Divorce - reason she states is crossdressing. Or is it?

[Noeda]

A little history first, for a better understanding. If it is too long, just read the last question, in the last paragraph.

In 2008 i met my future wife. I liked her, among other because she was open minded and not judgemental. After a month in our relation i told her. Mind you, that i did not know how would she react, i just knew i had to tell her. My reason was that if she wasn't accepting we won't waist the time and could move on. And if she was accepting, then... At first, she was surpised, but her reaction was not negative, she just tried to wrap her head around this. She asked me some questions, the usual ones, asked me ofcourse, what was the extent of my hobby (i told her that lingerie and shoes, and at that time i trully believed it). At the end of our discussion she told me she will have to think about it, i gave her some resources to study and that was it. In the next days, she said she wanted to try to see me and she did. Her reaction was more than ok and became "normal". After some months together, i started to want more, i wanted some real clothes, dresses and she helped me with no reluctance what so ever. After a year of relationship, we moved together and my wardrobe started to expand.
We married last year and after a while i felt that something was missing. I wanted to go outside. I wanted to go outside while i was still young. We talked about it, and she was against going out in Romania as she thought it would not be safe. She told me to find a place outside our country and so i picked Manchester after thinking on many variants, more precise at Manchester Pride. I was very happy at that time, that i could do this joined by her, and i was very proud to have such an accepting woman beside me. That was late august.
Looking in retrospective, after the pride, something seemed to be off. We fought more frequently, but didn't feel that it was out of the ordinary, as people have arguments. I also felt, that i could not contain myself inside my home anymore (i didn't have any restrictions, i could dress in front of her) and i wanted to go out.
Apparently out of nowhere, we had a huge fight, in mid October. Our trip to Manchester seems to have affected her more than i thougt. I knew she was not easy about it but it appears that actually was a terrible experience for her. She said that she is not sure that she wants this kind of life as seeing me as a woman was far too much (in short)
Also, she reproached me that i wasn't honnest from the start, that she thougt that this was mostly a bedroom thing when in fact it was something more. I told her that at that moment i didn't knew either. Also, apparently she is not to keen on the bedroom stuff also, she just said that she doesn't seem to like it, that she had little doubts from the start but after our trip to Manchester this doubts grew . I was stunned. All i thought was real it seems that was only an illusion..
Later that night we talked again, after she returned from town. Before leaving she told me that she was going to tell her friend about me, because she couldn’t keep it in her. I know her friend and she is ok, but i didn’t want to tell her in these circumstances, but she did it anyway (she told me when she returned). It didn’t bother me as much as i tought, my only fear was that she would spread the word around, as we have some common friends, which i am not entirely sure would understand
The talk was less emotional, more calm she told me she wanted some boundaries, nothing too extreme though.
She told me that she doesn’t want our future child (if any) to know about this as in one of our previous discussions i mentioned the posibilities that i would be open about this with our child/children. I agreed.
Next, was that she does not want to move to England as she fears that there, i will tend to indulge much more my feminine side and she does not think she can handle it (we talked about moving to England quite often). I told her, that since we don’t have too many options to move there in the next year, i agree as there is not too much I or we can do about it.
She mentioned that she wants to go to therapy and i agreed.
Also, she told me that she would prefer not to go with me, if i want to go to Sparkle or Pride, next year and i did not have nothing to add here.
We discussed the possibility on me going out in Constanta and she was not too keen about it and thought that i could go in Bucharest instead.
So , i agreed with most of her requests and thought that it was over.
The atmosphere was not too great in the next weeks, but i thought it was the aftermath of the fight and things will slowly get back to normal.
The surprise came at the end of October. She told me straight up that she wanted a divorce. Complete shock. She told me that it doesn’t matter that i agreed with her conditions, she feels that she can not stand it anymore and maybe she never accepted it ... I could not reply to that, i felt horrified... I’ve tried to make her to reconsider her decision, at least to consider it a brake and to think things over... to no avail, she was very adamant about her decision.
Seeing that i could not change her mind, two weeks later i moved back with my mother. Our parents are still in shock, they don’t know why we broke up (they don’t know). Tomorrow we will go to the notary for the divorce.
And, here is what is bugging me... I don’t understand why is she in such a hurry to end everything? I moved from our place 2 weeks ago. I have a feeling that the crossdressing could be just a paravan, with the real reason hidden behind it. I suspect her of having an adventure with a work colleague but i don’t have any proof. Not sure if she did anything phisical with him, probably at this stage is just emotional. I can’t wrap my head around her decision. Ok, she found out that CD-ing has became too much, but i was willing to negotiate our boundaries, to give her a break to coold down. Nothing.
Anyone who had a similar experience, where the GF/wife broke up citing CD-ing as the reason and in fact beeing something/someone else? Sorry for the long post.

[Rondawants]

The post was fine and very well put!!!! I think maybe your on the right track! I can't relate as I've been married for 36 years. My wife knows and helps me buy things. I do dress in front of her from time to time. She don't like either, but puts up with me! lol I just wanted to say that I was very sorry and wish you all the luck in the world! Loves Ronda!!!!

[jackielou]

sounds like my story i told my x up front about my loving the softer side of life and that i wore a bra and panties full time she had no problem with that at first and she would buy us matching sets or if she liked one of my bras she would get it and wear it then as my breast continued to grow she was embarrassed to be seen with me and one thing led to another and eventually a nasty divorce

[Jenniferathome]

Hi Noeda, I am sorry to read this post. I recall your travel adventure to Manchester. It seems obvious now, hindsight is always perfect, but she was not on board to begin with. My opinion is that no marriage ends just because of cross dressing. The foundation has to be weak to fail. Cross dressing provides a great excuse and may in fact be the "straw that broke the camel's back" but cross dressing can't be the only thing. You will know soon enough if an affair is involved, but it doesn't matter. She was not the right fit for you. Try to be objective and learn from this. Maybe you didn't talk enough? Maybe she hid her real feelings? Whatever the reason, address it proactively with a new someone. Best of luck.

[Julie Gaum]

Your story, unfortunately, is not unusual to read. Kindly go back to the events you related and just correlate the peaks and valleys of your sexual activities from before you first told her, to your first revelation, to the periods when your CD desires expanded. Perhaps we can connect the dots Purpose? Reasons for divorce can originate from single or multiple causes - from religious, to parental upbringing, to financial, to just poor chemistry and other factors. Readers need to know more of these things before even a superficial guess can be offered.
Julie

[Lorileah]

"Men marry women hoping they will never change. Women marry men thinking they can change them. Neither one is correct"

The things I see here are:

You didn't go out before and she could live with that Going out changed the dynamics

You went to a "gay" pride vent where she could see that sexuality may be an issue for you. Even if it isn't, she has that in her mind

You looked happy. Now that is a good thing but some people twist that. Maybe she thinks that you are not happy at home. That there is something you want more in life that she and your home do not offer. That when you are dressed, your feelings are different. Even if none of the above are true to you, they can be true to her. It just takes a small seed. It starts to grow and flower. Then it becomes more real than reality. Basically she is scared. Scared that she isn't the center of your universe. Scared that you now have things that you want more than her. Scared that you are not who you said you were (even you admit to evolving into wanting to go out). She reacts to being scared by starting a fight. That way, it is at least partially your fault. And she now has the reason that you are not compatible, you argue about things. This takes the onus off the being scared part. She now is angry.

I stand with the statement that Cross dressing isn't the main issue of any divorce. It is just a convenient reason that one can use because it is physical and seen. There are other issues, and in this case it may be as simple as feeling in-confident. Fear of losing you and what she has. I would try and dissuade that and see if she feels better.

There you have my take from 3000 miles away Good luck

[kendra_gurl]

You went to a "gay" pride vent where she could see that sexuality may be an issue for you. Even if it isn't, she has that in her mind.

This was my first thought when I read Noeda's post. You surrounded her with Gay and Lesbians of which she wanted no part of while showing her how comfortable and content you were to flaunt your feminine side around them.

[AnneB1nderful]

Going thru something similar after 28 years of marriage. Hard pill to swallow.

[Noeda]

Hi Noeda, I am sorry to read this post. I recall your travel adventure to Manchester. It seems obvious now, hindsight is always perfect, but she was not on board to begin with. My opinion is that no marriage ends just because of cross dressing. The foundation has to be weak to fail. Cross dressing provides a great excuse and may in fact be the "straw that broke the camel's back" but cross dressing can't be the only thing. You will know soon enough if an affair is involved, but it doesn't matter. She was not the right fit for you. Try to be objective and learn from this. Maybe you didn't talk enough? Maybe she hid her real feelings? Whatever the reason, address it proactively with a new someone. Best of luck.

I also believe that crossdressing only can't be the reason and you are right that if an affair is involved it wouln't matter... But my heart and mind don't always think rationally...

Your story, unfortunately, is not unusual to read. Kindly go back to the events you related and just correlate the peaks and valleys of your sexual activities from before you first told her, to your first revelation, to the periods when your CD desires expanded. Perhaps we can connect the dots Purpose? Reasons for divorce can originate from single or multiple causes - from religious, to parental upbringing, to financial, to just poor chemistry and other factors. Readers need to know more of these things before even a superficial guess can be offered.

Julie

Our sexual activity i guess was "normal" by most standards. More intense in the first year and slowly dwindling afterwards, with me wanting more sex than she ... Comparing to my friends, the frequency was more or less the same (1-3 times per week, in the last year, usually in the weekends).

"Men marry women hoping they will never change. Women marry men thinking they can change them. Neither one is correct"

The things I see here are:

You didn't go out before and she could live with that Going out changed the dynamics

You went to a "gay" pride vent where she could see that sexuality may be an issue for you. Even if it isn't, she has that in her mind

You looked happy. Now that is a good thing but some people twist that. Maybe she thinks that you are not happy at home. That there is something you want more in life that she and your home do not offer. That when you are dressed, your feelings are different. Even if none of the above are true to you, they can be true to her. It just takes a small seed. It starts to grow and flower. Then it becomes more real than reality. Basically she is scared. Scared that she isn't the center of your universe. Scared that you now have things that you want more than her. Scared that you are not who you said you were (even you admit to evolving into wanting to go out). She reacts to being scared by starting a fight. That way, it is at least partially your fault. And she now has the reason that you are not compatible, you argue about things. This takes the bonus off the being scared part. She now is angry.

I stand with the statement that Cross dressing isn't the main issue of any divorce. It is just a convenient reason that one can use because it is physical and seen. There are other issues, and in this case it may be as simple as feeling in-confident. Fear of losing you and what she has. I would try and dissuade that and see if she feels better.

There you have my take from 3000 miles away Good luck

You could have a point here, but if she is afraid of losing me, why is he in such a hurry to dump me? But something of this could have contributed to the break up.

This was my first thought when I read Noeda's post. You surrounded her with Gay and Lesbians of which she wanted no part of while showing her how comfortable and content you were to flaunt your feminine side around them.

She always said she has nothing against gays and over there she didn't seem uncomfortable with the situation.

I don't know, maybe i don't want to look the reality in the face and accept that she could really break-up with me for this. She only stated this as the reason, and as the above posters said, it could not be the single reason and i agree. I know i am not perfect as i have my flaws but always believed that i am reasonable and could work a compromise so both of us could be happy.
Thank you for the feedback to all of you!

[audreyinalbany]

You owe it to yourselves to pursue the therapy. Sounds like there is more going on than just the cross dressing.

[Stephanie47]

Women have a right to change their minds, as well as men. You started off with a relatively low keyed interest in cross dressing which has expanded and expanded and expanded. There is a saying that "Love is Blind." Your wife may have been accepting at first because the marriage was new. Young people tend to be highly sexualized. They may have expectations.

"One exception negates the universal quantifier." One cannot say NOBODY ever divorces or breaks up solely because of cross dressing. There must be other issues! One needs to do some self examination sometimes. Spending too much money on feminine clothing, busting the budget? Going on holiday or vacation solely to cross dressing opportunities?

Yes, I can even envision a young woman stepping outside the marital bonds if her idea of a husband is not being met. I'm not saying this is the case in your circumstances. I'm just saying it is a consideration to be explored.

[Jacqueline Winona]

None of us can know for sure, Noeda, but based on what you wrote, the dressing seems to be at the heart of it. I disagree with contentions that the dressing is never the cause of a divorce, it really is too much for some women in every way. It's not easy for you, I wish I had words of wisdom for you but these things are hard for any outsider to understand. Perhaps reasoning with her that everything else is so good will work, and I do wish you luck.

[ReineD]

Maybe I can give you a GG's perspective. Lorileah picked up on this as well.

If you compare where you're at with the CDing now to four years ago, there is a lot of difference. Early on it was just about wearing lingerie and shoes, which is more an indication of a sexual kink than an alternate gender identity. A lot of GGs are OK with partners who have sexual kinks, as long as it doesn't go outside their relationship. But now you have an extensive wardrobe and you want to spend increasingly more time as a woman in public, closer and closer to home. I'm not faulting you for this, my SO does the same with my full support, but I can see why your wife may have slowly convinced herself that your goal is to increasingly live as a woman, even if she never said this out loud to herself. She may have stopped feeling as if she was central to your life and if this is what happened, she may have developed a growing distance from you as a subconscious form of self-protection. I'll explain this:

One of the things that was hardest for me to understand and it caused me great sadness, was the degree of excitement and euphoria that my SO experienced when she dressed, combined with her wanting to have friendships with others as a woman, that did not involve me. You mentioned the excitement in a thread about the Manchester Pride, and I've witnessed this in my own SO in the beginning of our relationship when she was also starting to go out. I could see it in her eyes and it felt as if she was glowing. He did not glow this way for me. It gave me the impression that expressing her femme self was by far the most important, thrilling thing in my SO's life and that simply being with me paled in comparison. The only time I had personally felt this degree of euphoria was when I was first in love with my SO and so it felt as if my SO was falling out of love with me in favor of wanting to become a woman. It's hard to explain, but I came to these conclusions based on having absolutely nothing inside myself that would help me to understand what it is like for a male to want to express a female gender. I was convinced that my SO no longer needed me and I privately shed many tears over this. Our attempts to talk about it were unsuccessful, since my SO felt that I was being negative about our relationship. It had reached the point where I was the one to always go over to her house, to telehone her (I looked on my phone bill and one month I had called him 45 times compared to his having called me twice), and this, combined with witnessing how much pleasure she felt dressing compared to just having dinner with me in guy mode, and how much she wanted to make friends with others compared to wanting to spend time with me, convinced me that our relationship was not equal. So, I stopped calling, and when I didn't hear from him/her I began to make plans on my own, not as a form of punishment, but I was slowly preparing myself to end the relationship. I had become convinced that there was no longer any future for me there, there was no "us", since our attempts to talk about things were not successful. Granted, we were not married and if we had been I might have reacted differently. But I can understand if your wife slowly began to feel second place in your relationship if the two of you have not discussed at length why your cross-gender needs changed over time and why they seem to bring you so much joy, compared to perhaps being in guy mode with your wife. If she doesn't understand your need to be you, she might misconstrue the happiness you feel about being you as having found a replacement for her, if this makes sense.

My SO and I did finally work through all of this and things are stabilized now. We are happy together and I no longer feel the way I did. Our relationship is more equitable in terms of the effort we each make towards the other. But, I did want to tell you how I felt when my SO's CDing needs were expanding, and how a lack of communication about this can potentially cause relationships to fail, just in case this is something that your wife experienced.

[Lorileah]

You could have a point here, but if she is afraid of losing me, why is he in such a hurry to dump me? But something of this could have contributed to the break up.

Analyzing reasons is always difficult. I think it depends on which psychologist you believe. But I will tell you why I think this happens. If she takes the initiative then she feels she has control of it. If she is the initiator then she will be the one who can say "I saw it coming" later. It isn't a conscious thing most likely, it is her way of protecting herself. She is afraid that you will become something else and she is worried that if she is around, you will leave her later.

She always said she has nothing against gays and over there she didn't seem uncomfortable with the situation.

she has no problem with others being gay. She may have an issue with YOU being gay (even if you are not, she percieves it when you are out with gays and appearing happy and secure...not a long stretch)

[kimdl93]

It really doesn't matter if her reasons are your CDing or if there are other factors. It's clear that the two of you are moving in different directions. Conceding to her boundaries didn't provide her with enough confidence...or overcome her growing reservations. I think it's sad, but it's probably better than dragging it out for years. Take time to heal and then move on with your life.

[Noeda]

You owe it to yourselves to pursue the therapy. Sounds like there is more going on than just the cross dressing.

Sadly, in Romania there are not many specialists in gender problems. There is 1 of which i know and she is in Bucharest, 250 km away.

Women have a right to change their minds, as well as men. You started off with a relatively low keyed interest in cross dressing which has expanded and expanded and expanded. There is a saying that "Love is Blind." Your wife may have been accepting at first because the marriage was new. Young people tend to be highly sexualized. They may have expectations.

"One exception negates the universal quantifier." One cannot say NOBODY ever divorces or breaks up solely because of cross dressing. There must be other issues! One needs to do some self examination sometimes. Spending too much money on feminine clothing, busting the budget? Going on holiday or vacation solely to cross dressing opportunities?

Yes, I can even envision a young woman stepping outside the marital bonds if her idea of a husband is not being met. I'm not saying this is the case in your circumstances. I'm just saying it is a consideration to be explored.

I agree that the CD-ing could be a valid reason for a break up. Another GF broke up with me for this . The funny thing was that the fights before the break up were never about CD-ing, and she told me we should break up for some other reasons. Only months later she told me that the reason was my CD-ing. So, it can go both ways

I also think that my CD-ing was an important factor in her decision, i am no fool. I just can't accept the fact that she did not want to think about it or negociate or just discuss about this. It was just ... divorce. That's why, i find it hard to accept it.

I think i was an ok husband. I've could have been better but, then again, everybody could. In our home, i was cooking most of the times, we did the chores around the house 50/50, i was responsible with the budget. I never busted the budget on my clothes, the majority was bought with my allowance money. Ofcourse, a part was bought with common money, but she always knew as we were together when shopping and usually when there were sales or promotions.
This holiday is true, it was for me, but in the past years we had holidays we both enjoyed and it was agreed that next year we would go somewhere of her chosing, if she wished so. I guess this is not the case.

In hindsight, ofcourse i could have done some things better. But so did she.

Maybe I can give you a GG's perspective. Lorileah picked up on this as well.

If you compare where you're at with the CDing now to four years ago, there is a lot of difference. Early on it was just about wearing lingerie and shoes, which is more an indication of a sexual kink than an alternate gender identity. A lot of GGs are OK with partners who have sexual kinks, as long as it doesn't go outside their relationship. But now you have an extensive wardrobe and you want to spend increasingly more time as a woman in public, closer and closer to home. I'm not faulting you for this, my SO does the same with my full support, but I can see why your wife may have slowly convinced herself that your goal is to increasingly live as a woman, even if she never said this out loud to herself. She may have stopped feeling as if she was central to your life and if this is what happened, she may have developed a growing distance from you as a subconscious form of self-protection. I'll explain this:

One of the things that was hardest for me to understand and it caused me great sadness, was the degree of excitement and euphoria that my SO experienced when she dressed, combined with her wanting to have friendships with others as a woman, that did not involve me. You mentioned the excitement in a thread about the Manchester Pride, and I've witnessed this in my own SO in the beginning of our relationship when she was also starting to go out. I could see it in her eyes and it felt as if she was glowing. He did not glow this way for me. It gave me the impression that expressing her femme self was by far the most important, thrilling thing in my SO's life and that simply being with me paled in comparison. The only time I had personally felt this degree of euphoria was when I was first in love with my SO and so it felt as if my SO was falling out of love with me in favor of wanting to become a woman. It's hard to explain, but I came to these conclusions based on having absolutely nothing inside myself that would help me to understand what it is like for a male to want to express a female gender. I was convinced that my SO no longer needed me and I privately shed many tears over this. Our attempts to talk about it were unsuccessful, since my SO felt that I was being negative about our relationship. It had reached the point where I was the one to always go over to her house, to telehone her (I looked on my phone bill and one month I had called him 45 times compared to his having called me twice), and this, combined with witnessing how much pleasure she felt dressing compared to just having dinner with me in guy mode, and how much she wanted to make friends with others compared to wanting to spend time with me, convinced me that our relationship was not equal. So, I stopped calling, and when I didn't hear from him/her I began to make plans on my own, not as a form of punishment, but I was slowly preparing myself to end the relationship. I had become convinced that there was no longer any future for me there, there was no "us", since our attempts to talk about things were not successful. Granted, we were not married and if we had been I might have reacted differently. But I can understand if your wife slowly began to feel second place in your relationship if the two of you have not discussed at length why your cross-gender needs changed over time and why they seem to bring you so much joy, compared to perhaps being in guy mode with your wife. If she doesn't understand your need to be you, she might misconstrue the happiness you feel about being you as having found a replacement for her, if this makes sense.

My SO and I did finally work through all of this and things are stabilized now. We are happy together and I no longer feel the way I did. Our relationship is more equitable in terms of the effort we each make towards the other. But, I did want to tell you how I felt when my SO's CDing needs were expanding, and how a lack of communication about this can potentially cause relationships to fail, just in case this is something that your wife experienced.

Renee, your words, as usual, hit home. I think you should write a book about CD-ing, i for one would buy it I guess this is what she felt, but she did not open to me about it and I , was a little blind and i guess i believed that if she doesn't say anything than it must be ok. The difference between our 2 relationships is that she wanted out. And fast.

The nice part in all of this, is that i came out to 2 of my friends (males) and one colleague from work (female) and their reactions were positive, as they don't judge me too much over this ( i know, it's much easy to be acceptant from the outside). Their opinion, which might be biased, i know, is that the CD-ing alone could not be the only reason, as we were the perfect couple in their eyes.

[sometimes_miss]

I think i was an ok husband. I've could have been better but, then again, everybody could. In our home, i was cooking most of the times, we did the chores around the house 50/50, i was responsible with the budget. I never busted the budget on my clothes, the majority was bought with my allowance money. Ofcourse, a part was bought with common money, but she always knew as we were together when shopping and usually when there were sales or promotions.

I'm not sure how much being a good husband in every other way can make up for the change in how she has to see you once she knows (or eventually, comes to grips with) you as a female. A big part of any intimate relationship is sexual attraction; and once she starts seeing you as more female than male, it can destroy her passion for you as a romantic partner, and once that's gone, the marriage really doesn't have much hope. I, too, tried to do everything I could in order to let my ex know I would do pretty much anything she wanted because I loved her so much, but I couldn't change how she saw me once she knew of the crossdressing and the gender image it presented to her. It was only a matter of time until she ended the marriage. Sure, she presented other reasons, but we all know of marriages that survive cheating, wife beating, multiple bankruptcy, all kinds of other things. What they all have in common, is that none of that destroys the innate sexual attraction that a woman has for a man. But crossdressing kills the image she has of you as a virile, masculine, man. and once that's gone, everything else usually follows. There are some women who find other values more important than sex; sometimes, they can be understanding and stay. But many will simply want to end the relationship, and search for the passion they feel being the woman in the relationship, when involved with the masculine man they want so much.

[ReineD]

The difference between our 2 relationships is that she wanted out. And fast.

It might have reached the point of no return for her then. Or, your instincts could be correct (you won't know unless you ask her), and she might have found someone else. If this is the case, hopefully she is not subconsciously using a relationship with someone else to help her to run away from the things she could not deal with in your relationship. Rebound relationships seldom work out in the long run.

[LadyPilot]

I feel for you. I was in a 17+ year marriage that in hindsight turned out to be very loveless and we divorced in 2007 which was the best thing to ever happen to me. To use the excused about dressing is just a copout for whatever any main reason are. My dressing tapered off once we got married, although, at first she was fine with it, but, I guess eventually felt threatened by it, I don't know... What I do know is that I was really unhappy with this woman and only stayed with her because we had a daughter and I'll be damned if I was going to let the state of Washington screw me over because I am a man... Sorry, I digressed, she eventually sought out previous friendships on the internet then told me she wanted a divorce and tried to use dressing as a reason. Whatever made her feel better about her decision. She wanted no couselling or help or nothing she just wanted out... Your dressing is not the reason and it will never be the reason. Clothes cannot hurt you!!!! Many hugs

[Noeda]

Hi Noeda. You speak of allowance money. It's been my experience that one of the main causes of marriage difficulties boils down to money, either the excess or lack of.

I would be interested to hear about this 'allowance' you speak of and how that might have affected the marriage...that is if it's not too personal. You speak of sharing cooking 50/50. Did she work and you stay at home or what was the situation?

Remember, this is just for me to understand the specifics...not to barge into your personal life.

The allowance might not be correctly used in this instance - English is not my first language. I was talking about spending money we each had for ourselves. As regarding to money, we earned just enough money to be comfortable and to allow ourselves a holiday once or twice a year, by no means rich but also not poor. So i guess money weren't the problem, i don't remeber having fights over them.
We both worked and i was usually preparing the meals.

The point is why i asked if anyone was cheated on is because a good part of my male friends had their girlfriends or wives cheating on them. And they are not CD-ers, i least i don't have any info about that Ofcourse, the reasons for break up were some bogus ones (and later they found out the truth). I, myself was dumped by my first girlfriend, which knew about my other side (at that time was only a bedroom thing) , after 4 and a half years, for some "invented" reasons (routine, she was not happy, etc). At least she didn't blame CDing. About 2 years later, she tried to get back with me and told me the real reason - some one else. We didn't get back together...

[Janet77]

No one really know what goes on in a relationship except for the two people in it, and all I know about your relationship is what you have written here. With that said, it is clear to me that this relationship is over, and the best thing you can do is let go and move on. Break-ups are very painful. Take whatever comfort you can from the fact that you are still young and there are no children to suffer the collateral damage of your parting. Good luck.