Don't think I'll ever get back.....

[Karren H]

... the trust I lost when my wife found out... Not that I really expected to.

Just an update on what's going on. After what 6 years.... Nothing really.

This weekend we were cleaning out the shed and she came across on small old black suitcase. She turns to me and says "you want to give me a hint on what's in here before I open it up?". Well.... I think its your grandmothers old typewriter.... Lol. Was kind of funny.... At least to me... Not to her.... And when I get home like 10 minutes late from work she let's me know she noticed I'm getting home late.... Like I stopped at a rest area and dressed for 10 minutes.... Ok bad example... But the truth is I don't think she will ever trust me like she used to.... And it hurts... But I accept it as part of what I did or didn't do and moved on.... Ohh well... I don't open up much so that's about the most your going out of me... raise the shields Scotty!

[Cindy M]

Gives You a hug
Hang in there!

[AngelaKelly<3]

That's a bummer! sorry to hear that you're having issues with trust between you and your wife. I can only extend my love across the pond to you, hope that it get's better for you and the trust comes back :P

[StaceyJane]

Sometimes we have to make some tough bargains with our wives.
I went through a tough time at first with my wife but she has accepted that I'm still the crazy, loving person she married.

Also getting dressed for 10 minutes on the way home sounds kind of fun.

[AllieSF]

Yep, there goes another hug from the sunny and warm, and dry West Coast. You are a Yooper Trooper.

[steph1964]

I'm sorry to hear that. My wife pretended it didn't exist for 13 years until I sat her down last year and told her again. We have been on a roller coaster since then and there have been a lot of trust issues. For a while she kept wanting to check my phone, or would ask me what I was just doing on the computer. And I told her I was a CD, she didn't catch me. I think it is a natural process. We have talked about it alot and things have improved.

[Kathi Lake]

I understand completely! I often catch her staring at body parts - looking for changes. I notice she combs through bank statements, checks in with me at work (wow. She literally just called me again as I was typing this), and other things. I know the trust is gone, but I haven't dressed since October.

What's it going to take?

Kathi

[Amanda22]

That is sad, Karren. I hope her trust of you grows. I don't understand why this would cause her to distrust you.

[JerseyGirlDonna]

Karren, I know exactly what you're going through. I hope things get better for you and your wife. Hugs, Donna

[NathalieX66]

Truly sorry to hear this , Karren you've always been an inspiration to us with your humor.
i forget how easy I have it as someone who is single.
Even that has it's challenges. ....you know, telling a Romantic prospect this side of me.

[Karren H]

Thanks.... A bunches. I really never expected any kind of improvement. Quite to the contrary I expected our relationship to go south and never recover. But maintaining the status quo isn't all bad. Imho. And we have a good marriage as long as we each play the parts scripted out on the marriage certificate! Too bad its not digital and I can go back and edit it.... Lol.

[kimdl93]

Karren, I don't know how one recovers trust. I did something far worse than keeping a secret from my ex - I had a brief, clumsy affair. Her hurt and anger have never lessened. I just wonder if there's some way to reach her. Surely, she would acknowledge that despite this one idiosyncracy, you're a deeply committed, loving spouse and parent, a good provider and an active and interesting person.

[xxprincess_tiffyxx]

I know your pain hun. Things didn't last too terribly long for me and my now ex after she found out after about 6 years. Now I'm back to single it's taken some adjusting but things are going well now.

[Karren H]

Somethimes I think an affair might have been easier to recover from? On the positive side she let's me play all the hockey I want!! Ok. Almost all the hockey I want....

[Stephanie47]

I really feel sorry for your situation. Although the vast majority of us on this site have never met you in person, your postings have revealed a lot about you. You have a good sense of humor. You are a classic 'bread winner.' You engage in activities to keep your mind and body active. The scales of marriage truly a weighted in your wife's favor. The one little coin of your side of the scale that your wife perceives as a fault, is probably the singular coin that has molded you into the fine person you appear to be.

[Marleena]

Karren you always rise above it with a smile. I find your sense of humor amazing even with all of the wife distractions you have. She obviously isn't on board with your dressing and this was just another reminder. Thanks for sharing, I wish somebody could get through to her and let her know how amazing we think you are.

[CloserthanthisGG]

I really feel sorry for your situation. Although the vast majority of us on this site have never met you in person, your postings have revealed a lot about you. You have a good sense of humor. You are a classic 'bread winner.' You engage in activities to keep your mind and body active. The scales of marriage truly a weighted in your wife's favor. The one little coin of your side of the scale that your wife perceives as a fault, is probably the singular coin that has molded you into the fine person you appear to be.

I second this completely, for what it's worth. I was trying really hard to think of the way to say what I was thinking and Stephanie has put it way more eloquently than I could. I feel a bit guilty for my own happiness in my relationship. I hope and wish that this does get easier for you and for everyone on this forum.

[Deidre]

im sorry hun dont know wht to say but heres a big HUG

[bobbimo]

Karren! Thanks so much for putting your photo link in your signature. And the photo spread is amazing.
You have gotten even more beautiful with age!
I'm sorry that your wife is not with you on your CDing. She should realize what an amazing woman you are and have some fun with it.
I came out last year to my wife, and we are both reading "my husband Betty"
she has 2 fears. One is that I will turn gay and leave her for a man.
and the other is that she will find out she has lesbian tendencies.
So far we are just having fun with my dressing and she does admit I have gotten prettier. (blush).
We haven't gone out yet, and I really want her to go out with me, because she is my best friend.
I wish I could wave a magic wand and help you out. But its not like you cheated on her. The gender issue is so huge and there is not pat answer why we do what we do. As long as you love her and can tell her that then things have a chance of getting better.
Hang in there

[Lorileah]

Technically Karren she believes you spend 5 minutes dressing before the drive home and five minutes behind the local Dairy Queen taking it all off.

Yes you can never undo what has been done. Dynamics change. I think you have it as good as you are going to get. And I also think she has a pretty good catch. You are very tolerant and understanding with her mother, you do a lot of Honey do maintenance around the house and you are a good spouse and parent.

Have you considered adding jeans to your wardrobe? Maybe she would be less concerned if you wore denim.

[paulaprimo]

i'm an easy going and humorous person myself and someone once told me the ones who joke and laugh the must usually are the ones that hurt the most... kinda hit home with me! i'm sure that the trust issue with your wife bothers you, probably alot! trust is a very important key to any relationship and as much as i try to be a very honest person, i am still in the closet! i would hate to be found out and for people to think that if i lied about my dressing, my whole life was a lie because that would be the furthest thing from the truth. i hate the fact that i do hide my dressing, but for numerous personal and professional reasons, i do. i would hate the fact that everything i accomplished in my life was tainted because i was found out. it would bother me a great deal.
its a shame people are not more understanding and accepting, because the majority of us are decent people... we just like to dress!
its too bad that everything you do now, and every time you are late, your wife is going to think the worst. i guess if i was in her shoes, (i would be jealous of your beauty...lol) i would think and feel the same way, although still very unfair to you. you seem to be are a very caring person (not to mention very likable). i think she is a very lucky girl to have you, and the fact she's hung in there for the past 6 years, makes me think that she realizes that. keep your chin up, hang in there, and get your ass home on time...lol GO RANGERS

[BRANDYJ]

Karen, you have been someone I've liked and admired from day one joining here. I have known about your wife's lack of acceptance for just about as long as I've gotten to learn and remember who you were. I have always admired the way you put your wife and your marriage before your own need to dress. You made it clear how this bothers you. Yet, you always did it with humor and respect for your wife. I have never sensed a selfish bone in your body. It's refreshing to me to see at least one CD put his marriage and wife first. I read to many threads where it appears the CD is whining about his wants and needs with little regard for his wife. NOT YOU. What little i know of you here from just reading your posts, you must be blessed with a terrific wife that is worth putting your needs behind her wishes. I wish there was some way she could begin to trust you, to put it behind her and begin to love all of you even if not to fully accept or even like you being a CD.
I just want to thank you for showing us that there is a way to make a marriage work in spite of not having the support of your wife and without putting her down for feelings she can't change for whatever reason. I just know you are a good husband and that you appreciate, respect and love your wife in spite of her not being able to let go of her fears or whatever it is she can't come to terms with.
Thanks Karen...Thanks for being here..Thanks for sharing... Thanks for making us laugh at times...

All this in spite of my not liking hockey and your hatred for jeans! But to me, you are one of the special ones here.

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

Your situation is as close to mine as one can imagine. My wife does let me indulge my wims quite a bit but she does not trust like she once did. I told her about my crossdressing about 6+ years ago and we have come a long way with it but the trust is not there like before. I am not as open with her as she would like but she really has nothing to worry about since she is the only one for me and I do appreciate all that she puts up with. Good luck Karren, I am praying for you and your wife.

[Tina B.]

Wow, have I been on this forum that long, I remember when you first started talking asobut your wife finding out, and how she took it. I could only hope at the time, that with time it would get better, as it has for so many others, sorry to hear that it hasn't. I guess it that old can't put the Jennie back in the bottle thing. That's why I find myself reluctent to recomend telling the truth always, not everyone is ready for the truth. You also get my hugs Karren, your one of the people that have kept me coming back day after day all these years.
Tina B.

[Cynthia Anne]

I suggest instead of getting home ten minutes late you leave for work ten minutes early!