I Ran, But I Could Not Hide . . . .

[Jennifer in CO]

yeah - what she said....

We are all "Popeye" in this world...."I am what I am". The dissertation even gets to Who am I when he proclaims he's "Popeye the Sailor Man". So we all know what we are and we all know who we are. 'Where' can also be added vicariously to the mix because you are where you are and your aren't where you were or haven't gone yet. With those three ground breaking disclosures, why do we need to bother with the other garbage?
Live for the day - be it in your mind, where your going, or where your coming from

Jenn

[docrobbysherry]

I never considered u "gone", Anne. Everyone needs a break now and then. Mine starts this week. See u next month!

[erica2]

Welcome back!
Your absence was noticed, but your presence is FAR more appreciated.

I am Erica2

[Rachel Renee]

Glad to see you're back, Anne! And with a timely post that mirrors much of how I have been feeling lately, too. I can very much relate.

In any event, Welcome Back!!!

[Foxglove]

Hi, Anne, and welcome back! It's the thing about TGism, as I've found out for myself: if you don't think about it, you're miserable. But if you do think about it, you never know where it's going to take you. Since I decided I really needed to start thinking about it, it's almost as if I'm possessed. But I like thinking about it a lot better than not thinking about it.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[carhill2mn]

Having read many of your previous posts as well as this one, it seems to me that you spend way too much time and effort thinking, wondering and worrying about your "gender issues", how you think you should feel or act (react?), rather than accepting yourself and enjoying what you have. It is difficult to overestimate how much better one feels after learning to accept that you are who you are. Then it becomes a matter of how do I handle "it".

It is virtually impossible to "explain" or "know" much about this situation that people like us are in. About all we can do is accept it and do the best that we can.

[Foxglove]

Having read many of your previous posts as well as this one, it seems to me that you spend way too much time and effort thinking, wondering and worrying about your "gender issues", how you think you should feel or act (react?), rather than accepting yourself and enjoying what you have. It is difficult to overestimate how much better one feels after learning to accept that you are who you are. Then it becomes a matter of how do I handle "it".

It is virtually impossible to "explain" or "know" much about this situation that people like us are in. About all we can do is accept it and do the best that we can.

But Carole, some people are made this way. We can't any more stop wondering and asking questions about things than we can stop being TG. And the great thing about asking questions is that on occasion you actually find an answer. A moment of bliss when that happens.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[Kate Simmons]

If you are in touch with yourself and your feelings Anne, you never have to hide Hon.

[Dawn cd]

There is no "away" and there is no "return." In spite of that, time moves on and we grow.

[Amanda22]

Another thought I had after reading the title of this thread again... perhaps the secret is not to try to hide. As Carole so perfectly suggested, "accepting yourself and enjoying what you have." I have been fixated on the topic of gratitude and vulnerability for months, thanks to the writing of Brene Brown on her website at http://www.ordinarycourage.com/. It has really transformed my pattern of thinking and calmed my mental agitation. It has also quieted the lingering frustration of being transgendered.

[Sara Jessica]

Having read many of your previous posts as well as this one, it seems to me that you spend way too much time and effort thinking, wondering and worrying about your "gender issues", how you think you should feel or act (react?), rather than accepting yourself and enjoying what you have. It is difficult to overestimate how much better one feels after learning to accept that you are who you are. Then it becomes a matter of how do I handle "it".

It is virtually impossible to "explain" or "know" much about this situation that people like us are in. About all we can do is accept it and do the best that we can.

But Carole, some people are made this way. We can't any more stop wondering and asking questions about things than we can stop being TG. And the great thing about asking questions is that on occasion you actually find an answer. A moment of bliss when that happens.

Best wishes, Annabelle

But eventually the answers are revealed as I truly believe many have emerged for Anne. The question is, what will she do with them?

Anne, I'm as glad as everyone to see you are back. My hope is that you are in a place to actually apply some of the wisdom you have accumulated rather than allow it to fuel more introspection. It's time to start looking outward.

[PretzelGirl]

Well Anne, we all need a means to express the feelings we have inside. Some find their ways outside of this forum and some don't if you go away, as you have seen, you still have those thoughts and feelings because they are not a result of this forum but a result of the person you are inside.

So I hope you continue to find peace and happiness here. We sure get some with you around. Welcom back!

[Foxglove]

But eventually the answers are revealed as I truly believe many have emerged for Anne. The question is, what will she do with them?

That's totally up to her.

My hope is that you are in a place to actually apply some of the wisdom you have accumulated rather than allow it to fuel more introspection.

Both are possible simultaneously. And when do you know you've done enough introspection? When you've got the answers to all the questions you've asked, and you can't think of any more questions.

Introspection is not the source of many of our problems in this world. On the contrary, lack of it is. For every one person who is too introspective, you can probably find ten million who aren't introspective enough.

I've always been fairly introspective myself. If I weren't? Well, I would have remained what I was when I was about 15 years old. I'm glad I'm the introspective sort.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[ReineD]

Welcome back Anne!

So now that the niceties are out of the way, I'll cut to the chase.

Have you been to the gender support meeting yet? How's it going with your wife?

[mbmeen12]

Look hard at my avatar, Inna once said "the path looked so warm" and simular to her life journey. Today I see my path in life (very clear) but you may see/feel something different at different times of the day. The maze we call life, is very unique for each of us. Today the sign your now looking at now reads in our maze of life we call www.crossdressers.com " YOU ARE HERE!
Kara....

[Sara Jessica]

That's totally up to her.

Really? Doesn't that go without saying?

Both are possible simultaneously. And when do you know you've done enough introspection? When you've got the answers to all the questions you've asked, and you can't think of any more questions.

Introspection is not the source of many of our problems in this world. On the contrary, lack of it is. For every one person who is too introspective, you can probably find ten million who aren't introspective enough.

I have always complimented Anne on her introspection, particularly the fact that she has prepared herself well to take measured steps. In other words, I don't get a sense that she is likely to dive headlong into something gender-related without really thinking it through. But at the same time, I don't have a sense that she will be content being static. Some baby steps have been taken. Some grander desires have been expressed. Advice has been given from many who have been there/done that. My hope that was expressed in my first post is simple, that she is in a place, both mentally and also with full consideration of her relationship, where she can start to grow as the person she is and the one she would like to be.

Anne, I hate it that this might sound as if we're talking behind your back. We're not, you're here. My comments are no different than anything I would express to you if you and I were chatting together over a latte or glass of wine.

Welcome back Anne!

So now that the niceties are out of the way, I'll cut to the chase.

Have you been to the gender support meeting yet? How's it going with your wife?

Very important questions.

IIRC, Anne may have already gone to one support group meeting.

[dee_kay]

I totally agree about the acceptance side and confronting ones-self about it. Since I've come to accept it as a part of my personality and not something I didn't even want to admit to myself, I've had far less worry and concern about it.

I've even told a couple of close friends, who've been supportive too. The only strange thing I've found is the new acceptance has actually reduced my motivation to cross dress, however I'm also accepting this and I'm sure that the desire will come back round soon.... I think in short what I'm trying to say is confront and it may / may not lose some power over you but at least it helps control it and ensure a clear concince, it isn't and shouldn't need to be a dirty secret! (Not that my parents will ever have any reason or need to know)x

[Claire Cook]

Hi Anne and welcome back -- yes, you have been missed.

I admire those of us who are "regulars" here -- I come and go, and look forward to those times when I can catch up with friends here. I spent part of my life trying to "run and hide" -- not from this site, but from myself. At least for me and others here, I could not run and and hide from what I now know to be part of me. For others, the answer may not be so easy. Maybe the old saying "To thine own self be true?" rings true?

[SarahLynn]

It has been a while since I last posted on this forum. Truth be told, I have had very little, if anything, to write about recently. Or maybe I have it all wrong. Instead, maybe there has been very little recently that I have been willing to write about, or to even acknowledge (whether it is to myself or others), over the past couple of months. ....

I hope that I can again find myself included within this magnificent fellowship, and that I will be invited in as I was before. For whatever it is worth, if it is worth anything at all, I am happy to be back this night. And in the event you all welcome me back with open arms, I very much look forward to our renewed relationship.

Anne

Be assured you are most welcome back or as it were a return from a vacation. I too have taken such a vacation and find a visit now and again all i need to catch up and carry on.

Aah Anne lass so now you think you're somehow special? This is as normal as walking, talking, eating, or just being you. How odd you have drifted away from your fem side for a time. We all do. I am at this point in my life drifted so far away i'm beginning to wear tighty-whitey's in cotton no less. I haven't felt the urge to dress fem (other then underdress) for near to 6 months. I'm fair sure for me the cause is due to my unhappiness with my weight and unless i get it under control i know i won't feel fem enough to wear the lovely clothes i have put aside for dressing.

Don't feel lost lady we all go there sometimes. For me the good thing is i have not purged.

SarahLynn

[Anne2345]

I really appreciate all of the kind words that you all have offered me upon my return! I was unsure what to expect, but knowing the good folk and fine people that you all are, I could not imagine it would be anything less than positive and supportive. And disappointed I was not! In fact, just the opposite - I have really been struck by the friendship, the compassion, and the love that has been exhibited within this thread, and the forum on a regularly basis. This is a special place, comprised of a special people, and I am proud to be a member here! It is with regret that I felt a need to take a break, but that had more to do with me than anything else. Regardless, it is good to be back, and I appreciate and love each and every one of you!!!!

One never leaves home and comes back again quite the same. What's new, Anne?

Patience, young Lea! All in due time! A girl can't be expected to divulge ALL of her secrets in the body of one thread, can she? I think not! But know that such posts shall be forth coming in the reasonable near future, such that I deem the suject matter worthy.


Anne

[darla_g]

its nice to see you around again

[elizabethamy]

Great to see you here, Anne! A circuitous and often revelatory time for me while you were semi-away; now I'm semi-away in moving and such. Have wondered how you were and look forward to chatting again soon. Interesting how the intensity of this gender monster waxes and wanes and waxes again, regardless of intention or action...

...elizabethamy

[steftoday]

I just found this thread, after reading your pedicure post this morning. So there you are!

I was reminded of a famous song lyric:
"you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave..." ;-)