The Journey never ends

[AKAMichelle]

I have come along way with my acceptance over the years. I joined this group almost 4.5 years ago. I was really suicidal at the time because of what partners did to destroy my life. I was getting close to ending my life when I decided to deal with one last issue in my life. Luckily it happened to be crossdressing. I had started at the age of 5 and hid it from everyone. Finally at the end of my life I wanted to go out dressed which ultimately changed my life forever. In August 2008 I went out dressed to Walmart after sitting in the parking lot for 4 hours. That day was the day that I learned to get past my fears.

See the main problem that I felt was unworthy and damaged goods because of what the partners did. The day I went out dressed I conquered my first fear in over 2 years. It was the fear that changed the world. Within 90 days I recovered 1/2 of my business I lost that day in 2006.

Dealing with my crossdressing caused me to face myself. I learned how to deal with the complexities of being TG. I led a meetup group here in Denver for over a year. We grew to over 220 members in just 13 months. I have flown several times and spent several weekends as Michelle in SF and Chicago. I have been to broadway plays, ballet and eaten out so many times I can't count.

A dear friend of mine told me that I would battle all of this until I finally found balance. Balance was defined as feeling the same way regardless of what I was wearing. I finally achieved that goal and the need to dress changed for me. It was more of a form of expression, but it didn't stop there. I haven't been on this forum much in the last year because I went past that to not dressing at all. There will be plenty who say that it never stops and they are right. That's why balance was so important to me. I still feel like I am cd'ing, but I'm wearing male clothes.

I wanted to say thanks to everyone on here for getting me through the tough times. I may come back from time to time, but I won't stay long. My journey lies in a different path. I hope I can find the support system to help me with all of that just I found here. I wish all of you the best. Good luck to you in your journey.

[Jen60]

Michelle, it sounds like you are in a good place now. Please do come back to visit, and I know we all wish you well!

[Kathi Lake]

Michelle, I have loved seeing your journey. Balance is so important, yet so elusive to some. People can try to help you, but only you can determine how and when you'll get there. I'm so glad that you have balance, and more importantly, a reason to love and live your life on your terms.

Kathi

[TeresaL]

Wow, good for you! I'm relatively new to this site and haven't followed your progress. I see that you've been a member here since 2007, and have over 2000 posts, so it would take me a few weeks to get through the gist of them. So I'll start here and tell you congrats on what you've said in this thread. It is wonderful to hear that TG discovery equates to balance of life while enabling mental health and physical well-being to result in a positive and successful position.
Hugs,
Teresa

[kimdl93]

Hi Michelle! I'm so glad that your life is in balance and you're on a positive trajectory. Best of luck!

[Kaz]

Hi Michelle, I am so pleased that you are in balance. I particularly like the way you describe being CD but being OK in male clothes. I am sort of there myself... for me it is how I feel inside more than anything, and I am comfortable wearing guy's clothes while feeling like me/Kaz on the inside. I am not as open and out as you have been though and guard against that side of me... Having spent ages wanting to be out and about and having done it a bit... it is less important to me these days... but then I have the memories!

I hope you do pop in and out and see us all... we will miss you! You are still a beacon for many of us!

[Beverley Sims]

I would like to think there is more interest in the TG section than deserting us completely.
We all move on but come back when you find the time.
Lots of love for the rest of your journey, may it never end.

[AKAMichelle]

I have always tried to get people to tell their SO earlier rather than later but like many people I waited until 24 years of marriage before it happened. It was very bumpy for awhile but eventually she became very supportive. Unfortunately it didn't stop the divorce. We were still destined to get divorced.

We were able to get divorced as friends which helped a lot. My cd'ing had nothing to do with our divorce.

My last piece of advice I guess is tell your SO. Hiding things from our SO is never a good thing and will only have bad results at least at first. Second piece is don't be afraid of your shadow. If you are worried about your job or someone from work seeing you then go out of town. Don't live your life with tons of regrets. You only have one life. You don't get a mulligan in life.

[SherriePall]

Michelle -- Thank you for being here for us and sharing your journey. And please stop by once in a while.

[Sandra1746]

Indeed, the journey never ends. However the road can become smoother and less steep. The sun can also shine more and encourage the flowers.

Wishing you all the best in your future journey.

Hugs and love,
Sandra1746

[carhill2mn]

It is lovely to hear about how someone has been able to overcome obstacles and learn to accept and love themselves as they are!

[Lynn Marie]

[SIZE="4"]Nice going Michelle. Facing and overcoming those nasty fears is the essence of life itself. Fear is paralysing. Fearlessness is pure unadulterated freedom. Way to go girl. Wish you the best. I'm starting to feel a little like you too. Less time here, and more time living life well.[/SIZE]

[Marcia Blue]

Michelle, I am so glad to hear you are doing well. Success, amoung those in our community, has a great many ways of being achieved. We all want to feel that success. You are an inspiration to many. Your stories and advice have not fallen on deaf ears.
Stay safe and visit often.

[AKAMichelle]

Your stories and advice have not fallen on deaf ears.

I certainly hope not. It is so hard to figure all of this out. It would make my journey worthwhile if someone benefited from my stories.

[KellyJameson]

Beautiful words Michelle

Your words show the relationship between living truthfully and finding balance, they grow together. I'm glad you were able to come out the otherside successfully.

[Ally 2112]

Im very glad to hear you have found a good place in your life Michelle .Your post im sure is also an inspiration to a lot of here

[Kate17]

Michelle, I m happy for you and wish you well. Sometimes it is very hard to find the balance.
kate

[PretzelGirl]

I am glad you are finding your path. I believe that you had it in you all along as you definitely gave good advice to others. Is it memorable? I say so. When I went to tell my daughter, you gave me a piece if advice that I particularly remember. How much did it stick? Well I still remember that your avatar was you sitting on a bench IIRC.

The best of luck to you and I hope you continue to check back.

[AKAMichelle]

Yesterday I went and completed the step of returning to my roots sort of speaking. I had my hair cut off and was able to donate the hair. It was so weird last night to finally lose all of that hair.

[Kate Simmons]

The bottom line Michelle is that we never stop growing as a person one way or the or the other and that will keep us moving forward to become the person we were destined to be.

[Tina B.]

Wow girl, I remember you back when, you where still with the wife, but it was coming to an end, and you where down. Look at you now, confident, happy and moving forward with your life, don't forget us, I for one love hearing how your doing.
Tina B.