Reasons why I keep my gender status private

[Marleena]

First of all telling people is a personal choice so I'm not trying to sway anybody's opinion. I have seen many here feel they NEED to tell others.

Anyways, my wife and I decided nobody needs to know. I'm not living enfemme 24/7 which makes it easier to keep private. My kids and stepkids do not know and are in their twenties. The problem with coming out to family, or anybody for that matter is word gets around quickly. I mean this is juicy gossip material!

I can take the heat but our families and kids could be subjected to ridicule and embarassment because of me. That's not worth taking the chance for me.

*Edit* I am transgender nothing has changed.

[2B Natasha]

Is this confession or a question?

If its a confession. Is it for members or is it for the prying eyes of the public?

[Krististeph]

D'accord!

Actually, I _would_ like to tell others- but I know that even if I felt it would no big deal and have no consequences- a part of me says that it is probably not all that interesting to others- except maybe for gossip. Sort of like when new parents tell you ALL about their baby (including the poop tales...)

I think my siblings know, they are not complete morons- but they are afraid to broach the subject. They could be either afraid to hear the confirmation (doubt it), afraid they might 'set me off' or 'crush my world' that they figured it out (not quite... hey- i'm a crossdresser, not a delicate flower), or simply don't want to hear more about it (possible).

But some of the reason I don't come out is that people who know my wife and I as a couple might speculate that it is some kind of stigma on my wife- having to be married to a CD or other quite uneducated ideas...

Mostly though is because it is somewhat of an adjunct to ones sexuality or sex life- which we do not go around talking about either, the occasional reference to something not withstanding.

[Karren H]

So you have private private parts?

[Cynthia Anne]

Very understandable Mareena! It's your decision! You have the right to choose! Hugs!

[sometimes_miss]

Sounds more like taking a stand for how he intends to live. Nothing wrong with that.

[kimdl93]

Certainly, the choice is yours as to who you come out to. Its your life.

[Stephenie S]

I think Marleena makes a good point.

While I truly believe that most of society doesn't really give much of a rat's behind what you wear, I also feel that unless you are going to be "out", telling others may not benefit you much. Why bother?

[EllieOPKS]

Does this mean your gender status changed? I'm confused.

[Marleena]

Is this confession or a question?

If its a confession. Is it for members or is it for the prying eyes of the public?

Guess I need to edit the original post.

I am transgendered. Same as always.

I am anonymous to the general public and most people here..I hope.

So you have private private parts?

Dunno let me check!

[abigailf]

Telling is a choice for anyone, but for a pre-op transsexual it is almost impossible for it not to get out. So the choice is, do I want to control the getting out or not.

Personally and I can give a rats arse what people have to say about me. Let them try being transgender for just a day. I don't mean just wearing a dress either. They need to deal with the emotions and dysphoria as well.

As far as the wife, she is quite good at word wars and most people know it and will not likely say anything to her face. If they do, I would feel pity on them, not my wife.

The kids are a unique problem. Yes I expect them to get abuse. I have no clue how much but they will have to deal with. Oh well, it is a cruel world out there and I can't protect them forever. It will help them to build character and make them stronger people in the long run.

So for me, let the gossip begin now that school is out and hopefully by the time the kids go back it will be old news.

[Kate Simmons]

You don't need a reason to do what you do or don't do Marleena. You are my friend and I respect you for who you are and respect your decisions. I'm open to telling anyone who inquires but I see no reason to broadcast it to everyone either. We are who we are and our accomplishments, both individually and collectively speak for themselves my friend.

[Alice Torn]

Being a big bipolar, there are times the pink fog kicks in, and i feel like coming out, and other times, i don't want anyone to know i cd.

[Tracii G]

Nobody's business but mine and my SO.
I have gone thru that I need to tell everyone phase.Its just not worth the hassle and some friends really don't need to know.

[EllieOPKS]

OK, I think I got it now. Yeah, I agree with you. If you weigh the pro's and con's I would make the same decision.

[Lorileah]

You have confided in the one person to which being TG would directly affect them, your wife. You children may learn later, your family may learn later. Your wife should know. So Marleena, you iz doing it rite I think

[Melissa Rose]

I do not have a need to tell anyone so I do not purposely out myself to others. Others knowing has an impact beyond myself so it is not completely about me. If I think it will cause anyone troubles, I remain quiet about it and try to shield them from it. Even though I'm totally out in the mainstream, I do not shout out my gender status to anyone and everyone I know. Some feel like they are being dishonest or lying via omission by not telling those close to them, thus it causes them pain or concern. I do not feel that way. Those who need to know are aware of my gender status. Everyone is different and in a different situation so we each have to decide for ourselves. There is no absolute right or wrong way to proceed regardless of your transgender status.

[Sara Jessica]

This thread is such awesome motivation to wrap my elephant's head in duct tape, if only to keep her quiet!!!

[Marleena]

This thread is such awesome motivation to wrap my elephant's head in duct tape, if only to keep her quiet!!!

Sorry Sara I forgot about your elephant! It is what I have decided with my wife will work best for our families. I am definitely not telling anybody here what to do, just explaining. It won't work for anybody that goes 24/7 obviously either.

[ArleneRaquel]

Marleena,
Thank you for starting the thread and thanks for being an thinking individual, something this world needs more of.

[kellycan27]

It's your call.. we all do what we have to do for our own protection ( including family etc) and or peace of mind.

[Foxglove]

You know, Marleena, sometimes I have this fantasy: I come out in this little town I'm living in. Folks sure are surprised. I knock 'em dead with my nicest outfit, and they're really impressed with my make-up. The people who know me are so darn nice to me: "Gosh, Annabelle, you should have told us years ago! Girl like you shouldn't be hiding in the closet!" People I barely know coming up to me in the street, shaking my hand and wishing me well, etc.

That fantasy lasts on average for 8.72 seconds. Then I come back down to earth, which is where this town is, not on Planet Dingbat. I heave a sigh and shake my head.

We each live our lives. We each make our decisions. We each hope for the best. And we all wish you the best, Marleena. You're a sound girl.

Annabelle

[Marleena]

Thanks for the replies! Keep in mind our family lives in the same town.

Annabelle your reply started out as one we could all hope for. Oh..and Arlene sometimes we get so caught up in this we forget about our families and how telling the wrong person could effect them.

[BRANDYJ]

Marleena, I think it is great to keep it to yourself for the sake of your family, especially the kids. Not to mention the ramifications it could have on your job. I don't have a wife and children at home, but if I did, it would be only my wife that knows. I just don't agree with a part time CD telling his children. Even if I had kids in their twenties, as you do. I would not see a need to tell them. I did have a step daughter in her late twenties find out. I was not happy about it, but it turned out surprisingly well. I wondered of maybe her ex-husband might have been a CD. She knew way to much about it.

I assume you are using the term "transgendered" in the way most of us understand it to mean anyone that is gender fluid or variant, including all crossdressers and transsexuals. All to often I see the word used to mean transsexual and not the broader umbrella meaning of the term. With that said, I think that if you are a transsexual either considering transition or are transitioning, telling children is wrong; Especially younger kids under say 16 or so. I have always thought that a crossdresser can control his urge to dress and find time away from his kids to dress and enjoy himself. Frankly, I think it's mostly a selfish excuse to tell minor children. I believe it's best to keep it away from them just as we do not share our bedroom games with our children. Not that gender expression and sex are the same, but for many it's damn close. As for telling anyone else, friends, co-workers neighbors etc. That's a personal choice. Still maybe best if only a need to know arrises. I have told over a dozen female friends and without exception, I have received nothing but understanding from them and all remain friends, if not closer then ever before. I guess my choice of who to tell and who not to tell has been good to me. The only problem I had was with a brother. He could not accept it, so we did not have any contact what so ever for over 4 years until recently. But that's another story. To sum it up, it's risky business sharing this with others. Carefully weigh the pros and cons on an individual basis. I'v been lucky. Results may vary.

[Marleena]

Brandy, I'm just giving everybody something to think about, and yes transgender means all of us MTF's in this instance.

Now if one of my kids discovered I was TG I would admit to it. I just don't feel the need to come out. They have their own lives and difficulties to deal with and I've already mentioned the rest of the family and what could happen.

Maybe a move to Vegas would eliminate all of this concern!!