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Thread: swinging

  1. #1
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    swinging

    My wife wants to swing, I'm not sure about it, I'm not jealous I just don't understand why she wants to.I will do what ever makes her happy, cause she has done the same for me. I just want know why.

  2. #2
    Aspiring Member outhiking's Avatar
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    Unless my wife meant by "swinging" big-band dancing, I couldn't go along with it. I don't know if I'm just insecure, but I would definately be jealous and hurt. Maybe I'm off the mark here, but I'd suggest some marriage counseling before experimenting with other partners. To each his/her own, but I'm guessing from your post that your not quite 100% behind this.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chazity View Post
    I just want know why.
    Maybe you should talk to HER about this... she'd know better than anyone here... lol

  4. #4
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    we have been swingers for many years, our golden rules were set out before we started anything, and both partners have to stick to those rules also both partners should have the right to say know to any prospect partnership, the first thing though is make sure that both partners are willing to swing and that can be absolute no jealousy, i hope this will help you a bit

  5. #5
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    Back in the 70's there was a hot topic--Open marriage--and there was lots of talk and lots of people seemed to have tried it, but ultimately it went the way--largely--of the dodo. It is like having mini affairs (and nowadays, also taking chances on some really bad stds). One supposes that since one partner partakes, the other could "sit it out" but then why bother. If you don't understand why she wants to, it does sound like your are not into this kind of playtime, and perhaps you need to not be in such a hurry to " do whatever will make her happy". That's what Clyde did for Bonnie and you know where they ended up? In any case, this forum won't give you answers though I have seen threads mentioning swinging. Only your wife can really tell why she needs to do it, the same as only you can tell your wife why you need to CD, but there is a REALLY BIG difference in the two activities.

  6. #6
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chazity View Post
    My wife wants to swing, I'm not sure about it, I'm not jealous I just don't understand why she wants to.I will do what ever makes her happy, cause she has done the same for me. I just want know why.
    Open marriages can work under several conditions: 1) Each partner feels totally secure in the relationship, they are totally connected to each other emotionally, and they trust each other implicitly. 2) Each partner wants this equally. 3) The rules of engagement are discussed thoroughly and they are very clear, to both partners and to the other sexual partners.

    Don't do it just to make your wife happy, or as a payback for her acceptance of the CDing (if this is what you meant). If you feel she is wanting this for ulterior reasons, you will be miserable in this type of arrangement.

    You need for her to tell you exactly why she wants this. If you feel insecure about anything, don't mince words and ask her point blank.
    Reine

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by busker View Post
    Back in the 70's there was a hot topic--Open marriage--and there was lots of talk and lots of people seemed to have tried it, but ultimately it went the way--largely--of the dodo. It is like having mini affairs (and nowadays, also taking chances on some really bad stds). One supposes that since one partner partakes, the other could "sit it out" but then why bother. If you don't understand why she wants to, it does sound like your are not into this kind of playtime, and perhaps you need to not be in such a hurry to " do whatever will make her happy". That's what Clyde did for Bonnie and you know where they ended up? In any case, this forum won't give you answers though I have seen threads mentioning swinging. Only your wife can really tell why she needs to do it, the same as only you can tell your wife why you need to CD, but there is a REALLY BIG difference in the two activities.
    That's what I'm afraid. Of is STD 's .there are forums just like this one on swinging.I have to crossdress maybe this something she has to do, we have had a three some with her best friend who she has had sex with before I didn't do much because her friend is married and didn't know it was going on, and I didn't think it was right.

  8. #8
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chazity View Post
    That's what I'm afraid. Of is STD 's .there are forums just like this one on swinging.I have to crossdress maybe this something she has to do, we have had a three some with her best friend who she has had sex with before I didn't do much because her friend is married and didn't know it was going on, and I didn't think it was right.
    You both need to do a little more research in this. Swinging can be safe and there are many people who are part of the lifestyle. Usually when there are swing clubs there are "rules" so that STD's and such are minimized (never say never). Bree had the best advice, if you want to know why ask the source. Emotions as we all know vary from person to person. Some have no worry about sharing, others are overly protective. All people will have some emotion on this, no one will be utterly uncaring but in the lifestyle both have to be on the same page. Personally to me swinging is not the same as having numerous affairs. Swinging can be a good social thing. So many believe that it is pure sex but it usually involves other activities such as pot lucks (I was invited to one of those with the addendum that said there will a play area but yo don't HAVE to partake in the sexual goings on). I know people who are polyamorous and I know people who have just a few close coupe friends they share with.

    Ask your wife, maybe it is just something she would like to try and maybe that will never go any further
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  9. #9
    Silver Member noeleena's Avatar
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    Hi,

    Whats really at the bottom of the, wants to swing, is there insecuity in your marrage, is your sex life not so good any number of reasons & even then you may not know the real answer.

    One thing that will take place is the trust you built your life together on will be gone, ( trust me i do know,)

    It all sounds so good all new & i wont to do this & will you come with me to make me happy, yes no dought your S O will be happy, & for how long,
    will you i dought it = look at AID;s std;s plus many other issues that can be involoved with this kind of shareing in the sexual side of things & the it wont happen to me .....

    I would wont to get to the bottom of the real issues, then you have something to work with.

    Some few years ago Jos & i talked about this to find out what was going on & why do this swinging & you know what it comes down to sex & lust for what a short time in bed with another more spunky person for a short time, distroy your own self. yes it may be fun & all its cracked up to be.

    Though i belive your marrage is allready flawed, its not based on real trust & love for each other. If one partner wonts more than the other can give could be part of the issue. ( that to i know about ).

    Some thing Jos said to me years ago .I wont you to fullfill me i need you to, . I knew i could never do that. i tryed & i know i failed The expection placed on myself was some thing i could never fullfill, any ways just my thoughts hope they help.

    ...noeleena...

  10. #10
    wishing on a star! Rebecca Star's Avatar
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    I personally couldn't handle it.
    And like the other ladies have mentioned, it's something that shouldn't be entered into as a "trade off" to your crossdressing.

    Could swinging be considered a fetish?

    IDK the answer to that either, just putting my thoughts out there.
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  11. #11
    Senior member samantha48328's Avatar
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    We are swingers and both enjoy it.
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  12. #12
    Member GinaM's Avatar
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    Nothing good will come of this. Jealousy will start no matter how much you don't think it will. Looking over and watching your wife having sex with another person will most likely have BAD consequences.

  13. #13
    Silver Member Mollyanne's Avatar
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    I don't know about this arrangement, it sounds like there is a BIG STORM brewing!!!!!!

    Molly
    "To thine own self be true"

  14. #14
    Silver Member Tina B.'s Avatar
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    Nothing wrong with swinging as long as your both into it, doing it to make your partner happy is not a good idea. It takes a lot of confidence in each other, and yourself, or it can become a problem that can rip you apart, Of course you didn't say what brought this up to Begin with. Does this have anything to do with your being a CD? Is she trying to find herself a real man? Or is this outside of those issues, because she has always thought that monogamy just is not her thing. The only hope of it working for a couple, is be honest about what you are doing, and why, it also helps that it must be done openly and above the board, I've known of cases where one partner or the other, started seeing someone on the side, without there partners knowing, after starting with it as swingers, and of course that leads to break ups. Like any other different life style, it can work, but you have to work at it and nurture it, and keep it on the right track, or it can derail!
    Tina B.
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  15. #15
    Silver Member BRANDYJ's Avatar
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    It would not work for me. There is something sacred and spiritual to me, knowing that making love to my SO is something we do together and not with anyone else. Recreational sex is fine. Been there done that...but not when in a loving committed relationship. What would you have left that is just between you and your SO?

  16. #16
    Gold Member Marleena's Avatar
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    Perhaps this is her fantasy or turnon. I assume she lets you crossdress and is allowing you your "fantasy", or turn on in her eyes. I'm just guessing that this could be her reasoning.

  17. #17
    Aspiring Member JulieK1980's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    Open marriages can work under several conditions: 1) Each partner feels totally secure in the relationship, they are totally connected to each other emotionally, and they trust each other implicitly. 2) Each partner wants this equally. 3) The rules of engagement are discussed thoroughly and they are very clear, to both partners and to the other sexual partners.

    Don't do it just to make your wife happy, or as a payback for her acceptance of the CDing (if this is what you meant). If you feel she is wanting this for ulterior reasons, you will be miserable in this type of arrangement.

    You need for her to tell you exactly why she wants this. If you feel insecure about anything, don't mince words and ask her point blank.
    ^This.

    My wife and I are swingers, and I think communication is the most important aspect to being successful in the "lifestyle." The question of why your wife wants to swing is something you need to be asking her, not us. That honestly sounds a little fishy to me, and I've seen good marriages go south really fast in the lifestyle because they weren't communicating their feelings with each other.

  18. #18
    Member Mistress Frillee's Avatar
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    I wish some of the women I date would be into this. Sounds like fun, not boring old sex. I say jump in with both feet, impulsively!

  19. #19
    Silver Member BRANDYJ's Avatar
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    Thinking more about this...I don't know you or your wife. I don't know how open you are to each other. But I was thinking that her telling you this is a test of sorts. Maybe she thinks you are bi and would like to pursue that. Or she may think this is something you want and by telling you this, she does not have to outright ask you if you want to be a swinger. I'd tread real lightly with this. But when it's all said and done, if you are not into it, then don't agree to do it. PERIOD!

  20. #20
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    LOL. We have a lot of "maybe your wife ...".

    Although this may serve to give Chazity some possibilities, it doesn't answer the question and the rest of us cannot give meaningful advice until Chazity actually asks her wife why, and posts the results here along with how Chazity feels about the whole thing.

    So, Chazity have you had a talk with your wife? What did she say and how do you feel about it?
    Reine

  21. #21
    Carpe Diem Jackiefl's Avatar
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    good advice from ReineD thats why she is Super Moderator

  22. #22
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    The way I see this............ My wife will not be another man's toy........I will not be another woman's toy .................

    Thera

  23. #23
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Gina is right on. There is no way that jealousy can be suppressed for long. When you were married, you took a vow, and that ring tells the world, that you two are each other's, not for anyone else, as long as you are married. You can tell her she is playing with high explosives and dynamite!

  24. #24
    Gold Member Alice B's Avatar
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    In a land far,far away and with an earlier I had a wife that wanted to have an open marriage and to swing. I went along with it. But, everytime I started to enjoy a partner my wife would get jealous and try to interfear. Meanwhile, she had many partners and some afairs on the side. She quickly became history and I quickly decided that it was not a good thing, even though I am an open minded person. Be careful.

  25. #25
    Senior Member KellyJameson's Avatar
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    Hi Chazity

    Could your sexual appetites be mis-matched with your wife's leaving her sexually frustrated ?

    This was always the case in my own life, I just do not think about sex or have an appetite for it to the degree most do so it becomes impossible to be in a physical relationship because my partner would suffer.

    I'm warm, affectionate and like to touch creating the very conditions that would lead to sexual frustration in the other person because the closeness would open the door to sexual desire.

    From my experience women are much more sexual than men and more likely to experience long term sexual frustration but this is expressed in ways different than a
    man so it is not as obvious, where with a man you can see it because his physical behavior is very distinct.

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