[SIZE="2"]According to the masthead of this site, this is the “#1 community for crossdressers, their family and friends.” I used to be on a site in the UK called Rose’s Forum, and, just for the heck of it, I checked in on that site to see if it still exists in some capacity. It does, although there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot going on these days, if the amount of threads is any indication. I was struck by the masthead of THAT site, which states “This is a forum for transgendered persons, their friends and families.” This got me thinking – I can’t (or shouldn’t) really be on that other site. Why? Well, I’m not transgendered, am I? I’m just a crossdresser...
I’m a male that likes to wear women’s (or girl’s) clothing – that makes me a crossdresser, specifically a MtF crossdresser. I have no desire to be a woman, and I have no desire to live my life AS a woman, 24/7, in lieu of SRS. Calling me transgendered is like calling Pablo Picasso a surrealist – to other surrealists he is (or was) one, at one time, depending on how you look at it, but he didn’t think of himself in those terms. Confused? Let me tell you, I get confused when transgendered individuals say I’m transgendered just because I crossdress...
Back in 2005 I went looking for crossdressing websites, and I stumbled upon this one. I tried to join, thrilled that I would soon be amongst my purported peers, but something went wrong with my registration and I couldn’t get “in.” What to do? I eventually looked around for another site, found Rose’s, and I wrote about my crossdressing adventures and opinions on that site for a year. I met many friends all around the world, some of them CD, some of them TG, and some of them TS. It was never clear who was who, but there were times when it became obvious that “plain old” MtF crossdressers were far down on the pecking order...
I would write about crossdressing, and TG’s would “dress me down” in no uncertain terms. Was I blind? I now realize I was amongst a preponderance of TG’s, so this is why I felt isolated within my own sub-genre of gender exploration. I left that site and never looked back, except for a few brief glances like the one I have already mentioned. When I moved to my current location in 2006 I tried crossdressers.com again, and this time I was successful! At last I would be able to “meet” other MtF crossdressers like myself, at least that was the original idea...
So, here I am, a few years later, and there are several transgendered individuals on my ignore list who either don’t like ME, don’t like what I represent, or don’t like what I write. Relax, there are plenty of crossdressers who dislike me, too, but I’m trying to make a point. If this is supposed to be a discussion forum for crossdressers (see above), shouldn’t we (somehow) be allowed to discuss our crossdressing without incursions from the transgendered “community?” I’ve written a lot about this, mainly because I can’t help but notice it – there is a BIG difference between a male who dresses as a woman for tactile or sexual reasons, and a transgendered person who may be way more serious about what they do. Some of the latter “dump” on the former to a certain degree...
I’ve seen it, time and time again, in this very MtF crossdressing section. If you crossdress, you MUST be transgendered, or on the road to being transgendered, or transgendered without knowing it. To others, the act of crossdressing makes you transgendered. Apparently I, the MtF crossdresser, have certain obligations to fulfill – I cannot let down the "community," even though the community looks down on me. I can’t just dress to please myself, stay within my zone of safety, and live in a fantasy world of my own making; I MUST get out there and put myself in harm’s way like a true TG, come what may. If I don't, I’m not to be taken seriously, no matter how well I can plead my case for fairness...
Like I said, there are many TG people on my ignore list, specifically the ones who scoff at “hobbyists” or part-timers like us. I don’t need this kind of abuse, especially on a site CALLED crossdressers.com. Many times I’ve written something for US, namely the glorified panty fetishists, and it will generate a condescending post like this: “Frédérique is entitled to her opinion...” Yes, I am, but isn’t it queer that I, a crossdresser through and through, has to be defended on a CD site? I get the feeling I don’t belong here, but what else is new? Since I put on women’s clothing (and underwear) on occasion, paint my nails, paint my lips, don my hosiery of choice, don my wig, slip into my cute shoes and cavort in my chosen space (in or out), I feel like, just maybe, I am entitled and justified to be on a site like this. As it is, I still have to fit my CD opinions in edge-wise and hope I’m connecting SOMEWHERE. Alas, many of my threads are peppered with comments I cannot see, let alone read, because someone who looks down on me is taking the time to do just that...
I have many TG friends, of course, but, to put it mildly, there is little to talk about. Based on past experiences, I feel inferior. MY very BEST friend is transgendered, or she is convinced she is, or others tell her she is. Subsequently, she is confused. Sigh. If anyone out there is JUST a crossdresser, happy to be so, and you’re either as confused or frustrated as I am, PM me – I’d like to meet you...
Are you JUST a crossdresser?
PS – I’m NOT trying to stir the pot, I’m just telling it like it is. Something is wrong when a MtF crossdresser (me) feels like an outsider on a site with “crossdresser” in the title... [/SIZE]