Rambling on

[joannablake]

Hey girls sorry I havent been on in awhile I have been wrestling with some deamons lately. And it looks like they are winning. Just to let you in on what is going on, I am working overseas right now and my wife is back stateside with our daughter. Well my wife is seeing a councilor about her own deamons that she is wrestling with herself. Well my wife and the councilor (which by the ways has no experience with cd's) told my wife that it seems that I am obsessed with womens clothing and there is no cure for me. So needless to say an already rocky relationship is teatering on the verge of collapsing. Is there anyone on the site that is a councilor or has some kind of Education in this area. Am I (we) obsessed with womens clothing? I have been wrestling with this for years and I was exited to find this site. It has provided me with lots of answers to lots of my questions. But I remember that there was a thread that was argued about alot a while back about CD is it a fetish or is it something else cant remember it right now. So I guess I am wondering what the hell we are. Is my marriage worth dressing like a woman or is it even a big deal that we do dress like women. I thought that my wife was more open minded. As I told you girls when I first came on this site my wife was kewl with it up until we got marrried. I have a lot of Family and friends that tell me it was probably one of those things she thought she could change in me if we got married. I am sorry if I am rambling right now it is just I have so much going on in my head right now I am can swear I hear the footsteps of the nice young men in their clean white coats coming to take me away. Can anyone help me out please!!!

[kristi cd]

I'm sooo sorry for you, I couldn't imagine being in a situation like that. I wish there was something I could say or do that would help. BTW don't worry about rambling when it's something that important, that's what we're here for after all.

[joannablake]

thank you kristi, I usually take pride in my writing I love to write but I just cant seem to get anything straightened out in my head right now.

[joannablake]

Thank you Julie the sight is a wonderful one. Already read two of the articles in it.

[Dana]

Hope I can be of help! Hope that I can add some insight! I've been throught the mud, the blood, and the beer, and then got drugged through divorce court. 13 years with an un-accepting wife, who questioned my "common sense" (Girls are girls and behave and dress and act, and behave like girls) and then with another GG for 7 years, who tried, but in the end could not accept! Did the deep depression thing, did the heavy drinking thing! Didn't work! To me, there's a two part edge sword at work when it comes to cross dressing! There's the sensious part of it, and their the sexual part of it! Sensiouslity leads to sexuality, and vice versa, but they're not the same thing! They're separate! They can be a part of one another, but they're not the same thing! Part of my cross dressing, (its been a long way in coming for me to even discuss this) is the sensiouslity of feeling, experiencing femininity. Its not just the clothes, its all of it! I want to have and experience a beauty routine. I want to take a luxirous bath, with bath salts and oil! I want to shave my legs, I want to paint my nails! I want to wear women's lingere! I want to sleep in silky night gowns! I want to wear a bra! I want to wear women's clothes, makeup and jewelry! It doens't just excite me sexually, but metenally, emotionally, physically, spiritually! I want to interact with other "women" on a femininie plane, and if I can't do that with a GG, then I want to do it with other of like thinking! I've come to the point in my life, after years of heavy drinking, and beating myself up, to where, if you've got a problem with it, then that's what it is, your problem! Easy enough for me to say, I'm single, and alone, and not in a relationship, without any likely prospects on the horizion! Such is as it is! I've accepted the fact that because I'm a CD, that I'm PROBALLY going to end up being single and alone for the rest of my life, JUST THE WAY it is! Even though I've been with guys, in my teens, the simple truth of the matter is I prefer women. I just do, and there's no denying it! But the simple truth is that more than likely I'm not going to find a woman who can tote the note on my being a CD, and I'm through with denying that, "Yes! From time to time I want, desire, and need to dress as a woman, in women's clothes!" And, you know what, there's really nothing wrong with that! There really isn't! The problems of my past has been in denying that! Trying to live that down! But, I know NOW, that if I were to move in with a GG, its only a matter of time, before I'm yerning, wanting, desiring, needing to be in their clothes! If that's a problem for others, then that's what it is, their problem, not mine! But, I've also come to recognize that as a responsibility, that 99% of the people I come in contact with are going to have a problem with my being a CD! Hope this helps! E-mail through the board!

[joannablake]

Hey dana I can understand where you are coming from before I met my wife I had a few years ealier engaged to another girl who knew about my cd and was supportive but a week before the wedding with all the announcement out and everything booked she ran off and got married to another man in texas. When I found the note saying that she didnt want to hurt me but she couldnt go through with the marriage. I ended up a 24/7/52 alcoholic about six months before I met my wife I was just coming out of that phase with the help of my friends that knew about me. We did alot of shopping for clothes and jewlery got my ears pierced had makeovers done the whole works. When I met my wife that was the first question I asked her if she was okay with me Cd and she said that she had no problem with it and that she knew what happened with my ex-fiancee and that what she did to me was bullshit. Huh amazing what she remembers and what she doesnt remember lol.

[kristi cd]

Wow, Julie comes through again with the insight we usually (and I always) lack. Love ya hun.

[Dana]

Hey dana I can understand where you are coming from before I met my wife I had a few years ealier engaged to another girl who knew about my cd and was supportive but a week before the wedding with all the announcement out and everything booked she ran off and got married to another man in texas. When I found the note saying that she didnt want to hurt me but she couldnt go through with the marriage. I ended up a 24/7/52 alcoholic about six months before I met my wife I was just coming out of that phase with the help of my friends that knew about me. We did alot of shopping for clothes and jewlery got my ears pierced had makeovers done the whole works. When I met my wife that was the first question I asked her if she was okay with me Cd and she said that she had no problem with it and that she knew what happened with my ex-fiancee and that what she did to me was bullshit. Huh amazing what she remembers and what she doesnt remember lol.

So are you saying, that your wife was OK with it before the marriage, but now she's not?


Me? I'm a CD, a TG, whatever! By myself I have enough to control my CD in so long as I'm not involved with a GG! Right? Yea! Right! With or without a GG, I'm a CD! Being with a GG, only makes it worse! Drives me up the wall! To be honest with you, I wished I'd been born a girl! I wished I had breast! I wished I had a vagina! I wish I could dress like a woman, 24/7/365! I wish I like men at least as much as I do women! With my current wiring, even if I had been born a girl, I would have been a lesbian!

[joannablake]

Yes my wife new about me before we even started dating. I make sure that who ever I am dating like me for me not what I try to pass off as being.

[joannablake]

Hey Julie I would have to agree with Krisi on her comments about you. You always seem to know what to say and when to say it and make it easy for us to understand. Thank you.

[Rachel Ann]

I've been in therapy for a long time for depression. I never thought of my desire to cross-dress as a pathology, and neither did my therapist or my psychiatrist.

I always thought that a fetish was something that you *must* have to become aroused or satisfied. Maybe I am wrong about that,