I have been a member of this forum for many years, I don't come on here very often and don't post very often but I wanted to share some of my recent feelings and experiences.
A couple days ago, on Tuesday, I went to the local wig shop, they are wonderful folks who have a few shops around the state. They had come to one of our Tri-ess meetings and they are so CD and TG friendly, we absolutely love them around here. I had a good, supportive friend with me who loves going places with me when I'm dressed, she loves getting dressed up too, she loves getting girly and feminine. I had an absolutely stellar experience at the wig shop, they got me into a wig that I absolutely LOVE, they styled it for me before we left and it looked absolutely amazing. For a short time I was obsessed with the mirror, I couldn't believe it was me. The wig was a little pricey but I love it and they are awesome there. I paid for it and my friend and I went looking for food.
We drove around for a bit and decided on Olive Garden. My choice of attire was a bit provocative, I'm probably six foot five or so when I wear heels so I kind of draw in the attention. (I hate flats, I think they are ugly, I refuse to wear them.) We were in a very conservative part of town and while we were dining I caught many glances and stares. Our server brought our food over and as she was setting down our plates another server came up and starting talking to me. When she said "excuse me" I was afraid that she was actually going to ask me to leave. Turns out that she was very friendly and curious. She asked me if I was transitioning or if I was a performer, she wanted to know my story and said that I looked "gorgeous" and "fierce." She stuck around for about ten minutes and I talked to her the whole time, she was very cool and friendly. I told her I appreciated her coming over and talking to me and told her I was afraid she was going to ask me to leave.
After she talked to me our actual server starting talking to me too saying that I had become the center of attention in the restaurant, not only for the other customers but also the staff. She said "thank you for coming into our boring family restaurant, you made my day."
When we left, the place was filling up because it was getting closer to the dinner hour. I knew I was going to have the attention of everyone within the line of site. Instead of trying to hurry out unnoticed, I stood up straight, held my head high and put a little swagger into it. I was in absolute heaven, I felt beautiful and sexy, I had the time of my life.
My friend told me how proud she was that I fearlessly went through all of that and today I am thinking about what a good time I had and how far I have come. I not only want to share what a good time and good experience I had but also share with all of you how far I have come.
I NEVER thought I would get to this point in my life. I NEVER thought I would have the courage to even so much as go shopping for clothes in guy mode and now I’m going into regular places and doing regular things in girl mode. It truly amazes me to think about my journey up till now. I am remembering all those awkward phases of trying different looks and different types of clothes. I think back to my first wig and how awkward and stupid it looked. I think about the first attempts at makeup, the shades that didn’t match my skin tone. I would just get whatever I could get my hands on and smear it on my face. I’ve gotten a lot of help over the years from some really awesome people. I am so grateful for those who are accepting. We really do live in a society that is growing in acceptance and understanding. I am very grateful for everyone that has helped me perfect my look and helped me feel more comfortable going out.
I have to say though that the thing that has helped me the most, out of everyone and everything over the years is learning to love accept myself. I currently live a life that I love and I can honestly say that I love myself just as much as anyone. Sometimes I feel like we go about change the wrong way. I am grateful for people who are accepting, extremely grateful for those who are supportive and encourage me to be me and to do what feels good but I am far more grateful for the fact that I have accepted this about myself and that I no longer shame myself. This has made the biggest difference for me. It has become pretty easy for me to venture into the public eye for one main reason, I have stopped caring what other people think. Not completely of course but I feel comfortable enough with myself that I know that if other disapprove and dislike me because I crossdress, that’s their problem. I’ve come to the conclusion that most people quite like me when I’m in guy mode and if people dislike me just because I crossdress, they’re a hypocrite. My crossdressing does not define me and it doesn’t mean that I am a bad person, it doesn’t cancel out all the other good things about me.
I love where I am today with my crossdressing, LOVE it. Not because I feel like I can go out but because it’s just one element of a fantastic life that is fun and interesting. For those of you who are locked tight in the closet, or feel like you’re in those awkward stages, keep working on it! You never know where it might take you or what you might get out of it! I also want to say that when you learn to love and accept this about yourself, that will take you so much further then you can imagine! Thank you for allowing me to share this! I’ve included a picture too.
Originally Posted by Jill
