For those of you with SO's that are aware.

[Wildaboutheels]

A few questions.

Did you tell them or did they "discover" you?

How long have they known and has their stance changed at all over the months or years? Softened, hardened, etc.?

Have you shown them this site? LITERALLY sat them down in front of a computer? Or are some of them even unwilling to do that?

One last question. How many of you were were surprised or perhaps even "stunned" by their response when you told them? Whether you got the silent treatment for a week or because of their enthusiastic acceptance?

[Stephanie47]

It was kind of a mixed bag. I had dabbled with wearing my mother's clothing as a teenager, then stopped for years. When I married my wife and I engaged in 'bedroom play.' I told her the truth. I liked the feel of nylon and sheer stockings. We shopped together for floor length nightgowns for me, and, she bought me garterbelts and stockings. When we had a child she asked me not to wear the nightgowns to bed. OK! No big deal. I slowly progressed to buying panties and slips and finally bras. She could not understand the bras, because I had nothing to pack into the cups. True! With gaining more insight, she and I realized there was more to wearing women's clothing than just the feel. It did not go well with her. Watching Tootsie at the movies was unsettling. We went through the typical discussions, her weeping, us not understanding, cross dressers' hell. Over the decades it has been DADT. She knows. When she finds a garment I may not have sequestered away before she comes home, she folds it and places it somewhere out of sight from others. She'll tell me where it is. I think she finally realized I am not different a person.

[Lorileah]

Well I don't have a SO right now having lost two wonderful women in the last 4 years (sort of answers the question)

Did you tell them or did they "discover" you?

My wife "knew" long before I did and supported me by allowing me to wear what I liked. She even bought me things. When I was talking to my GF before we met I sent her some pictures. It was never an issue for here and we went out together frequently

How long have they known and has their stance changed at all over the months or years? Softened, hardened, etc.?

Jumped that gun didn't I? I don't think it changed. With time my dressing with my GF became almost non-existent and she mentioned how much she missed Lori though

Have you shown them this site? LITERALLY sat them down in front of a computer? Or are some of them even unwilling to do that?

My wife didn't do much online (and by the time I joined here she was already pretty far along with her cancer...but that is one reason I joined here for the friendship I have gained). My GF knew I was on here but she didn't look I don't think

One last question. How many of you were were surprised or perhaps even "stunned" by their response when you told them? Whether you got the silent treatment for a week or because of their enthusiastic acceptance?

I was shocked when my GF said she didn't care but it was what I had hoped for. I let her know early on so she could make her own mind on if she wanted to be with me.

[RainyNightGirl]

I told my wife on our third or fourth date (been married a long time now) and she is very supportive too, always has been. I have shown her the site and sometimes tell her about interesting threads. But she has also said even though she knows the site is there (and she knows my on-line name), she will not go and look without asking. Yep, I am pretty lucky...actually beyond that...my wife is pretty darn special.

[Marcia Blue]

A few questions.

Did you tell them or did they "discover" you?

How long have they known and has their stance changed at all over the months or years? Softened, hardened, etc.?

Have you shown them this site? LITERALLY sat them down in front of a computer? Or are some of them even unwilling to do that?

One last question. How many of you were were surprised or perhaps even "stunned" by their response when you told them? Whether you got the silent treatment for a week or because of their enthusiastic acceptance?

I joined this forum and soon realized being"discovered was a real bad thing. I told her late one night. I was ready for the questions and the long talks.

My wife has known for almost 3 years. Her stance has been of general acceptance wavering at times, but better than I had hoped for.

I showed her this forum and she is a member. She only visits the FAB forum and the Loved Ones forum.

My wife went from almost total acceptance, to full on OMG what have I gotten in to.
She spent time on the forum in the FAB section, long talks, and a some self examination, before settling in a very good understanding/acceptance level., IMHO.

[CdD Janessa]

My so was furious when she found out and her attitude hasnt changed on it either she has come close to allowing it but I ask if I can dress and she gets mad and says give her space and that if I would wait for her to bring it up she might consider it. I got the silent treatment for two weeks when I got caught. I have adkd her to join on here but shr wont do it im hoping with time dhe might reconsider maybe allowingit what do you all think I ought to do. Its extremely hard to not talk of it or mention it in any way to her.

[janet54]

I told my wife from day one. We did alot of talking and alot of tears and she thanked me for being honest after long talks and alot of questions she was fine with it. I know Iam lucky but we are happy. My wife looks at this site with me at times . But really be honest with yourself and your SO or where are you really going if not.

[Stephanie Michelle]

Th ex wife knew about 3 months into the relationship. Was Ok with it, but I never went out in public except for a couple of Halloweens. Divorced 3 years ago due to other reasons. Current GF knows since 3 months into relationship. As I have said before she is very accepting. We have shopped together and she had bought me outfits. She wants to go out with me dressed but I still have issues with that right now. Working on maybe going to a local meeting to start. She is still learning what this is all about an had been on this site with me but hasn't by herself.

[danielletorresani]

I was discovered by some videos I made on my computer. Definitely unplanned! Our stance is that we just don't talk about it.

[Alice B]

I told my wife as soon as I knew and she accepted right away, but with wanting no participation. This was 6 years ago. She gives me all the freedom I need, but keeps the same attitude. She knows about the site and sees me on it daily, but does not wish to join or read the posts. I dressed last night and went out with her OK, but as I said goodby she did not want to look at me. That's OK, as I respect her position.

[Laura912]

Told wife after 20 years of marriage. She has known for 25 years. She knows of the website and sees me using it but does not explore the site. I some times relate discussions. Her response to seeing Laura for the first time was, "Wow! The transition is remarkable!! You look great!" And that, ladies, will keep your motor running for a lot of years.

[candicd]

My wife and I kind of grew into the discovery together, although when we were dating 20 years ago she put makeup on me. Should have known back then.

She knows of this site. She is not a "forum" person. I guess we are a lot alike. I know who I am and am happy with it so. She knows who I am and is happy with it.

When Candi was completely out of the closet, and she was completely accepting as long as we have boundaries, yes I was stunned. Mostly because it's a secret that most CDs keep hidden and then after so many years of marriage you don't want to screw that up so she is accepting and I wait for her to blow up about it. Hasn't happened. She is awesome.

-Candi

[Rebecca Star]

I let her know early on so she could make her own mind on if she wanted to be with me.

I seem to be going around today praising the folk who have had the guts to tell their SO/GF early on. But no matter how many times I say it, I still think whoever does step up to the plate deserves kudos, why? Well IMO it's just the right and honourable thing to do

[JessHaust]

Told my wife on the first date. Been married for 32 years. She goes out with me, and my TG friends, so she gets the real thing, not just a few posts hete and there, but yes she has all my log on info for this site.

[TeriAnn]

My wife knows and is supportive. I met my wife to be in 1992 she was seeing someone else and ended up marrying him. He turned out to be a drunk and very abusive to her so she divorced him. We got together as friends and then we married in 1999, I did not tell her until July 2005 when we got back from our vacation. I told her that I was a cross dresser and of course she was shocked. She had no response at the time so I figured I would wait a day or two.. I went to her and ask what she thought, she surprised me by saying she was cool with me dressing as a female. She has bought clothes for me and gift cards from Cato. She is also the one who found this forum for me, help me join the group and then even became a member herself. Since this all happened we are no longer together ,we have been apart for 4 years and I am sad about it. She has a lot of mental problems to deal with so what I do is on the back burner for her right now. I just hope she can find the right doctors to help her. I have been praying to God that He will help her get well. I love my wife and miss her friendship TeriAnn

[Sophia Claire]

My wife found out shortly before she left (unrelated problems). I had been trying to warm up to "the talk" for a couple of weeks, but she's not much for subtleties so she didn't get it. When I told her, she looked at me blankly and said "well, yeah. I kinda figured." Turns out that she was perfectly okay with it. In fact, she had spent some time as a lesbian (by choice), so she actually thought it was kinda hot. So there's that. I find that my experience was... hmm... atypical.

[SusanMarie]

Well, I did 'tell' my SO a number of years ago...and she was and still is accepting, supportive and participates.
Frankly, I think she 'knew' long before I did, so not much of a suprise.
She knows about the forum but has no interest.

[Vanessa_1977]

My SO is totaly ok with my fem side. She found out about a week after halloween when I told her. She had kinda fig it out her self being that I whent out dressed for halloween. After that I could dress as much as I liked. But know we have a doughter thats 5 and my SO and I don't whant her to know about me. Sp I don't get too get out much any more it's rather stressfull. Plse we now have a roommate living with us making it even harder.

[Jacqueline Winona]

1) she figured it out when I liked dressing from Halloween so much, and when I insisted on practicing before the event.
2) I'd say as time goes by she likes it less, and is more vocal about it. She knows where I keep some of my stuff and doesn't speak about it, but she does not want to know (yes, she uses those words) about anything I bring up related to dressing. The good news is that I can dress when I want when I'm alone, and I can get by dressing infrequently (going on six weeks now without even the urge to do it).
3) No, she has made it abundantly clear that dressing isn't something she likes, and showing her this site would serve no purpose. The best I could hope for would be a "hmm, interesting" comment.

I

[Wildaboutheels]

Thanks for all the great responses, ladies.

Any of you with "approving" SOs try to direct them to this site or any other site when you told them?

If it was way back before internet sites like this were available, do you think them being able to come to a site like this, would have made a difference in SOs who "don't approve".

[Eryn]

I definitely wanted my wife on this site after I told her.

I think that access to a site like this is important to SOs simply because it gives them access to other SOs who are in the same situation. Back in the dark ages they were even more isolated than their CDing spouses.

[UNDERDRESSER]

Excuse me jumping on this thread, as i don't have an SO, and the one I'm after doesn't know.

The reason I'm replying is, that i will probably be telling her soon. If, as I hope, we do move into a relationship, I have to tell her before we get intimate. It's just not gonna work any other way. If, on the other hand, I get permanently friendzoned, I'm going to tell her anyway.

Here's why I'm posting, a prediction.

If we are actually going to start dating, she will want tot think about it, ( please don't let it be longer than a couple of days! I'll go insane! ) after which, she'll either accept, currently I only wear panties, or be fully on board, and offer to help me explore it.

If i tell her as a permanent friend, she'll accept it fully, and will probably want to explore the ramifications with me, ( she has training as a psychologist ) I look forward to being pulled apart, she may help me understand where this comes from.

I look forward to telling you all how accurate my predictions are.

[JohnH]

I never hid my unorthodox clothing selections (by male standards) from my wife, ever. I keep my some of my women's clothing in the same closet as my wife keeps her clothing. (I absolutely despise the term "cross dressing" - a woman wearing a flannel shirt, jeans, and hiking boots is "cross dressing" just as much as a man wearing a dress with heels.)

My wife knows about my activities but since she is not much into fashions she does not care. I am the one who wears dresses, skirts, and on occasion, heels. My wife wears only pants and flat shoes for her street clothes.

My wife even suggested I go on M2F HRT, which I took her up on it. That is one of the best things I have done in a very long time.

John

[prettytoes]

My wife discovered my stash of clothing when I was at my cabin for the weekend a little over a year ago. I had it all stashed in a tote in our closet where seasonal clothes were stored. She saw a small bit of pink sticking out of my laptop bag (a sports bra that I forgot to put away). She started to search and found it all. I came home and everything was neatly spread out on our bed. On a side note, I had worn mostly women's panties for years telling her they were more comfortable and fit me better. Mostly gender neutral colors, but women's none the less. There were lots of questions, and then 3 or 4 days of silence.

I am now able to enjoy my femminine side in many ways that I never could before. First and most important...I no longer need to hide anything....at least at home. I do not go out dressed, I keep it in the house. I usually have my toenails polished, I wear panties 24/7 (much more girly than what I used to wear!), I wear sports bras when I work out or ride my bike, I lounge in women's shorts, capris, or yoga pants, I shave my legs daily, and I sleep in nighties or femme pajamas. I have several skirts (mostly minis, denim and leather, and running skorts), however the only boundry requested by my awesome wife was that I don't wear a skirt or dress in front of her. I am not much into shoes or makeup, mostly clothing, underwear, workout wear, and nightwear.

She has seen this sight, but she doesn't post here, or visit much. I do read some posts to her.

I was surprised in the fact that I can express my femme side freely and she is OK with it.

[Jenniferathome]

I told my wife. She said that she had suspected for some time.

She has known for 1 year and 3 months. Her attitude has been great from the start but now she will go out with me and doe snot care if I dress in front of her. At the very beginning, she was a little scared to see me in girl mode, fearing that she would always see me that way when in guy mode. Turns out that's not an issue.

No. She has no interest. She knows I am part of this group but her only questions are the genetics of this.

Stunned. I suspected she would be tolerate it as I know she loves me but her ability to embrace this part of me is incredible.