We are not supposed to exist

[Frédérique]

[SIZE="2"]You may look like we do
Talk like we do
But you know how it is
You’re not one of US...
(Peter Gabriel)

Warning – SERIOUS post!

“To many of you, people like me are not supposed to exist.” That’s what the young homosexual gentleman said, addressing the Iowa state legislature in support of legislation that would allow same-sex marriage – he stood up, looked out at the neat rows of intolerance, and showed everyone that not only does he exist, he is SUPPOSED to exist. To us, members of the GLBT community, it may seem ridiculous that many others “see” us as mistakes, abnormalities, or unwanted mutations that have appeared, as if by black magic, amongst the morally healthy proponents of gender correctness. Unless a favorable picture of US has been painted, either by way of words or deeds of kindness, we are not supposed to exist, which is another way of saying “You SHALL NOT exist.” This is a sad state of affairs, my friends...

Since we MtF crossdressers are aligned, for better or worse, with GLBT, I wish to transpose, overlay, or stretch this notion of non-existence over our own specific human condition. I don’t feel that I am all that transgendered, but my crossdressing suggests that I am – this is not the time and place for that discussion. Needless to say, I support all transgendered individuals. They definitely exist, in fact they make up (no pun intended) part of the fabric of humanity, just like gay, lesbian, and bisexual individuals do. IMHO, the fact that we DO exist means that we are supposed to exist, case closed. I, along with my queer comrades, came about naturally, and not because of some schism between good and evil. Just because one (or several) of the authors of the accepted human “handbook” didn’t like us, or didn’t feel we were worthy of recognition, we have become perpetually (and unfairly) maligned...

We aren’t supposed to exist – says who? I can’t imagine anyone buying into this hateful rhetoric, but they do, in droves, in lieu of any insight, information, or compassion one would feel for a fellow human being. I mean, it’s not like it used to be, so a new approach to queerness should be drafted and approved by the conformist majority – the human race, represented by a certain “group,” is no longer threatened with extinction, confined to that small part of the world where some people wrote down their prejudices and made them into precepts, so let’s think about the present for a change. You know what I’m talking about. To me, it’s very disappointing that a homosexual male has to get up and declare his right to exist in this day and age (the 21st century, for crying out loud!), since his particular human actuality is older and more established than any formal tome of conduct. We, the transgendered, are equally real in this regard...

If I am not supposed to exist, what am I doing here, and why am I conscious of my existence, both as a sentient human being and as an outsider? Many people wonder “Why are we here?” in grand cosmological terms, but this question is impossible to answer with any degree of certainty. The notion that variations amongst humans aren’t supposed to occur is, in itself, non-authentic. If there is no grand design, or no purpose to life, perhaps the collective organism (us) is trying to find other ways of being, according to circumstances, all as part of an ongoing evolutionary process – we are changing ourselves for the better, I feel, but others don’t like change and they will trot out all sorts of antiquated nonsense to stop it. The world is over-populated, and getting more so each day, which means there is plenty of room for variation in the populace – also, living is much less difficult than it was a few thousand years ago, so a queer person (G, L, B, or T) should have plenty of room to develop, and live life according to his or her own parameters or adopted precepts...

It is supreme arrogance to declare that a member of our GLBT community isn’t supposed to exist. Are ignorant people supposed to exist – are they serving some purpose for the good of humanity? Are intolerant people supposed to exist? Nobody questions those ideas, do they? I know for a fact that intolerance and ignorance exist, since I have no problem coming in contact with either of the two evils, but I have never questioned the existence of someone’s mindset, either self-developed or inherited, since doing so would violate basic human understanding. Am I better than they are? That’s not the question here – the question is one of acknowledgement. If you see me, you can make up your mind that I do exist, in fact I live in your midst, as my kind have done for centuries. Guess what? I represent the TRUTH...

There is no doubt in my mind that most people wish MTF crossdressers didn’t exist, but we do, and, if you must know, we have a right to exist. We are not harming anyone, although we seem to cause consternation for those who cannot understand why boys wish to be girls, either by adopting their appearance or imbuing oneself with all things feminine or anti-masculine. I am a girly man, no doubt about it, and I follow in the footsteps of others who were bold enough to experiment or challenge the oppressive status quo along gender lines. Apparently, from what I hear and read, this was not supposed to happen, but, looking around, I see many others who have found the courage and conviction to be different, by simply doing what comes naturally. We live in a hostile environment that sees queerness as a problem, so, by saying we don’t exist, any useful dialogue is neatly swept under the rug. Out of sight, out of mind, but if you don’t have a mind in the first place it’s very hard to be tolerant...

In closing I wish to once again state that I EXIST, and, even though I can’t see or touch my MtF sisters easily, I know they exist as well. I am not the designated spokesperson for the “T” in GLBT, but I think in this day and age it would be unreasonable to expect anyone (any outsider, that is) to listen to me, let alone look my way and feel compassion. Not only would I be seen as a hideous mistake by all who wished I didn’t exist, but I’m sure every intolerant member of my semi-captive audience would mentally paint a target on my pretty dress. “He’s doing something we don’t understand!” they would cry, just before turning a deaf ear. I’m lucky – back in the old days I would be stoned to death, or worse, and the conformists, with their drab lives, would carry on without having to deal with interesting people like me (and us)...

That’s too bad, because we occur in nature, just like every other sub-variation of humanity. Against the wishes of those who agree with a certain standard of correctness, I am somehow seen as imagined or fictitious, and not a verified fact. To have real existence you need to BE, and that is not a topic for discussion. I am present and accounted for, in all actuality, a true individual who exists amongst the non-believers. Turn away if you must, but please acknowledge my undeniable existence – I am not an illusion, and I am under no illusion as to my personal state of reality...

We are not supposed to exist – what do you think about that idea? Does ignorance rule? [/SIZE]

[janet54]

I agree with you so much. We are here and have the right to be here and there is alot of us Sister!!!!

[KellyJameson]

I don't feel that you are all that transgendered either and I'm glad because I would not wish it on anyone even though I'm also equally glad that I am.

There are few who come to mind that fight for their right to be an individual as much as you Frédérique, you have the courage of a leader and a heart that would prevent you from exploiting the very people you lead as a path to power, a rare combination.

Tolerance for individuality probably became a problem once there was more than one human being on the planet and with every additional person added the problem grows so the problem is inside each of us.

With the recognition of are own mortality and that our lives could be ended or extended by anothers actions it did not take long before justifying our right to exist became part of the fabric of life.

Competition with others for those things necessary to survival contrasted against needing others for survival creates a tension between every single human being with a Push-Pull / Love-Hate effect we all must learn to contend with.

Intolerance is an emotional problem and the emotion is some variant of fear that ignorance keeps the person locked into. If this fear is not challenged (but challenged in a way that does not increase it) not only does it not decrease it grows, Gandhi understood this.

Asserting your individuality is the greatest gift a person can give to help insure humanities survival because otherwise we will go mad with fear and turn on each other like rabid dogs.

“A person who has not been completely alienated, who has remained sensitive and able to feel, who has not lost the sense of dignity, who is not yet "for sale", who can still suffer over the suffering of others, who has not acquired fully the having mode of existence - briefly, a person who has remained a person and not become a thing - cannot help feeling lonely, powerless, isolated in present-day society. He cannot help doubting himself and his own convictions, if not his sanity. He cannot help suffering, even though he can experience moments of joy and clarity that are absent in the life of his "normal" contemporaries. Not rarely will he suffer from neurosis that results from the situation of a sane man living in an insane society, rather than that of the more conventional neurosis of a sick man trying to adapt himself to a sick society. In the process of going further in his analysis, i.e. of growing to greater independence and productivity,his neurotic symptoms will cure themselves.”
― Erich Fromm

[Krististeph]

Nietzsche: " God is dead. "


God: "Neitzsche is dead..."


Anyone who thinks they have the answer, well...


"If you meet the buddah on the road, kill him"



I still think a lot of the fear and loathing is from a lack of willingness to consider the huge realm of facts in the world today. Intellectual laziness to a degree, but also being bombarded with too much new " non-compliance" with the assumed norms. It is way too easy to simply find something some one else has said, especially if it promises a gift after the fact, and convince one's self that this is all they need to do to get the big reward.



Honestly, it's close to plagiarism, and it is certainly not thinking for one's self.


"I'm right and you are wrong, and here is a sentence that i can say proves me right."


So either: We are made the way we are, and thus cannot be excluded from the 'master plan',

or if we are an aberration, well, then, that's tantamount to saying the creator screwed up. Hey, no arrogance there, humans deciding that their creator screwed up...


Gosh, how erudite and wise you are, please tell me more of the things you found your creator to have screwed up on... freaking room temperature intellects.



These holier than thou twits need to quit playing lawyer. I love the one where someone came up with a 10^80:1 chance against random formation of life. Not only did they not disclose their sources for the variables and constants, the simple fact that some basic molecules and acids tend to self replicate introduces the effect of convergence, rather than random chaos.


Funny how these folks are almost -1 correlation with math and science skills. Seems it must be too hard, so they go off and develop their own little supposed "science". But without peer review or using the scientific method, they claim higher knowledge than people who have spent 10 times as long in studying.



Bruised ego cults, they are. Going the scientific route, one has to endure many personal mistakes, followed by getting up, dusting one's self off, and trying again. This is humility, and is why you never see scientists getting up and declaring ultimate knowledge of everything (42?) like their non-learned counterparts.



They simply cannot stand the thought of realizing they are not as smart as they wish they were... so they flock to a group which caters to their egos.



But take heart- in the age old battle of armor against artillery- the artillery always wins in the end. Exclusionism is by definition: armor.



A little learning is a dangerous thing. Drink deep, or taste not that Pierian spring, where shallow drafts intoxicate the brain, but drinking largely makes us sober again.

[sissystephanie]

There may be people who do think that WE do not exist. The WE being all those who are different!! But our numbers are growing, while those who think we do not exist are getting less and less. I guess it is something to consider, as Freddy did, but it is something that I will not lose any sleep over!

[Kaitlyn26]

I agree.

Without difference there would be no tolerance. Without tolerance there would be no forgiveness. Without forgiveness, there would be no benevolent God. Without a benevolent God, there would be no beings created in his image.

Thank a different person for your creation. That is all.

[Lesley_Roberta]

My straight to the point thoughts on this.

Weeeeeeeeell we have all heard it before, you need to prove he doesn't exist, in order for them to shut up about it. Ok well I still say show him to me or shut up.

Meanwhile, I DO exist, and I have pictures to prove it too.

[kimdl93]

Ignorance seems to predominate these days. I see it as the denial of reality. A segment of our population wants to believe that we shouldn't exist or that once upon a time, we didn't exist. Of course, our very presence challenges that distorted reality.

[Marleena]

Maybe the aliens keep visiting us to see the colony and try to figure out how genetic issues have arisen. I think they were looking for perfection and screwed up in a lot of areas. Maybe they aren't so advanced afterall. No wonder they won't show their faces, they're embarrassed.

Anyways we're here and do exist so anybody who doesn't like it can f*** off! lol.

[StaceyJane]

I believe I need to see a mathematical proof showing I do exist, until then I will just assume I don't.

[Cynthia Anne]

For what it's worth, if WE didn't exist who's gonna' buy all those breast forms and those size 13 heels!!! There's go the economy!
I exist and am proud of it! Hugs!

[Sandra1746]

We have as much proof of our existence, and our right to exist as those who would deny us those same rights. They just can't get it through their thick skulls that not everyone thinks like they do.

As for [pseudo]science; I tweak the creation science folks by pointing out that life on earth is evidence of a higher intelligence: we are the discarded science experiments of a super-advanced alien life form. Somehow that doesn't fit their model.

Those who would make everyone the same should study Germany between 1933 and 1945, that is where it leads and it isn't a pretty picture.

Then again, if I don't exist can I get a refund of all the state and federal taxes I've paid over the years?

Just being a curmudgeon again,
Hugs,
Sandra1746

[Dawn cd]

There is kind of human thinking that divides all reality into polarized boxes: good/bad, male/female, liberal/conservative., etc., etc. People who do this kind of thinking are basically simpletons who lack imagination and distrust creativity. They can't imagine a situation where someone has a foot in two boxes simultaneously (for instance, both male and female) because that would explode their "box theory" which they believe was designed by God, or Mother Nature, or Whomever. These are the same small people who know how everyone else is "supposed" to behave or exist. Don't bother with them, Freddie, because they, themselves, are small; they live in a very small box and their bites are like insect bites. Instead, let your imagination go. Become larger. It is your task to bring polarities together, breaking down the walls, reaching out to embrace an ever-larger reality.

[Alyla]

courage does not always roar.
sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying,
I will try again tomorrow

I read this little saying every morning; it allows me to be brave, and to step over my failure. Freddie, we do exsist! The multiple combinations and recombinations of our genetic family allow in a wonderous way for our evolution away from old manners of existence. To paraphrase, change happens, albiet slowly, but it happens. Not in an election, it does not erupt spontaneously, and when it does erupt, people run in fear as if some kind of ordained providence manifested itself. And they don't like it. Basic premise = people want change. Basic truth = people are afraid of change. My opinion - good change equals nostalgia, i.e., turning back the clock to yesteryear. Basic premise no. 2 = clocks do not run backwards.
Basic Truth no.2 time marches to the future. Change will happen over the eons, evolution will occur as our genome becomes more amalgamated.
perhaps as we spawn over a bigger geography both culturally and physically, certain physical traits and adaptations will become homogenized in to a well blended society. As I grow within myself, I am finding a greater ability to cultivate within a sense of patience with the world and others. It is a long road we traverse; Sometimes I wonder about the last exit on the interstate; what will be my next meta physical reality. I hope I am moving towards homeostasis, and my humanity will be just literally blown away into a universal star dust.

I have reached a point where I don't really care about my gender; I would actually prefer to be in a world where gender pronouns and such didn't exist. Some days I think we are trapped in our language, our spiritual viewpoints of the world have not kept up with realities of our physical undrstanding of the world. Culturally and spiritualy we need to catch up evolutionarily with where our knowlege is taking us.

I will try again tomorrow to step into the world as we know it, even as I believe there will be a new sun rising one day, that will be void of the trangressions of hate, intolerance, misogyny, and fear.

Thanks Frederique, for making me think, and allowing me to share. Find your peace, accept yourself, and give up your fear of those whom have a narrow view of our world.

Alyla

[Kelly Blaine]

After reading Transgender Explained by Joanne Herman I do agree with your thoughts.

[Barbara Ella]

I am so happy thet Frederique is back and posting again.

"I think, therefore I am." This statement by Sartre has almost gained a universal acceptance as a truth. I happen to accept it as a biological certianty that until an entity thinks, they cannot be. Albeit entities can think on different levels, it holds.

I would add - If I am, I exist.

The question then has nothing at all to do with what others want to pontificate. All their diatribes serve only to cloud the real issue which they are trying to avoid.

Do cross dressers think? DO YOU? From what I have seen in this forum, I been exposed over and over to intellectual thoughts that make the normal population blush in ignorance. As crossdressers we are continually forced to analyze and over analyze what we do in an attempt to maintain our sanity. The normal public does not use their "thinking" process nearly as much as we do. Therefore, we are more existant (word?) than the normal population.

So, dear Frederique, please keep thinking. With every thought you exist more and more. And to the community in general, you are thinkers. Therefore, you are exist, and you are the hope for the future.

Thank you dear Frederique for forcing us to think, and thereby to exist.

Hugs, Barbara

[Miriam-J]

When I started seeing a therapist about a number of family issues a few years ago, she informed me that the number one rule in our sessions was that there would be no "should" or "supposed to be" statements. Things just "are" or "aren't". I've embraced this in my everyday thinking ever since.

It doesn't matter whether we should exist. The fact is that we do. So everyone else should just live with it. But, the fact is that they don't just live with it. So, what are we going to do about it? If we feel that we want to express ourselves openly, then we need to somehow promote a change in attitude amongst the general population. This has been done successfully by other previously marginalized communities. We must follow their example or resign ourselves to the present reality.

Miriam

[Krististeph]

Ignorance seems to predominate these days. I see it as the denial of reality. A segment of our population wants to believe that we shouldn't exist or that once upon a time, we didn't exist. Of course, our very presence challenges that distorted reality.

I see it as the denial of reality.

Bingo! Give that CD a 50's shirtdress! :-) I can actually understand it a little, our society is much more complex in many ways that it ever was. But ignorance is never the best answer, IMO. Can't say i'm always happier for all the truths that i've found, but i'd rather know than to be unaware.

[Krististeph]

I believe I need to see a mathematical proof showing I do exist, until then I will just assume I don't.

reminds me of Gary Larson's:

[Talldrinkofwater]

"This world's an accident" -Eddie vedder
"Je pense, donc, je suis" -Decartes

I like to think of things in terms of light/dark, good/evil, Jedi/sith. There will always be hatred, but love is all it takes to overcome this.
"all you need is love" -john lennon

[Clueless]

Currently in the US, ignorance certainly does have a lot of supporters. If the bigots & the moral minority had their way, LGBT people (along with other "undesirables" such as: the very poor, homeless, mentally disabled, minorities, etc) would be separated from their idea of a perfect society. The outright hate they have reminds me a bit of the camps in Europe during the mid 1930's to mid 1940's. Each class of the "undesirables" had a unique identifying patch they were required to wear. It makes you wonder what they would do to us today, if they could do want they wished. The really sad part is there are so many valid problems in the world people should be focusing on. Maybe it's easier for a lot of people to hate, rather than tolerate.

I wonder if the public's perception would change if the entire LGBT community (CDers included) openly stood up for our civil rights, as African Americans did in the 1960's. Could our society function free of hate & prejudice as portrayed in the movie: "Demolition Man"? Would people want to live in a tolerant peaceful society, or do they need scapegoats to hate for validation? Have many people been programmed to hate in order to feel good about themselves? I'm sure the people who feel forced to wear masks for acceptance, would feel better if they could be open without fear. Does the human race in general even have the capability to transcend idiotic societal limitations to find true happiness?