I have a question, I am hoping that this does not offend anyone. I guess it is more directed at those who cd, since my husband dresses part time.
Why do you dress? Is it a desire or a need?
I really hope no one is offended. I just really want to understand and thought it would be helpful to get more than one person's point of view.
Well It can vary for most people in my opinion, but for me I do it just because I enjoy it and see nothing wrong with it. I don't have a need. After all I enjoy dressing like a guy, girl, or a little inbetween.
I started this way when i was age 5 or 6.......long before puberty.
Let's face it: you women have the real of expressing yourselves through any number of things, maybe we want some of that too:
Growyour hair long
highlights,bangs, tresses
Dye your hair
Pedicures
Manicures
shave your legs
Pierce your ears.
dresses
skirts
pants
jeans
shorts
heels
flats
pyjamas
nightgowns
earrings : studs, hoops, dangly
etc.
You girls have all the freedom, and society expects that from you.
I want a piece of it too....without the social stigma.
Ads I'm speaking from someone who is a straight dude....not that it matters.
Last edited by NathalieX66; 05-27-2012 at 11:41 PM.
I dress because I like the way the clothes feel against body, especially shaven legs. Also because I like and want to get/be in touch with that femimine side. They also make nicer clothes for women.
A bit of both for me. I also enjoy it and see nothing wrong with it. I do it to express an integral part of myself. When I am unable to do it for some reason or if I try to repress it as I have in the past when I was still struggling with the shame and guilt society foists on those who are different I feel like I'm not being true to myself. I feel oppressed. That's no way to live one's life.
Can't be offended by honest questions. It started with me at a late age, and just felt right and was the only thing that lessened growing anger issues. Turned into a realization that there was an internal need to present as female that was more than just the peaceful feeling I derived (not sexual) from dressing. The need to present has lessened, but the female presence has increased. It is now just a part of who I am and feels natural to do. It is just me now.
Barbara
He (she) who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance.
- Friedrich Nietzche -
I may never get to fly like the other girls, but I do so want to dance, so I continue to climb.
Why do birds sing?
This is very personal (and I don't mean that as saying you should not ask it, just that every person has their own reasons) I can answer for me. I like the look and I like the feel and I like me in them. Is it a need? Well not really. I don't have to dress up but I like to. It can be a stress reliever and it just feels nice. Maybe I am a little different though because I see it as just clothing, Clothing that I like but clothing none the less. In many cases it "fits" me better. It fits how I think it should fit. I was a young person in the 1970's and the cut and look of women's clothing shows what I like to show. Slacks and shorts are cut better, not all baggy and nondescript.
Last edited by ReineD; 05-28-2012 at 02:23 AM. Reason: Fixed an important typo. I removed a "t" from the front of an "it"
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
I dress because I have very deep feelings inside to. It just feels natural to wear womens clothes.I have always felt a little femine...it just took many years to figure out that I am transgender.
Hi Marie,
I am 51 years old and have cross-dressed all my life. I am what would be described as the "text book" heterosexual cross-dresser. For us, dressing as a woman is a need not a desire and having our wife's support and/or understanding is crucial for our well being an happiness. It is my understanding that we are born CD and it is not a learned thing as is in the case with fetishes. I have memories of sneaking into my mother's closet to try some of her clothes on that go as far back as when I was about 3 years old. The need to dress has not gone and it was a source of discomfort because I did not know what was going on and used to feel guilty until I learned how things work and accepted myself.
My wife is understanding and has known since before we started dating. She is not thrilled about it but since she knows what it means to me and loves me enough to accept me as I am, she lets me express this need within certain rules that we have agreed on. I understand that it is impossible for other people to understand this "bizarre" impulse and need since it deals with issues associated with sexuality. A heterosexual CD is not gay nor does he wants to become a woman. I guess it would be easier to understand if we fell into one of this two categories but we don't. We tend to be more loving, loyal and faithful husbands.
I hope this sheds some light on you. I have just become a member of this forum but have had over 30 years of experience investigating and dealing with this. Please feel free to contact me if you need me to clarify or elaborate on something that I have said.
I am so glad no one has been offended so farEveryone has been so nice here, it is the last thing I'd want to do.
When reading many of the posts here I have seen the phrase "the urge to dress" and that is the part that makes me wonder about a "need" to dress. I used to be a smoker so that is the easiest way for me to understand a compelling urge to do something even if sometimes you don't want to.
After reading so many posts on this topic in this and other forums, I think you will get many different responses because there is a wide variety of reasons people do this. The way I see it for myself, some women like to wear red lipstick, black eyeliner, and nail polish, and some women don't. Nobody ever questions why one woman likes to and another one doesn't. The rules for men are much more rigid. I am a man who likes to wear red lipstick, black eyeliner, nail polish, jewelry, and both women's and men's clothes. I am wearing a skirt and a t-shirt now, I just like it. I tried to list reasons when I came out to my ex-wife (only one guess how that ended!), but, when it comes down to it, I just like the way I look in my avatar photo. I don't think I'm a woman, and I don't even feel particularly feminine most of the time, I just really like androgyny.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
Lots have different reasons for crossdressing.
Myself if I can't dress the need grows and grows inside me, pushing me further to express my feminine side more.
The clothes feel wonderful, I feel wonderful, and it just feels right.
A stress relief, I totally agree as it seems to take me to a different place away from the daily hassles.
I am married and her acceptance, encouragement, help and companionship would mean so much to me.
Lynda
For me, it's definitely more a desire than a need at this point in time.
I do it because female clothes feel far and away more comfortable, but I must state clearly, and admit to myself, that part of it may be simply because they are drastically different than male clothes. I also dress because there are times here and there when I just like pretending to be a female, even though it's exclusively in private. I'm still in that newbie phase where it's exciting and crazy to dress up, but I'm heavily pacing myself, to keep that feeling running, and partly because I have no idea what the next part is.
Third, I just feel more... "right"... dressed up. I know virtually every single TG on this site has said that, almost word for word at times, but... I just don't know how to explain it. Others might be able to.
Plus I'm simultaneously, and forever, still in the phase where I'm trying to figure out just exactly who/what I am, so... Yeah... Hope that helped.
Last edited by GBJoker; 05-28-2012 at 12:39 AM. Reason: Used the word "and" too much....
No offense here it is a great honest question. That said to me it is a need, desires I can ignore or really just give up when the need calls. When I really feel the pull to dress it is not a desire it is a need to feel like me. Dressing fulfills a part of my person that I can not fill otherwise. I like probably most others including your SO have tried not dressing and a desire is hardly enough to make a person with such willpower stop doing something that they often feel is wrong. We often try to stop dressing if you are around here long enough you will hear of binging and purging. No sane person would throw away what may amount to large sums of money worth of clothing and makeup and then purchase it all again based on desire. In short it is heavily proven that crossdressers dress for a need not because we are perverts.Originally Posted by Marie GG
Love like you've never been hurt,
work like you don't need the money,
and dance as if no one is watching.
Delila
I discovered... its a 'need' as long as you feel repressed. If you are free to explore and learn about it, it becomes more of a passion and something fun to do. The largest fear I had was being seen as someone other than who I am... just because I like to dress up doesn't make me someone else and souldn't change the relationships I have with anyone. My fear was always that other people would make assumptions about me that were not true. The main thing is for everyone to stop thinking of this a a problem to solve...and instead embrace it and have fun with it!
Chickie
I would have to describe it as a compulsion. I started before I was six years old. Although I was afraid of being caught back then, I felt compelled to do it as often as I could. I'm 71 now and the urge to crossdress has persisted throughout my life.
I was recently trying to find out what was going on with me, maybe just trying to figure myself out. I had also recently purchased my first purse as I had always wanted one. Why I had waited so long to do it was beyond me I thought. Then when I started to carry my bag people began giving me looks as if I was doing something wrong or I'm gay. I am not gay but I remembered when I was younger I would try on clothes or garments of my mother's and sisters. I didn't tell anyone of course I was the only one who did that. So even after growing up and getting married I had never stopped nor had I told any one yet. But I found this urgent need to tell everyone and show myself who and what I truly am. Now it is somewhat of an obsession. Dressing is what I need to do and what I love to do now my life is so less depressing.
Like others say it is different for all of us. For some it is a need for some it is an urge I just believe it just what our femme side needs to get out. And get some girl time. This doesn't any questions as it as they probably do not need to be answered. There is nothing wrong with wearing clothes. Especially if you purchased them. Life is too short to stop someone who is not hurting anyone from doing something they like.
Tess
[COLOR="blue"]Contessa Marie D
I'm TG. A fem-male so I look male sometimes.
Dressing is necessary, the type of clothes you wear not so much.
This above all to thy own self be true!
Good question, Marie. I dabbled in cross dressing as a teenager. I don't know why. It may have had something to do with sexual relief at the time. Something forbidden. Fast forward a number of years. Cross dressing was not a part of my life. I never thought about it. I had not engaged in it. Stress came to bear. Mental war wound surfaced. How does one relief stress? In my PTSD support group, many wondered why I did not engage in self destructive behavior; drugs and alcohol. How does one tell a bunch of guys he sought relief in cross dressing. Cross dressing allows me to escape my male experiences by letting Stephanie take over for a period of time. It's the best therapy I've have engaged in yet. Not the most inexpensive, but, the best.
Maybe we have been caught in an illusion we are beginning to wake up from.
I do not know what it feels like to be a man or a woman I just know what it feels like to be me.
This "me" lives opposite of how others expect me to be, I can force myself to "be" what others expect because of the body I reside in but it is contrary to "me" and leaves me exhausted.
A mans mind is built from a female template so we are females that have been changed but remain female.
Some females are changed so much they forget that they are female and think they are separate and call themselves male and usually these males have emotional difficulties because they are not able to feel like they are part of life anymore and only exist to serve but not live.
This confusion comes from sex because nature changes a female to make reproduction possible leaving this changed female (male) trying to go back to what she (he) really is.
Nature failed with me (which for me I'm happy about in some ways) so I was not removed from what I am (female) to the degree most are changed into (male).
This also left me largely indiferent to sex so I do not sexually respond to myself as a male and find nothing erotic (desire) that is an object, only anothers mind could offer this possible experience.
The "need" to dress is when my sense of self is threatened or needs to be reinforced because I have been pulled into the illusion by being a part of the world that I am male and this removes me from my natural state of being female that nature created.
To understand a man you must remember that they are female first and male second and than it becomes a matter of determining how far removed they are from their female selves.
I admire any man who is able to find happiness being a man because from my point of view it is unnatural.
I'm beginning to think that much of the violence done in the world comes from this illusion that a male is not female. I have never resented women like I see with so many men who must treat them as inferior because I never was separated from my female self and so do not feel that anger and blame it on women.
The challenge for a (female) male is sex because the act is opposite the female energies. All men are vulnerable sexually because they are built from females and so this can create great conflict within the mind which is why you see males doing all these crazy sexual things.
A males sexuality is brittle like glass and can be easily broken and so must be managed by his partner with care.
If it was not for sex males would be females.
Just some random thoughts but hope I answered your questions.
Most of the time it is a desire but if that desire does not get seen to after a while then it becomes a need , there are occasions when the need just hits you first .
Although I guess that deep down that desire comes from a need to feel feminine and I once said " It is only clothes" but if you think of it all clothes have a meaning even work clothes so this " It's" only clothes does not work for me any more
Last edited by Joanne f; 05-28-2012 at 02:13 AM.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Joanne
I can only tell you that for me it is a part of who i am. I desire to dress because it makes me feel sexy. I feel very happy when i am fully dress and yes it is also a need that i need to adresss no pun intendent. I feel so relieve when i am dress up and go out either to a club to dance and drink or just go outto the store or do other mundane thing that women do. If i had to tell you why i dress, if it is for a need or for a desire I would tell you that it is for both because it simply makes me happy to do it.
Hi Marie, welcome to this place.
I won't answer your question (I'm a GG), but I want to say that we have a varied membership here, from crossdressers to transsexuals and everyone else in between. Although you've asked your question in the crossdressing section, all of our members are free to post in every forum section, and so if in some of the responses it appears as if the members identify more as women, this is because they are closer to the transsexual end of the spectrum than the crossdressing end. Please keep this in mind as you read all the answers. You're new and although it can be somewhat confusing at first, there is a difference between people who will never plan to transition, and people who do or who might.
That said, carry on folks!
Reine
Hi Marie,
Reine, as usual, is 100% right. We are a very varied bunch indeed and I guess we all have our personal journey to take, albeit we get together and share our stories from time to time like many travellers.
My story is similar to many others... Way before puberty I was interested in making clothes for my 'Action Man' figures and whilst I loved all the male stuff too, I definately was interested in some of the more girly... I remember being very interested in my mother's clothes... nothing creepy, just fascination really. It was like a magical world. The smell of perfume... When puberty hit, I remember thinking 'Oh God' this is it I am going to be a guy... like there was a choice?
So that was it and I have lived as a guy for a long time, have had a few careers, brought up a family... I am not gay, I love women and have had some very intense and loving relationships - still do!
But this enjoyment of expressing a female side doesn't go away. I have tried to get rid of it over the years and it always comes back stronger and more intense. So I have accepted it is part of who I am. Does it make me less of a man? I don't know.. I am not a typical alpha male... I am on the 'creative' side I guess... but I regard it as a need - don't know why.
But I enjoy the feeling of the clothes, the sheer pleasure of having a hair free body, everything! Do I wish I was a woman? Sometimes... Do I wish I wasn't me? No... I have three wonderful daughters, a wonderful wife who I wish I had been more attentive to over the years and less distracted by work and music... No, I don't mean the last bit! I enjoy my music and love my work. And I love all the friends I have made, etc..
So it is... complicated...
I don't know if I am helping. I am the same guy I have always been. I have just learned more about being a person and think I am in a better place for it. More tolerant and forgiving and just plain in love with life!
But I am sat here in a skirt and need to get into male garb and go to work very soon... and I am putting it off... chinos don't feel the same!
Last edited by Kaz; 05-28-2012 at 04:02 AM.
Kaz xx
__________________________________________________ ____________
This Woman Within is Flying without Wings
Ana Cristina Garcia and Chickie are not only unbelievably beautiful, but they each express their thoughts so elegantly that there is no need for me to detail my own very similar (albeit less coherent) thoughts on this subject. Although, as others have pointed out, there is no single correct answer to the question presented in the original post, Ana and Chickie conveyed my thoughts far better than I could have done myself.
Marie,you have asked the most obvious, and unfortunately most difficult question for all of us. Why? I mean it really doesn't make any sense, and honestly at times it does seem well just a little bit odd, and that's just how I see myself!
Your analogy with smoking works to the extent that yes, there is this strong urge to dress, particularly when I haven't had a chance to for a while. Is there some sort of biochemical "release" that occurs when one is able to express ones gender freely? I don't know. It sort of fits to an extent. BUT the analogy fails in the sense that one cannot "give it up". Instead of improving ones health and mental wellbeing if an individual denies this then typically their mental health deteriorates. Oh, and CD'ing doesn't give you emphysema and cancer
The best I can express it is when I want to dress and I do, I feel comfortable and good about myself. Do you get up some days and think "today I might wear that nice skirt I got last week because I want to" when others you are more comfortable wearing a pair of jeans? It's sort of a bit like that. At least for me. I definitely do not dress to attract other people, the only person I am interested in attracting physically is my wife and she is NOT attracted (sexually) to me dressed! But I think we all dress to impress others when we go out, and if I go out guy or girl mode I'm always a little bit chuffed to receive a compliment.
wow, now I'm rambling. Hope this thread is helping you out. But please don't get super hung up on trying to "understand". Most of us that do it don't. If you do work out the why though please make sure you tell us all ( or a the very least me
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