I love the look on the face of someone who sees what they don't expect to see.
After two weeks where timing was off or there were other "life"" things that needed to be done, this weekend was a "girl" weekend.
My friends who I think need to know, know about me. I don't keep it a secret. I am sure that the others whom I have not told know too but so far they haven't said anything or they are saving up for blackmail later. If that is their plan they are in for a shock because I am who I am and I don't care.
So, anyway, as I have mentioned here before, there is a quaint piano bar in Denver. It is gay owned but it is accepting of everyone and thus on any weekend there will be a mixed crowd. I belong to a theater group who puts on charity shows several times a year and since the majority of us are ...um...older, our taste in music tends to be standards, light jazz and R&B. This bar has live piano and combo groups on Thursday , Friday and Saturday. Several weeks ago I asked a couple GG members of my group to accompany me if they wanted. I did explain that I would be dressed. We planned Friday night.
The director of the group heard us making the plans and I told him he was more than welcome to come along. I didn't tell him that I would be "en femme". He calls it my "alter ego" even though he has not seen me made up correctly ( I did slap on some makeup and a dress for a rehearsal which I believe I have described here earlier).
I will keep the evening brief (yeah I know I never keep anything brief) but I picked up one friend since she lived on the way and we were expecting the other to meet us there. The two women had talked and I didn't know the one meeting us there had invited two of her girlfriends. When we first arrived there were only small tables and the place was busy with what was probably office workers on FAC. But before the second group set up a large table opened up. So we had room for five or six people. The woman who was meeting us finally arrived after having trouble finding parking and her friends showed up a half hour later.
We sat around and talked of lots of things. Family, remodeling, neighbors, and then it came to me. (Oddly enough I was the only TG in the place that night, usually there are several). The usual questions. When did I know? How long have I done this? How long does it take? Why aren't you drinking beer? The "Gay" question was more of a statement though, "You are not gay so why do you do this?" On a side note one of the women at the table did not realize it was a gay bar until I pointed out the gay couples.
The most interesting part of the conversation was when one of the women I had not met before said "You seem so relaxed and out going. Are you always like this?"
One of my friends beat me to the answer.
"No, she (and that shocked me too because I didn't think she would see me as a "she", will get into that in another thread) is usually shy and reserved as a guy." As was pointed out in a recent thread many of us are that way but I didn't think those around us knew it. She told her friend that I smiled more and that I looked brighter. Just that I seemed happier over all. And then she looked at me seriously and asked. "Aren't you afraid you will be attacked and raped?" I don't know how I presented as being weak or at risk. I joked that I could kick my heels off fast and run if I needed. This was an insight to how some women must be always on guard. I often wonder why. Did it happen to them? Is it because they have been told forever that they are prey? When I am out I am aware of things around me but I am not afraid. Also I am equal to or larger than the average male and when I need I can be like the Hulk and change rapidly.
By the way, the director got lost and didn't show up. He says he could not find the place, but I am sure it had more to do with me and the way I was presenting that night because he had our cell numbers.
Saturday, I am learning to dance. Life is too short to not sing and dance, so I was off to Charlie's (country and western bar) for my second lesson in just how much my feet don't listen to my head. I try and get there early enough I can get a good parking spot and then I just sit and mellow out at the bar (and try and get just enough buzz to go out and look silly on the dance floor). This week in the "downstairs" as they call it there was a show, the Majestic Hearts. I don't belong to the group. As Mark Twain said "I would not want to belong to any group that would have me." But really, they are nice people (and if any of the members are here) so I was not the only "girl" at the bar. I made some small talk with some of the patrons and there was a steady turnover on the stool next to me. A cute woman sat next to me (now this is a gay bar and I feel safe here because the guys don't want me in a dress and the women don't want me period). She asked if she could share my ashtray. I had my back to her and when I turned to tell her I wasn't using the ashtray and she could have it she looked like it was a surprise birthday party for her.
"Well aren't you absolutely gorgeous?" she gasped. I don't think I am but it never hurts when someone tells you that. I thanked her. "No I mean it. You look wonderful." Thank you again and I am sure I was now bright red. She started talking to me like we knew each other for years, introducing me to her friends, telling me about her life, how there weren't any bars for women in this town and how her group was so full of drama. Then she finished her cigarette and stared at me again. "You are so pretty, don't believe that you are not. Those blue eyes...." I thanked her again and she told me she would be playing pool if I wanted to come over.
I sat there in my cloud and a guy sat next to me. "Mind if I smoke?" When I go to certain places I am of the age where I expect smoke, like in a bar. I told him I didn't mind at all. "You look lovely" he told me. Wow, I don't know what I did but I have to make sure I do it every time from now on. Two compliments in less than 30 minutes. He started telling me his life story too, how he broke up with his boyfriend and how he hooked up earlier (now that was TMI) and how he had to stop drinking. I must have looked like Sigmund Freud because these people had no problem telling me things that they would only tell a friend. I Excused myself from him (and felt badly about it) but it was time to have my dance lesson. Two left feet don't fail me now.
Since I go alone I have to pray for a partner. I want to learn to follow. I just find it so much more representative of how I feel.. Last time the instructor hooked me up to his assistant. This time there was a woman who I had met before who wanted to learn to lead. We were both about equal in the grace department but we got better as time went on. After the lesson we stood at the bar and talked. She felt comfortable enough to talk about her life. How she always felt different and how her family always treated her differently and how she tried to be what her family wanted her to be.
At one point a guy came up to me and said "Remember me?". I didn't at the time but he introduced himself as a server at the Black Crown (he had not been there recently and I noticed he has a cast on his arm). He said "You are the seven seven right?" Wow I felt bad I didn't remember him but he remembered me. My dance partner excused herself for a moment and Sean (the guy with the cast...I think I need a score card here) asked if I smoked (isn't that Deja vu?). Told him no but I would accompany him to the smoking area. When we got out there he told me about how he broke his arm (lovers quarrel thing where the cabinet won the fight) and how his "friend" would not like him talking to me and how much drama there was at the clubs and how he loved his job....
Four people in one night; four stories. Some things between them were the same, some different. Many of us have the same things happen to us but believe that we are the only ones who have ever been dumped, in love, shunned by friends and relatives, accepted by loved ones. It is good to have that reinforced for us. We may be a small representation of the world but we are truly bound together. We are all one family.
If you don't like the way I'm livin', you just leave this long haired country girl alone:
Originally Posted by Beverley128
