Just don't care anymore

[Michelle 51]

I grew up in the fifties and you learned early in life to hide anything that was femme.To avoid ridicule or worse from other kids,parents and even teachers you put on a front and buried anything that wasn't "manly''.As you grew older you often tried to pretend to yourself often by drinking and drugs or whatever other means that you were like all the other guy's and if you ignored it long enough it would go away.You went beyond what was expected of a normal guy and did super macho things sometimes even risking your life to prove how strong and tough you were.Anything that even hinted of the girl inside you was masked to the outside world.Now that I'm older its still hard but I'm starting to let it out.I don't care what people think anymore.I,ve raised my family,been a fairly decent husband and done good to those I could and if they think I'm a little femme now because I pierced my ears and grew my hair out and look after my nails and shave my legs too f-----g bad.I buried her for too long.I've accepted her and if they can't well guess what "adios" to them.

[daviolin]

Three cheers for Michelle. I'm with ya girl. Daviolin

[Annie D]

I completely understand where you are at in your evolution of being yourself. We are probably about the same age and although I still have some family obligations, I am too at pretty much at the same mental and emotional stage where you are. For me it came when both my parents died five years ago and I slowly realized that completely hiding who I am was wrong. I know that you care, but it is just now that you are prepared to be not ashamed to let others know who you are. Once we rid ourselves of the self inflicted shame of who we are can we become the person that we hope to be. The people here on this site will give you the support to continue in the direction that you choose for yourself. Good luck and enjoy your life.

[ronda]

we are about the same age i have all the same though in my head as i read your post i could have writen it i have been slowly coming out for the last 6 mos it is time for us to be ourselfs Hugs Ronda

[Kate Simmons]

I'm glad you are opening up to be yourself Hon. Just remember Michelle, nothing happens without a reason and there is a reason we are who we are.

[Cynthia Anne]

I hear you loud and clear!I think you just discribed my life to a tee! There comes a time in life to stand in those heels and be proud of who you are! Hugs!

[Krististeph]

I understand about the 'adios to them' attitude. I was raised in the 60's by parents raised in the 20's and 30's... Dad was in the war, and so of course he knew everything and that was that. Took me a lot of years to deal with it, and only in the last 15 years have i overcome most of the bad things about it-- learned to have lots of patience with others, if not myself. I can't say i don't care, but i can say i'm not going to worry about it. I'm never going to transition, so I'm stuck being two people, sort of, or having to present two presences- when it's only one person who is neither...

But for all that, it could be a lot worse- could be back in the 60's, or 50's, having to deal with my dad as a co-worker who is always right... "ahh, just get the dockworkers a couple of six packs on Fridays- they'll work better for you then...." Yeah dad, aside from having to resort to bribing your employees to do their jobs: 60's safety attitudes, forklifts, and alcohol do not mix. "Then they just need a good swift kick in the ass"... hey, great idea! oh well, there going the need for the pharmaceutical industry... Aspirin for a headache? Nahh, just a good swift kick in the ass.

Life was so good back then, if you couldn't inderstand it or make it agree with you, kill it. hey, didn't somebody try to do that back in the 30's?

But i digress...

I'm with you Michelle!

[Ms Mira]

'Atta girl!

Live YOUR life.

[TGMarla]

I understand this sentimnt completely. Comes a time when you think, "Screw 'em". This doesn't make me a bad person at all. And half the people who might ridicule probably want to try on the clothes anyway. Hypocrites.

[Jennifer W]

I completely agree! I'm trying to be myself and to heck with those who don't like it. It's my life and I'm tired of doing for others and not for myself. The only person I need to explain myself to is my wife.

[kimdl93]

Michelle, you've done everything "expected" of you in life to the best of you ability. I think you've earned the right to be true to yourself.

[Tina B.]

Michelle, how did you get the story of my life, it hasn't been published yet? I know I'm the only one that spent my youth being the macho man by day, and a sweet girl at night in my room. I was the kid that you could dare to do anything, and I would go for it, no matter how scared i was. I went into the service, because it was the manly thing to do. After that, alcohol, and drugs, seemed manly too. It was in my mid thirty's after I was married for the second time, I couldn't stand it, or me any longer, and told my wife about me. after that it took a few more years to accept this about myself. Now I am still in the closet, more of less, unless you look at my shinny nails, smooth skin, and thinned arched eyebrows. most of the time if I wear jeans anymore, they are womens. no body ask, and I don't discuss it, but I'm not hiding it very hard. It sure helped having a very understanding and accepting wife, or I might never have out grown all that macho bull, that I thought was so important.
Tina B.

[AKKaren]

[SIZE="3"]I agree, Michelle, with everything you said and feel. I am putting everyone on notice that you take me as I am or stay away! Life is a one shot deal, so I need to live it as fully as I can.[/SIZE]

[Karren H]

Well you must care on some level..... your going out wearing capris!! lol

[Foxglove]

I think a lot of us on this forum can relate to this. So many of us could tell pretty much the same story. Go with it, and good luck!

Annabelle

[reb.femme]

Life is a one shot deal, so I need to live it as fully as I can.

With not a religious bone in my body, I say "AMEN" to that!

Rebecca x

[TeresaL]

This is my story too. I'd rather loose a testicle or two than purge or go back in the closet and hide my meager displays of femininity. My legs are shaved too, and it feels good to air them out. LOL No piercings though. Hmmm

Nonetheless, good for you Michelle.

[Lorileah]

I think there are only two people you need to please. Your SO if you have one because they are by your side forever: and YOU. At the end of the day you have to be happy. The clothes, the make up, the shaving, the nails; they are all just window dressing. There is no law written in stone somewhere that makes any of the exclusive to one gender vs another. So I agree if someone doesn't like it, it isn't really their business. Be happy

[Sandra1746]

Your story is like many of ours here; mine included (with a strong shot of religion). I do have it easier, no real family to worry about and my wife is supportive so that counts a LOT. As Lori noted there are only two people who really count, yourself and your SO. Everyone else is an adjunct, they may be there for you or they may not be there. You have to make it work for yourself, that's what counts in the end.

Good luck on your journey,
Sandra1746

[UNDERDRESSER]

What the heck is going on? Sunspots? This thread is resonating so strongly with me right now, not only about CDing. I'm tempted to go into work tomorrow and buy a skirt I've been thinking about, then wear it.

[STACY B]

Hell Im rite there with yaaaaaa Let um all figure it out ,,,Thats what I did ,,I did my deed ,,An now its time to do what I want ,,, My wife dont care ,,So anyone else can KISS my GRITS ,,,, Let the GOOD TIMES ROLL >>>>>

[Gillian Gigs]

Isn't it funny that the more people try to be individualistic, the more they comform to what others want! We live in fear of what others will think and then become just like them. Where would the great art, or music come from, if we all acted or thought alike? To have freedom of expression is a great freedom, but it gets crushed out of us by the conformity to others standards and demands. "Viva the difference".

[Leah Lynn]

Almost a zeroxed copy of my life, but you left out the beatings I got when caught at age four. The drinking, drugs, over compensating to appear as the tough guy. And I'm right beside you with the attitude of "Screw'em"! I've given so many little hints along the way now that it should be no surprise when I finally do it.

Imagine being that young one now, with the ability to come out early and live a full life as you would like to.

[Starr]

i feel the same way, at 58 i am too old to have someone else telling me how i am suppose to look and act. i spent all my life trying to be what everyone else thought i should be now it is time to be what i want to be.