Labels: The Black Hole between CD and TS.

[Anna Lorree]

You aren't missing anything Nathalie.... you should be grateful that you are comfortable with yourself, that your gender and your sex line up. You were able to grow up and live your life as yourself (not talking about the CDing here). One thing that you'll hear a lot of transexuals say is they wish they could have grown up being the gender they identify as. Not only do a lot of us not grow up as the gender we identify as, but we also miss out on a lot of growing up PERIOD, because we hide from everyone, we hide from all the experiences we could have had for either gender. I spend most of my growing up alone... Most of my growing up was me spending time with myself... living through other mediums because I could not stand to be the boy I was 'supposed' to be and not being able to be the girl I was... so my growing up was like a purgatory.

I have to agree with Bree here. I grew up in a large family on a dairy farm and so wasn't alone, but I spent a lot of time "alone" in my own head. As for not growing up, my therapist has told me that in her opinion I never completed social development and developing self-awareness during puberty. She estimated that I stopped my progress around age 15, which just happens to also be the year when I realized I was supposed to have been a girl, and the year I nearly killed myself.

Being TS is not fun, I would gladly give it away if I could.

Anna

[busker]

Yes, everybody hates 'labels', but it is what we humans do, and we have been doing it since the dawn of time. We labeled edible plants and animals as 'Food', we labeled one sex as men the other as woman. It's how we keep things straight in our minds. Are all labels absolutely correct? No, but they still have a purpose.

So the debate goes on, who is a cross-dresser, who is Transgender and who is transexual? The last one is easy. If you feel trapped in the wrong body and want to change it, even if you don't have the means to do so, then you are transexual.
But the other 2 are much less defined. Probably because they are fairly new terms created to help define the once very broad term transvestite. Most modern definitions state that a transgender is anyone presenting themselves as a gender other than the one they were born with. So by that definition I am most definitely Transgender.

I think the sticking point comes down to that phrase 'presenting themselves', what exactly constitutes presenting? For me it means that I go out in public and dress like, walk like and act like a woman. I want people around me to think 'there goes a woman' ( OK I really want them to think 'There goes an attractive woman', but that is another story).

So where does that put the wide range of others here that stretch from wearing panties, sometimes, under their male pants, to those that dress fully, go out but still keep facial hair? I don't know, but I think that if you are going to try and draw the line between a 'Cross-dresser and a transgender, look to that definition and ask yourself 'Am I trying to present myself as a woman?'

Once you have done this, just forget the label and go enjoy yourself!

Jess, that is the problem I think about often. Crossdressing is a physical act and it doesn't necessarily mean anything. If I understand the "drag queen" terminology, these are "entertainers" who don women's clothing and beneath , there is nothing going on that is in any way connected with "female or transgendered". One can be transgendered an still wear a suit. It is a mental state, and one could be a TS, pre or post-op and still wear a suit. The presentation would be how someone acts. Actors who wear women's clothing attempt to fool the viewer--not unlike your average CD. Often what "outs" people is their mental presentation (e.g. their mannerisms don't match what our brains tell us a woman should be doing). One can be a spy and still dress like a beach bum. We really ought to address the mental states of a person to determine where they are on the spectrum. Isn't that the reasoning that transvestites were listed as deviants in the DSM? They were considering a "mental presentation" rather than the physical clothing aspect. We base everything on clothing here but I don't think that gets to the root of who we really are. Actually, in calling ourselves crossdressers , we may be doing ourselves a disservice.

[whowhatwhen]

Can't we all just get along?


I did however come to the realization that quite a few of my posts were fishing for a label, I see this in others as well.
Is it easier to be labeled by someone else than to take responsibility for ourselves?

The only thing I can think of is how scary it is to not know, and we desperately search for someone - anyone to tell us who we really are.
Well, at least from my perspective - I won't lump anyone else in here

So yeah, take that as a sort of apology for hounding you guys for something that I can only discover myself.

Being a TG is a matter of your own thinking, and can be changed if you really want to!! But that is the hard part, YOU have to want to!!

Oh, how my bank account wishes that were true.
Also so would my depression, body image, ect...

There are countless examples on here of people who tried to "stop" being TG, it never works out and you can bet there is mental harm involved.
Why do you think reparative therapy never works and ends up with damaged individuals?

[muzzy]

The way I see myself is as a crossdresser....I wear womens clothes to make myself feel good...I don't have sex with men but if I did I would call myself gay.If I had a operation and had my penis removed and wore womens clothes,I would call myself a transexual.If I go out in the world regularly wearing womens clothes I would call myself a transvestite.have I missed any.I have never gone out and called myself a label.xoxo

[NathalieX66]

Sparks fly. ^^^
Lots of ongoing scientific data saying TS's brains are wired differently.....yeah, all theory, I know.

All I know is that those who have gender identity issues, and are rectifying it through HRT and whatever surgical operations, seem to be happier after is is said and done. I side with them.
.....at least the ones I know, and met.

[KellyJameson]

I have to agree with Bree, Childhood is purgatory but at the time it feels like hell.

Hi Stephanie. I think you meant well but I also believe I understand why Bree was angered by your comment

We live the experience of being human beings, we do not "think" we are human beings we "know" it.

I "know" I am a male bodied female just as I "know" I am a human being.

This experience is probably impossible for someone to understand who is not living it because you do not "feel" it so cannot "know" it.

I have found some understanding of myself by what my black friends tried to teach me about being black in a white world, I do not "know" what it feels like to be black in relation to white and I take being white for granted. Those whose body and mind align take it for granted.

This is a very limited example because it only touches on the experience of being female in a male body or male in a female body.

Imagine that you "know" something that is opposite what every other person is telling you is true.
It is a living insanity where the only hope of sanity is to go deeper into the insanity, but this insanity is not really yours but created by others who refused to believe what you knew to be true.

Your truth did not make you sick but others inability to see the truth did. This tension that lives inside you making you feel as if at any moment you will burst into a thousand flying pieces going into all different directions leaves you fearing death and wanting it at the same moment and it is always with you ready to be triggered by almost every life experience, all you want is escape but you do not know what you are trying to escape from or where to go for escape.

For me this resulted in complex PTSD because the trauma of living in a world that did not recognize me was to much for my mind to bear just like for some war is. It is a moment by moment attack on you that never stops.

[Bree-asaurus]

Having been a CD for over 60 years, and having experienced things that many of you have never even heard of, I do think I do know what I am talking about. I would like to see the proof that Bree apparently has that shows that Transsexuals are hard wired in their brains. None of the doctors that I have spoken with about sexual problems have ever mentioned that, simply because it is not true. Being a TG is a matter of your own thinking, and can be changed if you really want to!! But that is the hard part, YOU have to want to!!

I am sorry for not responding to other posts like I should. At my advanced age, and not very good health, I don't always have the energy to do the responses! But I do know what I am talking about, and when I do respond to a thread my response is correct!

I think you're age might have a little to do with how stuck in your ways you are.

For the record, for everyone else to read, Sissy Stephanie believes that transexuals can THINK their way into no longer being transsexual.

I don't think I need to say anything else. You have made it pretty clear that you are totally clueless... and incredibly amusing! Thanks for the good laugh lol! I'm glad all your experience as a cross dresser have totally educated you on what it's like to be transsexual. You apparently know more about it than every transsexual on the planet! You should write a book! We'll put it right up there with the SCIENTOLOGY: A NEW SLANT ON LIFE

[Debglam]

Being a TG is a matter of your own thinking, and can be changed if you really want to!! But that is the hard part, YOU have to want to!!

Stephanie, that may be true for you but I can tell you, as someone who does not consider themselves to be TS but bigendered, that I was born the way I am. I was never dropped on my head, dressed as a girl, had any early childhood experience that "feminized" me, yet as early as 7 or 8 years old, I knew I wanted to be a girl. The only explanation that makes any sense to me is that there is some biological reason for it. Believe me, I spent most of my life struggling to be "normal" and if it was a matter of simply wanting it, I wouldn't be typing this message right now.

Debby

[ReineD]

OK folks, when it gets to a personal level like this, it's time to shut it down.