years. Michael lived in the closet, unable to tell her parents the true feeling living inside. Mandy was never really Michael, she was always a girl trapped in a malfunctioning male body that was sterile and unfeeling.

    Mandy was eight when she first learned she could be a girl someday, only five when she started wearing makeup and dressing in moms clothes. Through high school hormones given to her to make “him” more of a guy were rejected, the effects finally changing her voice at 17 years of age. It was not until college that Mandy found acceptance in herself and others followed.

    In 2005 Michael began the journey to become Mandy, the person she has been her whole life. The journey to find her true self.
    It is all about finding acceptance in yourself. I can not speak for all transpeople but for myself finding my true self is what it took... and I am ready to transistion.

    - Mandy
    [SIZE="4"]My life in a Quote[/SIZE]
    "I don't like sand. It's coarse, rough, irritating and it gets everywhere. Not like here. Everything’s soft and smooth."
    [SIZE="1"]—Anakin to Padmé - Star Wars - Episode 2 - Attack of the Clones[/SIZE]

    Occupying my own end of the gender spectra...

  4. #4
    Member RachelDee's Avatar
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    Thankyou for that site there my58vw. Thats an interesting story and i can see what you mean about acceptance.

    I have just begun to accept this as part of who i am (not there yet) but with regards to what Amelie said, the reason im feeling like i should act asap if this really who i want to be is that im 23 now, I read you stop growing at about 25. If i started now i might be able to get more out of hormone treatments and such than i would if i wait 2 years or so and then realise i want to start taking them. I keep reading on all the sites that the sooner you start treatment the better it is and the more chance you have of being the gender you want and actually looking like it and passing.

    I have been chatting to the therapist i go to see about this concern, but at the moment he just thinks im a transvestite and told me to explore this 'other side' to try and find out what it means (to me). However the therapist is for OCD not Gender 'issues' and i really wanted to talk to someone who kinda specalises in this sort of thing so they can give me proper advise (not that i dont trust the therapist i have now, but he is not a gender specalist).

    I have discovered that dressing isnt about sex really, that part of it does not 'fulfil' me at all, and ive never seen myself as a 'guy' in any thoughts either. I mean as a guy with a girl... its always been girl + girl (me as a girl)..... I'm not saying i cant get 'excited' its just that its starting to feel more and more wrong. I dont know if i feel 100% comfortable with being 'male'... I am enthusiastic about girls fashion and such -- ive spent more money on clothes in the past month than i have on guys stuff in my entire life lol. It's not about going out as a girl (as i said above that scares me in someways) its just more about me being able to look and be how i want...

    It's very confusing indeed, does not help that im an indecisive person anyway. I just wanted to try and tell someone closer to me so i could work up the courage to tell my parents, then go to teh doctor to get some help on figuring it out -- I think there is usually a large waiting list too so i really feel that time is not on my side. I know im 'young' as such but the longer i delay things and put off getting help (either help to be a girl.. or help to discover im not) the worse its going to be for me in the long run eitherway.
    Last edited by RachelDee; 11-10-2005 at 07:34 PM.

  5. #5
    Gold Member DonnaT's Avatar
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    Robert, you might find an answer regarding whether to tell your sister in a speech Helen Boyd once wrote. See http://www.myhusbandbetty.com/?p=475

    You may find it hard to explain if you do not understand yourself, however. And then again, your sister may be just the person to help you. Only you know how your relationship is with her. If it has been a good one, and you've been able to confide in each other, then talk to her.
    DonnaT

  6. #6
    Ah-May-Lee
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    I am not saying anything here to upset you or to say that you are wrong in any way. I want to help you.

    I still say time is your best option. Most Transexuals that I have met have been out and about as girls well before any hormone treatment. I am not being mean but you say you are kinda scared in going out as a female, and this is a major part of being a transexual. A transexual must live 24/7 as a woman, even before any treatment. OK there are some people who take treatments without being full time women, they are not transexuals.

    Like you said, sexual orientation has nothing to do with gender problems. But you might be having sexual problems because of the pressure of gender disphoria(sp).

    My opinion: Talk with a gender disphoria expert. I don't think that in your state of mind right now that you are ready mentally to be a woman(transexual). I feel that in my experience of talking to transexuals that there must be some time out and about in fem, before you do any serious changes to your body. Because if you do change your body it will be very difficult to stay in the closet, you will have to face the outside world one day.

    I am sorry for not answering your question on web-sites. I don't know any web-sites that would be help to you.
    I thought the most beautiful thing in the world must be shadow. Sylvia Plath

  7. #7
    Unofficial CD Mom Holly's Avatar
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    Robert, answers to the questions you are asking will not come quickly nor easily. But I applaude you for getting an early start. I/m nearly 60 years old and only within the last few years have really come to terms with who/what I am. My regret now is over all the time I wasted in denying myself the opportunity to be me. Had I come to terms with my own gender issues years ago, it's possible that my life would have taken a whole different path. But speculation is counter productive and I will not go there.

    Will your current therapist give you a referal to a specialist in gender issues? That's where I would start. Amelie gave you some wise and compassionate words. Our journey is confusing enough and getting professional help to find our way is a good idea.
    Fulltime girl on the inside.
    Lipstick=confidence

    [SIZE=4]Holly[/SIZE]

  8. #8
    Gold Member DonnaT's Avatar
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    http://www.transgendercare.com/ has some interesting information.
    DonnaT

  9. #9
    Jedi Penquin Stlalice's Avatar
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    Thumbs up Some information sites

    Websites with information about being transsexual and/or transitioning.

    www.transsexual.org

    www.ifge.org - International Foundation for Gender Education -

    www.altsex.org

    www.transgendercare.org

    All the above sites have some good info - of them the least threatening is likely Transsexual.org although the IFGE site is also quite good - and a goldmine of information as well. Hope this is some help to you.
    Last edited by Stlalice; 11-11-2005 at 06:23 AM.
    And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

    -Anais Nin

    Peace,

    Alice

  10. #10
    M/F - What is Drab? MandyTS's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amelie
    <snip> I still say time is your best option. Most Transexuals that I have met have been out and about as girls well before any hormone treatment. I am not being mean but you say you are kinda scared in going out as a female, and this is a major part of being a transexual. A transexual must live 24/7 as a woman, even before any treatment. OK there are some people who take treatments without being full time women, they are not transexuals. </snip>
    Blanket statement, and most of the time not necessarly a part of being a transexual, true or not. I am most definitly 100% a transperson (notice I did not say transexual, the label does not work for me because I am intersexed) and I have been a girl all my life, a little more than most ts people also. For most transpeople clothing has very little to do with it, clothing may be utilitarian for some, or just something that you wear because you are a girl and that is what girls wear (how many GG's feel).

    It was true in the past that you were required to live in the role of question for months or more before starting hormones, etc. Many of us just do not pass without hormones, etc and going out and being read is NOT was being a TS is about. For many TVs the thrill of going out "as a woman" is great but TS people ARE WOMAN and while once in a while they may venture outside many feel that putting on fake breasts, etc are not being themselves and perfer dressing (if they dress) at home before they are passable. Once they are quite passable adroginously they start living full time, at that point they are still themselves, not faking it but now they mostly pass, voice, mannerisms, etc become natural.

    This maybe hard for TVs and CDs to realize. I have no desire for the ultra feminine clothing, etc, I am content with normal everyday clothing that lets me pass. I am lucky that I can nearly pass now, but I perfer to go as I am in the avatar, 100% natural, nothing fake there, mild makeup, my own hair etc.... that is the woman inside, not the one that has to fake stuff to be there... and that is the difference. It is not about the act of passing but the act of living...

    Kind of hard to define "true transexual" anyway...

    Mandy
    [SIZE="4"]My life in a Quote[/SIZE]
    "I don't like sand. It's coarse, rough, irritating and it gets everywhere. Not like here. Everything’s soft and smooth."
    [SIZE="1"]—Anakin to Padmé - Star Wars - Episode 2 - Attack of the Clones[/SIZE]

    Occupying my own end of the gender spectra...

  11. #11
    Ah-May-Lee
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    Quote Originally Posted by MandyTS
    Blanket statement, and most of the time not necessarly a part of being a transexual, true or not. I am most definitly 100% a transperson (notice I did not say transexual, the label does not work for me because I am intersexed) and I have been a girl all my life, a little more than most ts people also. For most transpeople clothing has very little to do with it, clothing may be utilitarian for some, or just something that you wear because you are a girl and that is what girls wear (how many GG's feel).

    It was true in the past that you were required to live in the role of question for months or more before starting hormones, etc. Many of us just do not pass without hormones, etc and going out and being read is NOT was being a TS is about. For many TVs the thrill of going out "as a woman" is great but TS people ARE WOMAN and while once in a while they may venture outside many feel that putting on fake breasts, etc are not being themselves and perfer dressing (if they dress) at home before they are passable. Once they are quite passable adroginously they start living full time, at that point they are still themselves, not faking it but now they mostly pass, voice, mannerisms, etc become natural.

    This maybe hard for TVs and CDs to realize. I have no desire for the ultra feminine clothing, etc, I am content with normal everyday clothing that lets me pass. I am lucky that I can nearly pass now, but I perfer to go as I am in the avatar, 100% natural, nothing fake there, mild makeup, my own hair etc.... that is the woman inside, not the one that has to fake stuff to be there... and that is the difference. It is not about the act of passing but the act of living...

    Kind of hard to define "true transexual" anyway...

    Mandy
    I never said anything about "passing" in my posts. I never said anything about wearing fem clothes. or make-up. I never said anything about fake stuff. I never said that there were requirments that one must full fill to become a TS. You don't like labels but you say TV's and Cd's have have trouble to relizing,,just more labels. I am not a CD or a TV.

    I am saying to Robert that he should take his time,, that's all. I can only talk about the people that I have met in my life, I don't read books on TS's so my only info is from the people that I met. And all of the TS's that I have met, were not afraid to live(go out) as a woman, not matter what the clothes she wears before any body changes. The feeling of being a woman was so strong inside them that they went out as a female before body changing. In my opinion Robert isn't ready for changing his body, he sounds to confused to do major alterations to himself. I feel that going out as a female now will take away some of the fear she will have if she wants to go out as a female later on.
    All I am saying to Robert is take your time. I gave no bad advise to her.

    PS-Edit, I misread what you said about labels, sorry.
    Last edited by Amelie; 11-11-2005 at 06:53 AM.
    I thought the most beautiful thing in the world must be shadow. Sylvia Plath

  12. #12
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    Robert,

    I can't know all you are experiencing but a lot of what you have said here I have felt too. I have written extensively here about the experiences I've had so I won't repeat them now but I will tell you I have experienced more emotional pain this past year than I ever thought I could handle.

    As far as rushing your transition just because you want to realize the maximim benefit from HRT due to your age, realize that everyone is different. Some mature early, some late. Some have the genetics that would allow for a very successful transition at almost any age, some not at any age once testosterone has had its effect. Only an experienced doctor can give you a reasonably accurate assessment of what you can expect. I was 53 when I saw one and he told me, "I've been doing this a long time and I can tell who will do well and who won't. You'll do very well." So don't let the age issue be your sole motivation to transition.

    Your best bet is to first determine if transitioning is the right choice for you. If you come from a less than accepting family like mine I suggest you go as far as you can without disclosing anything to them. That way if you find it's not right for you no permanent damage will have been done. I took my therapist's advice and fully disclosed my intentions to transition and I lost my wife, my son and now it seems my daughter, not to mention my brother, mother and a couple of sisters. It's like I have the plague. And I'm not transitioning. So be careful about disclosure.

    The more you know the better chances you have of making the right decision. Besides the sites mentioned above, here are some others that might help you:

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