Does non-clothing appearance changes make you feel better?

[bobbimo]

"Until I see no man, I cannot crossdress."

Exactly!
You hit the nail on the head!
Some days I get lazy, put on a skirt and top, but it doesnt take to many trips past a mirror or a reflection in a pane of glass, before I am doing my self up properly.
And I am surprised how quick I am getting at this stuff too. :-)

[Sara Jessica]

Does non-clothing appearance changes make you feel better?

I'm thinking the answers will vary depending on one's own POV, where they reside in TG land.

For me, living life on a middle path, I have found that pushing the envelope when it comes to appearance changes has made me feel infinitely better. Some might argue that the steps I have taken (long hair, smooth body, shaped eyebrows by waxing) or are in the process of taking (electrolysis) are things that will make me well-prepared for an eventuality of transition. However, my resolve is to stay on this middle path and these things help me to get by. I can be utterly scruffy in the face in advance of an electrolysis session, yet can feel utterly feminine regardless because of the other changes (particularly the hair).

Although these changes make me feel infinitely better, there is a price as there are those who are dear to me who detest these things (again, hair). It may be selfish but my motives are pure. I do these things to stave off transition. The alternative would be even more detestable to those I love.

[Foxglove]

I have a question.

Do any of you who Do Not identify as transsexual (which is a feeling that you were assigned the wrong body at birth) ever enjoy your appearance in male mode? Ever?

This is confusing for me. I understand wanting to look as feminine as possible when expressing this facet of yourselves. But if you feel that your male appearance is jarring even when you do not feel the urge to express your feminine "side", then does this mean that you "always" feel that your body does not match who you are inside, which would then jive with the way that transsexuals feel?

I guess I'm asking the non-transsexuals if you have feminine and masculine "sides" or "facets", or if you feel you are feminine all the time.

Or, are some of you transsexual without having made the leap to identify yourselves as such?

Just trying to understand.

Hi, Reine, I'll try to answer your question. One difficulty is that I don't know if I'm TS or not. I think it may take a while to figure that out.

But I can say that as best I remember, there's never been a time when I took pride in my masculine appearance. I've always hated suits and ties. I think I've only worn a tux once in my life and when I put it on, I said, "Now I know why they call them monkey suits!" That's what I felt like. The result has been that generally speaking I'm a slob. Couldn't care less what I look like. It's all about being comfortable.

Whereas when I'm in girl-mode, it's all about appearance. I wear stuff lots of GG's consider uncomfortable, but if I feel good about myself, it's well worth it to me. I'll tell you the kind of thing that thrills me: a couple of days ago I was on a shopping trip and was looking for some shoes. I wanted flats, comfortable to walk in, but something more presentable than tennis shoes. I was having a hard time finding what I wanted until, just as I was about to give it up, I found exactly the pair I was looking for--except that they were tiny. I couldn't believe my feet would go in them, but I tried them on, and by God! they were perfect. A big smile right from the very heart of me: "I'm a real girl!"

I'm about as small as they come, and in drab that's quite a disadvantage. Switch over to girl-mode, and I'm in business. My personal slogan, recently added to my signature (A. Larousse: Designed and Engineered to Crossdress) is only half joking. I always feel much better about myself in girl-mode. It's depressing for me, almost something of a humiliation, when I have to switch over to guy-mode.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[Annette Todd]

There is the fact that me suddenly growing my hair out, getting my ears pierced, and getting my eyebrows done will draw attention.
However, I'm getting close to the point where fear is causing more stress than the fear itself - if that makes sense.

I started letting my hair grow out a year ago and then decided about 3 months ago to get my ears peirced and the same day shaped my eyebrows. Some do the brows gradually but I went whole hog and went from bushy to fem all at once. If it was noticed, no one said anything. I have also been painting my nails and although I feared scorn, no one has said anything (at least to my face). I have also been wearing artificial nails. Most of the comments I have received were from women who have said how nice they looked.
I have adopted the attitude that what I do about my appearance has no bearing on any one else. If someone wants to criticize me they are trying to impose their beliefs on me. I don't associate with bigots or hipocrits. No one has the right to tell me how to live my life. I do what makes me happy.

[whowhatwhen]

Thank you for all the replies.


I'm more than likely going to do what I mentioned as I'm really starting to get tired of letting fear dictate how I should look and act.
An interesting side note: A few months ago I got randomly complimented on my eyelashes, it may seem dull to most but I was over the moon for the rest of the day.
Perhaps I'll feel the same way again when I can look how I feel.

Another interesting development:
Because of this thread, or maybe something else I can now start to clearly picture myself as female in my minds eye!
I can actually see myself!

Cool stuff

[steph1964]

I recently got to shave my legs and lost about 20 pounds. I love having the shaved legs because it makes me feel so much more in tune with how I feel on the inside. And no one notices or cares (except my wife). It also makes a huge difference on how I feel when I dress. The weightloss wasn't for crossdressing but it has also made a big impact on how I feel.

[Tina B.]

If I waited until I had lost all sight of the male within, I still wouldn't be a crossdresser, I think you judge yourself to harshly. I may be driven to dress, but that is no reason not to enjoy it.
ReineD, Now to your question, I'm a bit vain, I love to dress up, male or female, I love it when a women tells me I look sharp today. I wear casual slacks just about as much as i wear jeans, and will put on a tie, with very little excuse, I've been that way since I was in high school. I find clothes fun, no matter what gender they are.
Tina B.

[Beverley Sims]

I have a question.

Do any of you who Do Not identify as transsexual (which is a feeling that you were assigned the wrong body at birth) ever enjoy your appearance in male mode? Ever?

This is confusing for me. I understand wanting to look as feminine as possible when expressing this facet of yourselves. But if you feel that your male appearance is jarring even when you do not feel the urge to express your feminine "side", then does this mean that you "always" feel that your body does not match who you are inside, which would then jive with the way that transsexuals feel?

I guess I'm asking the non-transsexuals if you have feminine and masculine "sides" or "facets", or if you feel you are feminine all the time.

Or, are some of you transsexual without having made the leap to identify yourselves as such?

Just trying to understand.

1. I used to enjoy my male side before I got married. Probably to impress and attract girls. I was a 98lb weakling as a boy and a natural blonde bombshell as a girl.
I had a skinny but attractive body that some of my girlfriends loved.

2. At other times I felt my appearance as a boy was hopeless and liked the female look I had.

3. Maybe I had a feminine facet and had enough time dressing to not pine for the female image.

4 I have never thought of myself as transexual as I know of 3 people my age that transitioned when I was younger.

From post 17. I think familiarity breeds contempt. I have always seen through the mask and picked out all the flaws. All the time critical of myself.
Probably because I was a boy trying to look like a girl I did not think I was that good. I was always encouraged by girls to get dressed up as the 98 lb weakling then disappeared. They convinced me I made a great girl.

[whowhatwhen]

If I waited until I had lost all sight of the male within, I still wouldn't be a crossdresser, I think you judge yourself to harshly. I may be driven to dress, but that is no reason not to enjoy it.
ReineD, Now to your question, I'm a bit vain, I love to dress up, male or female, I love it when a women tells me I look sharp today. I wear casual slacks just about as much as i wear jeans, and will put on a tie, with very little excuse, I've been that way since I was in high school. I find clothes fun, no matter what gender they are.
Tina B.

Aye.
But the problem lies with image, clothes would be nice but they're much further down the list than not looking male.

I found a place nearby that does piercings and I'm definitely going to seriously think about debating getting my ears done very soon.
First, I'd like to talk to my therapist so I have an idea of how to deal with family noticing and prodding in places I either do not know, or do not want to tell.

[ReineD]

I mean thing like growing your hair out, getting your eyebrows a bit thinner, getting your ears pierced, and whatever else. [...] So, I'm thinking that the above things I listed may give some temporary relief.
Any thoughts?

I apologize, I never did respond to this.

Anyway, my SO has changed his appearance in guy mode:

• First, she has long, curly, mid-back hair that he keeps tied at the nape in guy mode, which is perfectly acceptable in his working environment.
• She keeps her hair layered (which doesn't show when it's tied back) and she lets it loose in girl mode. It looks lovely.
• Also, he has trimmed the bushiness away from his eyebrows which gives her very nice eyebrows, without putting in a high arch which would look weird in guy mode.
• He keeps his legs, upper chest, and upper back shaved as a matter of routine in the shower, so these areas don't need special attention if she just decides to dress and go out at the last minute.
• He had laser facial hair removal which zapped all the dark hairs (thus removing the possibility of having beard shadow after three hours under makeup). The laser does not kill grey hair, but they don't produce shadow and when she is out (after about 8 hours or so) she need only do a few quick passes with a dry hand rasor if she feels she needs to, and this doesn't mess up her foundation.
• He got his ears pierced and wore the studs in guy mode only for a month or so until he just had to wear them at night for a few additional months, and so now she has a much greater choice in earrings plus they are more comfortable. He doesn't wear the earrings in guy mode, but then again he's a bit past the age of the generation that goes for body piercings.
• He keeps his arm hair clipped but not entirely shaved, just like a GG's arms, and he is very careful about applying sun block on arms, hands, and face, so as not to have a "man-tan" when she is dressed.
• She grew her nails longer than most guys have them and keeps them rounded which does look a little odd in guy mode, but this is her choice and it is OK. Having the long nails makes it not necessary for her to paint them (like many if not most GGs) in order to have her hands look feminine, which considerably improves the time it takes for her to get ready. She goes out quite often just for a few hours. But, she does paint them frequently for special occasions. He could keep them long and a bit more squared off which would be in keeping with current styles for women but wouldn't look so odd in guy mode, but again, this is just a small thing.
• She goes through periods of keeping her toe nails painted, but this does not show in guy mode inside his sneakers. He does not wear guy sandals in the summer and rarely wears shorts.

Did she do all of these things in order to feel better about herself while he's in guy mode? Did he do all of these things to hugely cut down the time and effort to get ready when she wants to go out at the last minute? Probably both.

Is his overall appearance in guy mode more feminine than other guys? I think so. But it is likely there are only some people who notice these things, while most others don't unless they know she's trans which again, most people who are close to her don't. But, in guy mode his appearance does not "scream out" CDer.

[whowhatwhen]

I can see those as definitely being a bonus, but strangers I don't think I give two ****s what they think.
If my not being male enough for a stranger is going to be a problem, then there was going to be an issue regardless.

Family is the bigger issue, you can't hide the things I want to do so they will notice and ask questions.
I've said before that it's easier to act and look like I'm "supposed" to, but honestly it's just getting to a stress related boiling point now.

Basically, my needs vs fear.
It's just a matter of how long it takes for me to crack and get things done regardless of potential consequences.

[Alayna]

I don't feel like me without loading up on the femme so I don't really have a "male" look anymore. I love my male side but my feminine side is very strong and it helps me grow emotionally so I let that out as well. My nails are always brightly painted and long, my brows are thin little strips and I wear nightclub-heavy eye makeup all day every day (unless I'm camping or something - I'm pretty not prissy!)

Reine - For me it's about layers of expression - politically, socially, and emotionally. I've never hated my male side or seen it as as "jarring" but I didn't really like being in full guy mode. I'm happy with my sex, but I have a need to express my gender which is a melting pot of male and female. I'm more than just male, and I'm not a complete woman inside a man's body. I don't know what that makes me, an "it" I suppose, but I do know that in the hypothetical situation that I'm somehow forced to purge my male side completely I'd be devastated. Just doing my nails was enough to satisfy that emotional urge, but in the last couple months I've been doing my eyes as sort of a rebellion against traditional notions of beauty, and I'm happier for it. I'm also going to carry a fabulous purse around with me once I get to making it. I don't gender-blend my clothing though. It's either all or nothing, so I'm usually wearing fashionably-inept, baggy guy's clothes and worn out Teva's for my "day" look lol!

[Kate Simmons]

I wasn't going to say anything about this but figured, What the hell?, since it broaches the subject. Lately, particularly since I have come off of dressing hiatus in the last 6 months, I have been doing physiological enhancements that have been improving my feminine look. No it's not hormone therapy, not a boob job or anything like that and is completely reversible. What it is I won't say as it is top secret at this point and I do not plan to market it.It is tailored to my own personal grid experience.The bottom line is that my legs are filling in as are my hips, my breasts are softer and feel natural and I no longer need forms or hip pads. My subtle body movements seem to fall into place with little effort and my gestures are naturally of the female variety. The question was: "Does non clothing changes make you feel better? " My honest answer has to be: 'You betcha Little Beaver, you betcha!"

[Miriam-J]

As to the original question ... I certainly do gain some satisfaction from non-clothing items. Through the winter months I enjoy having my toenails painted, but I live without in the summer since my toes are exposed far too often. I got my ears pierced about 18 months ago so I could wear dangly earrings, something very unusual for a 50 year old engineer, and enjoy looking at the studs I wear daily knowing that I can change into some nice dangly earrings when I want.

On to Reine's supplemental question ... and I most definitely do not identify as a transsexual ... I do enjoy my appearance as a guy. I have far less hair on my head than when I was younger, but I think that actually makes me better looking at my age - and so does my wife. I don't think I had as much confidence as a young man. I'm medium height and in good physical condition for my age, which can be assets both in guy mode and when dressed en femme. All in all, I'm pretty satisfied with my guy mode and enjoy it a lot - and I can't imagine a time when it wouldn't be my primary mode. I just happen to also enjoy some time in gal mode now and then as well.

Miriam

[ReineD]

I can see those as definitely being a bonus, but strangers I don't think I give two ****s what they think.
If my not being male enough for a stranger is going to be a problem, then there was going to be an issue regardless.

You're right, who cares what strangers think?

My SO was successful at finding a mode of presentation in male mode that,

l) enables her to very quickly become her impeccable self when she goes out. She doesn't want, nor does she have the time to spend two hours doing this, each time.
2) Makes her feel good in guy mode as well, which I think is what you were asking.
3) Straddles the fine line between "family/bosses/coworkers/friends/girlfriend's sons/or anyone else she is not willing to tell" will notice and ask about, and feeling good about herself.

You're correct, it's tricky for a guy to shave his body, have long hair, pierce his ears, grow his nails, lazer his beard, paint his toenails, pluck his eyebrows, if he is not in a place in his life to come out as a transsexual, and transition, and live full time. But, it's doable.

[tinysquid]

i feel the same way...unless things are right there's no point....

[bobbimo]

I have a question.

Do any of you who Do Not identify as transsexual (which is a feeling that you were assigned the wrong body at birth) ever enjoy your appearance in male mode? Ever?

This is confusing for me. I understand wanting to look as feminine as possible when expressing this facet of yourselves. But if you feel that your male appearance is jarring even when you do not feel the urge to express your feminine "side", then does this mean that you "always" feel that your body does not match who you are inside, which would then jive with the way that transsexuals feel?

I guess I'm asking the non-transsexuals if you have feminine and masculine "sides" or "facets", or if you feel you are feminine all the time.

Or, are some of you transsexual without having made the leap to identify yourselves as such?

Just trying to understand.

WOW, I think that one should be a topic all on its own.
When I first came out to my wife, we had many discussions about WHY????. And how the male part gets dressed as compared to the female part.
The answer is that male life is pretty much boring unless your trying to impress a particular female.
I wake up, shower, shave, brush hair, put on pants, put on shirt, try to find a tie thats not offensive to either one, and off I go to work. And thats it. If I happen past a mirror, I might tuck in my shirt or adjust my tie but thats IT.
Bobbi, however showers, (shaves), exfoliates, scrubs, applies cremes and lotions to remove wrinkles, and tighten skin, spends "hours" with hair, lipstick, eye shadows, liners, foundation, etc, Then we open the closet, ... What color do I feel like today,, whats the temps going to be, Dressy, Casual?? Then its.. a dress, skirt and top?? Sandals, heels, slippers. Oh the CHOICES. And its always important to touch up the makeup on a regular basis.
So Bobbi is now spending much more time on her appearance, and enjoys looking the best she can be. Also as a male, I was gaining weight and would tell myself that I need to do more exercise, eat better, but it never happened, I just bought bigger and looser fitting clothes. Since Bobbi I have lost almost 40 lbs, and CANNOT stand to see any little paunch showing when i slip on that wonderful fitting pencil dress.
The male part is no offensive its just the canvas that I prepare.
And yes there are many days when The cars, lawnn and yard demand the male part and thats OK too, because I know there is a shower and Bobbi in the near future.
Hope that helps.