That which we dread most

[Michelle 51]

I guess we all fear being caught.My wife lets me dress around the house but my daughter is home for the summer so dressing has been limited.I'll keep this short and spare you all the details but my daughter caught me in a skirt and heels this morning.No where to go"busted"She just walked to her room so after I changed I went to her room and asked if she wanted to talk about it.She said Dad it's no big deal.I've known for 3 yrs now.My feelings for you haven't changed.I love you and this can't change that.She said mom and me have talked about this and mom said you've felt like this your whole life.It's not a big deal.I hope in time Michelle and her will become friends.We'll see.I asked how she felt about me being myself around her at home now that she knows and she asked if she could think about it for a bit so we'll see but I'm pleased it went this well.

[Melissa_59]

My wives are all ex's... so my biggest fear would be telling my youngest daughter and having her reject me, which is why I haven't told her.

My oldest knows, but it's a completely different situation, they have different mothers. Both of my daughters love "ME" (the male me), but only one of them knows there's another side. And neither one of them have any love for their mothers (respectively).

And my oldest has already stated she'd rather not see that .... other side.

And my kids are everything to me, and they're 30 and 28 years old. So... when they come to visit, EVERYTHING is in the closet.

I love my daughters too much to wreck anything.

So the few weeks I see my oldest, everything is put away in locked boxes.

But the fact I'm in West Texas, it doesn't ever mean I get out much anyway.

[DeeDeeB]

I think it is great she's reasonably cool with it. Too bad she and your wife weren't more open when it first came up, but better to move forward than back. The door is open, and hopefully in time you Michelle can come out to your daughter as a friend.

I'm pretty sure my son has a good idea, but we're not there yet. Maybe it will take a chance meeting like yours, but I'm not pushing it.

I hope it goes well for you and your family. There is nothing better than having support from loved ones.

Dee

[betty1253]

Michelle,

My daughter (she was about 25 at the time), my wife and I were looking at pictures on the computer. I went to the wrong directory. There was Betty in all her glory. Fortunately, the wife is accustomed to my fem side, but the daughter didn't know. I looked her in the eye and said "any questions?" She said no. That was about 5 years ago, she still tells me she loves me, and nothing was ever said. Sometimes we worry over nothing and all turns out fine.

Betty

[Michelle 51]

I had considered telling her when she came home for the summer because I was used to being dressed whenever I felt like it but pondered it and didn't tell her because the reason for doing it would have been for selfish reasons and didn't think it would be fair to do that to her just to make my life a little easier so I guess this makes life a little simpler.I won't dress around her unless she is comfortable with it but at least I won't worry now if I forget to remove my earrings or nail polish and leave a shirt or shoes out by mistake which will be a relief.

[Cynthia Anne]

Some times getting ''caught'' isn't all bad! Hopefully your deaughter will be comfortable around Michelle! Hopeing the best for you! Hugs!

[vikki2020]

Seems like it went well, and the fact that she has known for three years means she wasn't shocked. Maybe now, that she knows YOU know SHE knows-- takes a little bit to get used to. Good luck!!

[Kate Simmons]

Dressing is a big part of the lives of many of us. Eventually people close to us and others will find out. We have to be prepared for that. Just remember, if we ask "permission" to be who we are, things will be more difficult for all concerned.

[JessHaust]

I think this is a good example of how unfounded our fears are. You said that this was what you dreaded, yet the actual event was a good thing. Your daughters responce was exactly what I have come to expect from people I tell about myself. The part about 'you are still you' was repeated to me from both my daughters, my brother, his two sons and their wives.
If anything, my experience with coming out has taught me how correct FDR was when he said “Only Thing We Have to Fear Is Fear Itself"

[kimdl93]

Isn't it most interesting that your daughter already knew and had discussed it with your wife? I know there are lots of situations where things won't work out so well, but this level of acceptance is more likely in a family with strong bonds of affection.

BTW, you may recall that I came out voluntarily to my youngest step daughter (she was 24 and living with us temporarily). I had some confidence going in that she would be accepting, and it turned out even more true than I had imagined.

[Stephanie47]

I bet if you knew your daughter and wife have discussed your cross dressing the anxiety would have been greatly diminished in your life. Sometimes I wonder if my kids know. I know many kids snoop around closets and draws as a ritual in growing up. I guess many of us may be living in an extended DADT family relationship. I guess some of us will never know. During the summer months I have very little chance to be en femme. I have accepted that self imposed restriction.

[STACY B]

A man once told me that it is better to ask for forgiveness than permision ? So ,,,im just saying ,,Maybe not for this perticular thread but someone else mite be reading it ? Both of my shoe thieves know all about me now ,,, Hell how could they not ...lol...

[Foxglove]

If anything, my experience with coming out has taught me how correct FDR was when he said "The Only Thing We Have to Fear Is Fear Itself"

Yes, Jess, but I wonder if Chrissy Lee Polis and CeCe McDonald would agree with FDR. And not terribly long after FDR made that statement, Americans learned that there were Japanese, Germans and Russians in the world.

Annabelle

[NicoleScott]

Not all coming out, or getting caught, stories come out so well.

[Vanessa Storrs]

What is it that we do that is so horrible that we live in terror of being discovered? There is nothing wrong with being a crossdresser, there is nothing wrong with crossdressing. If our secrets are discovered generally we experience a bit of embarrassment and then life goes back to normal.

[Eryn]

My daughter (she was about 25 at the time), my wife and I were looking at pictures on the computer. I went to the wrong directory. There was Betty in all her glory. Fortunately, the wife is accustomed to my fem side, but the daughter didn't know. I looked her in the eye and said "any questions?" She said no. That was about 5 years ago, she still tells me she loves me, and nothing was ever said. Sometimes we worry over nothing and all turns out fine.

I'm sure that things are fine, but I'll bet that, if your daughter truly did not know before, she and your wife had a conversation about it shortly after she saw the pictures. Mothers and daughters are like that.

What is it that we do that is so horrible that we live in terror of being discovered? There is nothing wrong with being a crossdresser, there is nothing wrong with crossdressing. If our secrets are discovered generally we experience a bit of embarrassment and then life goes back to normal.

That would depend upon the situation. If it were to get back to my employer it probably wouldn't cost me my job, but it would likely make my job much more difficult. Too many people still make the definition crossdressing = deviance and it's virtually impossible to fight against illogic like that.

[JessHaust]

Yes, Jess, but I wonder if Chrissy Lee Polis and CeCe McDonald would agree with FDR. And not terribly long after FDR made that statement, Americans learned that there were Japanese, Germans and Russians in the world.

Annabelle

Annabelle,
It is very sad about Chrissy and Cece, but they are just media top stories, How many non transgender people were killed the same day that were not reported? Thousands for sure, maybe tens of thousands. You are actually far more likely to be murdered in normal guy mode than en femme, statically speaking.