Why I am so reluctant

[ReluctantDebutant]

Hello I have been a lurking member for quite a while and I have learned so much from reading your posts. I felt it was time to discuss my dilemma with cross-dressing In hopes of finding some good advice or at least another like me.

I have periodic deep seeded urges to cross-dress. To deal with it I cross-dress when I can. I feel an immense joy dressing and admiring myself or at least part of myself that I feel I got right. My mind needs to be focus on the clothes at all time for me to derive pleasure form dressing. If I focus on TV, books, games, walking around the mall or anything else the fun seems to dissipate like a puff of smoke. Soon the clothes feel just like clothes and nothing special. After awhile say during a commercial or alike it dawns on me that I have been in drag for quite a while without it being particularly any fun. Usually at this point the clothes become uncomfortable. The heels hurt the feet, the wig feels like I am wearing a wool hat in the summer, Breastforms seem to be in the way etc... It is not fear of being discovered or some sense of self loathing that gets me to change back into drab. It is the practicality of it no longer being fun and a desire to wear comfortable clothes again that get me to change. I end up feeling disappointed in what the initial urge seemed to promise and what I ended up getting. I end up feeling like and Alcoholic who goes to a bar has one drink gets sloshed for five minutes from that drink throws up and then spends the night and next day with a killer hangover only to do the same thing over again the next time I hit the bars.
Every time I get the urge I become more and more skeptical more and more wary of spending all that time and money knowing the fun will be short and the disappointment long. Yet the urge is too powerful and will always come again. Willing it to be more fun is just about as useless as willing it to go away.

Any advice or a kindred spirit?

[NathalieX66]

If I may:

I think there's still a smither of, what I would call....internalized transphobia?

I was there once too.
I started crossdressing somewhere between ages 5 and 7, can't remeber where exactly. I dressed in secret for a very long time until I was about 28, and put it away for good , in the hopes that it (the crossdressing) would finally go away if I acted strong. The reality is the human imagination is what it is, and this part of me is my identity (sexuality, self identity, and all), and I've finally accepted it. I made the best lemonade out of the lemons I was born with (....mine has a nip of rum in there too )

What was great was I found outlets to be this side of me, and be social, and meet others like myself....because I needed to. And the funny thing is , it worked.

Some suffer from Gender Identity Disorder, and at varying degrees. Others just have a side that they need to express in order to feel themselves. And others just find sexual excitement . I'm OK with all three, as if this really matters to anyone, probably not.

Anyway, welcome to the club.

[ReluctantDebutant]

Thank you fro your reply Nathalie.

Internalized Transphobia? perhaps. But its been a long time since I beat myself up or felt shame and self loathing over my cross dressing. Its been 15 or so years since I accepted that I was a crossdresser and the selfbeatings over it were going to stop. Ever since then I have been exploring my crossdressing edges. I don'r bemoan finding this barrier. I just can't seem to stand this urge to ram my head into it every so often. I can see over that barrier as a life of dressing more often perhaps even 24/7. If I can't even last an hour or two in drag without getting bored and my drab clothes looking more and more comfortable how can I expect to cross that barrier or even want to. I understand that every crossdressers different and this is probably my limit. I am just tired of these urges, the pink fog, or what have you throwing me agianst this wall like a tenis ball.

Perhaps I can put this another way. Many people here seem happy and content after the intially dress. They can last all day not only that the are more fullfilled for having dressed in drag. Me, I feel "meh" about dressing for long periods. I am ok with "meh". "Meh" means Drab isn't a pain for me. What gets me is getting lost in that pinkfog that gets me to believe once again that the joy of Drag will last and not go away.

[suzy1]

Cross dressing is different for everyone. From those that just like to put on a female article of clothing for a sexual buzz to those [like me] that just feel normal wearing woman’s clothing.

It almost sounds like you are trying to be something you are not, Trying to be a full on crossdresser if I can put it that way.

As for comfortable clothes, if I were to wear an uncomfortable bra for a long time I would not get a lot of pleasure out of it and would want to rip in off.
Try something more comfortable and see how it goes. A nice silk nightgown and some sexy panties are very comfortable and feminine.

Or there could be something deeper going on here. A subconscious guilt over CDing? It does sound to me that something is going on in the background to make you feel this way.


All the best, SUZY

[Kate Simmons]

Now you know why genetic women tend to "dress down" when they can to be more comfortable. It can really be a "drag" all trussed up in that female stuff.

As far as the compulsion aspect, CDing is really driven by deep feelings whether most will admit that or not. It is an emotional process.The only way to change that is to identify and address those feelings, make them your own and take responsibility for your own actions. The ONLY way I have found to stop it as a compulsion is to make it a conscious choice, then you control the reins, not the process.

[Lorna]

Now you know why genetic women tend to "dress down" when they can to be more comfortable. It can really be a "drag" all trussed up in that female stuff.

Many of us, I think, simply enjoy "being all trussed up in that female stuff". I have never been fortunate enough to be able to dress for a long enough time or to go out and try to do all the things I want to do while so dressed and have therefore never reached the point of wanting to get out of the female clothes for reasons of comfort. In fact, probably the opposite is true: on those few occasions when I have been dressed for most of the day I find myself becoming slightly more adjusted to, and so less aware of being "all trussed up", so I suspect that if I could continue for longer I would just get more and more used to it. Back when I started dating girls who (at that time) tended to be "all trussed up" I sometimes asked whether their clothes were uncomfortable. Usually the reply was that they were used to them, it was what all women/girls wore and they didn't give it much thought....so it was all the more unexpected that a few years later so many women abandoned the more feminine dress and said they wanted to be more comfortable.

[ReluctantDebutant]

Thanks Suzy, Kate and Lorna.

It is a sexual buzz for me. I guess that it is hard to admit even to oneself that it’s just a fetish. A fetish seems so shallow that even I want more from my cross dressing.
“Or there could be something deeper going on here. A subconscious guilt over CDing? It does sound to me that something is going on in the background to make you feel this way.�
Guilt I don’t think is the right word and it definitely not subconscious. If I had my way I wouldn’t want to be a crossdresser. But like so many before I realized it was futile to fight it. I stopped fighting a just accepted it. I let it go where it wants and that is where I am. It just doesn’t seem worth it when this is where I stop. I feel like the father of a child who wants to go to an amusement park. He talks of all the rides he wants to go on the games he wants to play. I don’t want to take him, too far, too expensive, too crowded, and so on. After an emotional plea and some dragged out argument I relent. We go he runs into the park rides the Ferris wheel eats some popcorn then wants to go home. I might drag him on the bumper cars but he didn’t like it and still wants to go. So we go. That is the type of frustration I have with my crossdressing. It’s not the first time he got hyped over the park and it won’t be the last. I am tired of just going to the park for just the Ferris wheel.
I have tried to do the full on crossdresser thing. When I finally had the money a few years back I went to a service got all dolled up clothes, makeup, wig, the whole nine yards. I looked quite passable We went to the mall, walked around and I was comfortable but not as happy as I had suspected. It was just my first time I needed to give it more of a chance. I started to dress after work and for as long as I could on other days. This is when I first noticed the pattern. It wasn’t that the clothes were feeling uncomfortable it’s that they were feeling no different than my male clothing. I know people don’t walk around fully conscious of their clothing. I don’t know I just think if I am going around in drag I better damn well get something out of it.

“Now you know why genetic women tend to "dress down" when they can to be more comfortable. It can really be a "drag" all trussed up in that female stuff.�

When I would dress after work I couldn’t help but laugh at the irony of me coming home to take of jeans, t-shirt, and sneakers to put on pantyhose, a skirt, and heels while millions of women where coming home from offices to do the exact opposite.

The feelings and compulsions:
Don’t I know it, it’s hard to get them under control when they don’t respond to reason or will. I let the feelings and compulsion get me dressed it is confusing and frustrating as hell when they abruptly go away when I try to stay dressed.

Lorna, I have tried the marathon dressing a few times. I got used to it, it felt normal. I still want fun if I am going to live in the clothes of another gender.

[docrobbysherry]

We obviously dress quite differently, Reluctant! I LOVE dressing at home! As Lorna said, I can get TOTALLY trussed up and dressed as whatever desire suits me at the moment! Tite laced corset? Fine! I can stand about 2 hours in that! Sexy hooker look? Yeah! Semi nude hot female? Oh YEAH! Comfort is the LAST thing on my mind! Then, I finish most sessions with, well, u KNOW!

Dressing to go out? Yeah, comfort and passing r always issues aren't they? If you're going to be out most of the day or nite. However, I'm never so comfortable that I forget what I'm dressed in. Those 5" heels, tite girdle and clingy nylons and clothes won't let me forget! Oddly, when I dress to go out, while I'm out, and after I return, sex never comes to mind!

[Kate Simmons]

A few years back I went the dressing 24/7 route but found it was a hell of a lot of work. I'm high maintenance to begin with, especially the facial and body hair and it was not that I was really trying to impress any one, just myself, so it sort of faded. If I could just roll out of bed , brush my hair, throw on a little makeup and some half decent clothes it would be so much easier. As you say the sense of thrill fades after awhile but that just means you are settling into yourself as a regular person, clothes notwithstanding.Being comfortable with who you are is the most important thing.

[Stephanie47]

"Soon the clothes feel just like clothes and nothing special."

That statement reflects my ultimate goal that I have finally achieved. When I was in my youth, there was a heavy sexual component involved in cross-dressing. I think you can figure that one out. Since I am not a GG, I can only guess what young women do for self gratification in their youth. As I matured there was no need for such self gratification. That did not change my need to wear feminine clothing. Being denied the time and opportunity drove me to compulsive behavior. It felt like an agonizing wait for my next hit of an illicit drug. It was very stressful. Finally, I have the opportunity to express my inner woman for at least seven hours a day, if Stephanie wants to come out of participate in life. The first thing I did upon returning home after dropping my wife off at work was to slip into a beautiful maxi sun dress, long slip and everything else that goes with Stephanie. Even as I am banging away at the keyboard, I feel complete. I will do my chores and eat breakfast and lunch en femme. It has become so routine that I forget I am en femme. Why? I think it is because Stephanie does not have to think about it. Her twin brother has been relegated to the back for the time being. When I have had the opportunity for Stephanie to come out for 24/7 for days, she has had to make choices of dress that I am assuming any woman would have to make. Cross-dressing for me and most of the girls on this site is not a fetish. It is a way to express the inner woman who dwells within.

[Foxglove]

Hello, Debutant! What I get from your posts is that you haven't really accepted the fact that you're a CDer. I know you say that you have, but self-acceptance can be a difficult thing. I've had all sorts of trouble with it myself. I'm much more self-accepting these days than I used to be, but there's at least one little thing still hanging me up. I'm not out to my son. One reason is that I'm afraid he'd be disappointed in me, and I'd hate to feel that I've let him down. But when I'm being honest, I also have to admit that there's still a bit of shame in me: I'm ashamed to tell my son what I am. I don't feel this shame vis-Ã*-vis anyone else. Only him.

So there can be hurdles in you that you're not really aware of. You say you know there's no subconscious problems within you. I'd ask, how do you know? I mean, that's kind of the definition of "subconscious"--things going on within you that you're not fully aware of. From reading your posts, I definitely get the impression that there are things going on within you that you're not really aware of.

Perhaps what you need to do is be patient. Dress when you like, for as long as you like. When you've had enough, change your clothes and don't worry about it. As time goes on, you may achieve more self-awareness. Self-awareness can take a long time in coming. One obstacle to it is that there may be things about yourself that you don't want to know. You have to be open to answers, whatever they may be. It sounds to me like you're too wound-up about this. A lot us have been through what you're going through. I've been there myself. Give yourself time. Explore your feelings honestly. I think answers will come to you eventually if you genuinely want them. Self-knowledge isn't easy, and it often comes in its own good time.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[ReluctantDebutant]

Doc, I think we are closer then you think on the clothes. I like my heels high skirts short waist in and chest out. I need to work on that waist though . Lucky the size 11 forms hide it when I look down to see my legs sticking out of the hem of the skirt. I wore a corset once when I used that transformation service. Think it was 6 hours. It wasn’t bad. I have to try it again.

“As you say the sense of thrill fades after awhile but that just means you are settling into yourself as a regular person, clothes notwithstanding.Being comfortable with who you are is the most important thing.�

The trill fades when I take focus off how I am dressed a focus on other things in life while I am still dressed. I always think about crossdressing when I am alone and bored. When I am with friends or family, busy at work, or otherwise entertained crossdressing cannot be further from my mind. I never think that those moments would be made better if I was only dressed. Because in those moments I am comfortable with who I am dressing would only make me feel uncomfortable at those times. So let’s break it down clothes vs. clothes when I am not fulfilling a fetish.

Drag:
Can feel like normal clothes 0. Requires make up a lot of prep time to look passable -1. The clothes I like don’t look flattering on me -1. Clothes come with a social stigma -1. Clothes don’t reflect my personality -1. = -3

Drab:
Feel like normal clothes 0. Ease of use low prep time +1. Can find close that look good +1 No social stigma 0. Clothes that can reflect my personality +1. = +3

Stephanie I hear what you are saying. But I have no Stephanie of my own. I have look and only came up with me If I wear to think of CD self as a separate person It would be some trashy vain bimbo and that’s not a good person.

“What I get from your posts is that you haven't really accepted the fact that you're a CDer.�

You are partly right Annabelle. I consider myself someone who crossdresses rather than a crossdresser. For me it is an activity rather than a state of being. But who know with some stories I have heard, twenty years from now I might be on a plane to Thailand for a SRS. But I doubt that cuz right now I have good friends, good family, good health, and good cheer. I may not have the puzzle of my life completely figured out but I got most of the edge pieces and that covered bridge in the center is starting to take shape An I think the piece marked CD ius part of one of the fluffy clouds in corner.

[RADER]

Hi Debutant, and welcome to the Forum;
If putting on a lot of clothing is bothersome to you, Do as I like to do.
I wear panties 24/7 now for years. You can start with that, even under drab clothes at work,
you can not tell the difference from regular mens underwear.
When you get home, put on a bra and skirt with a nice top.
You do not need heals all the time, most GG's only wear them for special occasions.
You might get some nice flats, or slippers to wear around the house, this will give you a fem
look with out a lot of work or trussing up.
Rader

[Barbara Ella]

There is one statement you made that seems to me to perfectly sum up where you are at right now.

I still want fun if I am going to live in the clothes of another gender.

You are at the fetish stage of simple crossdressing. Accept it and revel in the joy, and take the clothes off when the rush is gone. Your psychology may not have developed any feminine part, beyond the recognition that female clothes are a turn on. That is great, dont beat yourself up over the fact that you have not yet fully developed a feminine psyche that needs to wear the clothes to feel satisfied. In my mind, I think it will come if you just relax and do what makes you feel good. Sorry, there is something there, and over time it will develop. give it that time.

Don't beat yourself up over what you are internally. Dont demand something you are not just because you think you should have it. You will have it when you are meant to have it. And when you do, you will know it, and the clothes will stay on until they have to be ripped off (because the wife has just come home early, and is coming in the door right now.............)

My advice: Dress, enjoy, undress.............. rinse and repeat.

When I dress it is because my gender needs it at the moment.

Barbara

[Dawn cd]

Sometimes clothes are just clothes. You, Debutant, dress as a female but then find ourself interested in a movie or football game and forget what you're wearing. In your case clothes may primarily fetish-objects; when they no longer provide a sexual tickle you're bored with them. Nothing wrong with that and no reason to feel guilty, but you need to stop beating yourself up over it. The serious transgendered or transexual person is NEVER bored with dressing because she's more focused on being a woman than on the clothes themselves. You and she have different goals, and both are legitimate. Don't measure yourself by her goals.

[Joanne f]

The desire to do something can sometimes outweigh the feeling of actually doing it with two possible reasons , one it can be a fantasy that once done has no longer any effect on you or there is a deep routed feeling that once you are dressed like it you feel normal and that could take a lot of understanding from you as to why this should be but for a lot that is just a normal feeling .

[ReluctantDebutant]

Dawn you are right sometimes its easy to forget the simple things.

Barbara I should turn that phase around to: If I am no longer having fun, why should I live in the clothes of another gender?
I am not too worried about that missing feminine psyche. Not sure if there is enough room for her up there.

Joanne I should probably clarify normal it normal as in the tactile sense on my body it's still not normal as in the sense of how I want o portray myself to the world.

Rader I have underdressed before. Keep running into the same problem out of sight=out of mind=out of pleasure=what’s the point.

This has all been very help thank you all

[KellyJameson]

I enjoyed reading your words ReluctantDebutant.

I'm a little hesitant to offer an opinion and was not going to until one sentence jumped out at me.

You said....

"If I were to think of CD self as a separate person It would be some trashy vain bimbo and that’s not a good person."

Maybe that is why you do not enjoy it as much as you could. What is wrong with being a trashy vain bimbo ? Could you be holding back from how you really want to dress ?

I'm probably the last person who should jump into this conversation so please don't give to much importance to my question or take offence but your words touched me, very heartfelt and honest and it was difficult for me to ignore them.

[ReluctantDebutant]

Hello Kelly

"What is wrong with being a trashy vain bimbo ? Could you be holding back from how you really want to dress ?"

That is how I dress often for those time when I crossdress. Because I don't feel the need to act differently than I normally do when I Crossdress for me to construct a separate feminine personality would be based on how I dress and feel during my fetish dressing. For me a trashy vain bimbo is ok for fantasy and the privacy of my own closet but not a good way to act in real life towards real people.

[natacsha]

Hello. if I may ask, do you consider yourself feminine by nature or do you just like acting the part? Neither answer is right or wrong but I think that may be a big clue for you to better understand yourself. I'm also new here but not really new to cding. Although I have recently begun to truly accept myself and everything that comes with it. That, like annabelle said, takes time and searching deep within yourself towards self actualization. It started as a fetish for many of us...and for some it has remained and for others it was a glimpse into what was yet to come. My advice, as mentioned already, is do not force it. When you wanna chill as a dude then exercise it, when she wants to be dirty then put her butt to work. Like they say, if the glove don't fit you must acquit. Hope this helps. xoxo

[ReluctantDebutant]

Hi Natacsha
No I don’t consider myself feminine by nature. I really don’t know what that means. I have read many CDers’ post and blogs about how when they are (insert female name here) they feel more caring empathetic, loving, fun, creative, etc. You know sugar and spice and everything nice. I have look at those list and recognize in myself many of those qualities without needing to be dressed. You might say I am sugar slugs, and spice snails, and some very nice puppy dog tails.

I can act feminine sometimes but I don’t like to. It always seems fake and manufactured a stereotype and a mockery. I like to stay true to myself.

I like to thank you all for the concerns of my well being and the calls for me to soul search. It seems I may have misstated my dilemma. This is not a spiritual crisis as it is an economic one. Now keep in mind that economics isn’t just about money. It can also about time, emotion, and the acquiring of risk all balanced against alternatives. You probably all know full well the time and money spent to achieve the right feminine look. You might not consider the anticipation of joy or the fears of getting caught as an investment but it is if you think about it. One takes on the risk of running into a hater or being embarrassed if accidently expose (think of a wig falling off at the wrong time). I am sure all of us can think of more types of risks in crossdressing. We all handle risk in different ways but it is still a factor to consider.

Now after all that time, money, work, emotional investment, and the taking on of risk, me the closeted fetish crossdresser dressed to the nines, can spend the whole evening doing whatever I want, can link the only pleasure derived from the crossdresing to a few moments in front of a mirror and letting the mind’s fantasy link with the tactile feel of the clothes. (sorry for the long sentence). Yes I can do other activities while dressed and have fun. But that same fun would have been had without the extra cost of being dressed. And I have to compare the other things I could have bought or done with those resources. A new car, a new computer, a few house payments? I could get hours of enjoyment from a new computer or taking friends out to a bar/restaurant in the city. And these things all have a chance of making returns on the investment.

So what crossdressing is just one of the many economic decisions we make in our life. Yes I know and one I am sure to make again. But I can’t help but feel cheated because it comes from some strange compulsion that I can’t identify and doesn’t fit in with the rest of me. It’s there, yes. I can’t and won’t fight it, yes. It’s just a small sexually fantasy/fetish, yes. But it is an expensive one. It’s my life’s sex tax. And damnit I am an American and I have the right to complain about high unfair taxes.

[Ressie]

I'm kind of like you Deb, dressing is still for the sexual thrill and an obsession compulsion (after decades of CDing). I love adding to my wardrobe but don't spend a lot doing so. Sometimes I'll take time putting on eye make up etc., but other times I just throw on a wig and basic outfit. I'm not going out the door, so I don't feel a need to become perfectly passable. Breast forms are homemade, wigs from halloween store, clothing from thrift stores, garage sales or sales racks. Once I'm dressed, I go back to drab in a few hours or less. It is what it is, as they say.

[docrobbysherry]

Hello Kelly

"What is wrong with being a trashy vain bimbo ? Could you be holding back from how you really want to dress ?"

That is how I dress often for those time when I crossdress. Because I don't feel the need to act differently than I normally do when I Crossdress for me to construct a separate feminine personality would be based on how I dress and feel during my fetish dressing. For me a trashy vain bimbo is ok for fantasy and the privacy of my own closet but not a good way to act in real life towards real people.

Which is exactly why I much prefer dressing in the closet, RD! Because in private there r NO LIMITS, RESTRICTIONS, or EXPECTATIONS! Some of the things my trashy, vain, bimbo hates the most!

Hi Natacsha
No I don’t consider myself feminine by nature. I really don’t know what that means. I have read many CDers’ post and blogs about how when they are (insert female name here) they feel more caring empathetic, loving, fun, creative, etc. You know sugar and spice and everything nice. I have look at those list and recognize in myself many of those qualities without needing to be dressed. You might say I am sugar slugs, and spice snails, and some very nice puppy dog tails.

I can act feminine sometimes but I don’t like to. It always seems fake and manufactured a stereotype and a mockery. I like to stay true to myself.

I like to thank you all for the concerns of my well being and the calls for me to soul search. It seems I may have misstated my dilemma. This is not a spiritual crisis as it is an economic one. Now keep in mind that economics isn’t just about money. It can also about time, emotion, and the acquiring of risk all balanced against alternatives. You probably all know full well the time and money spent to achieve the right feminine look. You might not consider the anticipation of joy or the fears of getting caught as an investment but it is if you think about it. One takes on the risk of running into a hater or being embarrassed if accidently expose (think of a wig falling off at the wrong time). I am sure all of us can think of more types of risks in crossdressing. We all handle risk in different ways but it is still a factor to consider.

Now after all that time, money, work, emotional investment, and the taking on of risk, me the closeted fetish crossdresser dressed to the nines, can spend the whole evening doing whatever I want, can link the only pleasure derived from the crossdresing to a few moments in front of a mirror and letting the mind’s fantasy link with the tactile feel of the clothes. (sorry for the long sentence). Yes I can do other activities while dressed and have fun. But that same fun would have been had without the extra cost of being dressed. And I have to compare the other things I could have bought or done with those resources. A new car, a new computer, a few house payments? I could get hours of enjoyment from a new computer or taking friends out to a bar/restaurant in the city. And these things all have a chance of making returns on the investment.

So what crossdressing is just one of the many economic decisions we make in our life. Yes I know and one I am sure to make again. But I can’t help but feel cheated because it comes from some strange compulsion that I can’t identify and doesn’t fit in with the rest of me. It’s there, yes. I can’t and won’t fight it, yes. It’s just a small sexually fantasy/fetish, yes. But it is an expensive one. It’s my life’s sex tax. And damnit I am an American and I have the right to complain about high unfair taxes.

I think we have MUCH in common, RD! I've given up looking for my "fem side" to appear. And, now I'm waiting for this dressing compulsion/hobby/whatever it is, to run it's course! Like Barbara said, "The fetish/closet phase doesn't last forever!" Only in my case, it's only been for about 16 years!

Like u, I'm much more comfortable in drab. When I dress, I always do it all the way. I'm always aware of being dressed, tho. In or out, there's always that undercurrent of adrenaline rush, apprehension, etc.. Otherwise, I never feel different inside no matter how I'm dressed.

Lastly, much like u, I regret the secret, fantasy life road that CDing has taken me down. I've tried to validate it, maybe make it real, by getting out and meeting others. And, have found these events to be very rewarding! I suggest u, or anyone, try it sometime just for the heck of it! CD/TG/TSs r amazing folks!
Unlike u, after all these years I STILL find dressing seems to provide me with a tremendous amount of fun, creativity, inspiration, excitement, social interaction, and accomplishment! As well as 'blowing my hair back"! And, then again there's the GUILT, too! SIGH!

[ReluctantDebutant]

I may try to find a a group or event close by. Maybe in the fall. The woman that did my transformation a few years back does a group thing I think. I still keep in touch with her.

[outhiking]

Originally my dressing was more of an obsession, but as I've gotten older it just feels more natural. Sometimes the urge cools, but it never quite goes away. Sometimes it's kind of nice to forget I'm dressed and then suddenly I'll get up for coffee or to let the dog out and then feel the swish of my skirt against my legs and it gives me a nice warm buzz. Why put yourself under so much pressure. Put your things away when you cool off in case you need them again and enjoy life.