My wife and I had a conversation recently and I decided to take the time to address some of her root questions directly one at a time in an email. After I sent it I thought I'd share it with you guys to perhaps get some feedback. Maybe you've been asked these questions and had answers that were worded better then the words I can find. It's difficult to express your feelings into words sometimes.
Some of it is a bit personal but, hey, whatever. I'm a tell it like it is person and I'm very honest. I sincerely hope no one is offended by my answers, that's certainly not my intention. I realize not everyone on here feels the same as I do and I respect everyone's individual feelings on the subject of cross dressing.
Why women's clothes?
I find men's clothes boring, I've worn them my whole life and the variety "I feel" is limited. I like the look and feel of clothes designed for women that aren't offered in men's. Women can express themselves in a "masculine" way but men can't express themselves "femininely", so they don't offer clothing that allows for that expression. Like the sneakers, they simply don't have pink because that's not "manly". I don't pretend to be a woman just because the label says "women's", that's society saying "this is how a woman looks, not a man". I'm myself wearing what I like.
Why express my feminine side?
Like everyone in the world, I have a masculine and feminine side. I've spent my entire life feeling like it wasn't ok for me to express my feminine side, that it was wrong or gay. For my entire life I've wanted to wear skirts or dresses or even something pink but I never allowed myself the opportunity to act on that. It's a huge part of who I am and it's been stifled for my entire life. I no longer am putting everyone else above my own happiness. I feel free in a sense by what I wear because I'm not allowing anyone to impose any superficial standards on me that I feel are unfair to myself.
Why so often?
Because I've never felt comfortable or brave enough to express my feminine side for so long I'm like a kid in a candy store. I feel like it's not leveled off more because I continue to feel the pressure to conform, to you, the kids, my job and society. The more pressure I feel the more it pushes me to go faster and harder. It drives me insane when one moment I see you as supportive and accepting by buying me clothes or picking out outfits then later hear things like I'm selfish, abusive and humiliating. I understand that you want me to be my old self more often and I do too. But it's counter productive when I feel the pressure to not express myself, that I'm being a horrible person for doing what makes me happy.
Why makeup or shaving? It's not how God made you!
I don't know what I'll like until I try it, I have a curiosity about makeup and don't know if I'll like the look or feel. I don't want to be a drag queen or pass as a woman. I want to enhance my natural "beauty ?" and hide any blemishes, just like why a woman wears makeup. I'm still on the search for things that "I feel" look best for me. Just like on What Not to Wear, yeah a woman can wear women's clothes but somethings don't look right on some people. They help find outfits that look best for that individual. As for shaving its the same thing, I like the feel of freshly shaven legs (arms, chest, etc). I've been a hairy person my whole life and I'm enjoying something different. Clothes feel so much different when you shave compared to being covered in thick long hair. When I'm expressing myself femininely I feel it's counter productive to have long black hair growing out. I don't like the way it looks or feels.
Why not make CD friends?
Because I just want to lead a normal life and making special friends has a negative feeling attached to it. Like the world won't accept me so I should be with "my own kind". I know that isn't how you feel but it's how I feel. I do go on the board to get advice where needed because they are in some cases experts on those things. As for friendships I honestly don't mind but I don't want any "gay" to be involved and like craigslist people can come across one way but have completely different intentions later. I'd have to get to know someone for a while to help eliminate that feeling of discomfort.
Originally Posted by missyatl
