I often think to myself about the shame and guild I have gone through over the years due to my cd’ing. As a young teenager would wear my mother’s clothes including her underwear. When I went baby-sitting I would try on the next door neighbours clothes. I’ve tried my brother’s girlfriends clothes when she had left some at our house. I even stole a girlfriend’s skirt that happened to be left in the saddlebag of her bike (she used to ride to work and change into a wonderful black pencil skirt that I just couldn’t resist). As I grew older I’ve bought women’s clothes and then had the purged. I hate to think how much I’ve spent. I made my girlfriend think I was gay by wanting to swap clothes. I’ve spent money I didn’t have on clothes for cd’ing when I desperately needed some drab wear. I could go on for ages. I never wanted to be a cd’er, but I am so pleased that I am!

If there was a magic pill I could take that would make me “normal” (or at least not cd) I would not take it. I think cd’ing is part of me. I may be all macho on the outside with as much chance of passing as a fart in a lift but within me is the thoughtful, caring and feminine self, the real me. I would not be without my cd’ing as I think it is what makes me into me. I never wanted to be a cd’er and still can’t understand why I love it so. I wonder if it is a case of I’ve tried the forbidden fruit and now can’t give it up.

Do others feel the same? If a give-up-cd pill was available would you take it?