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Thread: Me trying to "work this out" with myself and possibly(& hopefully) my S.O...Help!:/

  1. #26
    Miss Conception Karren Hutton's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by closetcd17 View Post
    Is it smart to guilt her ? ( Or if you were kidding ,also let me gullible ass know);I DON"T wanna male htis a negative thing for her in anyway if I can help it...
    Hell yes its smart. How many times has she guilted you? Boom. Guilt is the ultimate equalizer. Lol.
    Come over to the dark side - We have cookies!

  2. #27
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by closetcd17 View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    But, first you'll need to answer them for yourself.
    What do YOU mean by this;can you elaborate?
    I mean you should read this forum a lot, decide where you fit in with all of this (if you can), so that you can have some concrete answers for your girlfriend when she asks the following questions:

    Are you gay?
    Do you want to be a woman?
    Why do you do this?
    Do you want to dress because I am not enough for you?
    Is this just sexual for you?
    How often do you think you'll want to dress?
    Are you wanting to tell everyone?
    Do you think you'll want to go out in public, and if so where and when?

    ... and maybe a few other questions.
    Reine

  3. #28
    New Member closetcd17's Avatar
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    Are my reasons good enough?

    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    ...
    Are you gay?
    Do you want to be a woman?
    Why do you do this?
    Do you want to dress because I am not enough for you?
    Is this just sexual for you?
    How often do you think you'll want to dress?
    Are you wanting to tell everyone?
    Do you think you'll want to go out in public, and if so where and when?

    Thank you Reine.I can answer the majority of those questions thankfully.
    The only ones that I think are tricky for me are :
    "WHY do you do this?
    [Do I ] dress because[she is ] not enough for [me]?
    Is this just sexual for [me]?"

    I don't know if my answers are "good enough".
    ~For example, the reason I feel I do this as of now is because I enjoy exploring my fem side on occasion,and I feel the clothes and makeup are helping me do that;sometimes as I honestly feel my moods perk up when I'm all 'pretty n dressed'.
    ~I also know I enjoy the experience in a sexual way too,but I don't want to transition into a woman at all;I also just honestly enjoy/have FUN going back and forth between male and female.I like ,and I think everyone in general likes, to feel attractive.I like feeling like a stud when I'm a boy ,and a smokin hot number when I'm dressing like a girl

    ~How often I guess depends on their comfort levels as much as my own;I don't know if she'll want to see my dress myself up if its not like a game between us (I don't want her thinking the wrong thinking that I wanna transition one day or something)and I do not know if I'll be so comfy letting her see me that way to much....I think like years of male programming still make me feel ashamed to have her see me as not/less-than a full man....but then at the same time,I'd love to play girlfriends and you know,just try on outfits,make each other up,etc.LOL I feel that if I could get a real girls touch I can take my CDing to a higher/and more attractive ,level.

    ~How I'd express my sexuality I'd tread carfully though.SHe knows I'm bi,or at least very bi-curious,but I don't know if that's something she'd be able or even willing to see in me.Not because of any homophobic crap,but because she very much likes to keep everything between JUST us;for example,she felt GUILTY for having a CRUSH on another guy she worked with last summer!And a few years before this,she felt very very uncomfortable when I told her some young woman I was tutoring tried to hold my hand (even though I politely and quickly rejected that advance)Can you believe that?! lol.SO ,by extension,I can only see me expressing sexual interest out side the 2 of us as sort of a "no-no."


    Thoughts?

  4. #29
    New Member closetcd17's Avatar
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    Please assist

    I really need some assistance ;does anyone else have any other input?

  5. #30
    Platinum Member Eryn's Avatar
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    For Reine's questions and any others that come up a perfectly valid answer is "I don't know." Other answers might change with time. You will never have complete information. One really important thing is to avoid promising things that you might regret later.

    At this point you've had a lot of good advice. What you do with it is your business, but I think that you need to be having a serious sit-down with your SO. Lay it out for her then listen carefully to what she has to say.
    Eryn
    "These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
    "She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
    "Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]

  6. #31
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Sorry for not expanding further. It's true that you may not have all the answers for awhile. But, these are the questions that she will likely ask and it wouldn't hurt for you to think about them. Whatever answers make sense to you are certainly "good enough", since they will be how you feel.

    One of the questions that my SO was never able to answer, was "why do you do this". Well, she actually did answer. She told me that it was as difficult for her to explain "why", as it is for me to give a good solid explanation as to why I like classical music or art. Or skiing. Or doing Sudokus.

    Another answer my SO could never give was, "What is it exactly that causes you to want to dress on some days and not on others". She just said that she had no clue, any more than I know why I might feel like listening to music one night and reading a book another night.

    And the answer to any girlfriend when she asks, "Are you doing this because I am not enough for you", is universal. It is a resounding, "NO!".

    As to the question, "Is this sexual for you", well, just tell her how you feel. Whatever it is will be the right answer for you.
    Reine

  7. #32
    New Member closetcd17's Avatar
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    Thank you and I am a total 'Chicken';lol

    Lol,thank you all for your input!

    Of COURSE,any other insights are always welcome...

    I must say though,I am QUITE the CHICKEN apparently;I keep losing my nerve when a good segway to discuss this presents itself!

  8. #33
    Member Karan49's Avatar
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    You tell us you are quite the "chicken" about talking to your girlfriend. Please realize that this isn't all about you, but about your relationship. This keeping your secret to yourself affects how you relate on a daily basis with your girlfriend.

    If she were to keep a similar secret from you I think you would notice she was keeping her distance from you and it would affect how you felt toward her. You can let her know that you are fearful of how this information will affect her and your relationship but that you realize it is more important that she knows. Please don't let your fears get in the way of becoming closer with her.

    Karan

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